r/TwoXChromosomes • u/No_Read_3601 • 8d ago
My boyfriend touches me in public in ways I don’t like, calls it a joke, and gets mad when I do the same. Am I overreacting?
I (30F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for 6 months. Lately, he’s been doing things that make me feel uncomfortable and disrespected. •He slaps my butt in public, but when I slapped his back once, he got offended and stopped talking to me for days, he said: a man can do this to a woman, but a woman shouldn’t do this to a man because it’s disrespectful for him. •He sometimes tries to put his finger in my mouth, and when I ask him to stop, he says, “It’s just a joke.” •He even tried to lick my face in public, which made me feel embarrassed and humiliated.
I’ve told him these things make me uncomfortable, but he said he is just being playful and keeps doing them.
I feel like it’s disrespectful for me ESPECIALLY that when I try to do the same stuff to him in public he gets offended!
Why he is doing that? Is it flirting or humiliating? It gives sexual Controlling tendencies which’s weird!
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u/Alexis_J_M 8d ago edited 8d ago
The word you are looking for is ex-boyfriend.
Generally when people make posts like this they are looking for confirmation on decisions they have already made.
Trust your gut and get rid of the guy.
He is pushing your boundaries after only 6 months? Cut your losses and move on.
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u/Polarchuck 8d ago
The word you are looking for is ex-boyfriend.
Thank you! You made me laugh out loud. I'm still chuckling....
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u/NeedleworkerNo1854 8d ago edited 8d ago
You feel disrespected because he’s disrespecting you. You told him no and he is ignoring your no. That’s gross. Not overreacting. He’s doing it because he hates you and sees you as lesser than him. If he saw you as his equal he’d respect you, but he doesn’t. It’s humiliation.
My bf and I flirt all the time. We lick, we tickle, and we smack each other’s asses. Thing is we BOTH do it. It’s flirting for us because we both like it, it turns us on, and we both get mutual enjoyment from it. You obviously don’t enjoy it, you’ve told him no, and he still does it. It’s not the same. Dump him and find a better man who respects you.
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u/wethelabyrinths111 8d ago
Exactly. If I told my partner to stop because I found it disrespectful, he might grumble that it's not because it wasn't how he meant it, but he'd stop. Even if he didn't agree with me, he'd stop. Because he does respect me.
As it is, I've been known to cop a feel when he is otherwise occupied, washing the dishes or scrounging around in the fridge. And he has a talent for sneaky pinching. It's half funny, half sexy. We do it because touching each other is nice, and because we're allowed to, and because we're both a little goofy.
Keep in mind the wise words of John Oliver: Sex is like boxing. If one participant hasn't consented to it, it's a crime.
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u/dumbasamoose 8d ago
Yes! There have been a few times where I have asked my partner to stop a behavior because I don't like it. His only responses have been to apologize for making me feel bad and to never do it again. Because he respects me and doesn't ever want to make me feel bad.
A boundary is something you set that requires the other person to do nothing.
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u/attackmars 8d ago
He humiliates you in public. You tell him to stop. He just keeps on doing it. How do you think the rest of your life with this specimen will be like? Get rid of this fucking manchild.
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u/Rivvien 8d ago
Jfc leave him. Dont try to figure out why he does this gross shit. Its unacceptable to ignore peoples boundaries regarding their body and do what you want to them, esp in public. If I had to guess, I'd say its an ownership thing like "I can do what I want and humiliate you bc you're mine and I'm going to show everyone that you're mine".
He doesn't respect you or your body or your bodily rights. 100% unacceptable.
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u/elgrn1 8d ago
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u/parenna 8d ago
Not just OP needs to read this but any woman questioning their male partners behavior. If you are confused or he makes you think you are crazy this book can explain a lot!
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u/pienoceros Basically Eleanor Shellstrop 8d ago
The finger in the mouth, publicly and without consent, is sending me into a spiral of disgust. That's an out and out display of domination and contempt.
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u/mushguin 8d ago
That one got me too. This gross human is touching stuff out in public and then jamming fingers in his partners mouth? Is he Trying to make he sick?!
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister You are now doing kegels 8d ago edited 8d ago
Like just try to stick your finger in my mouth again, creepy fuck. Do it.
