How do you actually make friends in college? Like, I know it’s only been a week since college started, but it feels like everyone already has a group except me. I can’t just awkwardly walk behind them until they notice and reach out—that looks so desperate. Making the first move is so hard, man. Is there any technique or something I can do to ask them to be friends without seeming desperate? I already have a really lively circle outside of college, I’ve had them since I was young. I just never knew it would be this hard to make friends at this age.

Hey All

So a question I have is how do I find new people to hangout with? Or how did you all?

Im a male-23,I have decent social skills, probably above average but I struggle in group settings or settings where its very active (clubs). One on one or in small spaces, I do very well.

Id really like to go out more, especially to clubs and enjoy the night life a bit more. I also take care of my appearance and have my life for the most part together. (good job & also a college student)

I currently have 2 friends I regularly hangout with but id like to stop leaning on them to find activities. I feel like Im really weighing them down and then also I feel like the club settings are more for groups.

Maybe I could even invite them into a group with others friends but I guess I really just wanna be source of the fun and stop being dependent on others.

Any advice is appreciated

I feel like emotionally I am extremely off-putting, and this doesn’t even concern my looks or personal appearance.

I could be having fun at a party, but never show any sign of it and hang out with a near permanent frown/poker face (due to my facial appearance my default expression looks like I am annoyed, even if I feel like nothing of that sort). I am incapable of displaying any emotion except anger and the only time I “smile” is when I laugh. I inevitably go back to my default expression when the situation ceases to be amusing.

On every photo I look like I am pissed off. People ask me to smile and I just can’t, I don’t even know how to do it authentically, except when someone says something funny.

The worst part is, I am conscious about it all the time, and I can’t seem to overcome this no matter what.

I would love help

Not just romantically, I mean in general. Friends, romantic partners, everything.

I have a crippling fear of ending up alone, with no genuine connections with anyone. I am entering a new chapter in my life where I can POTENTIALLY build a whole new circle and I really don't want to mess up this opportunity.

What steps can I take to ensure that I make the most of this new social chapter of my life and end up with some authentic and deep connections?

-How did you form a “core friend group” in college? Did someone just directly ask a bunch of random people at some common event if they wanted to form a friend group and make a group chat? And if not, what would it look like for a friend group to grow “naturally?”

-How do you strengthen and maintain not just friend group relationships, but one-on-one relationships as well? After asking for their number, what do you do? And In particular how do you go about sharing your entire music taste with them? I feel like I’ve never developed a close enough relationship for that to happen. And how often should you text them and what do you text them? I heard sending memes could be one way of maintaining relationships, is that correct and is there more?

-How do you plan hangouts with friends/friend groups when everyone is so busy (with classes, and hanging out with other friends)? And how do you plan eating meals together? I would really like to form a group of friends that I could eat out with during the weekend

If possible I would like to look at someone’s group chat text history because I’ve never had a proper friend group and would like to learn how to behave in one

Hey there I’m in my sophomore year and struggling to make new friends, I do have some but it’s pretty little and not much going on.

I’m an international student and English is my second language so I usually don’t like to strike a conversation or feel shyer than usual to talk or joke and feel a bit like and outsider.

I’m in the US btw , I’ve tried clubs but I seem to be so quiet and not talking even though I like to but I just don’t feel like it, and also I didn’t make friends in class too.

I wish I can have a friend group or easily know people but idk, is it maybe my English being a second language make people away from me?

I need tips!

I’m in my mid 20s and for the past couple years I’ve been pushing myself to go out to meet people. I’ve managed a couple decent friendships, mostly rekindled friends from high school, but it still feels impossible to have a natural back and forth with people my age. Either they don’t really talk to me or the vibe just dies instantly like they’re always kind of shielded.

Older folks will happily talk to me for an hour straight with mutual curiosity and interest. I love old people, but I’d also like to have friends my age and date people and all that. It also just seems like old folks are the only people who really want to talk to me.

At bars it’s super common that I just get pulled into conversations with older people, and at shows it’s even worse because everyone my age is there, but it feels like they don’t want to talk to me. I just end up in mosh pits alone hoping to make friends but it never works.

I’m often in my head and anxious around people my age. I dress pretty clean and slightly alternative. Im half handsome. I typically have a dull/awkward demeanor but when I actually get into talking I’m expressive and emotive. Starting and holding conversations with people my age who I actually want to talk to is where I fail.

What should I actually be doing differently here? What specific skills or approaches help with actually connecting with people in my own age group?

I met someone cool when I was admitted into inpatient at the hospital. We hung out a couple times but I dont know much about him. Im actually a lil nervous and would like to know if he has a felony or anything but dont have much but his first name and year of birth. How would you go about it? Just by intuition, I feel like somethings off but thats just that. Any advice?

Also just met him at a psychward and we hit it off. We exchanged numbers and we hung out maybe 2x. He just made a comment saying that "He hopes i dont leave like everyone else" and for me not knowing him, it kinda threw me off.

