The funeral director we’re working with said “no I cannot get that for you”.

Everything I’ve read said it doesn’t melt at the temps that cremation runs at. I’ve seen google images of the hip part sitting at the bottom of the incinerator. I don’t care how weird it is, it’s part of my mom and I want it.

Is this normal? Are families not able to get these parts back after cremation?

Location: Phoenix, Arizona

I’m looking to change careers (from teaching for about a decade) and am interested in working in the death industry in a support role rather than FD.

If I want to assist or do admin work, is this fine?

Are the wages livable/is full time work typically available in these roles? In the US.

Been reading typically related threads and many people recommended contacting funeral homes to inquire about positions— is this still recommended?

Thank you for any possible insight.

Since Caitlin Doughty does not upload often, which people do you like to watch/listen to on YT or spotify?

Hello everyone

My 39 year old relative died from a very aggressive cancer. At the end of her life she was very thin and frail and had lost a lot of weight before dying.

At her viewing, mind you its been a week since her death, I really felt uncomfortable with how they prepared her. She had ivory type skin, and at the viewing it was a tanned sort color. She also always had a narrow face and chin, and somehow her chin was very squared shaped and really didn't look like her at all.

I do understand that maybe it was difficult given she was very thin at death, but why did they square off her chin so strongly? why did they not paint her face more her true skin tone..given theres so many makeup options these days? And they had a lot of photos to go off of for reference.. just feel very disturbed seeing her that way

Thank you in advance

Did anyone find the Compend helpful when studying for the NBE?

I live/work in a state that didn't require the NBE when I got licensed so I never took it- now I'm moving to a state that requires it for licensure. I'm kicking myself for not immediately taking it while everything was fresh but here I am!

I've heard of the D.E.A.D program and similar options but I'm trying to make the most of my old text books and the Compend before paying for other study prep. It's been about 5 years since I graduated from mortuary school.

Not a licensed FD, but I’ve been working at a funeral home in a supportive role for the last five months. I find the work interesting, but I feel like I’m making nonstop mistakes and can’t do anything right. It’s gotten to the point where I’m quite overwhelmed and afraid of coming to work for fear that I’ll screw up again. For folks in the industry, especially those in more administrative roles, how long did it take before you started to feel more confident?

For context, I have worked as an admin before, but this was a career change for me. I’m doing everything from admin tasks like scheduling and paperwork to dressing, casketing, and working visitations.

Hello, I am 20 years old and live in Germany. I want to start a training as a funeral director and I got a job interview in a few days.

I really need advice on what I need to ask or say, if I need to look out for questions and stuff. I'm really scared of job interviews and I'm always extremely anxious. I also have AuDhd which makes it more complicated for me.

Feel free to tell me anything that could help me :)

I’m a writer and one of my characters has a concerning relationship with his mother (think Norman Bates from Psycho). In the story, his mother dies. The character wants to wait until after she is embalmed but before she is buried to steal her body for himself. So far I’ve only considered something like a closed casket funeral and creating a (huge) distraction at the funeral or the burial site to give him time to steal the body and close the casket back up. But I would love to hear from funeral directors if there are other potential/realistic opportunities or scenarios under which it’d be possible to steal an embalmed boy before it is buried.

My son unalived himself earlier this year. It happened in prison. He put a sheet around his neck. I just got the death certificate and it says, "hung himself with a rope around his neck". Is this proper verbiage? What happened to asphyxiation? Or....I dunno....this seems like street talk.

An acquaintance had a relative die about three weeks ago, and there still has yet to be a burial or cremation. Acquaintance says it's because of the deceased's small life insurance policy and other finances that they'll simply have to wait and that others are getting "priority".

Obviously I don't know the whole story. I suspect the family simply doesn't yet have the money for the service package they want and so everything is delayed.

But it did get me wondering: is there a "wait your turn" in funerals and if so how is that determined?