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u/Lady_of_Lomond 7d ago
Yeah, I got a full body shudder at that.
I mean, it's something you do in bed while you're having sex, not something you do in public!
Ewwwww.
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u/Wise-Self-8639 8d ago
my boyfriend when I was 15 used to do it to me. Turns out he hated me and didnt actually like me. The same is true of your man and he's immature as fuck.
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u/rustymontenegro 7d ago
Lol I was thinking the same thing - we were also 15 and one time he accidentally lit my hair on fire (he was fuckin around with a lighter too close to my hair) and laughed about it.
This is dumb-ass shit a young teenage boy might do. By 30? That fucker is cooked. Throw him back, keep fishing.
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u/alrightythen1984itis 8d ago
This might sound extreme from where you stand, but a man who pushes boundaries as "jokes" will eventually escalate into something much worse.
Please don't do what I did and accept a man you're "in a relationship with" ignoring your boundaries and pretending it's funny. It culminated in horrific experiences I wish no one would have to endure, and I assure you neither I nor anyone else who knew him thought he was capable of it. It doesn't matter what he postures himself as. He is testing your boundaries and scoffing at them. He keeps doing it after you said no? That's a sign of what's to come.
Boundary pushers are always not to be trusted. Please protect yourself. The part of you who says "this isn't ok" is valid as is - it doesn't fucking matter if he thinks it's funny.
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u/XihuanNi-6784 8d ago
This. I can't stress this enough. Good people do not do this. Good people do not occasionally 'slip up' and repeatedly do things like this. Everyone has good and bad sides, but there are certain kinds of behaviours that are just categorically nasty and show you someone is nasty, and you should always distance yourself once you've confirmed the pattern. OP has seen the pattern. Now is the time to leave. I'm old enough to know now that you do not see these behaviours in nice people. Doesn't happen. Nasty people start off nice to reel you in and convince you they're nice deep down, then they gradually show you their true colours. But (premediated) nasty behaviour is always, in my experience, more real than good behaviour when they're mixed in one person.
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u/Dontfollahbackgirl 8d ago
This is it. She thinks he’s pretty good except for this behavior, but this is the real version of him leaking out if its containment.
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u/alrightythen1984itis 7d ago
Yeah...OP, the "good part" is the act.
Scummy men have to secure women somehow. If they openly demonstrated how disgusting they are, they wouldn't be able to secure their targets.
Women who "laugh it off" with them, or get mad but excuse them as immature and stay with them, are exactly the kind of prey they're after. Testing boundaries for them isn't good fun, it's a drug where even the most "kind, well mannered, upstanding" man is showing his dark side (need for power/control by disturbing another's comfort at the most societally acceptable edge currently possible), which frankly has no bottom depending on how life goes. Boundary testers are not having fun, there is something wrong with them, and their drug requires increasing doses as they become accustomed to each boundary they destroy. The end result can literally be murderous intent in someone NOBODY saw coming.
I know I sound extreme but it's the truth. Women are raped primarily by a significant other. Women are killed primarily by a significant other. Boundary testing is the red flag that every single one of those men demonstrate. Under the mask of "joviality" is control.
Good men (and people) do not make other people uncomfortable intentionally. If they pass a boundary, they apologize and remedy the situation to the best of their ability. This isn't about immaturity, it's about control. Notice also the asymmetrical divide where he thinks it's disrespectful to him, but it's fine to disrespect you. Believe him the first time he tells you what he thinks, and he said it already: "you don't matter, he does. His respect matters more than yours. You're a laughing stock, he's someone to be respected." Of course what I said isn't true, but that's what he thinks. You are worth more than that.
That's a man who deserves to never experience a woman's presence again.
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u/not-your-mom-123 8d ago
He's awful. You ask him not to, he does anyway. He has no respect for you. You are just a thing. Look, here's the girlfriend, watch me slap her butt to prove I'm a man.
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u/DankAshMemes 7d ago
This, it's feeling like domination and a performance for other men. He knows it's degrading and intended to be degrading, otherwise he wouldn't be so offended when she tried to reciprocate. It's okay for him because he's superior, if she does the same it makes it seem like they're equals and that's embarrassing for him.
