I need advice stopping this addiction

Not to quote tool but why can’t we just be sober. Literally. I am sliding. Idk. I’m really not even that bad I’m really not. I’ve seen bad I grew up around real bad. But it’s unacceptable. But I’m accepting it. Every day. I’m tired of it but I keep doing it. It’s started to cost me things. Relationships mostly. I can see it and I ain’t done shit about it. I literally feel like I’m watchin in real time it steal my life. And as mad as I get at it I feel like I haven’t gotten mad enough at it to stop. Maybe mad ain’t the answer. But what is. I know what it is i ain’t retarded. This just seemed like a good place to vent. I’m gonna get my head out of my ass soon hopefully. It all starts with drinking though. If I stop that everything stops. I just gotta slow down and think somehow when I want a drink

tmi/ tw/

so i decided to go on mat a year ago. almost 18 months. prior to i had a 4 year addiction to dilaudid oxy morphine

i snorted most of the time. i knew my nose was getting fuckedup but didn't know what doctor to see, problems would come and go and id forget

anyway i started dating someone recently - we were being intimate i lightly

barely hit my face on him. and i start gushing blood out of my nose

it's dim light and very evident im bleeding. i couldn't tell where from

also!!$$ he hates junkies. his words. so i never got around to saying im in recovery but i guess ill leave that story out.

in fact. i dont even want to participate on this with this person.

i'm so broken. and i cant deal with broken people right now

wanna start this off by saying im very self aware and i never really liked it enough to do it each day until i started really struggling and resorted to using it as a means to survive, im a downers type girl, im 18yo and when i was 17 i fell into meth addiction which led to psychosis pretty much the entire time i was on it, 5 months, it ended with me in the psych ward, i went off it for 3 months after and relapsed once during, since relapsing i reconnected with someone who has been a massive support person but uses meth, i didnt use meth just ghb pretty much everytime i hung out with him except maybe 3-4 times in the past 4 months, i totally would stop if it was having a negative effect on my life and i do when it gets to that point (as well as said support person talks w me about it), i just dont see it having a negative impact if im being careful with it, is this just an addicts way of thinking or can i party every now and then, i need some opinions

I'm over 2 years sober and I'm feeling worse than I ever did on drugs.

my childhood was a hellscape that left me feeling suicidal since I was 12, where I have attempted to take my own life dozens of times. at to escape the suicidal thoughts and the panic taking over my body i spent 12 hours a day watching youtube, listening to music, doing anything to turn my brain off. when I went into highschool this escalated drastically, as I met dealers and started seeing more drug focused media on tv and my phone. my first experience with drugs was buying edible gummies from a dealer in one of my classes.

I took over 400g's of high concentrate weed. it was the first time in over 5 years that i could freely laugh and cry and cheer and sing and do everything that the constant anxiety and panic was preventing me from doing. I kept at it at off hours and when it was convenient because i was scared i would get caught. so i'd take a gummy or two (they were giant 200g gummies and tasted like shit). up til I ordered mushrooms online. I was taking them very regularly for months, where i'd take 1-2 tablets at the start of school and be mostly down by the end of classes.

this behavior escalated quickly, with my sneaking shots of hard booze from my parents liquor cabinet almost nightly. and i spent more days out of the month doing drugs or drinking than not.

one day i got caught by my parents. i didn't tell them about my repeated use, the mushrooms and the booze. just vague details about getting the weed from a guy at school. I lied and told them it was my first time taking anything and they believed me. i lied and said i only got a little, even though i had bought 4 bags of edibles, 3 bottles of mushroom tablets, an entire white monster, and what would probably amount to 3 bottles of vodka gotten from stealing their booze.

after high school, moving into my own place: i drank, i smoked, i did lsd, mushrooms, tried cocaine, all of which led to an incident where i nearly died.

one night i saw the pile of drugs on my desk and in a moment of severe depression, i decided i wanted to end it all and took 15 tablets of lsd all at once (1/2-1 was the normal dose). it was a slow panic where the minutes felt like hours. once i felt upset i started to freak the fuck out, i was bizarre, I couldn't control myself, and ultimately i called emergency services to take me to the hospital because i thought i was losing my mind. turns out, i was! my heart was beating out of my chest, they took extensive tests and scans of my heart down at the ER, ultimately they had to shock my heart to slow it down.

the utter shame i felt waking up in that emergency room after I passed out, hooked up to an iv pumping fluids to fix the stupid mistake i made. It was a reality check that i never wanted. i had to look at myself and what i was doing, why i was making my problems everyone else's. In the moment i thought through all the half remembered memories about my actions, grabbing an old woman's ass (deliriously not sexually), crying and begging at the nurses and staff.