I'm F23 in N C, retired community and I've been offered a job position at a corporate company as a funeral assistant. I'm one exam away from being as licensed funeral director so I've decided to try to get my foot in the door (I know I'm very late in the game I guess) the manager said the pay is $12/hr and $75 per removal i make on the job, it's only part time for now she's says until another job position open up, doesn't promise work hours and Im waiting to hear back so I can get a back ground check and drg test. I have a degree in mortuary science and almost 2yrs of experience in the field as an funeral director and embalmer assistant, because of my volunteering and traineeship. Would it be appropriate to ask for more pay? How can I bring this up? I don't want to sound money hungry, but realistically with that pay I won't even be able to pay for rent. Also if you are also in N C if you don't mind sharing what you started off making and what you make now, I don't want to be made a fool here tbh

So Im gonna go on a bit of a rant here, Im currently enrolled into a college course that allows students to explore various pathways and I will be doing this for the current year. Biology, chemistry, and an intro to health care as I have plans next fall to enroll for Funeral director class 1 embalming at a college a few hours away. Im currently looking into resources for Thanatology to study on my own time, and if it would be a good idea to volunteer at a Hospice to get some death care experience. All thanks in advance!! 🥰

Hi all I’m looking for some help.

Friday was my uncles funeral. To our surprise he arrived in the casket and was leaking some type of fluid therefore he could not be brought into the church for his service which ofc caused my family immense distress. To top it all off we went to do the burial and he had the decomposition smell and honestly this was just a terrible situation all and all for my mum to experience I really want to help her as she paid a lot for his funeral.

The funeral home said and the story is a bit murky, because my uncle died and was buried in France however we are English and flew over so all communication was done in French, anyway they said that this was the first time it’s happened to them but they removed the body from the fridge too early yesterday and so naturally the process began and they just offered apologies and such. They did not offer any refund.

Would it be appropriate to request the funds back for what was paid for the body to be refrigerated? My mum states she paid around 900 euros and she went again this morning to speak with them yet they offered nothing but apologies. I think it’s unacceptable and a refund should be issued. Any advice on how to go about this or if anything similar has occurred. Thanks.

EDIT: some extra context

My uncle died unexpectedly and so an autopsy had to be done. The funeral home said the situation occurred due to the body being taken for autopsy and they removed his insides and this meant they couldn’t remove all the liquids as they normally would? (sorry I know this is a bit confusing - my mum is translating from French which is not her primary language to English which is not her primary language although strong so some things are being lost in translation.) So, move forward and the body was taken out of the fridge for viewing by family. And put back in the fridge again after. I believe there was some discrepancy about a potential second viewing of the body which did not occur in the end (I believe this was planned for Thursday… not 100% sure on this I’ll triple ask my mother to clear it up when I can). Sometime after this point, the funeral home realises the body was having issues. Saturday morning my mum visits the home. They explained to my mum in a way that it’s like you know meat that’s been taken out to thaw and put back in again to freeze it will be a bit funky when taken out which I can understand.

My Uncle died on 9th August and Funeral was 5th September. Basically one month. Also it seemed to me it was a wood casket just by eyeballing.

UPDATE: Thanks all for your support and advice I really appreciate it. I have written them a very firm letter due to be sent Monday 8am, stating that we will need a written account of what occurred to cause such issues on the day of the funeral alongside a refund for the preservation costs. I will look into taking further action if a solution cannot be met.

Hi everyone.

I am about to make some decisions for my mom along with my sister.

Mom is on hospice care currently. We have a funeral home in mind.

In the past few situations where we dealt with death, we had my mom helping us so this is hard. When my husband died at 22 in the Army, I literally had someone holding my hand for everything, so this is harder.

What questions should we be asking the funeral home directors besides the obvious like costs?

Thank you so much in advance.

I'm finishing my last year of high school, and I'm thinking about going to school for funeral science in Milwaukee. I started wanting to go into it my freshman year, but now that I'm nearly graduated I'm reconsidering if I'm the right person for the job.

