r/Teetotal • u/Born_Resolve_6676 • 15h ago
Husband didn’t drink when we met and even our first few years of marriage and now he does.
Basically what the title says…. My husband wasn’t a drinker when we met and even our first few years of marriage then all of a sudden he started drinking occasionally and now he likes to drink often. I’ve never been a drinker, I’m actually allergic believe it or not so when we were dating and when we got married it was a plus for me because I wanted to be with someone who wasn’t into drinking. I’ve always felt ostracized for not drinking in social settings so I told myself I wanted to marry someone who doesn’t drink as well. He does not push me to drink but I just can’t get past the feeling that he wishes he had a drinking buddy sometimes. Would this bother some of you? I don’t know if I’m being a stick in the mud or what.
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u/fastcloud1 12h ago
It would bother me. Did you ask him why he started drinking? Have you told him any of this stuff. You should talk about it with him.
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u/Born_Resolve_6676 12h ago
I have talked to him in the past and he knows it bothers me but I’ve never asked him to completely stop drinking because it’s not in me to try and change someone, I’ve tried to in the past with previous relationships and it ends in resentment towards me, and me being a stick in the mud. That’s why I wanted to marry someone who didn’t drink so it would never be an issue. He started drinking because he has a high stress job, it started off with just having a couple drink at night to wind down and sleep better but now he likes to drink any time we go out to dinner, out with friends, etc. And I end up being the only one not drinking, just always feel left out, I liked having someone on the same level as me with the same mindset if you will… but now we don’t. If he were a drinker when we were dating, I wouldn’t have married him. I really really wanted to settle down with a non drinker.
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u/spacebarstool 14h ago
No amount of alcohol is healthy for a person, but is he drinking often enough and of an amount where his health could be affected? Is it affecting his other relationships? Are there any problematic behaviors because of the drinking? Do you feel safe when he's drinking?
If yes to anything like that, then you have a starting point for a serious conversation.
If there are seriously no problems with him drinking and it just bothers you, then that's fine too. You're allowed to wish for the sober husband that you married.
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u/Born_Resolve_6676 12h ago
No problems really. He gets loud when he drinks yes but he’s not an angry drunk. Just miss my sober husband who had that in common with me when we married.
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u/Able_Supermarket8236 15h ago
Yes, it would bother me. I've never drank and never will, and I want my partner to be the same. For better or worse, people change. Maybe it's ok for you, depending on your reasons, as long as it's not an issue for him.