r/TwoXChromosomes • u/gbreadmum • 8d ago
Ladies have you ever lost your sex drive in a relationship? Did you ever get it back?
It feels like I don’t want sex at all but I still masterbate pretty much weekly. When it comes to sex though I don’t want it at all and am starting to be repulsed by the idea!
I love my partner (28M) but he also has a low sex drive. I use to want to do it with him all the time and after our honeymoon phase ended about two months into the relationship so did the intimacy. We use to do it multiple times a day, then drastically it changed to twice a month.
I have experienced this before with a ex partner so I guess I have gotten use to this but my sex drive is completely dead, I have no desire to get naked and nasty unless I pleasure myself when I am ovulating then I feel like it but I still don’t act on it.
He’s happy with twice a month, to be honest I’m not. Now when he wants it I have rejected him just because I don’t feel like it. He hasn’t complained, of course he wouldn’t.
Ladies have you had experience with this? Is it just this relationship that has me like this or is there something that should change? I’m honestly not happy with it but I’ve cried to him about it and begged him to see a doctor he won’t. Now I just don’t care. I feel like I lost apart of myself and I’m worried I will be like this forever.
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u/Forsaken-Pollution28 8d ago
wait\ you want more sex but you're rejecting his advances? and you begged him to see a doctor?\ am i missing something? why would that help? shouldn't you be the one seeing a doctor or a therapist if you want to have sex less than your partner does and that bothers you?
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u/gbreadmum 8d ago
If I’m not in the mood
(as this post is about specifically not being in the mood- you probably noticed that)
then why would I want to have sex just because he’s in the mood?
I asked him to get his testosterone tested as low testosterone usually leads to a lower libido in men which is fixable my problem is psychological which is based of resentment from being rejected by him and unwanted by him. I don’t need therapy I need my man to want me.
His ‘advances’ happen once or twice a month. He has never complained if I don’t want it when he does and finds me more attractive for rejecting him (his literal words) so If I’m not in the mood I won’t accept and he doesn’t have to do the deed which I’m sure he’s fine with.
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u/Tarrant12 6d ago
Psychologically we’re still responsible and in control of our actions and emotional reactions. How you contextualize it really matters. However, you talk about how if He turns you down, you get resentful. You turn him down… should he feel the same way as you? Maybe he just needs his woman to want him.
Facetiousness aside, have you sat down and had this conversation with him? Not in a “you need fixing go to a doctor” way but more in a “I need physical intimacy and when you turn me down I feel rejection and resentment how can we navigate this” kinda way.
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u/gbreadmum 6d ago
Of course I’ve had that conversation with him.
The problem is he doesn’t initiate enough to get resentment and if he was open to having a conversation with me about him not getting enough I would change that to suit his needs. The problem is I would do whatever I can to fix this problem and I have, initiated more (only led to being rejected more), wear sexy clothes and lingerie or just a cute nighty (he doesn’t even look my way), touching him sexually leads to dirty looks and a no which I respect. I have had the typical conversation of what else can I do for you in bed (thought maybe I wasn’t interesting enough) he said I don’t need to, I did anyway, this doesn’t make him want it more though. The resentment has built on my part of fixing everything he has spoken to me about when we have these conversations but it not fixing anything - this leading to talks about maybe his testosterone is low (mind you this is a last resort conversation on my part because nothing was helping) and he could get it checked but he refuses to see a doctor though unless he’s dying. Even then I would have to beg him to go. This is where the resentment started.
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u/blondzie 8d ago
Low test is not a thing for the average male until close to 40
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u/gbreadmum 7d ago
It can happen to anyone and I’m noticing more and more men with low libidos.
I know men who have been to the doctor for the same reason (as young as 22 years old btw) and was given pills which fixed his libido
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u/msnoodlecup 8d ago
I don’t have any advice, but I’ve been experiencing the same thing. I talked to him about it, said I needed more intimatecy. He just said “okay”. And I guess it was my fault not asking him to elaborate on what “okay” means. But I haven’t seen a change in anything after a week, so I guess that was a shut-up “okay”. I’m leaning towards breaking up because while sex itself is not important, it affects other aspects of the relationship as well.
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u/hah98 8d ago
Yes. I just started grad school and the workload was intense. I was extremely stressed and anxious to the point where I would wake up and feel paralyzed. I ended up dropping out and switching schools but it took ~6 months for my cortisol levels to drop down to a normal point. Time and taking care of myself (sleep, nails done, days where I have no obligations, etc) was the only thing that helped.