o when I first decided to quit drinking, all I kept hearing was: “watch out for withdrawals, they’ll hit you hard, And yeah, the shakes, the insomnia, the crazy sweats at night I was kinda mentally ready for all that.

But what nobody really told me was the quiet, weird stuff that creeps in after. Like… the awkward silence at parties when you’re holding water instead of a beer. Or that weird loneliness when you realize half your social circle revolved around “let’s grab a drink.”

The wildest part? It wasn’t my body screaming for alcohol anymore, it was my brain trying to gaslight me like: Bro, one beer won’t kill you., You’re being boring, loosen up. Just this once.

That mental chatter was honestly harder than the hangovers I used to get. What helped me (still helping tbh):

• Having a “go-to” excuse when people offered drinks, so I didn’t freeze up.
• Replacing the ritual (pouring a drink) with something else for me it’s making a ridiculous over-the-top mocktail or just having my sprite.
• Journaling the mornings I woke up clear-headed. Weirdly satisfying to see progress.

Idk, I just felt like sharing this because if you’re new to this whole no-drinking journey yeah, withdrawals are a thing. But the mental rewiring after… no one warns you how sneaky it is. Stay strong, y’all. If I can do 47 days, trust me, you can too. ✌️

I lurked here for many months before I grasped the nettle.

Thought’s of “Yeah but I bet there’s not many on here as bad as me”, “It’s too late for me now”, “That’s for the younger ones”, “I can’t climb that mountain”, “I can’t afford the time or money for rehab”, and many more.

So after yet another round of waiting for the usual throwing up in the morning before I could drink my first bottle of wine, I saw blood in the vomit (which was inevitable). I went to A&E (or ER for the US friends) and they kept me in for 5 days, gave me (non-mind-altering) drugs to deal with the detox so I could safely withdraw without dying and then sent me on my merry way with a comment like “See you in a couple of months”.

Tomorrow will be 18 months later and sober. It wasn’t impossible after all. I didn’t set out to “change my life”, I just decided to stop drinking no matter what. Family death, redundancy, separation. No matter what I hung on. My life has changed dramatically for the better - as a by product of not drinking.

So my words of encouragement are - It’s not too late, you CAN do it - you don’t have to “change your life”, that comes automatically when you just stop drinking.

Not today, no fkn way!

I don’t know what tomorrow will hold because I can’t see the future, but I’m pretty sure I’ll make the same decision again tomorrow, too.

And I would love to invite you all to join me.

My husband went to the hospital with liver failure April 30th. He passed on June 27th at 48. We are both alcoholics and I promised myself I would stop drinking when he did. I made it 100 days then started saying to myself 2 beers a night is nothing. Now it’s been 3 weeks drinking every night. I’m so upset with myself why would I even want to drink watching him pass that way. I don’t get it and I let him down, starting fresh tomorrow.

My husband and I went to Top Golf with another couple, our other friend, and the couple’s children. We also brought our five year old. I sipped on a mocktail and enjoyed playing the game. What I did not enjoy was their company. They’ve never been my favorite couple, but last night was eye opening.

I came a little later than my husband and son because I stayed to feed the pets before leaving. I got there about 30 minutes late and the couple was already drunk. Apparently, they pregamed at home before coming. We are all late 30’s-40’s. The woman was especially drunk and would sit too close to me, walked around in her bare feet, laid across the benches, danced seductively with a golf club, and only wanted to talk about how much her and her husband have sex. Anytime I would try to steer the conversation to another topic, she would bring it back around.

By the end of the night she had her dress hiked up to her waist (shorts underneath) while she laid on the bench. She had a beer in one hand and would take drinks while she laid there with her eyes closed. This was all while their three kids (7-13) were in the bay next to us playing. The youngest kept running out on the green to grab golfballs because we had finished playing. They were completely oblivious and I had to tell them each time. Thankfully, our other friend was driving them all home.

After getting home last night, I couldn’t help but think back to the times when I would get hammered in public or with friends that weren’t drinking. I kept asking myself, was I that bad? Did I make others uncomfortable? Did I look that ridiculous? I wanted to tell myself no, I was different. But the real answer, yes, I was and I probably did. I never let myself get to that point if my son was there, but I was headed that direction. I feel bad for those kids. I don’t want my son to ever be embarrassed by me and my drinking. It’s easier to just stay sober than play the moderation game.

