r/YouShouldKnow • u/LtSoundwave • Jul 19 '20

Other YSK That many people with a disability consider their aides (wheelchair, etc.) an extension of themselves. You should ask before touching or moving them.

Read this article and was surprised to hear how many people struggle with this. Even if you are trying to help, you should ask first.

www.bbc.com/news/disability-49584591

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u/Liquid_Is_A_Paper Jul 19 '20

This oh my god. I have Tourette's and the amount of times I've had people try to restrain a limb when it's ticcing a lot is insane! It's not only gross and awful to be grabbed like that, it's physically painful when I'm prevented from ticcing like that. I know it's a different experience to that of little people, but I can definitely relate to people thinking it's ok to grab/touch you just because of a disability or difference :/

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u/Usidore_ Jul 19 '20

That's awful, I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with that. It really grosses me out when people impose their idea of what is normal onto us, and it is assumed that we desire it too. So they think they're doing us a favour. Just leave us alone, jeez.

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u/PaynefullyCute Jul 20 '20

With ADHD I stim a lot. Even before knowing I am ADHD (shockingly). My whole life when I have been stimming to focus, I've had people distract me to ask what my foot is doing, or try and physically stop my hand. Cause it is part of how I focus, it would get me totally disoriented and even angry. And then I'd be blamed for getting pissed off and/or crying.

Back then I would end up asking myself "wtf is wrong with me?" After reading your comment and actually remembering some of this stuff, now I'm wondering "wtf was wrong with them?" Like... couldn't they just let my damn hand twitch?

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u/rkei Jul 20 '20

I used to chew on the collars of my shirts as a kid, or my hair, or twirl my hair/tap my feet, playing air keyboard/piano, whatever. Actually came in handy one time in music class that I was tapping my feet and my teacher was like “see how she’s tapping her foot to the beat? Try that” was really nice haha.

Mostly I just got told and or yelled at to stop doodling while someone was talking at me, which I also did constantly during classes to concentrate, and still do when I’m listening to something and forgot to take my meds that day.

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u/PaynefullyCute Jul 21 '20

I would love doodling. Almost universally, the teachers who stopped me doodling ruined my focus and I would do worse in their classes. Which convinced them I was being defiant or manipulative, cause oBViOuSLy I should have focused and worked MORE without my doodles.

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u/rkei Jul 28 '20

Sigh, yeah. I got scolded for daydreaming too even when I was paying attention sometimes. Although, some of them figured it out. My French teacher told my parents "I thought she wasn't paying attention, and then she would just rattle off the whole translation of what I just said, to the person next to her who didn't get it".

Also, thank goodness for one of my math teachers I had for two semesters, who noticed I was smart but struggling with stupid mistakes (that if I had time I could double check, but was rushing to get questions answered in time) & recommended to get me checked out.

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u/PaynefullyCute Jul 28 '20

One of my biggest tells, in hindsight, was failing tests because I only did one side of the paper. A repeat error. For some reason my brain did one side and was like "done now".

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u/rkei Jul 29 '20

Fuuun. That's gotta be frustrating. For me it was things like "wrote the last calculation down wrong, despite having the correct 'show your work' part right above it". headdesk

Also the years of staying up til midnight constantly to finish homework, even before grades where teachers started to assign it.

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u/PaynefullyCute Jul 29 '20

You might want to check if you have dyscalculia. I do that and apparently some people have a sort of "number concept confusion". It's not quite like dyslexia or dysgraphia, where the written shapes are not interpreted right. It's more like the very idea of numbers is foggy in your head.

An example I like to use: I can try and calculate 10-6 and get 7, then 11, but not 4. Brain just says "after 6 comes 7, and if not 7, then 11 rhymes with 7 so maybe 11 is right". I don't always make these mistakes, but they happen often.

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u/rkei Jul 31 '20

How does one check for that? I got a full learning disability assessment thing back when I was diagnosed with ADHD, would they have been looking for that years ago?

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u/PaynefullyCute Aug 03 '20

Unsure. Depends on your location, the year, etc. If you find your country's dyslexia association you can usually get assessed by them.

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u/haelennaz Jul 20 '20

Wow. I have tremors, and for a decade or so was on medication that really exacerbated them. People would point them out, usually just to ask if I was ok, or occasionally even have a minor freak out, but no one ever grabbed me to make me stop (and I would be really pissed if they did!).

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u/PaynefullyCute Jul 21 '20

I think when you grow up with something being a constant, you develop an almost tolerance for how other people treat it.

Like, regulating my voice is hard for me too. My volume depends on how complex the sounds around me are, as well as my own emotions. So I would always get told off for whispering or shouting, and be mocked for it. It always felt bad to be punished or mocked for something I had no control over. But it was normal for me to be punished or mocked, so I never had a sense that it was unfair, just that it hurt, and that if I told people I had no control over it I would be mocked more.

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u/GottKomplexx Jul 20 '20

What exactly is stimming? I have ADHD myself but i never heard this word

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u/PaynefullyCute Jul 21 '20

It's creating your own sensory input. The term was coined by Autistics, IIRC, but we do it as well. When you put on music to zone out to, or put on the TV real quiet so you can work, when you tap your feet or chew something, when you find yourself rocking or repeatedly clicking a pen, that is all stimming. It can be used to calm down, to help focus, to wake up, etc. It's a bit like regulating your own breathing, in the sense that no stim is gonna work every time, but the right stim at the right time can bring you back to a well-grounded "I feel alright".

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u/rkei Jul 28 '20

Ohhhhhhhh. Thank you for explaining this, I didn't realize background noise on purpose was also stimming. I can't do music unless it's wordless (or unknown language) but I definitely used to do uh, most of the rest of that before meds for my ADHD / when they wear off at night.

I also used to go to a fast food restaurant/coffee place near my school to work on stuff because the computer labs were sooooooo quiet I just could not deal.

(I thiiink hitting the back of my head against my dorm wall sometimes, when really upset, might have been that as well but quick PSA if anyone else does - dooooon't. It's crazy bad for your brain, like you know how helmets in sports are needed? It's to avoid brain injuries/concussions).

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u/PaynefullyCute Jul 28 '20

Seconded on helmets and not banging your head. Little taps with your own hand can be good sensory feedback, and head banging as in to music is fine, but if you wanna feel that "floaty" sensation the safest way is to hang upside down off a bed or low chair for a short while. Or run a bath and lie down with your ears under the water. No thumping your head into stuff.

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u/miskwu Jul 20 '20

WTF. Just don't touch people without their consent. Even in first aid you need consent to touch someone. I'm sorry you've had to deal with so many people who can't figure out something so basic as respecting someone's physical autonomy.

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u/Farwaters Jul 20 '20

:D That kind of thing will make mine worse, too!