/r/incels has been banned. Discuss this happening here!

[u/TAKEitTOrCIRCLEJERK]

I'll fill this up with drama as it unfolds.

/r/drama thread

/r/subredditcancer thread, including an explicit entreaty for the former users to join the alt right for some reason?

One user advertised r/incelspurgatory in the thread you removed. Admins were already on point, because they've banned it just ~11 minutes ago. Sub lasted about 10 hours last I checked.

r/AgainstHateSubreddits thread

/r/MGTOW thread

/r/thebluepill thread

New sub: /r/IncelsWithoutHate

Meanwhile on Voat

Undelete thread

Circlebroke thread

[u/4152510]

To anyone reading this who was a user on that subreddit:

You don't need to be a chad to find affection from the opposite sex. You just need to care about yourself.

Imagine if you ran a restaurant and didn't care about the quality of the food. You just said "eh whatever" and sold rotting, stale produce with your meals. You should not be surprised if the customers don't come. Nobody owes you their business. From the consumer's perspective, all they want is a nice meal. If you're not offering one, they're not going to buy. They don't have any obligation to share their business around to ensure that all restaurants have customers. They are looking out for themselves, and they will continue to simply eat where they like the food.

You have to care about what you're selling before you can find a buyer.

Now the good news is, unlike a restaurant, you only need one customer. This is a lot easier to attain than a profitable business.

But you have to care about what you're selling.

If you don't exercise, if you eat like garbage, if you don't have any interesting hobbies or passions, then why would anyone want to be a customer?

You don't need to like football. You don't need to have a six pack. You don't need to have been born with Ryan Gosling's face. You...the you that's reading this...already have everything you need to be loved. You just need to love yourself first before anyone else will see you as worth loving.

Replace sugary drinks with water. Walk or cycle when you go somewhere that's walking or cycling distance. Shower and shave every couple days. Buy clothes that fit you.

Find a community of people in your area that shares an interest or hobby with you and go meet them irl. It doesn't matter if it's all dudes, this is about you feeling good about yourself.

If you do these things you'll start to notice yourself feeling good about yourself. It happens almost magically. Get your blood flowing and exercise your social muscles and the endorphins will follow.

If you just keep doing these things, eventually you will encounter someone who sees in you what you see in yourself.

But if all you see in yourself is someone who's getting screwed over and is sad and lonely, why do you expect anyone else to see something different?

[u/HIFDLTY → u/4152510]

See this is where the part of me that feels bad for me exists, because I'm still alone and have been for a long time, and I definitely do all these things. (Well I'm kind of a bigger guy, but I still exercise and stuff because it feels good.) I can understand the frustration that comes along with doing everything you can to improve yourself and not seeing the results you're going for.

The difference is, even when I think I face a lot of difficulties because of how society is, that still has never made sense to translate to "hey its literally every woman alives fault" and decided to hate literally all of them.

Idk, I feel for them because I feel like I could see a version of myself that went down that path if reddit was bigger when I was younger.

[u/curiousermonk → u/HIFDLTY]

I'm in your same boat, more or less. I have no interest in the hate. But damn, internet advice seems so glib. People always say "do x and it will happen" - but all we can say, ever is, "for people who have done x, y has tended to happen." There are no guarantees, for anyone, no matter what we might wish.

I imagine that there have been celibates throughout history. Women weren't afraid of being spinsters because it never happened. It's just that now more of them are coming up men.

I did everything you're supposed to do. And it worked. Kind of. It took two years of dogged, may I say relentless effort. But I beat the odds. And when you're 5'0" and white and bald, the odds are pretty poor. (Women always say that there are women who will date shorter men, of course there are, but are very nearly never that person themselves).

Anyway, she wasn't really into me. And dating wasn't very fun at all. Felt more like a chore when it wasn't frustrating (she didn't like to be touched and wouldn't open up emotionally, either - though I would have stayed in if she hadn't dumped me).

So now I remember the effort, reap the other benefits of my (still) changed life, and don't go out.

Because, no hard feelings, but it wasn't worth it. It wasn't. For me to find someone? Dating, for the very introverted, or at least for me, needs to be a little easier. Not a lot easier. Just...that much. We had two good dates. A third might have tipped that balance.

Anyway, people often say that they found someone when they stopped looking. I stopped looking for TEN YEARS! The result was, I essentially disappeared as a sexual person. I wonder if I'm about to disappear again.

