r/What • u/AlexxMariaa • 4d ago
This is my boyfriend. We work together. We were arguing today about me following his co worker but he follows who he wants . I was upset when we was otp earlier and I yelled at him. I apologized to him and this is what he says. Should I be concerned? I really don’t know how to respond to this
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u/Haunting-Guest9963 4d ago
Whether that's supposed to be a joke or isn't it is alarming
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u/whyamiawaketho 4d ago
Still, even if intended as a joke… not something you joke about anyways, especially not within the context of a disagreement.
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u/Physical_Working6267 2d ago
What in the moronics is he even trying to say though? I mean I can tell that it's alarming, but I can't tell what it means lmao. "Man are always man"???
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u/NoveltyLawnFlamingo 2d ago
I’ve never joked about being capable of killing someone. Maybe that’s just me
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u/AmbitiousGhost01 4d ago
He doesn’t even know plural vs singular. Girl don’t even waste your time & don’t date people you work with.
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u/Potozny 4d ago
What are you even talking about?
Walks away, sits down on the carpet, pushes Man in Back II into the VCR
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u/Rude-Narwhal2502 4d ago
Lol this just sounds like a porno 🤣
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u/mighty3mperor 4d ago
Apparently what you are looking for is Black Men in Black, a gay porn parody.
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u/namsupo 4d ago
You respond by getting a new boyfriend.
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u/carcrashofaheart 4d ago
It’s not enough to break up with him, OP. Start looking for a new job and if he escalates, get a restraining order.
Send this screenshot to a person you trust now and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
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u/HiddenAspie 4d ago
That's a threat, through and through. And he says it so nonchalantly, that's scary. That's someone who has been hiding from you the fact that they think hitting you would be perfectly acceptable, and something they wouldn't even feel remorseful about.
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u/Potozny 4d ago
He sounds unhinged and I believe him.
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u/888mainfestnow 4d ago
Sounds drain bamaged like something important for shaken loose.
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u/AmphibianOk5663 4d ago
If he can't handle being yelled at without resorting to threats of hurting you, that ain't something you should be continuing
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u/gnomesayinaaa 4d ago
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Does your company have HR? I would report this ASAP. Don't respond to him, just keep screen grabbing if he keeps threatening or escalates. Keep a record, written or otherwise, of all behaviors like this. Best of luck, I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
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u/cobalt_converse 4d ago
You shouldn't be concerned. You should be preparing to leave him.
Don't date your coworkers, and get someone who isn't illiterate and isn't possibly homicidal.
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u/SynnicalSoul 4d ago
Your bf is a high key loser for even thinking about saying that. For your sake, find someone who treats you right. That guy is not okay.
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u/DiscordiaHel 4d ago
When a person shows you who they are, believe them.
He doesn't love you (probably doesn't even like you tbh), people who love each other do not say stuff like this, ever.
The most dangerous person in women's lives are their romantic partners. This "man" is telegraphing what he thinks about you, loud and clear. Don't become another statistic, leave while you can. Please, please don't let him talk you into staying. Please.
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u/Agitated-Toe248 2d ago
Another point to add to this, his behavior is controlling if he can follow co-workers on socials but you cannot, and then he follows it up with this response after the argument when you tried to address it. Further validating what you said here.
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u/SunsetLightMountain 4d ago
This is terrifying and worse still, he knows where you work. Trust your instincts and get away from this man which unfortunately will be difficult with your working situation, good luck OP
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u/AlexxMariaa 4d ago
Thank you for everyone responses.
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u/YourUsernameForever 4d ago
Any updates?
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u/AlexxMariaa 3d ago
I have not responded to him I am going to leave while I am able to this is not what I want for my life
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u/YourUsernameForever 3d ago
I'm glad to know that's your mindset. Build a network, keep a good friend or two updated with your plans. Have an exit plan. Don't just share it with Reddit.
Sending you a big hug!
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u/Ok_Finish69420 4d ago
I would say ya'll got a toxic ass relationship and should have split already. But honestly stupid belongs with stupid. You two are made for each other.