Some of my family does this. They want to meet up with me. Instead of asking me time works well or suggesting a time, they ask a bunch of questions like "what time do you work?" or "what time are you home?". These questions really aren't equivalent to when can you meet, because I could be free to take a break at work or I could be home but still not free to meet. How should I answer them? Should I ask them directly not to communicate like this? They sometimes phrase it like "are you home for the rest of the day?". I don't really like this because it's like they're expecting me to reserve the rest of the day for them for a 30 minute meet up. How can I politely address this? For context this the purpose of the meet up is often just to give me something and not so much to spend time together.

Hi everyone,

I was recently diagnosed with NVLD at almost 27, and I’m trying to make sense of what that means for me socially. For most of my life, I poured all my time and energy into academics. Between undergrad and grad school, I constantly had papers, exams, and projects to focus on, so I never really had the space (or the energy) to actively work on building my social life in a deeper way. I just finished my Master’s degree, and now that this huge chapter is behind me, I feel like I finally have the time and headspace to turn my attention to this part of my life.

I do put myself out there in ways that feel comfortable — I travel abroad alone, go to museums alone, and even go to the movies alone. I’ve grown to enjoy my own company, and I’m proud of the independence I’ve built. But at the same time, I still really wish I had more people to share meaningful experiences with — whether that’s a trip, a night out, or even just regular everyday conversations.

Since getting my diagnosis, I’ve been reflecting a lot on how NVLD may have shaped my past experiences with friendship and socializing. I realize now that some of the loneliness I felt in college and beyond wasn’t entirely about me being “different” or “not trying hard enough,” but about the way my brain processes social cues and situations. That realization has been both relieving and overwhelming.

I guess I’m writing this because I want to be more intentional about building connection going forward. If anyone here has been through something similar — finishing school, getting a late diagnosis, and then suddenly having the space to focus on social skills — I’d love to hear how you approached it. What helped you most? What small steps made a big difference?

Thanks for reading.

having a guy i’ve been seeing over to hang out and watch a movie (i think genuinely just to watch a movie, im not opposed to other things but i don’t think that’s the vibe lol) and i am so worried about it being awkward and him hating everything about being at my place 😭

my main concerns: 1) is it weird to have us just go to my bedroom? i live in a dorm and idk my roommates that well so id rather not stay in our living room + im using a projector and theres not like a good wall for it out there. 2) should i make dinner if that wasn’t mentioned when we were planning? i have like no food here is it important that i get some.

Say for example you don’t get invited to a good friend’s wedding - is that automatically boom, see ya later it’s been nice knowing you but it’s time to part ways?

How do to come to a decision when it’s time to finally say goodbye?

Hi everyone, I'm an introvert in high school (possibly autistic) and I've always had a very select group of friends but I struggle to make new friends at work or school. Figured it was because I didn't talk enough. So I looked up some stuff about how to make conversation and everything pointed to the same thing: ask questions and more questions. So I tried it out, long story short it didn't work for shit, I had no idea why till someone came up to me and started doing the same thing. Then I noticed how utterly boring that kind of conversation is. I couldn't wait for him to go away.

This got me thinking, I've always had some people I was always happy to see, and they have loads of friends. So what do they do and how do I do it? One of my friends always acts super excited when he sees me and it just makes me happy aswell and glad to see him, maybe it's just that happiness is contagious? But when I looked around me more I noticed that I was never excited or happy to see this girl that acted the exact same way. Same excitement, but I didn't feel happier when seeing her or anything.

Then I figured it out, the guy I was happy to see was just super funny, every time he jokes he makes me laugh and he does it so good. I'm always happy to speak to him because I just know he will make me laugh. That's also how to make the boring conversations fun and how people sort of get drawn to him. Making people laugh is the way to make friends.

So now that issue is out of the way, how do I become funny? My jokes never hit and are repeated, predictable and boring and with a monotone intonation. So jokes need to be delivered unexpectedly and intonated correctly. I just have one problem:I can not think of jokes or funny sounds or funny things to do. I've just been copying other funny people and I guess it's been working better but I just can't do it and I've been trying to improve, be more creative but it's just so hard. So my question: What are ways to become more funny or make me able to come up with funny things to say/do?

so basically, I've moved to a new high school, and I've made a new friend/acquaintance. But whenever I try to talk to them, I freeze up - I don't know what to say, and if I do, idk how to say it at all. So it's basically just awkward silence until a new period starts. Maybe the reason why is that I don't want to speak, but I feel pressured to? because I don't exactly WANT to speak, but I still want to make a connection with her.

I'm so fucking confused- my apologies ;-;

How to decline without explanation invitations for going On vacation, going out etc from friends, roommates?

I’m starting to go out more from a life of being alone and isolated much of the time.

I’ve hung ut with different kind of groups, made new aquaintances, and seen which kind of groups I feel more belonging to. Experimenting and exploring kind of.