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u/shewhoisneverbroken 8d ago
OP, it does not matter why. Let me repeat. It does not matter why. Dump him. Good god.
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u/Refuggee 8d ago
It's intended to be disrespectful and humiliating, but he wants you to doubt yourself and put up with it.
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u/AntheaBrainhooke 8d ago
He's asserting his dominance and making it clear that your body belongs to him. This shit just gets worse.
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u/Tricky-Ad4069 8d ago
Abusive men don't announce they are horrible and controlling. They do something mildly annoying, and when you tell him to stop, they say you're overreacting and it's not a big deal and you're too sensitive blah blah blah. they keep arguing with you until you give in, then they do increasingly invasive things; wearing you down each time until you let them do whatever they want because "that's just how relationships are."
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u/cuddlebuginarug 8d ago
Well first off, if a man ever stops talking to you for days, let him never talk to you again. That’s not healthy behavior. Someone who loves you wouldn’t want to leave you feeling anxious or worried.
Second, sounds like he’s abusive and manipulative.
If I were you, I would have left him the first time he stopped talking to me for days. He’s too immature for a relationship and you deserve better.
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u/WickedWitchofWTF 8d ago
Next time, he sticks his finger in your mouth, BITE HIM. HARD.
Or better yet, dump him. He is clearly demonstrating that he doesn't respect you, value you or even like you.
This will only escalate. Get out before you get baby trapped. Or worse.
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u/team_nanatsujiya 8d ago
BITE HIM. HARD.
and then say "oh it was just a joke!" and see how he feels about it
(this would probably be funnier if we didn't all already know how he'd react)
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u/celluloidlove 8d ago
Someone who won’t respect your boundaries in public isn’t even considering them in private.
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u/sicnevol 8d ago
When you tell a man something is disrespectful and bothers you, and he keeps doing it; it means he doesn’t respect you.
Don’t date people who don’t respect you.
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u/nescko 8d ago
This is about control. I spent 4 years too long with an ex for this very reason and left them a few months ago because I couldn’t come to terms that these little things were narcissistic traits because I put them on a pedestal. Listen to your gut and how you feel. If you’ve explained how these things make you feel and he’s swept it off or said “it’s just a joke” then yeah, fuck him. Luckily this is only 6 months in and will be like ripping a bandaid off. Definitely a red flag for just that soon in too
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u/StaticCloud 8d ago edited 8d ago
Leave the abusive relationship. A man who doesn't respect your consent is dangerous. The fact he finds it funny is even worse. He lacks empathy. I'd be concerned for the future safety of anyone in such a relationship.
Your "boyfriend" is a sick man that needs psychiatric evaluation. Um... Best careful when you break up. I recommend you do it over the phone, then go no contact. Keep your phone open for messages for evidence if he has a meltdown and becomes more unhinged. Stay safe
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u/Librarachi 7d ago
In his mind he is a person, you are a possession and possessions don't have a say in the way their owner treats them.
Imagine your purse telling you not to put it on the ground or your shoes telling you they don't want to leave the house. That's how he feels when you express agency over your own body!
Wake up. He isn't interested in having a relationship with a partner. He wants a thing he can use however he sees fit. One way he sees fit is to humiliate you in front of strangers to display how powerful, manly and special he is.
Your push back ruins his alpha fantasy. Your disagreement with being treated disrespectfully means the manosphere may have got it wrong and that can't be it cause the manosphere has the word man in it. It must be his possession is broken.
Walk away. He isn't going to change anytime soon, if ever. He only feels good when making you feel bad. That's not healthy and it's not sustainable honestly. You're wasting time with him hoping he isn't exactly who he's showing you he is and life is short.
Tell him he can treat you equally and with kindness or he can be single and watch him double down on treating you poorly.
Maybe then you'll see him for who he really is and stop holding out hope that he can be the version of him that you wish he was.
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u/EmeraldUsagi 8d ago
he said: a man can do this to a woman, but a woman shouldn’t do this to a man because it’s disrespectful for him.
He thinks you are property. That's a giant "run, don't walk away" red flag warning sign.
