r/askfuneraldirectors • u/laromo • 3d ago

Advice Needed Hospice Care for Mom

Hi everyone.

I am about to make some decisions for my mom along with my sister.

Mom is on hospice care currently. We have a funeral home in mind.

In the past few situations where we dealt with death, we had my mom helping us so this is hard. When my husband died at 22 in the Army, I literally had someone holding my hand for everything, so this is harder.

What questions should we be asking the funeral home directors besides the obvious like costs?

Thank you so much in advance.

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u/laromo 2d ago

She doesn't want cremation - catholic religion, although we (sister and I are not practicing).

She has a plot already, we have not thought of headstone yet, but that wasn't even on our radar yet so thank you for that input. She was joking with us earlier, which made us laugh because why not, but to buy her coffin on Amazon, I said I would Temu it instead.

Sadly, it's also a cancer related death, and this is just a struggle to watch the decline for sure. Sending you that love back.

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u/Some_Papaya_8520 2d ago

We actually can be cremated, although burial is preferred. But the cremains must be buried or put in a niche. The way it's done is to have the body present at the rosary and Mass, in a "rental" casket, and then the body is cremated.

But if your mother has already arranged these things, then you don't need to worry about it. Sorry for your upcoming loss.

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u/PennieTheFold 1d ago

This is not entirely accurate, though I guess it may depend on the church. I've been to three Catholic funeral masses recently where the deceased had been cremated prior to the mass, with the last just two weeks ago for my FIL. In all three instances, the ashes were on a pedestal at the altar for the service.

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u/Some_Papaya_8520 16h ago

Oh yes, I was just saying that this is how the Church "prefers* that it be done. Not that an urn can't be present. In fact that is how it was done for my sister.

Cremation is gaining popularity so we'll probably see more of this, especially since cemetery plots are so expensive. At least where I am, even an urn plot can run $20K!! Who has that kind of money laying around??

Edited to re emphasize that the cremains must still end up in a sacred place like a columbarium or in ground, never scattered or used to make keepsakes.