i hate this. i hate everything. 35f and just decaying. this is so embarrassing and i feel defeated

[u/watrprfmakeupcuzicry]

tmi/ tw/

so i decided to go on mat a year ago. almost 18 months. prior to i had a 4 year addiction to dilaudid oxy morphine

i snorted most of the time. i knew my nose was getting fuckedup but didn't know what doctor to see, problems would come and go and id forget

anyway i started dating someone recently - we were being intimate i lightly

barely hit my face on him. and i start gushing blood out of my nose

it's dim light and very evident im bleeding. i couldn't tell where from

also!!$$ he hates junkies. his words. so i never got around to saying im in recovery but i guess ill leave that story out.

in fact. i dont even want to participate on this with this person.

i'm so broken. and i cant deal with broken people right now

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[u/Itsallwrongasofnow]

You're not broken. You've been made to believe you are. A lot of money is made on us feeling that way.

Drugs are not the problem. Why you're using them is the problem.

That right there, the reason, the pain, the fear, the shame, the guilt, and the confusion of not knowing what to do about it... That's the fuel.

The addictions, that's the vehicle we get into to run from those things. The only problem is... If you don't deal with them... It becomes a never-ending supply of the need to run from them.

I could explain it... But not on one post. I have a profile for a reason.

I used to be an addict with an addiction. But those were their words not mine. And they can keep those words, I've chosen my own...

I am a powerful person with a purpose.

And so are you. You just don't know it yet.

[u/Anarchic_Country]

Hey. Girl. Be kinder to yourself. People who judge anyone because of a group they belong to are small minded.There are assholes and nice people in every single human group you can think of. You are so above him. Keep it moving.

I was in active opiate addiction from 2001 to 2013. Clean for 12 years, just relapsed about a year ago after the loss of my first nephew. I won't go back on MAT. It was nothing but drama at the clinics or pharmacies, but if MAT is keeping you off street drugs, that is a win. Anyone who judges you for that is not worth your time.

I'm about to turn 40. I'm so ashamed. But just think - if you stay strong and kind to yourself, when you turn 40, you will have 5 years of clean time under your belt. It's so hard, but it's worth it. You can D M me if you need more words of encouragement

I don't think I felt real joy again for about a year after quitting. I had to stop using for my sons, I didn't get caught or anything. So I was quite resentful for a bit.

Then, one day, while waiting in the car for my mom, helping her run some errand or other, I saw a mama duck with her babies trailing behind her, walking up the sidewalk toward me. The ducklings were still mostly yellow, and their sweet little meeps and their determined struts, legs working under them with three steps to every step the mama took made me smile. Just for a moment.

You will have your moment, I promise.

[u/Ok-Shopping9879]

Dear God, the struggles you face when you’re finally recovering and trying to do the right thing. It seems like a sick joke, I know.

Number 1 - congratulations on over a year of recovery. That’s a huge deal and I hope you’re so proud. Don’t look back 💜

Secondly - do not shrink yourself or feel shame over your own journey. Especially not over your own recovery, that is a major thing to be proud of. You know that 👑

Of course I completely get guarding your heart and not sharing too much of ourselves with the wrong people, but you also shouldn’t feel shame when you do trust somebody enough to share your story. The right people who deserve a spot in your circle won’t just not judge your story, they will understand why it’s to be celebrated too. You’ll know em when you meet em.

It’s not his fault that he’s ignorant to the battle you’ve fought, right? How wonderful to have been spared being touched by this devastating disease in any meaningful way, we love that for him. Unfortunately, you and I were not spared - we know what it is to either be in active addiction or to love somebody who is/was. That means the people we connect with and trust and allow in have to have a bit more depth, emotional intelligence, empathy, compassion, life experience… those are our people.

I think this story you shared is a perfect example of why it’s always recommended to people in their first year of recovery not to get involved with people romantically. In that first year, you are so vulnerable to upset and stumbling and emotional turmoil, highly vulnerable to relapse. You’ve now had a solid amount of time to be used to pulling out the tools you’re hopefully gaining in your recovery journey, instead of defaulting to your old destructive habit of using. You’re stronger now. If you feel like you need more support and guidance for dealing with the struggles that come up in sobriety, like navigating emotional stressors like this, there are resources and people you can reach to get you that support and you deserve to do that for yourself.

[u/BrandyLee22183]

i HAVE BEEN ON MAT 10 years..... If you do not replace the vitamins and minerals that the MAT removes from your body it will breakdown and after awhile you'll end up with fractures and stuff.

Use either a supplement regimen with help from a doctor. or Vitadone at Minimum. ALL MAT are body depleting- for men testosterone get so low they lose all there muscle. so, they need to prescribe it. Women get osteoporosis and hormone imbalances so they are depressed, sweating, and hunger all the time.

I personally use to sweat consistency- come to find out I needed to add magnesium to my diet- one pill every 2-3 days and I never sweated unless I was super hot.

Hungry for sugar on MAT- You need probiotics and minerals-

Severe mind fucked on MAT- try to clean out your colon and fast for a day or so..... and vitamins.

Addiction takes over the "take care of your self ":mind set because your busy taking care of addiction.

Please remember - On MAT you should not be sleepy, you should not even notice your dose. if you do.... work on you boo boo:) and remember there is a life after addiction. 20 years later----- from junkie to happy.... is possible....

If your broken- I'm here on planet earth with you.... and Im glue screwed and scarred.... but, opiate free for 5 years and I have a house, a job, and family I love. I will make myself available to support you moving forward. DM me brandylee221283 ok:)

[u/DestroyTroy90]

I’m taking methadone as well in at 75 mg but I plan on quitting it by December so I’m going to start going 5mg down.anyway do whatever makes you feel happy.ive been on methadone for a year as well

[u/Junior_Ad_3301]

One thing i know is if you never give up, you will get over that mountain. Corny but that's how it is. Keep at it and vent if it helps you just stay after it