r/TwoXChromosomes • u/throwawayforaday04 • 7d ago
My bf (22m) found some spicy videos in my (20f) navigation history and is feeling jealous
I’m 20 and I’ve always been kind of innocent when it comes to things sexual... Recently I got curious for the first time and watched a couple of spicy videos online. It wasn’t a big thing in my head... just curiosity and me trying to understand myself better. Anyway
My boyfriend (22) saw my navigation history and is now kinda upset with me. He thinks I was hiding something or that it means I’m not happy with him, but that’s not true at all. i love him, and it was never about replacing him or comparing him to anything!!
I feel embarrassed and don’t know how to explain it in a way that won’t hurt him more. I’m not used to talking about these things, and I’m scared he’ll see me differently now. How can i repair the damage I've done...? I understand he can be jealous and I don't intend on judging him at all!
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u/Deep_Character_1695 7d ago
You haven’t done any damage assuming you’ve not had a prior conversation about porn being a hard boundary in the relationship or something. Why was he looking through your history? That’s the only red flag here to me.
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u/throwawayforaday04 7d ago
Good question. We were shopping together on my PC and I used my search bar starting a word by the infamous letter P. You can guessed what popped up...
What I learned : always use the incognito mode (I know... This is a beginner mistake).
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u/New-Editor-5667 7d ago edited 5d ago
Just talk to one another and get on the same page about porn. Some couples ban it. Others watch it together lol. What's important is that u two are on the same page.
Me and my husband have no problem watching ethically produced porn separately or together.
Just be careful...men who watch porn themselves but judge women who do...are misogynists. If that's him, fucking RUN.
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u/WellAckshully 7d ago
So basically you saw some pornos of guys with huge dicks and BF is sad now?
Were you specifically searching for big dick porn, or did it just happen to contain big dicks, as most porn does?
The former situation will be tricky to deal with.
The latter is easier to address. "Sorry babe most porno has big dicks; I can't do anything about that and I wanted to watch some sexy videos." It literally is difficult to find professional quality porn with average or smaller guys.
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u/throwawayforaday04 7d ago
Yeah, no, I was not looking specifically at big dicks, altough I admit the guy in the video I watched had a significantly larger one than average. So yeah, my bf noticed his size even though it was not the specifically what the video was about.
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u/Brackish_Ameoba 7d ago
News for your friend (and you); the guys in porn are ALWAYS huge. That’s why they are pornstars, lol. They aren’t meant to be representative of the general population. Most men know and accept this.
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u/WellAckshully 7d ago
Gotcha. Yeah, I mean, that is honestly just par for the course in porn unless you are actively going out of your way to avoid large dicks. If he's spent any amount of time watching porn himself, he should understand that.
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u/Supergamera 7d ago
Did it involve acts that he is either uncomfortable with (and therefore thinks you might start looking for that elsewhere), or something you wouldn’t want in real life, but maybe he does (introducing that “why won’t you do that with me” awkwardness)?
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u/throwawayforaday04 7d ago
The latter. Acts that, in the moment, i was curious to see but, IRL, I wouldn't want to do for real...
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u/muscletrain 7d ago
Best thing is really to just have a convo and say what you just said here. Trust me fantasy is better than reality for a lot of things.
You didn't do anything wrong and well the male brain can be weird sometimes, but a mature person will get over it (am male).
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u/Brackish_Ameoba 7d ago
Yeah, he’s 22. He’s incredibly insecure. The good news is he can solve this problem for himself by growing up. His insecurities do not get to dictate your browsing habits or curiosities. If he cannot accept that there is nothing wrong with him, and that you are happy, just because you watched a spicy video, that’s a him-problem. If you were choosing to always watch spicy videos instead of spending time with him; or never interested in him because you’re most interested in the spicy videos, THEN it’s a you-issue. But until then; that man has some growing up to do.
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u/Vyntarus 7d ago
Sounds like a discussion is warranted. If it makes him feel insecure, or he wants to set that boundary, that's fine. You'll need to decide if that's a deal breaker for you (and obviously, he should be held to the same standard you are. Don't let it be about him controlling your actions).
No need to feel ashamed or embarrassed if you want to watch something, and there is nothing wrong with being curious. In the context of a relationship, however, the other person's feelings on the matter are worthy of consideration.
Also, if he's not averse, you could try and suggest watching something together if you're trying to spice things up.
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7d ago
Some of this stuff really shouldn't be talked about publicly on reddit. If I found this thread I'd definitely think that you were much less interested than you were letting on, that on top of watching porn nonchalantly would make it seem like the relationship is already basically dead.
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u/chocolatecorvette 7d ago
I’m curious where any of that was said, because I really missed it if so.
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7d ago
I dunno what to say. You have people on this page very obviously talking all kinds of crap about the guy here. And that happens on literally every page where someone decides to talk to reddit about the person they are with behind their back. I still have no idea how this stuff isn't weird to people, it immediately comes off to me as careless at best.
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u/Alexis_J_M 3d ago
Read some of the dozens of recent posts in this sub where women say that their partners watching porn is degrading and equivalent to cheating to get an idea of how he may be feeling.
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u/[deleted] 7d ago
Ask to see his history and you’ll settle that argument in an instant