r/YouShouldKnow • u/LtSoundwave • Jul 19 '20

Other YSK That many people with a disability consider their aides (wheelchair, etc.) an extension of themselves. You should ask before touching or moving them.

Read this article and was surprised to hear how many people struggle with this. Even if you are trying to help, you should ask first.

www.bbc.com/news/disability-49584591

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u/cherishedrabbits Jul 19 '20

hi! disabled person here! most disabled folks would rather not be called differently abled. here’s a blog post that goes into it a bit :)

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

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u/lickedTators Jul 19 '20

I can I refer to you as a person with "some shit's fucked"?

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

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u/ariennerose8 Jul 19 '20

I wouldn’t particularly mind, but only if it was coming from a friend. Not from a stranger. I definitely joke about me being all sorts of screwed up. Makes things seem less awful.

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u/Nowyn_here Jul 19 '20

You can either laugh or cry because of some things, I prefer laughing.

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u/ariennerose8 Jul 19 '20

Me too. Especially when I stand up and my heart rate goes through the roof. I’ll just sit right back down and be like “well, guess my body said noooope.” It helps that my best friend’s also disabled, and that for some reason our bodies tend to crash at the exact same time. Which is hilarious.

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u/Nowyn_here Jul 19 '20

POTS? I have EDS and some form of dysautonomia so I know that feeling.

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u/ariennerose8 Jul 19 '20

Yep! Probably hyperPOTS, but waiting on a tilt table in August to figure out the specific type.

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u/Miki_360 Jul 19 '20

I wouldn't mind, burst out laughing after reading it. But most people wouldn't like it.

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

I would be fine with that. Assuming it wasn't said in a derogatory manner. Though really you would have to be somewhat good friends with someone to be able to play that one off.

Though my friends use to jokingly say I was completely illiterate to unsuspecting folks. I had some fairly mild dyslexia. They actually convinced a few folks, it's really funny to see how someone acts when they think you don't understand writing.

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

Nobody asked you?

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u/cherishedrabbits Jul 19 '20

do you not know how question marks work also this is an open forum lmao

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

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u/livegreen53 Jul 20 '20

Read my reply as to WHY I said that. Perhaps you might get involved in informing the authorities which "educate" those of us to supposedly, be respectful and not offend. I stand corrected.

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u/sugarshot Jul 20 '20

Tone-policing disabled people upset by insulting language is a real shitbag move.

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u/livegreen53 Jul 21 '20

Maybe you have nothing else to do? I was suggesting that educational forums hire and consult with disabled people to present accurate information. I'm the last person to be dissing anyone. Why does it seem most anything I say, gets twisted to suit a particular mood or agenda?

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u/sugarshot Jul 21 '20 edited Jul 21 '20

The first thing you did was get defensive. The next thing you did was suggest a disabled person go out of their way to perform labour for you and other people. You should be listening to marginalized voices even when they're not nice to you.

Edit: It's also worth noting that in no way was elven_treachery insulting you with their comment, just your language. You interpreted it as a personal attack on your character. That's on you, not them.

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u/allstonoctopus Jul 19 '20

Thank you for this article :) it seems like people with disabilities have different preferences on language and I should probably try not to assume anything and just follow their lead or ask when necessary?

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

Yup. I call myself crippled but not everyone likes that I've noticed. Golden rule works as always. :)

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

There is full overlap between all registers. Self-irony can be strong in people with any kind of restriction on their physical and mental abilities and at the same time people with no concrete idea of what disabilities imply might be extremely conservative about lax language.

Ultimately, it's about register. If you're talking to some good friends, chances are you're constantly called the worst already - and they like it or use it to form their identity within a certain circle of friends. If they don't, they usually will tell you to your face, well. Usually.

There's tons of resentment for overly cautious language in many, many communities. Having people jump in and shield you from half-clever insults is almost demeaning to some and often not something one would care for.

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u/cherishedrabbits Jul 19 '20

you got it!! :)

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u/livegreen53 Jul 20 '20

Forgive me on that - using that terminology was drilled into my head during numerous safety meetings when I was a school bus driver. Seriously. That is a term utilized in power point presentations by speakers (sanctioned by our supervisor). We were instructed NOT to refer to students in our care as "disabled". It's stuck with me. We never experienced a disabled adult giving us THEIR take on this. I apologize if you felt I disrespected you. That was, and would never be my intent.

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u/cherishedrabbits Jul 20 '20

no worries at all! i know that lots of people, just like you explained, are taught to use terms like that so it’s definitely not something i take personally. it’s unfortunate that so many organizations are still to this day shying away from using the word disabled, but lots of disability advocates are doing great work to change that!

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u/floeds Jul 20 '20

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think people shouldn't "correct" others in their way of using terms when the intention is good. I read the article and even though I understand the underlying reasoning, I don't think it should be enough reason to correct someone to use the other term. I say this because I'm Dutch and our word for "disabled" is gehandicapt. This is related to one of the words we're not supposed to use according to the article. I wouldn't even know how to translate "disabled" anymore without using a "forbidden" word. Not like this case is such a big deal but this has been happening with more subjects for the past few years. Please, let it rest. It's not meant as an insult, so don't take it the wrong way.