I was an adult acting like a toddler, and I hated myself to a degree i never thought i could before.

i'm in a much better space mentally and physically, but the depression that i was using the drugs to ignore is coming back with a vengeance, and i still think about doing drugs and drinking almost daily. i miss the person i was and the feelings i felt when i was high. i didn't worry about anything other than how i was feeling in that exact instant. i never worried about my future, succeeding at school, losing relationships, because drugs were all that mattered.

Now i need to face reality, but I never learned how to. All i had to raise me were two emotionally stunted parents, a cell phone, and drugs. I just sit alone most of my day. I study i read i watch youtube, and i still distract myself constantly, but since that day i haven't touched any drug including nicotine.

i still rarely drink but never more that a single cocktail, and never straight booze. but after all this time and the build up of stress from uni, moving, breakups, etc... I just spend hours reminiscing about the drugs, thinking about walking to any of the 7 f-ing dispensaries and 3 liquor stores in this city. but somehow I don't. I don't want to go back to drugs and drinking, but the further away the bad memories get the more the temptation sets in.

I was addicted to k for 2 years, lost 20kg ruined my life etc. then got clean and my addiction/dopamine source changed to food, put on weight but just kept telling myself ‘at least it isn’t k and it isn’t ruining my life’. Put on 40kg in just over a year so I’m now overweight, covered in stretch marks and very self conscious. Coke use started to pick up last year and now I’m using it a lot, I enjoy it alone which makes it hard. It’s fucked up, but my brain says ‘at least it isn’t k and it isn’t ruining my life, and at least it isn’t food so I’m not getting fatter’, I feel sick that my body affects my self esteem so much, but it does.

Am I going to spend my life moving from one addiction to the next and having to deal with it silently? Does it ever end?

Hi everybody, I am a mother of an addict and wanted to give some unsolicited advice. My son has been an addict and homeless off and on for over 20 years. He about burnt every bridge he had. Luckily someone went to go look for him and found him. I have not seen him in over a year. He was very very ill. People! Please take care of yourself even if you’re an addict I know that sounds contradictive. But if you are starting to go blind or something is really wrong you need to take care of yourself and seek treatment!! Your family and friends expect you to take care of yourself, even if they don’t say so. The doctor said he was on death door. Literally. Please, please take care of yourselves!

Hi everybody. I’m a 34 year old dude coming to this subreddit because I genuinely can’t take my addictions anymore, and I want to finally move forward with my life in a positive direction.

To put it bluntly, I don’t fully know what the fuck happened in my childhood for me to wind up here. I don’t remember much of my life growing up, even a good amount of my 20s. I didn’t really have a lot of friends as a kid, and the ones I had often treated me poorly. My parents were/are genuine, kind, loving people, but they threw me and my sister to the wolves a lot, pushing us past “building character” and into completely blind territory navigating everything. I was a straight A student groomed for academic success and it turned me into a perfectionist at a super young age. With all of this stress and nowhere to fully direct it, I started watching porn as an outlet and, as embarrassing as it is to say, I was obsessed for a long time. In my mid 20s, I started smoking a lot of weed, and even though it’s not a problem now, it became a crutch for a period of my life. And when I turned 30, I got into drinking which developed into full-blown alcoholism (thankfully I’ll be a year sober next month).

So why this post? I’m ashamed, full of guilt, and borderline desperate for help at times. I have an incredible wife, wonderful family, and other things like my job that keep me busy/happy. But dude, I hate myself so much for what I put others and myself through. Addiction took so much from me…all the time wasted that could have been placed elsewhere. The fights and blowups that didn’t need to happen. I fucking hate it all. I’m so angry writing this because I just can’t believe how bad it got for so long.

