r/armenian • u/[deleted] • 17d ago
What is happening with certain “Armenian” men? Please tell me it’s not common.
[deleted]
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u/SemperFiV12 16d ago
I do not understand the generalities and posting online asking about an Archetype of a person. There is no such thing. Not all Armenian are one way. Not all Brazilian men are one way. Not all Estonian men are one way.
Heck even with a population as small as ours, we don't even speak the same dialects!
It is very fair to say that Armenian men and women have been brought up in varying households and neighborhoods... Highly variable socio-economic and cultural influences result in a family life that is highly variable across vast geographies.
We are not giving the diaspora and the advent of the internet (as well as technological advance and ease of travel) its proper respect... Armenians in Europe are being connected to Armenians in Iran are being connected to Armenians in Canada are being connected to Armenians in Argentina are being connected to Armenians in America are being connected to Armenians in Lithuania... I will stop, but yall get the picture.
We take in a lot from our host countries and try to keep our cultural aspects like language and food and music and religion and tie to our mother Armenia. There is nothing inherently in our cultural DNA that tells Armenians to be an "incel", or a loser, or a predator, or X, or Y, or Z.
Sorry for your bad luck "dating", maybe get off the internet and try meeting people IRL like Armenian clubs in school/college, Church (or nonreligious cultural events hosted by the local church), scouts or athletics like Homenetmen...
GL with it all.
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 16d ago
Hey, I was going to agree with you until I saw the last part. Not sure why the aggression. If you read my post and comments I even stated that I probably shouldn’t even make this post because Armenians are all different and it’s not an Armenian thing. I was just annoyed because I had romanticized it in my head as they’re more proper. And I didn’t have bad luck “dating” these weren’t the guys I’ve dated or had relationships. This is someone who stalked me off a site they saw me on. I know Armenians in person and many who like me I’m not just going to throw myself at them. I don’t think I need luck. But I’ll wish you well
I also am planning to delete this post but I was reading some comments and perspectives
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u/SemperFiV12 16d ago
Not meant as aggression at all... in fact I thought I realized a similar post from a week ago (and I checked, and it was yours too).
I genuinely meant to wish you luck or wish you well. I just hope you get off the internet to establish better interactions with humans in a social setting that is the real world (and in the cases I mentioned, within a group setting for safety). The internet can really bring the worst out of people and their interactions.
So maybe I should have said I wish you well, if that comes off softer and is better received. Hopefully the next thread we start will be a more positive one!
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 16d ago
Thank you I get what you mean. The original comment to me seemed passive aggressive so I took it that way. Yeah I’m definitely not someone on the Internet a ton, I made that account and only was on it for a few days and got some crazy people. But many good too. I know I shouldn’t complain as I’ve had it easier than many, people always think it’s so easy, someone was rude and commented “okay princess” laughing. Anyway, in terms of this one, it wasn’t in my control that a freak tracked me down online. I personally don’t like dating apps and I’m not using it. I do know people in real life who like me but unlike some of these guys online I’m not going to jump at anyone, I want it to be the right person for me. I got comments saying I’m young so I don’t have to worry about it now and I truly am not, like I love my life and I really don’t care that much about dating, but I feel like maybe I should put some more effort into being with an Armenian as opposed to an odar. My last post was a bit dramatic like exaggerated title but yeah. I came out of my usual not caring to think hey I should maybe try to talk to Armenians instead of usual odars
Sorry for repetitiveness I’m doing a few things at once so my focus is not entirely there right now
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u/Anonymous_Hazard 17d ago
Weirdos in every culture ignore him
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
Yes honestly it’s every culture just strange people. I guess I shouldn’t have made this post but I was so utterly shocked
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u/Anonymous_Hazard 17d ago
It’s ok you did gotta shame dudes like that lol
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
I’m not trying to shame but why do I need an essay about how he hates women and all he did was finger like it’s my fault? 💀
Oh you’re saying I should shame him LOL okay I get it. I thought you meant you don’t have to shame
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u/Aggressive_Life823 17d ago
Am afraid that it's not just armenian men, as a non armenian man i see alot of this behavior where people just don't seem to understand or take a hint, especially in the younger generations. people seem more and more comfortable being this clingy and looking for a quick one. sorry for the experience that you went through, and i hope you don't lose faith or hope as not all people like this.