I say this because you have to come to reddit to question what he said. Fucking run, bye.
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u/mom_est2025 4d ago
If you came to Reddit then you know this is wrong. Leave or he WILL kill you! It’s not a maybe or something to be taken lightly
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u/ExperienceRoutine321 4d ago
I believe this is what the kids refer to as “saying the quiet part out loud”.
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u/nottodayoilyjosh 4d ago
Abusive relationships don’t feel like 24-7 abuse. Probably sometimes it feels like you’re dating a nice guy or good guy at times, and I want to acknowledge he probably isn’t always like this. That’s by design.
But it’s a mistake not to believe him when he tells you who he really is, and he’s done just that.
Lots of organizations help women plan for their safety and provide support when leaving relationships like this. Find one near you.
When you leave, he’ll try to charm you back, but that’s just the cycle of abuse. Believe him when he tells you who he really is.
Men like this don’t change without years of therapy. It’s not your job to fix him, he needs to fix himself.
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u/kiln_monster 4d ago
Your boyfriend is a controlling creep!!! Leave now!! Before he carries through with that threat.
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u/Ok-Struggle727 4d ago
Reddit post:
“My (F23) BF (M37) just sent me this (a death threat) should I be concerned?”
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u/KidneyThief8 4d ago
As a man, I've never made a threat of violence I wasn't prepared to follow through on. Never once have I even considered threatening my partner. Please take this seriously! That's not a joke in any way. You deserve to feel safe.
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u/Fourforglencoco 4d ago
1) Poor grammar reeks of low intellect 2) Jealous and insecure 3) At best, has poor tact and a terrible sense of humor, and at worst, made a serious threat to your safety disguised as a joke.
Girl. Unless you want to be featured in a 4-part Netflix true crime documentary, fucking. RUN.
Block this man and start looking for another job.
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u/FigmentalFatality 4d ago
"My boyfriend casually threatens to murder me followed by a ton of smiling emojis, that's normal though right?". Wake up girl.
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u/Unable_Quote_498 4d ago
"When my brother tells me men should never hit women, I believe him. When he pushes his girlfriend down the cement steps the next week, I believe him."
He told you who he is - believe him. Stay safe.
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u/Unique_Education4258 4d ago
This is the ultimate red flag. I can’t believe your first move was to ask Reddit. Run!
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u/aidorei 3d ago
Dude basically said you can hurt my feelings but I can kill you and somehow it's still a question of if this is okay?
I hate how society has trained us to react to love and loneliness.
You need to get out. He wasn't worth your time before (telling you who you can follow while doing whatever he wants) but saying he can kill you? ABORT harder, and with more enthusiasm, please.
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u/No_Perception_8818 3d ago
This is a threat. Get away from him immediately. Mute him but don't block him; collect all correspondence he sends you as evidence so you have a case to take to the police. Contact a DV organisation in your area for help.
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u/crucifiedlettuce 3d ago
Don't.
I lost my mom to a man like this. She didn't take him seriously bc he was smaller than her, and she was a good fighter. Everyone's a good fighter til a sore loser does something unexpected.
I wouldn't be taking my chances with this doofus.
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u/carcrashofaheart 3d ago
True, but let’s give her some grace.
She sounds young, and a lot of people don’t pick up on micro-abuse until they’re in too deep.
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u/13amandabloom 3d ago
I am a counselor of survivors of domestic violence. Big red flag!!!!! It is on the Danger Assessment "Has he ever threatened to kill you?" If you are uncertain if he is dangerous or if you are being abused call and talk to someone Natl Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE or text START to 88788 It is all about Power and Control. See if you can relate to any if this
https://www.med.unc.edu/beacon/wp-content/uploads/sites/598/2018/03/powercontrolwheelnoshading.pdf
Everyone saying document is right. You need that stuff for a restraining order, in case... Somebody suggested going to human resources --- excellent suggestion to have that on record!!
Remember this: you are in the most danger in the first year after leaving him. He has nothing to lose bc he has lost control of you.
