r/YouShouldKnow • u/LtSoundwave • Jul 19 '20

Other YSK That many people with a disability consider their aides (wheelchair, etc.) an extension of themselves. You should ask before touching or moving them.

Read this article and was surprised to hear how many people struggle with this. Even if you are trying to help, you should ask first.

www.bbc.com/news/disability-49584591

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u/davidjohnwood Jul 19 '20

Indeed. Pushing someone's chair without their permission with them in it is like picking someone up and putting them down when and where you choose.

In my case, nobody needs touch my chair as I'm a powerchair user and I don't even have push handles. Even so, people think it's OK to grab hold of my chair to steady themselves, heave themselves up a step or similar. The chair will rock somewhat on its tyres - and if you pull with all your weight on my backrest, you'll probably move the mounting hardware and twist my spine as a result.

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u/MathAndBake Jul 20 '20

Yeah, the only time I'd consider touching someone's mobility aid without consent would be a "stuck in a pothole with an oncoming out of control truck" situation. And that's literally the kind of situation where I've seen grown adults grab and move other grown adults regardless of ability. It's super rare. It almost never happens.

I'm super lucky that the only times I've needed a cane, I've also had pain-induced resting bitch face. But I can't imagine if I was just going about my life with my normal face and a mobility aid.

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u/davidjohnwood Jul 20 '20

You're very wise. As you say, those times when you need to step in without asking are extremely rare. If it looks like I'm going over, I strongly suggest you keep out of the way! The combined mass of me and my chair is over a quarter of a ton, which will do serious harm to another person if it falls onto them.

Powerchairs are not easy to topple - they have a low centre of gravity because of the large batteries and motors down low. I have toppled over twice by misjudging gradients. One was onto soft ground backwards - I rolled out of the chair which needed righting. The other was sideways onto a barrier from a sideways slope - with someone pushing on the low side of the chair as I directed them, I was able to rescue that one.

Manual chairs are easier to flip, especially if self-propelling. Back in the days when I could still self-propel, I managed to somersault a chair by hitting the raised edge of a paving slab. That time I could have done with help - I came out of the chair and hit the ground rather hard, plus the chair fell on top of me. Everyone ignored me! If someone had asked "do you need a hand?" and listened to what I asked for, it would really have helped.

That gets to the important thing - a polite and non-specific offer of assistance if someone appears to be struggling can help a lot. Please don't take away my independence or assume you know what I need, as you are probably wrong.

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u/MathAndBake Jul 20 '20

Wow! Hadn't realized power chairs could be that heavy! Makes sense, though. I can't believe people saw you somersault and didn't take any notice. That's awful! Offering help is super basic.

It is weird that there's no one to help when you need, and too many cooks when you're really fine. When I was growing up, I took a nasty fall on a super icy intersection with a bus coming at me. I somehow made it to the opposing sidewalk on the adrenaline alone. I was a teenager, so I was really fine, but I was very scared and shaken. If there was ever a time for someone to bodily drag me across the road, that would have been it. No one was around, though.

Lots of people were absolutely insisting I take the elevator/sit down/stay home when I had my cane, though. They were super well-meaning, but seriously, if I needed the elevator, I could ask. I eventually had to have words with people in various communities I was a part of, just to remind them that I was still me and knew my own mind. Offers of help are great. Bossing me around is not.

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u/davidjohnwood Jul 20 '20

The heaviest production powerchairs I am aware of are close to 170kg with batteries but no occupant. The occupant could be up to another 160kg on top on that model depending on the options selected (it's a modular chair - a Quickie Q700M). You do not want to be in the way of that going over!

It is so hard when people try to take your autonomy and independence from you. Unless there is an issue of limited mental capacity, there is only one person who can rightfully make decisions about you - and that is you! To others, some of the compromises you make might not appear to make sense, but it is none of their business. If something is important to you, you might push yourself to do it, handle the consequences and come out on top overall.

Similarly, as you say, there are so many times when you value simply being able to live your life without being fussed over, no matter how well-meaning people are. I am like this most of the time - let me get on with my day; I'll ask for help if I need it.