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
Yes honestly it’s every culture just strange people. I guess I shouldn’t have made this post but I was so utterly shocked. Some cultures are wayyyy worse. I think he’s in his 30s so you’d expect at least a bit of maturity
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u/Aggressive_Life823 17d ago
no worries in making the post, what worries me and others that people like this exists, you actually did shine a light on a common issue people don't talk about
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
I am wary because this is just one freak and usually Armenians are very civil and respectful so I don’t want to give the impression that it’s everyone, but this is a bad issue. It happens in all cultures
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u/HistProf24 17d ago
I’m sorry you’ve truly had awful luck meeting people online. These stories sound nuts.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this statement: “My problem is that I’m romanticizing Armenians too much.” We Armenians are just people and all people are different. We’ve got the good, the bad, and the ugly among our far-flung and culturally splintered diaspora. Some people are raised well and others aren’t. Some people carry generational trauma and others don’t. Some people are well-adjusted and others simply aren’t. Keep trying to meet people in-person rather than online but always trust your gut. Stay safe!
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
Very true! It’s def not just us and there’s way worse out there. But in these moments it bugs me cuz I want to imagine Armenians as this integral amazing group 😭💜. He is definitely not a representation and just a weirdo with zero respect and issues
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u/Ohfuscia 17d ago
If you are in Canada, you may recall a few years ago the incel who used a truck to kill women on a Toronto street was Armenian, unfortunately. This is not an Armenian men problem but a problem in our society as a whole. There's so much hate and misogyny spewing online and young impressionable boys seem to be falling for it.
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
It’s insane really. This guy should’ve been more mature. I don’t expect this from anyone at any age. There were rumours that guy wasn’t Armenian and that he also had a disability but maybe that was a lie. That was so awful. I do think Armenians we have amazing culture and some cultures are way worse in terms of ethics but there’s always going to be the bad ones. Let’s just not claim them
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
Also I’ve seen other cultures saying pedophelia, rape, abuse is okay, so we definitely aren’t like that, but again like this was nasty. Gotta just brush it off
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u/MadeEntirelyOfFlaws 17d ago
uhhhh well a lot of traditional armenian men do believe abuse and essentially marital rape is ok so…. take those rose colored glasses off.
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
What?? Is it one story or you’ve seen this repeatedly. Even one is unacceptable but I just mean in terms of like making assumptions for the culture
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u/MadeEntirelyOfFlaws 17d ago
my cousin has been a domestic violence therapist/counselor for like 30+ years in glendale, focused on the armenian population. i’m not talking about isolated incidents.
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago edited 17d ago
How sad 😭 it’s probably wrong or me to say but Glendale really has a bad rep like Armenians in other parts of the world always joke about how bad it is. Other Armenians can do wrong things too I’ve seen it but some say they’re a whole other breed. Not all though. This behaviour is unacceptable from any culture or race. Was she only working with Armenians?
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u/SemperFiV12 16d ago
Your cousin is a domestic violence therapist... they literally attract any and all incidents. They very likely are statistically isolated incidents across a range of people and set population.
It is just that the incidents are all concentrated and directed to a mediator... It is like a firefighter being fearful of living in a house because they have gotten calls to go fight many houses that have caught fire.
This is not to say that Armenian men are angels... but it is definitely weird to make a bold statement like "a lot of traditional armenian men do believe abuse and essentially marital rape is ok" based on your cousin and their not-so-confidential client's anecdotes
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u/TheSarmaChronicals 16d ago edited 16d ago
My odar friends have same issue with odar men. One of them didn't respond to a guy's message fast enough because she was at work and was going to respond when she had a chance at home. The guy went on a long ass rant calling her all kinds of misogynist slurs. (He waited an hour if I remember correctly).
These behaviors have no excuse.
My advice is not to spend any energy trying to help them.