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u/gytherin 7d ago
try reading "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", by Patricia Evans. It covers other forms of abuse than verbal, has the advantage of being written by a women, and makes everything very clear. She's especially good on how fast abuse can escalate when the woman is committed to a relationship - engagement, marriage, birth of first child.
In my case it was like a switch flipped when we married, and again when he got a really well-paid job. (At that point he started hitting the cats and I threw him out, almost physically, within hours of seeing him do it. The cats were OK but it was 16 years before I could talk about it.)
So yeah, this one's not a keeper. Make absolutely sure your birth control is tamper-proof while departing the relationship.
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u/Sheila_Monarch 7d ago
He’s humiliating you. He thinks it’s fun to humiliate you in public, shows off his power. But unthinkable for you to do it to him. Because…it’s humiliating.
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u/jwoolman 7d ago
Always ask yourself if you want to be tied to a man via children. If he can't respect you now, what is he likely to do to your children when you are always tied to him as a consequence? If he abuses you in any way, verbally or physically, what will he do to your children? If he can't work out conflicts with you now, what will happen when he is also a father to vulnerable children?
And do you really want to be financially entangled with such a man?
While dating, you are seeing him at his best. He is still selling himself to you. He is showing you what he is now. Can you deal with that as it gets worse when he is feeling comfortable that you are firmly attached? Can you deal with him for the rest of your life?
Too many women get trapped because they assume they can "fix" a man. Men can only fix themselves. Get a man who is not so broken that you think he needs fixing, because you really can't do it.
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u/FullyRisenPhoenix 7d ago
He’s testing your boundaries. That type of behavior only ever escalates, and he will continue calling it a joke or saying you’re too sensitive right up until he hits you. It’s not a joke, it’s getting you used to slowly escalating behavior. Like a slow-boiled frog…..you don’t know you’re being slowly cooked alive until it’s too late.
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u/Downtown_Zebra_266 8d ago
🚩 He CHOOSES to do things that make you uncomfortable even though you tell him to stop.
🚩 He CHOOSES to dismiss your feelings.
🚩 He CHOOSES to be a hypocrite about the situation.
You're 6 months into this relationship. Why stay? The sex can't be that good.
Text him this, "HIS NAME, I have told you multiple times how (SPECIALLY NAME WHAT HE'S DOING HERE) makes me very uncomfortable. Every time I tell you this, you choose to undermine and belittle my feelings. That is a choice you are making, not some mistake or something where you can make an excuse that you didn't know I don't feel comfortable. However, when I do the same to you to prove my point, you get mad at me. We are 6 months into this relationship and I'm already feeling uncomfortable and disrespected in this relationship. I'm going to end this relationship here. If I'm feeling this way now, it's not going to get better in the future."
Then block him on everything. Do reply to anything if he somehow gets through. This is very much a control situation and it's the start of much more to come if you stay.
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u/redheadmomma5 8d ago
Speaking as some who has been paid to be funny and to write jokes and has studied funny as an actual subject, run. Ditch the “jokester”. He’s not joking, he’s not “being funny, he’s testing boundaries & gaslighting. He’s training you to be ok with differing degrees of degradation. Jokes are only funny when everyone is in on it.
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u/musiquededemain 8d ago
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Dump him and find someone who will respect you and your boundaries.
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u/one_bean_hahahaha 8d ago
He is publicly demeaning you. He knows what he is doing, regardless of what he tells you. That is why he gets mad when you do it back.
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u/chris06095 8d ago
Speaking here as a 'boy' – actually, an upper-middle-aged man, but from the 'boy' class – this guy is waving huge red flags. His public behavior toward you is intended to humiliate, belittle and disrespect you. He's saying to the lads, "I own this bitch. I can do what I want, when I want." He's saying the same to you, but you appear to be not getting the message.
He doesn't care that you don't want him to do that; in fact, it's the exact reason why he does it. He does these things to you because you don't like it, and that puts you in your place.
All I can say is that's the place you're in right now. It seems to work for some, but I don't recommend it.
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u/ExplanationNo5595 8d ago
He's a human dumpster, that's vile and he's pushing your boundaries and trying to tell you that so he can continue eroding your boundaries, first it's this then it turns into other things until it's something bigger, he's also crazy making you by telling you it's just a joke, it's not a joke it's little humiliation rituals. Dump him.
