r/YouShouldKnow • u/LtSoundwave • Jul 19 '20

Other YSK That many people with a disability consider their aides (wheelchair, etc.) an extension of themselves. You should ask before touching or moving them.

Read this article and was surprised to hear how many people struggle with this. Even if you are trying to help, you should ask first.

www.bbc.com/news/disability-49584591

42.1k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

916 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

58

u/CatScrezatio Jul 19 '20

Also for the domestic abusers out there:

Stop what you're doing, ask yourself why you do that, and kindly fuck off and stop doing it

20

u/badatlyf Jul 19 '20

"Gotta control my spouse" -dumbest ppl on earth

4

u/[deleted] Jul 19 '20

Or shoot yourself through your head

8

u/naughtymarty Jul 19 '20 edited Jul 20 '20

I know a lot of people don’t think they can change but they can. It’s just that the effort it takes to change is more than most people are willing to put into it. It’s important to remember that most domestic abusers are victims themselves at some juncture. And while I understand the emotion in your comment, the best approach to break the cycle is to find out who hurt the abuser themselves and heal that part of them so that they can change the way they think. That takes strong people with more empathy than most of us will ever have but that is the best approach.

5

u/PaynefullyCute Jul 20 '20

From growing up in such an environment, it always seemed to me like my parents were two people who should absolutely not have been together. Both are different and less abusive in other relationships. Looking back now, it feels like they had a load of personal trauma and the other was the first person they met who didn't just say "get some therapy". They basically stuck with one another out of a desperate need to avoid introspection and "stick it" to the folk around them who said they had issues. Like "see? I'm married so I have no issues". And they kept at it even though it destroyed them both because they would rather fake normality than acknowledge they ever had a problem. Add the fallacy of sunk costs, and every year shit just got worse.

Considering that most cases of DV are mutual, and that few abusers are abusive to every single partner/friend/housemate, I can't help but wonder if my parents' dynamic is a common thing. And I dunno if I am just blindsided by my own trauma, but I can't see how people in these relationships can acknowledge they need help so long as they are together.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '20

I totally agree with your vision, let that be clear. My comment is at least a simplified reaction, I'm sure. If everybody exposed the empathy you apparently have, the world would be a beautiful place for everybody.