r/addiction • u/cementerydeer • 23h ago
Advice My boyfriend's addiction is hurting me and I don't know how to help him
My boyfriend is severely addicted to weed since 6 years, smoking daily and abusing other kind of substances such as alcohol or benzos when weed didn't do its job. Lately he has confessed me he had also done cocaine again when none of them worked.
I'm very very concerned about him. All I do is try to help him when he says he's done with drugs and wants to be happy, but then, days later, he changes his opinion and ends up in fights with him very very nervous, drinking and wanting to use so badly he gets even violent (never hit me, not even once, I'm not scared of it, but concerned about his behaviour because he's normally very sweet).
I can't live like that. I'm scared to leave him alone, but I have to continue my life. I don't want to leave him at all, I'm 24/7 concerned because it's when I'm not with him when he does the worst stuffs.
Any advice?? thanks.
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u/marianvel 17h ago
Tell him to get help or you are gone. That is the best line anyone can give you in this situation. Otherwise you will be dragged down to the darkest depths of hell with him.
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u/cementerydeer 11h ago
We have been doing this for the last months because everytime I break up with him he tells me he's gonna change and then he relapses.. and tells me he doesn't want to change. And that's always the same.. him searching for help desperately, being super convinced he wants a life free of substances and parties.. and then he tells me he's too depressed that he doesn't want to face the world being sober... And every single time it hurts even more because I'm tired... and developing a big ass depression bc of this situation.. and also using sometimes to cope with him being high.
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u/marianvel 8h ago
Take it from someone sober from heroin, it’s on them. If they choose to continue they will drag every single person down to the pits of hell with them. Without emotions. Without a care. And ruin your life.
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u/healthpusher 22h ago
Sorry I already recommended this somewhere else today but it turned out really useful for me. Try asking in r/statesofmind, sometimes a therapist replies there and they might share some tools you can rely on
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u/That_Depth7461 22h ago
My guy also broke up with me because nothing is more important than next fix
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u/SubstantialArm751 21h ago
As an addict… if you KNOW this is not a life that you can live aside him, which is 1000000000% your prerogative as the most important person in our lives is ourself.. Ieave. There is a chance this is going to get worse, before it gets better.. if it gets better.. but what that comes down to is HIM. HE has to be the one that wants to stop.. it, unfortunately, often doesn’t matter what other people WANT us to do.. if we don’t want to do it. With that being said.. bringing this up to him, what you’re watching him fall into, your fears and concerns, how this isn’t going to be the life for you and that rehab is readily available for him.. might be the push he needs, might not be. Worth the conversation? Yes. Worth your peace? No.
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