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u/lailamelodie 8d ago
He's testing your boundaries and by staying with him you're letting him know that he can do whatever he wants.
We really need to stop allowing people like this to get away with their disgusting behavior. You brought it here for discussion - listen to the advice! You dont deserve to be treated like an object or someone's possession.
Run!
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u/alexturnerftw 8d ago
Girl hes a giant red flag. You dont need this. This is bottom barrel behavior
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u/Rururaspberry 8d ago
Not overreacting. In his actions, he’s flat out telling you that rules are for you, not for him, and that respect only goes one way for him. Zero likelihood this will work out for you. He’s 30, not a dumb teen, and honestly, even a lot of teens would understand this more than him.
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u/CreativMndsThnkAlike 8d ago
My dear, it's only been six months. Throw the whole man out and find someone who will have respect for you! He ain't it...
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u/aquestionofbalance 8d ago
Your boyfriend is a loser, abuser and a pervert. Please take everybody’s advice and get out of this relationship. It is never going to get better. It will only get worse. This guy is gonna make you miserable the rest of your life.
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u/manic_popsicle 7d ago
girl it’s only been 6 months, cut him loose. he’s an asshole, doesn’t listen to you and disrespects you in public.
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u/Thesdayday 8d ago
I had this exact same scenario with an ex he would constantly sexually harass me in public, called it a joke said it was funny and would get mad at me for being upset it got to the point where I would beg him to just hold my hand and not grope me he ended up saing me anyway. All this is to say he doesn’t care that it upsets you he cares about the feeling of control he gets from doing it. Don’t waste your time trying to make sense of or understand his reasoning it is simply that he does not respect you. Best to lose the dead weight.
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u/MandaDPanda 8d ago
You are NOT overreacting.
Partnerships are based on trust and respect. That is not what he is doing.
And for the record, I smack and grab my husband’s butt all the time. He’s just like,”yep…”
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u/OldAndInTheWay42 8d ago
End this. He obviously is disrespectful and has zero knowledge of the concept of boundaries. (If he doesn't know how to behave at 30, he's never going to.)
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u/souptonuts22 8d ago
“ he said: a man can do this to a woman, but a woman shouldn’t do this to a man because it’s disrespectful for him.” This alone is reason enough to end it. You’re dating a misogynist.
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u/fasterthanpligth 7d ago
Is this ragebait? Come back tomorrow and reread your post while trying to think it's someone else.
TL:DR: drop the sack of shit
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u/wyyrdness 7d ago edited 7d ago
You asked him to stop doing something that bothers you. He said no.
Walk away. Simple as that.
I don’t care what his reason is (although the many commenters here have covered it pretty thoroughly, I think). But if it is some manosphere shit or control thing, expect him to take it poorly.
Move your stuff out ahead of time, make sure your finances are separate, try to get rid of any explicit pics or video he might have of you, block him on your phone, email and all social media, and have a safe space to go.
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u/baconshushpuppy 7d ago
I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a post like this from a 30 year old before. You’ve only been together for 6 months, you made it 29 and some odd time without him… you can make it that much more. Move on from this guy. I don’t know the guy but the things you’re describing that he’s doing is cringe. Things many teenagers wouldn’t even do.
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u/heavydoom 7d ago
get out of the relationship while you still can. what he is doing to you is not right. follow your instincts.
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u/haolee510 7d ago
Trust me, any man who goes "a man can X a woman, but a woman can't/shouldn't X a man" isn't someone you'd wanna be with AT ALL. It means he simply doesn't see you as your own person/human being.
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u/tattoovamp 7d ago
You are not compatible. He wants to bust your boundaries and you want to keep them.
He sounds like a controlling creep.
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u/abeclya 7d ago
You must have thought of breaking up with him already with this ongoing disrespect.
But just in case if you are worried about being single and missing the attention, then I want to assure you that being single and devoid of attention is a lot healthier than staying in a disrespectful environment. It is only going to eat you up from inside and you'll keep losing respect for yourself.
Please do yourself a favor and just dump him already, and never settle for any less the next time you get in a relationship. Have high standards for yourself. You deserve that!
