my brother has a worrying video games/screens addiction, and we don't know what to do. please help

[u/No_Conflict359]

Hey,

so I wanted to ask for advice because I really don't know what to do.

My brother has a screen/ video games addiction, and it's making everything tense, strained and frankly worrying. he barely sleeps anymore, he failed the same school year three times now, so much so that he can no longer attend the normal curriculum, neglects himself, neglects everything else really, in favor of his video games/ screens.
we really tried to get to the bottom of this, and yeah, some of it is caused by our father being an abusive asshole and thus, leading him to retreat into video games for safety and comfort.
and he tried to get out of that bad habit, but as soon as he encounters the slightest inconvenience, he just dives right back in.
dad used to play on it and encourage him to play more, downplay it, or simply leave out game consoles "by accident".

but the dad's away, and despite admitting that it's a huge relief, my brother remains the same.

and I've tried talking to him, working on it with him, finding solutions, (he's not bad at school work, he just doesn't do it) but to no avail.
whenever we try to take his games away, he sneaks god knows where and finds them again, or steals our devices, like a work phone (causing him to gaslight our mom about it??? which is insane? she literally thought she was going crazy, since we have a history of Alzheimer in the family...
I swear he never used to be so manipulative)

he has them hidden all around his room, even 20 year old stuff, under his mattress, in an old gutted plush, in a damn crawlspace near the ceiling, in the toilets, kitchen, EVERYWHERE and his room seems normal at first, but if you dig a little it's like a hardware store.

if we somehow manage to confiscate his last device, he gets borderline violent. when he can't use them, he just stares at the ceiling all day or just sleeps. he can't think of doing anything else.

what's worse is that he's not even trying anymore.
we're worried, frankly.

what aggravates this is that we're going through hard times, with a family member being violently ill, perhaps terminally, which puts a huge strain on my mom, as well as financial struggles, etc etc
and all we ask of him is to not lock himself in some room to secretly play video games making everyone late, or making himself sleep at 5am, or just spend a reasonable amount of time on it.

he doesn't change anything. he doesn't do anything. he says that he promises he'll do better with a huge smile, but never does.
and it's making things really tense at home, since it adds significant strain on my already weakened and strained mother.

How do I approach this? what do I do? any tips? so far, I've been approaching with the idea that it was just a bad habit that could be solved through talking and general help, but now, I'm starting to realize that maybe I should approach it like an addiction...

TLDR: my brother has a screen addiction, causing him to fail so hard at school he can't attend the normal curriculum anymore, goes as far as to steal personal effects and gaslight us about it. it strains our relationships and now that a family member is terminally ill and that he is asked to dial it back to relieve us a little, he couldn't care less.

how can I get him out of this? I love him to bits and usually he's lovely, but I never expected to see him be so manipulative and violent just for more screentime...

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[u/danwantstoquit]

The only accessible option is to separate him from the screens. Is that even possible? Could you take all of the gaming consoles computers tablets and even phones in the home and lock them up somewhere? That’s really the only choice I can see short of sending him to a rehab. Im sure “gaming@ rehabs must exist but don’t know any details about it or its overall effectiveness. Unless you can get parental controls onto a single device with a strict time limit. But I get the feeling your brothers not a child anymore, much harder to implement structure with a teenager.

[u/No_Conflict359 → u/danwantstoquit]

yes, he's an older teen. we lock his stuff up, but he either steals them again or buys new ones with birthday money. teenagers generally don't take video game addiction seriously either, so his friends also help him out. (though I don't blame them, we don't feel like telling his whole school that he has a problem.) parental control is great, but there are so many devices and some, like windows, which has terrible parental control services, that just plain don't work. we haven't tried stuff like a psychologist or rehab yet, though

[u/Worth_Scallion1526]

I mean my only suggestion is to find a rehab or a boarding school since he’s a later teen. If he’s still a teen then he doesn’t have a choice.

It seems you’re out of options and he’s not cooperating with anyone and just adding a bunch of stress. I’m not saying removing him in general will help, him getting help will bring peace to a lot of people.

[u/MeanBear815]

what games does he play? I'll ruin the fun for him

[u/Spare_Independence19]

There are rehabs for this exact addiction. Look online. There are "camps" that specialize in this addiction and will have him completely disconnected from all games or screens that are capable of gaming or media. This is a serious addiction and will get worse before it gets better. Before you know it, 10 years of this man's most important formative years will be gone.

I wish you the best in finding your loved one help. Good luck.