I don’t even know how to end this post. I apologize if it comes across as a rant but I don’t want to suffer in silence anymore. I am an addict. I still struggle with horrible thoughts and guilt from my mistakes. What can I do?

i need it. im drowning here. but i dont know how or why or if i should. I just need help.

I’m recovering from a porn/fantasy ai addiction, and writing has been helping me along the way. I’m super proud of myself, 6 months clean, and I don’t know who to share this to, but this is such a great achievement to me and it’s bettering my mental health. I’m no longer having the urge to see porn or use ai, but to do something better and write.

The first day I had to stop was the first time I have ever self harmed, because I knew I would never get it back. But little did I know how much it would benefit my sleep schedule, my focus in school, and sexual urges. I have not touched any self harming things since, and have stopped doing ai completely.

So to explain I currently have a bad porn addiction and want to know, I've been realizing that I've kinda just been jerking off nilly willy anywhere, at work, (only once) at church, and kinda did it outside in a forest near my house once, at my Nana's, my grandpa's, practically anywhere, it's like I'm sorta conscious about doing it but I'm constantly just nonchalant about doing it since I always do it in a private area or so. I know it's illegal and would probably get me into loads of shit if I were caught but I can't really stop myself and I want to ask for help on this but I don't know how to approach it. I have asked my mom before for help but nothing really came from it. Any way I can approach this?

So last year my partner was hospitalised after binging on Xanax, diazepam, cocaine and whatever else. He ended up coming off them and turning psychotic which meant he was sectioned. He also was doing a lot of shady stuff behind my back when he was high like looking on hook up websites and paying OF creators money to chat and things. We have a two year old son who I stopped him seeing when I found out about him using these drugs because he was constantly doped out - couldn’t open his eyes and things and very angry. When he was hospitalised he promised he’d never do anything like that again and risk not seeing our son. He also had a few seizures related to his drug use during the months he was using when he hadn’t took it. We got back together and everything’s been good until these past few weeks. He’s been sleeping pretty much solidly on any free time we have, so I’m doing all the childcare and raising of our son alone. I kind of figured on the weekend he was on something because he had that look he had last year. So, I went through his bag and found strips of diazepam (some empty) they’re strong dosage too (10mg). He doesn’t know I know yet. I always said if he did it again I would walk away and take our son with me. Now I’m in that situation I feel angry, upset, let down and just in a mess. I’m still traumatised after last years mess when he became psychotic. I’m just so confused right now and need advice off others about my situation. I don’t know if I should just walk properly now, but it’s so hard as I love him so much, but he’s back taking drugs that tore our family apart and caused damage. He promised he’d never do it again to us and he’d cut off the people who gave them him, but he never did and now he’s on pills again. I know when I confront him he’ll get angry, he’ll tell me it’s not a big deal and all the usual stuff I’ve heard. I’m scared he’s going to leave our little boy without a dad because I know he eats them like candies and he will be mixing it with codeine.

Im just so confused and wondering where I go from here? I’m heartbroken he’s using again, I feel like our family means nothing to him. I love him, but I don’t think I’ve got it in me again to go through what we’ve been through again. I feel like my world’s just been flipped upside down. I look at our son and I hurt for him because one time he might take a dodgy pill and die or he has a seizure on them again and dies.

TL;DR partner using drugs again behind my back that caused him seizures and sectioning. We have a child and I don’t know if I should walk away.

Hello! I am a recovering addict from 🧊. I am turning 16 in about 10 days--and have been using since I'm 13 years old. I've been sober from it for about 5 months now, and it's kind of tough. I stopped smoking weed as well for about 2 months--the cravings are pretty bad but I'm holding on.

To my doctor's recommendation, I began to write about my feelings, my thoughts--things I wouldn't normally express, since I struggle to. It took me two days to gather up the courage to even write one word, but when I started I couldn't stop. It was hard to do honestly--I almost cried at some point, but the first chapter is finished!

'Sobriety' is now available on Wattpad and ao3. I'm unsure as if links are allowed, so here are my usernames on each platforms if you're interested: Wattpad- spiderwbss ao3- STRWBRRIES

I'm not sure as of how chapters will work. They'll be written as some kind of timeline--but as for when they'll come out, I have no idea. School takes a lot of my time and I don't want to feel pressured about it.