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u/No_Bakecrabs 7d ago
which made me feel embarrassed and humiliated
That's the goal, he gets pleasure from this
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u/tracehunter 7d ago
Not overreacting. I'm sorry OP. He's disrespecting you.
In a relationship you should be equals, there’s no "you can't do X but I can". That mindset is outdated.
You deserve respect, and your boundaries shouldn’t be ignored the way he’s doing. Consent is a thing.
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u/PaulWizard 8d ago
I'm the same age. Remember those PSAs we'd watch as kids telling us that if somebody touches our private areas when we don't want them to, they're bad? Still applies now. Be kind to yourself and make the right choice to leave him.
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u/SunshineDaydream13 8d ago
He routinely makes you feel disrespected and humiliated? It will only get worse. Please dump him immediately and find someone who deserves you.
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u/Aromatic-Arugula-896 8d ago
Girl there are millions of men out there that are aren't garbage like this one with severe control issues...
Go find a better one
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u/Jabba1120 8d ago
There's something wrong with my phone. I keep seeing "my boyfriend". I know for a FACT it should read " EX-boyfriend". This is abuse. There are things in this world that make you happy and glad to be here. He isn't one of them. Get away from him. And, no, you're not overreacting.
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u/Competitive-Bat-43 8d ago
Does Reddit have an algorithm? Why am I seeing all these posts about women putting up with ASSHOLE MEN?????
No one who respects you would treat you like that. Dump this loser and move on!!!!!!!!!
COME ON LADIES!!! BE BETTER!!!!!
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u/glycophosphate 8d ago
He wants to humiliate you. The fact that you object and he still does it and then you still stay with him is what turns him on. He won't stop. It will escalate.
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u/TheSecretofBog 8d ago
From a man’s perspective (me), this guy doesn’t respect you as an equal. 6 months is enough. Walk away. Sorry he made you feel so uncomfortable.
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u/Repulsive-Cricket560 8d ago
Dump the fuck. He treats you like that in public, and you’ve stated that it makes you uncomfortable. He should have stopped then and there, and he should have apologized for making you feel that way. Stop trying to make sense of it, he will not respect you in the future.
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u/notyourstranger 8d ago
you need to get rid of him ASAP. That is abusive behavior and it always gets worse. Don't waste another moment on him.
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u/Cheifwhat 8d ago
Why do you even need to canvas opinions? The guy is a twat. Leave him. Isn't that obvious?
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u/strywever 8d ago
Yuck. Just … eeeww!! What are you doing??? Will young women accept anything these days rather than be without a man? I see so many stories of “men” behaving like badly raised teen-aged boys. How are you all so unaccepting of your own value and so unwilling to be alone that you question your own valid perceptions of even egregiously offensive behavior? It is heartbreaking to see this happening.
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u/Panicwhenyourecalm 8d ago
Just put your finger in his ear. Ignore everything he says and go for the ear.
But in all honesty, I’d leave. He’s not willing to accept your boundaries. He’s gonna keep crossing your boundaries until you stop setting them or until you don’t let him cross them anymore. Either way, I wouldn’t be willing to put up with it.
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u/NepenthiumPastille 8d ago
I had a boyfriend that did this to me constantly...but in high school. It was wrong then but it's even worse from a 30 year old who should presumably know better.
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u/I_Am_Myselves 8d ago
Run for the hill, this is clear abuse and the closer you get to him/the longer you stay with him the worse it's most likely going to get. Never be with a man who doesn't listen to the words "no" or "stop".
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u/Upvotespoodles 7d ago
He’s an embarrassment. He’s not good enough for anybody. Instead of waiting around for him to approve of your feelings, just leave. There is no way around the fact that he’s a sucky antisocial misogynist with an actual behavioral disorder.
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u/StillMarie76 7d ago
What exactly do you like about this man? Do you think he's ever going to respect you? This is sexual manipulation. He's controlling and he pouts. What are his redeeming qualities? You've only been together six months. Every moment you spend with him is a second that you don't spend finding the person that's meant for you.
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u/boogswald 7d ago
If you don’t like it he shouldn’t do it. I am a lil gropey in public. I sneak grabs of my wife’s butt. She thinks it’s funny. She does it to me too. If she didn’t like it I would not do it period. If I didn’t like it, she wouldn’t do it to me period. Your boyfriend is being really dumb. His logic makes no sense.