I need to protect my son and that’s the main reason I stay sober. I want to be a strong role model for him. I want to be someone that takes on life with a clear head. I have too much I want to accomplish in life, and drinking won’t help me get there.

70 days and counting. IWNDWYT

The side bar tells me that's 13880 days, one day at a time. And right now (and for a considerable time) it's not only easy, it's a way of life.

Truth is it was drinking that was hard, the holes I dug and then had to climb out of, the lies I had to keep straight, the fears, the feeling like shit both physically and mentally.

Back when I was drinking there was no caller id so you let every call go to the answering machine. Today there is no one I am afraid of. No shame lurking. Life has some challenges as you age, but even so it is so much easier than the life I was living.

The details are in my post history - but the short version is I had to get over myself - to understand that the self medicating I was doing was with a drug that only made things worse. (and that included weed and other stuff too).

My journey in recovery has been the most amazing education - taught by a succession of nutjobs, and other strange characters who were my improbable teachers and from it I have gained something simple - I am comfortable in my own skin. That kinda says it all - everything else comes from that, I live a good life, and I've found that staying sober is more or less guaranteed if I give back what I've gotten. https://imgur.com/a/this-years-chip-HqgZrIH

I’m addicted to rising action.

I hate just being in a static drunk state with no promise for more.

What I look for when I reach for the bottle is the rush of the come-up, a come-up that never ends. I’m addicted to waiting for the next shot to kick in, knowing my mental state will continually change. More and more inebriated.

What I’m continually searching for is a never-ending pregame. It’s like I don’t want the story to have a climax, but instead always keep building and building until the moment right before.

Maybe that feeling permeates all areas of my life. Maybe that’s why I always get bored in committed relationships; I’m addicted to the pursuit, the chase, but once they’re won over, it’s just not satisfying anymore.

I just want it to keep building up. And that’s the problem. That’s not how life works and it always has to come down.

Idk. Just sharing my thoughts. Tomorrow at 4:30 will be 7 days since my last drink.

This sucks. I had a huge fallout with someone last night and I wanted to drink so bad but I didn’t. It was horrible and I felt like I couldn’t calm down all night. I missed it but I’m glad I didn’t break. There’s no one I am really talking to about this in my personal life and I feel pretty lonely. This sure doesn’t feel like a pink cloud.

I had a terrible hangover on Saturday but I don't really know why (yes I had too much the night before, but I always have too much...). Maybe I have just pushed my body too far. I ended up vomiting so many times that blood started coming up. I called 911 and ended up fainting while I was on the phone with them. I live alone and I was so scared. I was also so embarrassed - I didn't want an ambulance to come and my neighbors to see me like that. I ended up taking a car to the emergency room and they released me a few hours later. I'm so disappointed in myself, and I'm scared that this still won't be the wake up call I need to stay sober. Any words of encouragement are welcome.

When I first got sober I wanted this comma. What a badge it would be. And by god it is, but not like I thought.

It’s really simple to earn, you just don’t drink. Everything else in life is fucking hard compared to that. That’s what I didn’t know then. I’m 1,000 days more equipped to deal with life rather than fading out. I’m so grateful you all are here. Thank you. We got this.

IWNDWYT

I’ve never, ever told another soul about my drinking, so I apologize if this rambles. I’m mid-30s, started drinking 5 years ago, but it became daily around 3 years ago.

I only ever drank alone, in my house. The first time I tried alcohol was in my mid-20s, I was alone, and from there I only ever drank alone. To my friends, family, and co-workers I “didn’t drink because of health reasons” but the reality was I was hitting the liquor store for a bottle every night or two. I only ever drank vodka, with water as a chaser. This seemed the most efficient and effective for what I wanted. I was drinking a 750 mL bottle of 40% vodka every 24 hours or so. For maybe 2-3 years. Taking shots before work, after work, middle of the night, before any activity basically. It was bad. Plenty of blackouts and bad decisions (online shopping, food ordering, etc) but since I was always drinking alone at home, I never had any “real” problems. Despite being drunk nearly 24/7, I never had a DUI, never had a work or family incident because of alcohol, no life-shattering event, no dropping of the other shoe. Only the health effects. Only the agonizing internal pains, the headaches, the GI issues. The mysterious pain in the abdomen. The lifeless eyes. The greying, tacky skin. The hopelessness. The frustration. The suicidal ideation.