Best wishes for a long happy future❤️
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u/Dizzy-Isopod5992 2d ago
damn you with someone that will kill you, not CAN, but WILL. he wanted that to be known next time you displease him.
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u/Significant_Sink_628 1d ago edited 2h ago
I’m a dude, I’m not liberal, and not even pro third wave feminism.
I’d say you hurt his little feelings. The reaction is uncontrolled anger.
Most men are capable of great violence, (obviously) especially against women and children. The good ones learn to control it. This is honestly unhinged behavior.
You should probably leave him. It was basically a threat of violence. Who knows what he might do next if he doesn’t get his anger under control. He also doesn’t respect you to go to the level of threatening you. I’m not sure my wife would ever feel safe around me if I threatened her with actual bodily harm.
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u/Anotherriley 22h ago
The emojis he followed up with are also just as alarming as that text please leave
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u/wishalor 4d ago
You know that scene in the office when Michael thinks of the headline of a news article ? Well yeah, that
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u/FuckItImVanilla 4d ago
You are the best pussy he thinks he can snag. If you weren’t, he’d be cheating on you. When the fucker jokes he can kill you… assume he’s serious. Make it look like an accident.
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u/Next-Analysis8028 4d ago
The moral is, dont follow men you and your boyfriend work with if you want a prosperous relationship!!
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u/thatginachick 4d ago
Your ex boyfriend. I'm also judging you for dating someone this stupid. He's basically illiterate. Get out now and find a new job.
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u/thatginachick 4d ago
I'm super curious about Leo's dating history. If Leo thinks that murder is just men being men, he's probably done some stuff to his prior romantic interests. He needs to be on a list somewhere. I hope you don't live together.
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u/TrashRacc96 4d ago
That's a ✨ threat ✨ and it isn't funny. Leave his ass since he thinks it's cute to make threats or we're gonna end up seeing you on some unsolved mysteries tv show
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u/Pure_Yesterday_1624 4d ago
my boyfriend has never threatened to hurt me in anyway, we’ve been together 2 years. This is not normal behavior
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u/IluvbbQWingz_77 4d ago
This is a threat and he was so angry while typing this very blatant threat he made multiple typos in the process that turned into grammatical errors. So what you can take from that and the emojis used before and after is that he was 100% serious in the process and didn't even attempt to make it a “joke”. Whether or not he's threatening you or his coworker however is up to debate as you dont give much context or show the message he sent prior. Either way let that man go, if he's mad enough to justify threatening to unalive someone then he’ll eventually get mad enough to justify physically harming you. What a lot of resources dont mention is the mental process that takes place in an abuser/killers mind, they typically spend a period of time working themselves up to the action where they convince themselves that the person deserves or is asking for it. They sort of create a grounds to cope morally beforehand, it might not be personal he might have some past issues he's not bringing up but he has definitely shown an affinity to violence.
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u/TheBrassBird 4d ago
All jokes aside… This is such a weird thing to think and then type. Where does the root of this “joke” come from. I wouldnt dismiss this.
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u/BenignExistence24 4d ago
Kinda sounds like ESH but he’s definitely threatening your life and you gotta get away from him.
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u/robilar 4d ago
> I really don’t know how to respond to this
You should break up and report the comment to the police so there's evidence in case he escalates.
He might have just made an off-the-cusp comment to tell you his feelings matter, but his statement is indecipherable from a threat of deadly violence and you need to take that shit seriously because you have no way of knowing if he means it until he kills you.
As an aside, and totally not important in relation to this particular incident, yelling at your partner because you disagree with them is a you problem and apologizing to him is functionally meaningless if you do not couple it with some kind of strategy to learn to process your anger in a healthier way. Not for this guy, but for you to be a happier and healthier person.
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u/Fuck-you-quora 3d ago
Ngl this is kinda how me and my partner joke around? But it's a two way thing and we know 100% we aren't going to be the reason our names are in the news and our bodies are found in a pig pen. But since you seem GENUINELY confused means you don't joke around like this! So uh, for now, just keep pepper spray on you
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u/ikewafinaa 3d ago
I mean ive been around 30 years and ive never insinuated that i could/would kill someone i love so....