Please be indulgent as English isn't my first language. Critics are welcome, but be respectful. 🩶

Son is turning 19. Battling addiction to drugs. Just started going to na last week. Says he wants to be sober but doesn’t want to stop getting high, feels like he’s going to lose his friends. Says right now he feels hopeless. Says he hasn’t liked who he’s become but he’s worried he might not like the sober version of him.

Trying to say and do all the right things but not really sure what to say or do as I haven’t been in this situation before. My mom heart is breaking.

Any advice on best ways to support him? Things to say/not to say? I’d appreciate any suggestions as we begin this sobriety journey

If you were able to live a functioning addiction life, with no consequences or problems from your DOC, would you continue taking it? Do you think that you would eventually get sober even if it wasn’t a better way of living?

I just got back from 60 day inpatient and did not experience this there. I am sober from benzos, heavy ket use & cocaine. I am thin and not horribly out of shape.

It feels like a popping sensation and it is SO uncomfortable

l cannot live with what l am. l am a monster who needs to be put down. l cannot think about anything besides sex and my only coping mechanism is alcohol and caffeine. l really need to know that l am not alone. l am sorry

hello there all, thanks for taking the time to read this and offer any thoughts or advice you might have. i will do my best to keep this short and to the point.

my partner doesn’t know that i know that he is using cocaine. i found out many months ago from his close friend/roommate (this person assumed i was already aware). i am somewhat naive about drugs like this when it comes to behavior and such, and looking back to before i found out, i can see that there were definitely signs. now that i know it is really quite obvious.

i haven’t brought it up with my partner, and the reason isn’t related to my inquiry here so i’ll leave that out unless anyone is super curious.

outside of very little sleep, he has seemingly been functioning as typical for him up until recently. he got pretty sick and experienced intense sinus problems and horrible headaches every morning and went to the hospital for help. he’s sleeping maybe a handful of hours a day if he’s lucky, sometimes only one. it’s becoming somewhat challenging to witness. he steals away often to maintain, and i think at this point it is safe to assume he’s using all day every day. his nose is constantly running and i have seen bloody tissue paper.

this knowledge i am holding quietly is starting to weigh on me and what i would like is to tell him that i know and offer a safe space for him to talk if he would like that. i don’t know if he is still enjoying it, if he wants support regarding his addiction, if its making him absolutely miserable. i do not judge him in the slightest, and although i am quite worried and scared for his health and his mind, i also dont want to make it about my feelings and thoughts. i simply want to let him know that i am aware and to let him know that i am open to listening to him if he wants to share what he’s going through with me.

people with addictions: what, to you, would be a good way to be approached like this? any thoughts are appreciated.

some additional information: his friend and roommate has expressed worry and fear directly with my partner in the past, and it seems like my partner told him he would ease off (he was having seizures, which he related to overuse of kratum). my partner’s outlook on life is ultra accepting of any given situation, compassion (including self-compassion) super worry free, huge emphasis on autonomy etc. also, i am 37f and my partner is 39m. we do not live together

ok, i think that’s good for now. if there’s any other questions that will help with your advice i am open to answering as best as i can. i didn’t ask for this secret and i dont know what to do with it anymore

thank you in advance

edit: grammar

Can u give me some support groups need to join a 12 step program this addiction is destroying my life so I need help I don't know how to stop it i waste my whole day in stuff like that

"Science is supporting the battle against addiction and substance use disorder. Neuroscientists around the world are working to better understand the mechanisms of addictive drug use and how to alleviate the debilitating withdrawal symptoms that cause people to suffer."

https://alleninstitute.org/news/lab-notes-the-neuroscience-of-addiction/

My mil is constantly asking us for money for food or to get a place to stay. I honestly don’t believe her. My husband sends her 50$ every week and she is now demanding more. I want to cut her off but my husband always gives in. Idk what to do.

I haven't had any hardcore drugs in 2 years(no meth,coke,Xanax. Im 67 days clean off nicotine and for some reason I want a Xanax. Im stressed out and really going through some things. I just want to do better overall. But I feel a strong urge to pop a pill. Fighting urges as I type. Sorry for the grammar.