r/askfuneraldirectors • u/CaptainEmmy • 2d ago
Discussion Who gets "priority" in a mortuary?
An acquaintance had a relative die about three weeks ago, and there still has yet to be a burial or cremation. Acquaintance says it's because of the deceased's small life insurance policy and other finances that they'll simply have to wait and that others are getting "priority".
Obviously I don't know the whole story. I suspect the family simply doesn't yet have the money for the service package they want and so everything is delayed.
But it did get me wondering: is there a "wait your turn" in funerals and if so how is that determined?
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u/Celtic159 Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
Most funeral homes will not do services until they're paid in full. No priority other than that.
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u/urfavemortician69 Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
Whoever gets priority is whoever has paid and has been dead longest or needs a quicker turn around time (direct cremation with no planned services vs a burial tomorrow)
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u/introvert-i-1957 1d ago
I prepaid for my Mom's cremation last year. It was obvious she was dying. She was cremated with in 2 days. She wanted no service.
My closest friend's dad died a few weeks later. Then she died of a sudden illness. The family waited to grieve and then had the memorial service several weeks later for them both. The wait was more about the family wanting time to mourn alone and get things together for a beautiful memorial.
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u/prfsvugi 1d ago
Can you assign the proceeds of a life insurance to pay the tab and move ahead in a legal document?
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u/mogul84 12h ago
I will answer this with a qualified “yes”. Most funeral homes work with a funding company which advances the insurance proceeds to the funeral home. The NOK signs an assignment of benefits to this company as security for the amount of the services plus a 5-10% fee. However, the price is full retail at the time of death where preplanning locks in the pricing on the date of contract. This may not sound like a big deal but since prices double every 7-10 years, the price difference and savings can be significant.
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u/nerdymutt 8h ago
The funeral home benefits from having that money upfront to invest into the business. The longer it takes for the person to die, the more the funeral home profits.
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u/mbalmr71 1d ago
In terms of cremation two things have to happen. The bill gets paid and the death certificate and all required permits must be obtained. Once those two things happen they are then placed in the next available spot on the crematory. There are a few factors that can affect scheduling. Large or very obese people generally have to be scheduled first thing in the morning because they require a cold start. A family wanting to witness can also impact scheduling. The only time a case might get priority is to meet a service deadline. Money doesn’t gain anyone priority.
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u/ProfessionalBread176 1d ago
This: "the family simply doesn't yet have the money for the service package they want and so everything is delayed"
If I had a deceased family member "sitting in a freezer" because of that, I'd be rethinking my priorities...
This is sad
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u/jamiejello6 1d ago
I work at a cemetery and work closely with families and funeral homes, and I wanted to say that using an insurance policy for payment can potentially make the process take longer.
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u/TheRealDodirt 13h ago
I also work at a cemetery and we do not accept insurance policies in lieu of payment. But we do pre-need on everything but markers/monuments and we don't do embalming/cremation.
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u/chubbierunner 1d ago
My dad pre-paid for his funeral in New Mexico. He died in South Dakota. Technically, we paid for two funerals. (I did get a bit of a refund on the unused one almost 18 months later.) I won’t be prepaying for my own funeral.
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u/Celtic159 Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
Preened contracts are transferrable. Both of those funeral homes did you a disservice for not telling you that.
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u/chubbierunner 1d ago
They did disclose, but there were way too many delays in arranging transportation as no “nearby” vendor within 400-500 miles wanted to pick up the body, and my dad didn’t want to be embalmed. They were looking for vendors in Nebraska when I gave up on using this policy. Everyone was kind and transparent, but I wasn’t going to let my dad decay while they tried to sort out a plan to pick him up from states away, drive him to a crematory, and return him back to me. That’s IF someone agreed to it.
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u/DingfriesRdun Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
Was it a disservice or should that person contact the board in New Mexico? I am not familiar with pre-need laws in NM, but no wonder people are distrustful of funeral homes if their loved one pre-pays at one place or city/state and dies someplace else, they lose all or most of their money?
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u/Celtic159 Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
They don't lose their money. This person chose to pay twice.