[u/buraku290 → u/curiousermonk]

I feel ya man. There's this weird dichotomy whenever incels get mentioned that you're either one of the users on that subreddit, or you date regularly and everything's fine.

But there is an inbetween. I go to the gym. I have lots of hobbies. I have a good job. I wear fitting clothes and stay clean shaven. I have plenty of friends who are women. I meet new people semi-regularly. If there's a "checklist" for having your shit together, not to brag, but I hit a decent amount of them. Yet I've been on maybe one or two dates in my life.

I know I'm not supposed to revolve my identity around dating. I don't. I stay busy so I try to not let it bother me. But I know once I start talking about my dating issues, people will just lump me into one of those incel groups. And it sucks that there's really no place for us to discuss our dating issues without seeming like one of these guys.

[u/rcl2 → u/buraku290]

Unfortunately, you're currently living the inconvenient truth people want to avoid: Western society loves to promote the "everyone finds someone" line of horseshit but the reality is that a lot of people won't. Those are just facts and no one wants to say it.

I'm not saying you won't, but I completely understand where you're coming from and yes, it sucks to be part of those who fall into the cracks.

[u/Ebu-Gogo → u/buraku290]

What gets me is that the checklist for having your shit together is significantly longer for single people than it is for those in a relationship. It's like once you're in a relationship, you've 'proved' yourself to be worthy of affection and no longer have to try your damnest to get it.

As a single woman though, who has been one forever, my entire life has been dedicated to self-improvement for almost 10 years, and that's no exeggeration. I've yet to see results. I don't think I'm owed anything, obviously, but it gets frustrating to see that dichotomy and always find myself on the 'wrong' side of it when this subject comes up. There's always that underlying assumption that you are definitely doing something wrong, or defective in some way if you're single.

But for some people, it just doesn't happen. But you can't think that sucks without people calling you bitter. People who have never been single since their teens tell you you should be happy single and then everything will fall into place. It's idealistic, and somewhat hypocritical. My sister at least admitted that she's glad to have been in a relationship since 16, because she wouldn't know what to do in my place with the current dating culture going on.

It's not the being single alone that sucks, it's the associations that come with it, and the feeling that you should be working harder, that the standards are just a bit higher, because every flaw you might have is going to be used as the reason you're single.

[u/Kaiskov → u/Ebu-Gogo]

So much fucking this.

[u/curiousermonk → u/buraku290]

Yeah, I've often thought that there's a lot I'm glad for, even grateful for in my life that would not fit on one of those subs. And complaining does become a negative feedback loop after a while. So it's hard to imagine a community essentially founded on loneliness that ends up in an optimistic place. But I AM optimistic. I feel like I could live my whole life alone and be, basically, okay. And I'm 36 so I don't think that's a delusion. I just wish there was a place for men to happily GTOW, because that's kind of what I feel like I'm doing right now. Be nice to have someone to talk to, though.

[u/W3NTZ → u/curiousermonk]

Yea it sucks a few extremists took it too far but I'm here if you ever want to talk or need advice. I'm beta as fuck and 510 but weigh 125 so scrawny as fuck. Super introvert and awkward. Hate going out but found someone the same exact way as me. We just celebrated our 4 years last week. If you need someone to talk or vent to pm me.

[u/curiousermonk → u/W3NTZ]

thanks for this! And congratulations! Believe me, I don't always mean that, but I do here. I'll keep you in mind.

[u/Mammal-k → u/curiousermonk]

I've been in a few relationships but feel I'd be happy being alone from now on. I don't know if it's a symptom of mental health issues or just the way I am. What I've worked out for myself is its fine to be happy on your own, if someone adds to that happiness then brilliant, but don't rely on it. It breaks the conventional happiness model of grow old with someone but who cares.

[u/curiousermonk → u/Mammal-k]

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me, and is pretty much where I am. The conventional happiness model is already broken anyway, through tons of sad and lonely married people.

[u/brbposting → u/buraku290]

So there needs to be a sub for this kind of matter-of-fact, egalitarian (I mean non-anti-woman) posts.

Good luck my man, good luck!!!!!!!!

[u/Deuce232 → u/buraku290]

Join groups. Be (your obviously) decent and thoughtful self. Make friends. Make clear you are looking to date.

There are a ton of women who really do "just want a decent guy". Getting referred by a friend is a huge plus.

Think of marketing. The absolute gold standard of marketing is when someone recommends a product to a friend.