r/TwoXChromosomes • u/understandshe • 7d ago
I cried that night, and he said nothing
It's been so many years since we got married... but even today, fights break out over small things. And that night, it was too much.
All I said was - "Clothes are always scattered in the cupboard, I get tired of arranging them all by myself."
And his reply? "Don't make it such a big issue."
Meaning, really? For me, this was no small matter. This was a complaint about me being tired, about carrying everything by myself. And he brushed it off as if I was just doing a useless drama.
I went straight to my room. Crying, I hid my face in the pillow. I was thinking deep inside - "Now he will come... now he will hug me... now he will probably say 'sorry'."
But he didn't come.
Half an hour passed. When I came out, I saw - he was sitting on the sofa. A cup of tea in his hand. And, yes, he had made a cup for me too.
He didn't say anything. He just extended the cup towards me.
And at that moment, I realized that love is not expressed by saying “sorry” every time. Sometimes it is hidden in a cup of tea made silently.
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u/SKBear84 7d ago
I used to feel grateful for insignificant gestures like that when I had really low self-esteem.
-4
u/understandshe 7d ago
I can understand what you are saying. It is true that when self-esteem is very low, any small gesture can seem big.
For me that night, that tea felt like magic because I was feeling very lonely at that moment.
But you made the right point – maybe the difference is based on what kind of gesture it is and how much we value ourselves.
7
u/CarevaRuha 7d ago
Did he then apologize for dismissing your feelings earlier and start picking up his scattered clothing? Or did he just drink his tea and move on from the annoying incident?
4
u/Severe_Prize5520 7d ago
If that tea doesn't come with change, its not an apology, he's just placating you
2
u/evo_satchu 7d ago
Every post I see from this account feels like one of those AI relationship advice instagrams.
-1
u/understandshe 7d ago
It could also be that my mother tongue is not English so I am unable to write emotions in English
0
u/understandshe 7d ago
I wanted to connect with you people. I wanted to share my experiences with you people and wanted to know your experiences but now I feel that because English is not my mother tongue, I am not able to connect with you people emotionally. I get many comments that you write like an ai but I am not an ai, I am Kiran. 🥺🥺
1
u/MoysteBouquet 7d ago
A few months ago my (now ex) girlfriend triggered my CPTSD in a huge way. I was begging her to come and sit with me because I was at risk of hurting myself. She kept telling me "you know where I am, come here" while I was frozen in one spot. Sadly, I hurt myself and after an hour she finally (reluctantly) came and sat with me. But didn't actually comfort me. 6 months of us living together and I had done all the emotional and mental work for myself, her and her daughter.
0
u/understandshe 7d ago
My heart sank after reading your comment. It hurts a lot to be left alone in that condition. I too have faced some such moments where I did not get support when I needed it the most. I can understand your pain… and to be honest, it was not your fault.
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u/nonoiseplz 7d ago
Who ended the relationship?
1
u/MoysteBouquet 7d ago
I did, about a week after this situation after she spent days blowing my phone up with accusations and walls of text about how I'm the problem in the relationship
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u/elegant_geek 7d ago
Sounds like you were trying to manipulate him tbh. Crying is fine, but it sounds like you were doing it to get a rise out of him. Hoping that he'd come see and feel bad about it so you can kiss and make up.
Honestly it all seems very immature.
0
u/rainmouse 7d ago
I hate to say it, but unless you can tackle domestic inequality, this is only going to get worse.
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u/RDJD5 7d ago
Crying over scattered clothes…. You ownself said it’s small fight. To you that’s important you wanted your effort to be appreciated but Ms-is that important to him? Why do you have to impose your preference onto him? If you are fed up then don have to do it.
Sometimes both have to let go living together. Letting scattered clothes hurt your relationship- worth it? Instead of crying- it’s better you speak to him like mature adults and have solutions.
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u/thevoodooclam 7d ago
Real apologies aren’t hidden in insignificant gestures. Mature adults use words to apologize. He is able to use words to tell you to not make a big deal out of something important to you, but unwilling to use words to apologize. You’re bending over backwards to make him out in a positive light. Sad to see.