But there’s something there that holds me back and I feel it everytime I’m talking/hanging out/socializing. I don’t know how to describe it perfectly, but it’s like a part of me do NOT want any of this and just wants to go home and be by myself even though I KNOW I need this. I need this because I’m longing for connection and for more people to be in my life.

I think it’s because of this part that socializing becomes hard. I hold myself back, still overthink, am careful to show only choosen parts of myself, and worst of all: I stay quiet and don’t contribute much to conversation. And I’m scared that makes me boring and people eventually lose interest.

How can I embrace this new person I’m becoming, and leave the other version of me behind? Or is it just who I am, for eternity?

Well, I’ve been a quiet person since I was a little kid. But I was still able to make friends. However, when I was 11 and 12 years old, I got bullied in primary school because of my disabilities. Since then, it’s been hard for me to socialize, maybe because of the trauma.

Most of the friends I used to have are no longer close to me (almost everyone left). When I try to make friends now, people complain that I’m a boring person—it's not just one or two people, but many. I never heard that before I was bullied because I was good at socializing back then, but after that, it changed.

So, I’m 18 years old now, still having the same problem. How can I become a fun person (less boring) and improve my socializing skills? 🙏🙏

I joined college few days ago and also made a friend she is really nice person but the problem is she and her friends are together for 2 year and I just kinda joined in they don't ignore me or anything but they don't see as friend instead see me as classmate i didn't had problem before but my friend went to her mother place so I am technically alone how i do get along with the group.pls sry if I made a mistake english is my second language

see title. i (NB24) have friends (and sometimes family) that hint that they need someone to talk to, and i really like being there for them. however i don’t know how to shut it down because at that moment i don’t have the energy to tell them i cant listen to them right now due to wanting alone time/about to sleep/cannot give them my full attention. what language do you usually use if you ever come across this situation? or am i just a jackass lmao

I needed help with something. My problem is that with people, even with friends, I genuinely don’t know what to talk about. Sometimes I feel awkward with my coworkers because I wanna say something, but idk what to talk about with them. To my yappers out there, what do you talk about? I know that for example work, I can talk about work or how are you and stuff, but that gets boring fast, I wanna go further than that, but like o said idk what else to talk to about with them. So yappers, what do you yap about?

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this on, I tried to post this on the extrovert sub but I just got troll comments which I was surprised about lol but yea anything helps!

So, I am moving in with a friend of mine who I occasionally hang with. I feel like we can keep a conversation running for maybe 5 mins at max at a time but he invited me and I thought it would be a good thing to come out of my comfort zone, he’s really charismatic and popular. And now As I settle in my luggage I am feeling confused over what’s the etiquette here all my roommates, they weren’t my friends when I lived with them I was just a stranger sharing a room, now its different and I want to know what should or shouldn’t I do during the long silences

Hi all,

I’ve noticed that whenever I’m in public or around people I don’t know well, I just freeze. My brain goes blank, my mouth won’t form the words, and I feel like I can’t say anything without it coming out awkwardly.

Even simple interactions—like running into someone at a café, chatting with a classmate, or just small talk at work—make me nervous. Sometimes I just smile and nod, hoping the other person doesn’t notice how panicked I feel inside.

I really want to get better at expressing myself and not feeling this constant nervousness. Does anyone else struggle with this too? How do you cope, if at all?

Would love to hear your experiences or tips. Just knowing I’m not alone would help a lot.

Just quick heads up. Given the name of this group i assume many of you are introverts (who am I kidding? we all are)

Anyways, this is the insight that really shifted my thinking - leading to more sucessful relationships and interactions. The goal is not to be heard. Introverts- deep thinkers, tend to think that everything is a game or a movie: and in the social world it is a game where the shameful and shy one didn't score many points.

And yes there is some validity to that thinking. No action, no change. However do not confuse being heard with being likable. Trust me, someone will out-talk you, everytime. But why not use the super skill of introverts? Subjective experience and depth. Let them talk, on and on. But if you have something good to say, a conversation that everyone would enjoy having: bring it up and listen.

Be like a podcaster and let their talking stimulate you with curiosity- hearing the perspective of another mind.

Good luck friends

Hi guys, I'm 19 years old guy who doesn't know how to speak properly. I sat in my home for two years after my high school, now i started going to college. I'm having a hard time to have sensible and fun conversations with other people. I can start a conversation with a stranger but I cannot keep it going like normal person. I find it hard to have an interactive conversation with others.Even when I was a kid I had hard time making friends. I think the reason for my inability to interact with people in society properly is because my parents didn't used to take me to any social events like meeting their friends families or collegeaus so i was not able to improve my social skills since childhood. Even my father did not used to speak much in home. He also doesn't have any friends or good social skills. So I might have got his genes. So how can I improve my social skills and build friend network have a good communication skills and be more interactive and be able to talk to anyone and keep the conversation going so the opposite person is also interested in hanging out with me?