You don’t need to ask any questions. The whole conversation should just be
“Don’t do that. I don’t like that.”
“I am sorry. I won’t do that any more.”
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u/i_had_ice 7d ago
You are 30 years old ffs! Start demanding respect for yourself and get rid of this douchebag
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u/Devi_Moonbeam 7d ago
He is purposefully trying to humiliate you in public. He gets off on that. He has no respect for you at all. Dump this guy today and never think of him again. He's awful.
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u/stilettopanda 7d ago
He’s testing the waters. He’s probably been on his best behavior since you started dating and now he’s relaxed enough to let the real him out.
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u/wolfhuntra 7d ago
Red Flags. Rude, Crude and hypocritical are the first 3 red flags. Bossy and disrespect are the last 2. 5 Red Flags - you deserve better. He's a trollish jerk.
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u/DaniCapsFan 7d ago
So it's okay for him to touch you in ways you don't like, but if you do the same to him, he gets mad? The red flags are all over the place. Dump this guy.
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u/haterofbs 7d ago
You're not overreacting. What's good for you applies to him as well. Take whatever steps are required to get of the relationship and be safe. This guy is creep and you shouldn't put up with it.
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u/ButterfliesandaLlama 7d ago
He thinks you’re his, next up he’s going to lift his leg and mark you as his territory.
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u/Jonatc87 7d ago
"Just a joke" is a common phrase for people testing boundries or trying to push for normalcy. For example, Racists sometimes use this rhetoric to get defensive with, gaslighting you into thinking you're overreacting while testing their friend groups for acceptability or tolerance of their hostile ideas.
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u/Fourty2KnightsofNi 7d ago
He is literally pushing boundaries to see what he can get away with and so far he's being able to get away with everything. He will continue as long as you stay with him.
If you do tell him you want to break up, his behavior will improve for a day, a week, maybe a month, or he'll hide it until he has you (baby/marriage) trapped and then escalate from boundarie pushing to abuse.
He isn't listening now, he won't listen because he doesn't respect you. Find someone who respects you, please.
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u/allhinkedup 7d ago
You established a boundary, and he crossed that boundary like it didn't exist.
That's not your boyfriend, sis. That's your abuser. You're in an abusive relationship. I guarantee, he laughs at you behind your back and tells his buddies that he's got you under control.
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u/BigFatBlackCat 8d ago
Can I ask you a question?
Do you feel like it’s possible to have a healthy relationship without a foundation of mutual respect?
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u/DarbyGirl 8d ago
It doesn't matter why he's doing it. It's unacceptable. You've asked him to stop. He refuses.
At 6 months of dating you're typically still on "good behaviour" and if this is him 6 months in can you imagine what else is under the surface that you may not see until you're miles down the road and living together?
If he won't listen now, he'll never listen in the future. The whole point of dating is to evaluate if the other person is a fit for your Life and a good partner. Is this a characteristic of a good partner? A partner that refuses to listen to you when you say no, who tells you that you're overreacting when you express discomfort?
Throw this one back.
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u/picklesncheeze69 8d ago
Either break up or at least get a water pistol and spray him when he acts out, like the feral cat that he is.
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u/AshEliseB 8d ago
Not a good idea, he is likely to get physical. OP just needs to leave this clown.
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u/_CoachMcGuirk 8d ago
Can I ask you why you have more affection and love for this man than you do for yourself?
6 months? be so for real.
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u/chapstickgrrrl 8d ago
6 months is a lot easier to leave someone than after 6 years, or 15 years, or after you’ve had his children and he’s still an asshole. You deserve better. Being alone is better. He sticks his finger in your mouth? These things are gross and demeaning. You’ve literally asked him to stop, and told him why, and he continues to do them. This is the least worst of the shit you’re signing up for by sticking around. Kick his ass to the curb.
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u/Gaias_Minion 8d ago
You're not overreacting, just get rid of him. He's humiliating/disrespecting you and showing absolute garbage views/thoughts, like "A man can do this, a woman shouldn't do the same" is ridiculous.