5 weeks ago on a Sunday evening, alone like usual, I battled myself: “Please, please just don’t buy a bottle tonight. Please just one night without it.” I didn’t buy the bottle, I didn’t walk to the store. That was the start of my rebellion. The last shred of hope fighting back. My soul staggering back up to its feet after being knocked down for so long.

I decided to get off that bus to hell before I have that rock bottom. One that I know some of you can relate to.

Today I am 5 weeks sober. I know it’s not that long, but I owe my sobriety to the many brave people in this community who continue to share their stories. Their rock bottoms. Their moments of pain. You saved at least one person. You all changed my life when I found this community, with the amount of love and support everyone shows each other. Even the small things, like someone quickly checking in for an “IWNDWYT” are cheered on with so much love and respect.

So thank you, everyone. If you have shared a story here, if you’ve made a supportive comment to someone, if you’ve been raw and honest about the ugliness of alcoholism, thank you so much. I love you guys.

I work as a bartender in a beautiful place that sits on a marina. I've not had any issues with my job and not drinking. Drinking on the job is not something I've ever done so serving it does not bother me.
Last night we had live music with a very popular local band. There were probably 500-600 people there. It was wild and fun because the music was so good. I just put my head down and worked and had fun with the customers and danced behind the bar.
When it was all said and done and the customers were gone my co-workers decided to relax and hang out and have a few drinks together to celebrate a good shift. I was still finishing closing the bar and counting the money so I just listened as they were sitting behind me at the tables. When I was done I walked over to join in the fun. This was really my first social engagement since I stopped drinking in June. Well, they had being doing shots of Tequila and were all pretty hammered and really loud. They of course offered me shots and I declined and they kept pushing me for a few minutes until I just had to tell them "I don't drink anymore". They were all respectful and I sat down and enjoyed myself laughing about the craziness of the night. End of the story: I was so damn happy I was able to enjoy myself without having to have a drink. It was amazing.
Thanks for providing me a place to talk about this because I am sure you can all relate.

Just checking in. Had 8 beers yesterday which makes me so sick. Was planning on not drinking, but had some beers in the fridge.

1 turns to 2, to 3 to 8.

I feel so stupid that I fell for this stupid thing again and I am filled with self hate.

I can’t wait for this day to pass so I can start clean tomorrow.

IWNDWYT

I don’t even know when it was that I joined this sub or how I even found it, maybe like eight years ago or something I’m not even sure but I remember lurking in here then posting in here (it helped so much being anonymous) and it always helped me just to have this in my back pocket. Then as I worked on healing myself over the years before I even got to the alcohol part I haven’t needed this group as much, but I wanted to come in and celebrate with y’all today because this group is what started it all for me and two years clean from alcohol when I’ve tried stopping so many other times before is such a massive deal and I’m so grateful for this group, especially someone that never felt (home) in AA!

For the newbies: I SEE YOU and just keep going! Even if you fall…keep getting back on that sober horse because I promise you it’s so worth it and YOU AND YOUR FUTURE ARE WORTH IT!!

We're both at the end of day 5 after completely bottoming out. We have seriously done damages to our lives and pushed away and disappointed people close to us to points possibly beyond repair. We had no choice but to quit drinking and try to put everything back together.

For probably 5 months we knew she had a non alcohol related medical issue that needed to be looked at and we never did. I blame the drinking. We checked into a hotel on day 2 to fix some fuck ups with our house. We were feeling good with our progress until mid day 3 when it was VERY obvious an er trip was needed. I couldn't even stay with her due to our dogs being with us. An overnight stay turned into a bad situation and surgery was required. Surgery revealed it was even worse.