Edit to add and i am so sorry you came across that dipshit
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 16d ago
Yes some odar men are atrocious. There’s good people and experiences too. Always hoping for good things 💜
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14d ago
honestly i feel like quite a large amount of armenian guys in LA are red pill incels. Once a guy Tripled Dmed me and then i agreed to a phone call with him. In this phone call he called me “high value” for being a virgin and then called me a sl*t for my halloween costume in the same phone call and then complained about how his ex cheated on him even tho he paid for an expensive trip to dubai with her. He would also post clips of andrew tate on his story almost everyday so I unfollowed him. My ex also seemed like he wanted a wife as a slave because he claimed it a “woman’s job to do all the housework in the house” but she “needs to go to work and pay half the bills or else she’s a gold digger” and he also told me his friend cheats on his gf but it’s okay for men to cheat because they can still love a girl even tho they cheated on her, which is exactly what andrew tate says. My friend was also talking to some armenian guy and he would also start calling girls sluts and use the “high value” term and then try to say cheating is okay for men because they can still love a girl and sleep with other woman he also changed his insta account into a fake account pretending to be some type of law group business and follows a whole bunch of girls with it. I was also hanging out with a girl friend who wasn’t armenian and her non armenian bf was there and i was telling her how sometimes it feels like some armenian men don’t even see woman as equals and her bf joined in the convo just to tell me that an armenian guy from his high school straight up said that he doesn’t see woman as ppl and his mom does everything for him. There are def normal armenian guys out there but there’s a quite a lot of red pill incel armenians too
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 14d ago
Omg that’s crazy!!! I’m so sorry you guys went through that. I’ve especially heard Glendale is rough. I’ve met good and bad Armenians in diff places but I’ve seen before some vile behaviour even from non Armenians (some Armenians but more so the others) Like they kiss your ass then attack if you reject them. They act like they’re so religious then call you a slut. I’ve even seen it where they work jobs that are literally for fraud failures. None of this is okay and those guys sound mentally unwell. They’re so miserable no one wants them that they lash out extremely. However some guys that have had no luck are nicer and maybe they find someone. There’s good guys hopefully who aren’t like this
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u/ananonh 17d ago
All the comments want to blame it on “there’s weirdos in every culture” but don’t want to admit the fact that this type of creepy sexual derangement and unhinged behavior is extremely disturbingly common in our culture. Way too high a percentage of Armenian men have very sick ideas of women and are addicted to porn. That’s why I don’t date inside our culture. 8/10 are total freaks and perverts who were coddled by their mommies.
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u/Evakuate493 17d ago
Welp that’s a generalization. I was with ya until the very end. Why let some bad apples ruin the entire bunch? There are a lot of civilized, well mannered Armenian men, whether you’re in Yerevan or wherever. If you dated one of those men, would you come here and say all Armenian men are so well mannered/proper?
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
What????? Really???? Omg I’m not joking I’m actually shocked. I didn’t think Armenian men were innocent I’m sure there’s slimy ones who just want to finesse but I don’t see all of them in the circles of red pill incels like half of other North American or even some middle eastern men. I’ve heard some complain that friends talk about virginity but I think those are just outright freaks that need to be locked up and never held hands with a woman.
Armenians always seemed occupied with other topics and it seemed to me basic white men and other cultures were more affected by porn. If you’d like to elaborate on your experience please reach out I’m just surprised.
To be fair I have seen it worse in other cultures but o hope there’s some shnorkov guys. This guy didn’t seem mentally right and I hope not all the Armenian guys or any guys are like this
We need to write those ones off as degenerates
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u/Glad_Seat_6287 17d ago
Don't listen to that person.
Some people have 1-2 bad experiences and go online to talk down on all Armenian men because they need a reason to justify why they don't date Armenians. I think there are good and bad people in every culture, but to say 8/10 Armenian men are "total freaks and perverts who were coddled by their mommies" is simply a grotesque sentence and clearly very far from reality.
Ironically, speaking this way about Armenian men, it reminds me of how incels speak about women online saying 90% of them are evil/lying/cunning or whatever. This level of discourse is toxic, illogical, and as Armenian community it is simply humiliating to even discuss.
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
Yes although I do wonder what her experience was to feel this way I agree that it’s not right to assume they’re all like that. It’s hard when you’ve had a certain experience but I really don’t think all Armenian men are like this and I hope not
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u/Glad_Seat_6287 17d ago
I mean if 8/10 of us are perverts as freaks, I am pretty sure we have simply failed as a nation.
but to put online experiences aside, do you feel that this in any way represents the common Armenian person? I think no.
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u/Funkynipple 17d ago
Red pill/ incel is basically misogyny. Armenian culture, whether we want to admit it or not, is misogynistic, so I’m not surprised.
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u/BLnny202 17d ago
Is the weirdo with a very obviously Turkish name Armenian or no?
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u/oulalaitieresuisse 17d ago
His goal seemed to be to find an Armenian woman and constantly complaining but he seemed unhinged so he either was mentally with issue or a turk pretending. Idk why he had stupid names
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u/Faloodeh123 17d ago
Armenians sometimes have this impression (often taught from our parents) where we’re immune to the negative societal trends of the rest of the world and we’re just as human as anyone else. There are incel Armenians and non-incel as well just like anywhere else.