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u/urfavemortician69 Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
If you have children, the biggest disservice you can EVER do to them is leave your final arrangements to them. If you thought that was a pain, just imagine having to make all decisions and payment yourself usually a day or less after your parents have died. Even if you don't want to fund it, at the very LEAST you need to make sure you have an advance directive that is easily accessible and have a non-funded pre-arrangement plan done with your funeral home of choice, at least then they just have to worry about the financial aspect.
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u/Fresh_Ad3599 1d ago
Yeah, having to scramble to make these decisions really sucks. Have plans, people.
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u/DingfriesRdun Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
Aren't funerals for the living? Shouldn't the survivors decide what is best for them?
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u/urfavemortician69 Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
If you're truly a dual licensed director, are you really trying to tell me that you don't think making pre-arrangements is IMMENSELY important if you have children? And no, they shouldn't be able to decide that they want to fully bury Mamaw who was adamant on cremation or vise versa. Just like Mamaw shouldn't expect her family to fork out $15k for a traditional Catholic funeral and didn't leave a dime for it in her estate or have the funds to cover it.
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u/DingfriesRdun Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
It's understandable that the topic of final arrangements can be sensitive and emotional. If someone doesn’t have someone to care for their wishes after they die, making arrangements in advance can be a thoughtful step. However, for Mawmaw, she has family who should have a say in how her remains are handled. While she can certainly share her preferences, it's important to remember that funerals ultimately serve the living.
It's not easy to navigate these decisions, and many learn that funerals play a significant role in the grieving process. While the cost can be a concern, having a service can help the family honor their memories and facilitate healing. Most people say they don’t want to burden others with their funeral expenses, but these services provide a meaningful opportunity for family and friends to say their goodbyes and celebrate a loved one’s life. It's about creating lasting memories and ensuring that family members, especially the grandkids, have a chance to pay their respects in a way that feels right for them.
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u/Some_Papaya_8520 1d ago
In my life, there are two groups. One that thinks the family should do as the decedent wished, no matter what. And the other believes that the funeral is for the benefit of the survivors mainly and should be as they wish.
I fall into the 2nd category. Not in the business though. I hope my relations don't come for me when I cross over.
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u/VioletMortician17 Funeral Director 1d ago
Quite honestly that’s a bad reason not to plan or at least have burial insurance. When it works, it works well.
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u/prettyxxreckless 1d ago
Funeral student here!
I don’t believe people get “priority” in the traditional sense. As other’s said - yes, money is a factor. Unfortunately sometimes waiting for funds can cause the funeral to be delayed. This is literally heartbreaking and horrible that our world operates this way.
Sometimes it’s a legal issue. I’ve heard of situations where families are a bit disorganized (totally understandable!) and people don’t always have the time to sit down and sign all the required paperwork. Funeral work is a loooooooooot of paperwork and unfortunately we can’t always proceed to do our job until family members sit down and sign-off on proper things.
Another possibility is that other families have more time-sensitive deaths. Depending on how/where the person died, that can impact how quickly you should do the funeral. I think we all understand that bodies decay, and the circumstances of the death can impact the plans. Whether someone is embalming or not embalming can also push cases forward or back (embalming offers more time!)
It’s also possible that they have out-of-town family members and are waiting for them to travel in or fly in for the funeral!
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u/bulletdove 13h ago
At the company I used to work for we wouldn't cremate or bury if the death certificate wasnt signed by the doctor or medical examiner. Other than that, if it was cremation, we would follow through as long as we had a cause of death and the contract was signed. If it was burial we needed payment before we did anything like embalming or casketing. Majority of the time the wait was always waiting on doctors.
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u/MRMoneyHags 1d ago
The ones who get priority are the ones who pay extra to expedite the services. Otherwise everyone moves at the speed of bureaucracy.
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u/blkdeath Funeral Director/Embalmer 1d ago
There are not typically fees to “expedite” a service/cremation/burial. It’s just the price.
Some families need services sooner for religious reasons (Muslims/Jewish) others need to wait for family to get there from out of town, wait for a time slot at a national cemetery, others need to figure out how to pay for the services they chose.
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u/Dry_Major2911 2d ago
Most funeral homes will not bury or cremated til the bill is paid in full. I have seen it happen where exceptions were made and 9/10 times the funeral home gets burned. That’s why they have these policies set in place.