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u/Unassuming_kitty 3d ago
Idgaf how he tries to spin it that is a threat to your safety and you should break up with him. Hopefully you can find a new job too. As for the whole follower thing, he wants you to be loyal to him while he can do as he pleases, it seems like social media is him testing the waters. Either shut it down or again leave, especially since he’s already threatened your safety
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u/Hawaiian_Paradise 2d ago
Girl…you know you can do better than that. Men (not “man”) who respect women and respect you don’t say words like that.
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u/MuchDevelopment7084 2d ago
You tell him to f-off. This is the reason for you to tell him goodbye.
Oh, in case you haven't realized it yet. This is one of many reasons you don't date co-workers.
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u/Important_Emu6244 2d ago
Only way to respond to this is to leave him. Yikes girl. I wouldn’t even say anything back. Just leave.
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u/OkInstruction965 2d ago
Leave him and distance yourself from him. It's better to be safe than give him a chance to make good on that statement. Again protect yourself.
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u/KatieTheDragon 2d ago
Why he threatening over following 1 person like bruh how insecure can a bro be that they think u following 1 guy is grounds for that kind of threat... thats the biggest flying red flag i have seen in a while
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u/that_gremlin01 2d ago
I’d reply with "men are always men**"
Edited: And then leave his ass, cause who tf makes a weird threat like that
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u/Wooden-Painting9898 2d ago
I don’t think he can be anymore vocal about his intentions. Move accordingly!
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u/TraumaByLife 2d ago
Unless this is some reference to something said in a previous fight or some weird inside joke, that is a massive red flag.
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u/Fast_Metal_3281 2d ago
I'd take out a restraining order and block all contact. No man is worth the "maybe it's a joke"
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u/ZookeepergameAny967 2d ago
on a genuinely serious note, that's not okay. leave him IMMEDIATELY, he just threatened death on you
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u/erinsave94 2d ago
I dated someone who said and did things like this. He went on to crash my car and blame me for it, hit me several times and try to fight my dad. Get out now. This is not at all the person you want to end up with, he would never treat you like this.
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u/GeminiJellyfish 2d ago
Friend. Dont ignore the red flags or try to paint them another color.. he's shown you a real thought that lives in his brain..
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u/banksjshsh 2d ago
You’re an idiot if you stay with him you’ll be on first 48, or we will see your story on Americas most wanted 🤣🤣🤣
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u/NoveltyLawnFlamingo 2d ago
Yikes. The smiley faces are as crazy as he is. I’d be out of there so fast, zero tolerance for death threats.
I’d show my boss this text thread, honestly
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u/DarkJoyChyld 2d ago
On the one hand, he answered with some kind of meme...does he usually make his point in song lyrics and memes? 🚩 FYI that particular meme is meant for someone who's attitude is foul; if yours isn't, YOU ARE BEING GASLIT 🚩 Self assessment is not guilt gobbling- make sure you are not the one with the issue when you are safe enough to reflect. Right now, gain distance and perspective before responding to this message. Using K-I--L towards me in a sentence about me to me is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩time to flee
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u/msrobbie60 1d ago
If you don’t get away from him like immediately if you have any friends or family start saying your good byes. Mine was very quiet about it but there were a couple of times I didn’t think I was going to get out alive. Me and his ex finally were able to compare notes and she had it worse than me. We actually think he mur*€£ed his little sister that was considered an accident years ago. Now unless you thrive on this kind of drama then to each his own. But if not, RUN!!!
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u/Possible_Painting_76 1d ago
No. Let HR know and ask to stay far away from him. You are not overreacting if you do this. You are protecting yourself.
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u/Latter_Hedgehog7130 1d ago
I am sorry but is your bf a child? Probably is, lack of emotional maturity wise- See what happens when you “groom” a child!!
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u/Cosmicascensionism 1d ago
Idc what anyone says, but when a partner starts micro aggressions, saying jokes that include harm and little things like that, they need to be evaluated as well as the relationship. I wouldn’t want to sleep next to someone who may just decide to do something. Follow your gut and protect yourself.