She'll be OK, and that's the important thing. Now I'll be here in the hotel, alone, for at least 2 more nights while she's alone in the hospital. I don't know how to do this alone. There is so much that needs to be done, we're working within time frames here and I'm lost. The guilt is deep, I should have pushed her harder to go. I never should have let her get this bad, I should have never pushed so much down the road. We should have stopped drinking so much earlier.

There is a gas station right across the parking lot and I want nothing more than to go grab some booze but IWNDWYTD

I have just gone through a pretty awful depressive episode (pretty much bed ridden for 2 weeks, sobbing uncontrollably over nothing, scratched gouges into myself due to anxiety, suicidal thoughts, all the good stuff).

Coming out the other side now, slowly recovering, taking my time to read, do things I enjoy while I ride out my sick note and get back to work.

It's literally just occurred to me, not once in this time, in my most desperate, awful, mental hell, did I think to have a drink. Hell, there were beers in the fridge for my wife most days, but I don't even notice them anymore. It's crazy. Not sure what the point of this is I guess I'm just proud, almost 2 and a half years and I didn't think I'd be able to do a week. It's possible, people.

.

Last night I was absolutely hammered by myself. I was in my room just drinking without any moderation and I just kept drinking and drinking, shots after shots, until I started spinning and thought I was going to puke out all my organs. I just hate how when I drink I go all out and never do it in moderation and I don’t like that about myself. But it also made me realize I don’t like being drunk anymore. I feel so gross and unhappy being how I was last night and I want to break free of that.

I think I may rest a bit more. Everything aches and I can barely move. House is a mess and I haven’t even checked my text/social media messages to see what kinds of repulsive things I was saying to people. My mouth tastes like an ashtray and drinking water is difficult. Don’t do what I did it’s never worth it at the end. IWNDWYT.

I guess it was worth it. I really expected more. Something.

Two years sober today. Whoohoo! Life without alcohol just keeps getting better.

I want to thank this community once again. You’ve been a huge support on this journey. Reading your posts and sharing mine has helped me more than I can say. Thank you!

My second year was wonderful. I started running regularly, I spend a lot of time with my family, and I’ve been learning how to better balance work and life, as well as practicing mindfulness. I feel calmer, healthier, and more present.

Sobriety has given me everything I was hoping for and much more. I’m grateful every single day.

And I'm not quitting, I'm moving on.

Here’s to year three! IWNDWYT ♥️

Went to a friend's dinner last night. It was about 10 of us total. Great food and lots of booze...lots. aside from a sip of my husband's old fashioned I had absolutely nothing. Drank my water all night, was "boring" (what i was told). Also witnessed first hand people going from being bubbly, fun, etc after a couple of drinks to total messes (slurring, dropping things, babbling on and on, etc). No judgements on them, we were in a safe place and they were enjoying themselves. But I will say, it felt good to have my wits about me, be able to drive home, wake up kindof refreshed on 5 hrs of sleep and be able to be productive today without a hangover.

"I'm only on day two of sobriety, and it honestly feels like I’ve lost my closest friend. Everything in me is aching for a drink, and the emptiness feels so real.I guess its because I spent so much time alone by myself drinking most days. Did you feel the same way when you started being sober?

This is the first time I’ve spent a year sober in about 40 years. It’s been hard sometimes. I’ve spent quite a few beer-o’clocks here reading posts to stay away from drinking.

A few friends have ghosted me. Some people have become more prominent in my life.

Every health metric has improved. I can think again! I have really missed that.

Thank you internet strangers. You rescued me.

IWNDWYT

I believe I might have urinated on my carpet last night by my bed - and I don't even remember doing it at all. This is a rock bottom moment for me. I have had enough of this shit.

I had 5 glasses of wine last night which is actually nowhere near as much as I've had in the past - yet now I feel like I can't even trust myself with one.

I've tried moderation, tried 3 nights a week with no booze, avoiding higher-percentage alcohol - none of it works. No more 'pledges', no more limitations, no more 'setting goals' or 'just one' - it's total sobriety for me now. I cannot do this anymore.

I know it's going to be a rough road but I believe I have been given two paths now. I know which path I am going to choose.

Day 1.

IWNDWYT.