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u/HaydensRadMama 1d ago
If you’re gonna stay just keep an extra eye out for some red flags 🚩 you might have missed before. Be careful ❤️
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u/missmodelspacecadet 1d ago
This was a threat. I don’t understand why you need to ask why and if you should be concerned. The only reason you should be concerned is if he will go through with what he is saying AFTER you leave.
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u/pisces_princesa 1d ago
Sounds like a threat that he’s trying to blatantly tell you he’s capable of hurting you but getting you used to his subtle controlling “jokes.” Dump him stat. Guys will tell you truths in the beginning, believe them the first time..
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u/Equivalent_War_415 1d ago
You don’t know me I’m a random stranger. Obviously .I need you to block his number right now. I hope that you do and I hope that you can post to us because I don’t know how old you are but when I tell you nothing good will come from it and you don’t wanna be like me 20 years down the line, not making that decision to block that person and have them all come at you. You don’t want it. I promise you you don’t. Block him right now and make sure the motherfucker don’t ever come around you you work with him don’t even look at him. Get you a few new dudes and tell them specifically I don’t want commitment. I just want fun and then be like hey one of my favorite things is getting flowers brought to me at work. Ask them to bring all of the things that he never ever did. Get all super excited and worked up over the most mundane stuff make everybody feel good that works with you and just give him the cold shoulder. He just admitted he would try to kill a woman. At the very least, save this message and send it to your manager and say I’m concerned and scared for my life because at that point it’s no longer your problem, baby that’s the company. He can play this dumb game all he wants he’s either gonna end up fired, ostracized from society, or jail. He can pick one or he can fuck right the fuck off am I right ladies
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u/LowOne9863 1d ago
Girl block cuz my ex was doin the same EXACT thing ur saying rn he was all over my phone checking n viewing who I was following and then saying that js bc he was man he was right guess what he cheated 💀💀💀💀💀
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u/ProlificPronoun 1d ago
When people tell you who they are, you should listen to them. This is also why it's not the best idea to date your coworkers cause if it doesn't work out, you still run into them.
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u/Ok_Salad_502 1d ago
Macho is one thing But - this is different He’s got double standards
You are wasting your time … & time is a precious commodity. Leave - so now you know what you don’t want in a man .
You deserve someone that is going to make you feel happy & good abou yourself . It’s okay to kiss a few frogs But don’t hang around too long Some of thenm can be dangerous ! Best of luck to you
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u/Emo_Poppy 1d ago
Any input i give would either be bad advice or hypocritical advice since I stay in abusive relationships just bc I feel thats all I deserve or will be in
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u/Ok_Salad_502 1d ago
Please give us an update ? If you leave as per almost Every comment says break up with this dude$
I d probably move & recreate my life - just because I dig it
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u/theMomFriend2310 1d ago
This is one reason why not to date coworkers- it’s that much harder to get away when things go south. (And I’ve done the same before, so I get it, sometimes that’s just how you meet someone). But right now your priority should be protecting yourself and finding a new job or getting transferred to another location if that’s an option so you’re not around him all the time when you break up. Aside from his controlling double standard that he can follow whoever he wants but you following another coworker causes a fight, him thinking that it’s even remotely okay to say that is a huge red flag. AT BEST it means he thinks that kind of thing is funny (all those laughing emojis, WTF?!), and more seriously he already has this thought in his head that “men are always men” aka they can’t help their nature if they solve their problems with violence and women should expect that if they cross a line. This kind of “joke” is not something you can afford to brush off and the aftermath of breaking up can be just as dangerous, I had a friend who was m*rdered by her ex and others who had to deal with various levels of fallout that made them fear for their safety. Take whatever steps you need to be safe, change the locks on your place if he has a key, get a security camera, etc. Also send this screenshot to a few trusted people, let them know your plans, and be cautious about your interactions with him until you’re ready to get away. If you can afford to miss work maybe be “sick” or have a “family emergency” that allows you to get some distance from him in the meantime.
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u/Character-Meringue18 1d ago
Girl if you don’t get another job, break up with him and move to a different place- Even if it was intended as a “joke” as soon as someone says something sinister like that I know they been thinking about it.
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u/Angelita143 1d ago
So, this raises so many red flags for me personally.
OP,
- has he ever hit you?
- has he ever shown aggressive behavior?
- clearly he has a big jealous streak
- has he ever threatened you before or is this the first time?
I would definitely talk to someone you trust that is close to you and inform them of the threat. Joke or not, that is not something you should play with. In no way is it funny or humorous.
I would also recommend working on your exit strategy, ASAP. The less he knows the better. Because the moment he finds out you're wanting to leave him, the more dangerous he may become.
Ps. Never ever date a coworker, when things dont work out, you still have to see them everyday. And in this case, death threats from a coworker is alarming. I would recommend also reporting it to tlyour HR department, however you'll need to be extra careful with that as well because if he gets fired, its going to set his anger off much more.
Be careful, be safe, love yourself, protect yourself. Get out of that relationship. You deserve better.
Looking forward to an update that you're safe & moved on from this ahole. ♡ However if he also has reddit, be careful about posting here.
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u/Character_Yogurt8541 1d ago
Just tell him that whatever time he's on is the time you're on. The golden rule applies through life. He's a grown man and can do what he wants to but he better be perfectly fine with you doing the things he does. I've seen too many men fall apart when they're held to the same standards and expectations as their partners. If he can't handle it leave him
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u/Away-Vermicelli-2830 1d ago
Please report this to your supervisor, the police and tell as many people as possible before breaking up with this man. If you can, find a new job to. Run op, run
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u/ErzaHiiro 1d ago
Move out while he is at work. Make sure you have all your documents. Social security card, birth certificate, passport if you have one, and license.
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u/ErzaHiiro 1d ago
When someone tells you who they are BELIEVE THEM is it really worth the risk to be wrong?
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u/_gossip-girl-xo-xo 1d ago
regardless this isn’t something you say to your partner…. its odd and would have me worried. is this your first argument like this bc if so and this was the response, i would leave. imagine his reaction to something even more serious.
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u/SignalAd9747 1d ago
I feel like deep down you already know the answer to your own questions. Follow your gut and your instincts will lead you to the path your heart and mind already know is the correct one. ... Finding the courage is going to be difficult at first but as you begin to see the light... The end of that horrible tunnel will be nearer & nearer!
Best of luck and remember -its not brave if you're not scared.
Orrrre..... This is a huge joke because the picture of your "bf" shows you are talking about a child of maybe 10yrs old.........idk
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u/wandering_333_ 1d ago
My ex joked about killing me once or twice. I now have a restraining order against him for holding me hostage in his house and trying to kill me 🥰
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u/Puzzleheaded-Gold560 1d ago
It's not just this text, the one before it where he says "that's why I always say sorry" is also a MAJOR red flag.
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u/Pretty-Orchid-2707 1d ago
No matter how mad I’m at my gf I would never say I’d kill her not even as a joke idk man this is wild to me
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u/Acceptable-Duck7588 1d ago
Run fast girl! He sounds like my ex and that man threatened to kill me (gun in his hand)
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u/Neither_Carob7724 1d ago
All I'm saying is edit this post-you think he's going to be happy your posting his name and picture online?!
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u/DragonBreath691 23h ago
So yes, be concerned. That's a crazy take on whether you can follow a person. If you have been dating him for less than a year, just leave. You might need to switch jobs just in case.
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u/BittersweetDreams420 22h ago
GTFO of there. Run. Don’t look back. That’s not a joke. It’s not funny.
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u/Ex_Ry_Infinite 22h ago
Why do you need the internet to confirm an actual threat on your life?
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u/Technical_Mission342 22h ago
I dont even know what this means. Sounds like truth hidden as a joke.
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u/Cultural-Shopping-12 22h ago
You should immediately break up with this guy and report that comment to the authorities for your own protection!
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u/Extension-Squash591 4d ago
Sis if you don’t leave him we’re gonna be seeing you featured on dateline