I've always wanted to use my future career to help people. I don't mind irregular or long work hours, I would actually prefer it compared to a normal 9-5. I would love the job security and being able to move anywhere in the country and still be able to pursue my career.

But I'm worried about my family, because they don't want me pursuing funeral service because it is taboo. I'm worried about taking the exams to be licensed since I live in Wisconsin and I read that it's the hardest state to get licensed in.

I just want to know if anyone else felt as anxious as me going into this, and if there's anything else that I might not expect going into funeral service.

I just obtained my dads ashes 6 years after his passing, I guess his wife has moved on and figured they best come to me, an only child.

They are still in a temporary urn. I purchased a brass urn with a small opening on the bottom. In Canada, how much would a funeral home charge approximately to transfer the ashes for me? And can this be done on the spot kinda thing with an appointment or do I need to drop off everything and come back? Also wondering if they can place a bag inside the urn and transfer them into it? Is this better than directly into the urn? Thank you for your insight.

Hi, I (17f) will be going to college next year and taking all my necessary prerequisite classes so I can go to mortuary school. I've gotten my foot in the door by working as a transporter for my local funeral home. I live in a rural area so I'm sure you can assume what the funeral homes are like out here, all family-owned and ran by older men.

Today I was chatting it up with the funeral director and just talking about my ideal employment situation once I am out of school. I would like to work at a larger funeral home in the city where I can share some of the load with my coworkers. This job is naturally very demanding and in no way shape or form do I expect to work normal hours all the time, I want to help people. I just want my sanity as well. I can see myself being on call for, say, two weeks out of a four week month. I am okay being needed during the holidays. I would just ideally want those other two weeks to be normal hours you know? Like an alternating schedule. I am so passionate about this field and the people that I will be able to help, but I still want to have a life. I am going to be a young adult. I want to have the energy to hang out with my loved ones. My director practically laughed in my face when I expressed all of this, and said that it just isn't the nature of the job. I should be expected to just go go go 24/7. I almost feel as if I am less than for wanting these things. I feel like maybe I am weak and not cut out for these dreams that I have. I haven't had any support from anyone, not even my parents. And when I talk to professionals in this field they all laugh in my face and act as if I am some idiot for not giving myself wholly. I don't know. I need to hear opinions on this

I was recently in human gross anatomy and the bodies we worked on were heavily embalmed. We would have to spray the bodies with the preservation fluid so it was definitely stronger than the average body just prepared for a viewing, but the formaldehyde smell was overpowering and stayed in your nose forever. I haven’t noticed that smell at the viewings I’ve been to but that being said, I’m also not getting too up close and personal with the decedent. When bodies are embalmed for viewing, do they have a strong formaldehyde smell? If there is a smell, how do you get it to be unnoticeable?

I am currently working full time in a field entirely unrelated, but I have wanted to do some kind of work with the dead since I was a child. I’m very passionate about this field. I’ve never been to college, but I did graduate HS. I have zero experience in the mortuary field. What would my first steps be here? I live in CO, and there is only one school to attend for this. I’ve seen some recommend getting a job in a funeral home before committing to school, but I’m nervous to leave my full time job to commit to that before doing school.

I have also seen that prerequisites are required- how would I get those? Could I attend the same college that has the mortuary program and once i’ve completed the prerequisites, apply for the program? These answers may seem obvious, but I really know nothing about college requirements and how the programs work. Please help!

So, long story short, a lot of things happened around the time that I graduated that prevented me from taking my boards (ie., death of a sibling, extreme financial hardship, & abusive relationship). As the title says, it has been 4 years since I graduated and I don’t have all my textbooks (lost most of them when leaving aforementioned abusive relationship & haven’t been able to find affordable replacements). I’m still highly interested in taking my NBEs, but I am aware of the fact that I need to study practically everything all over again before even attempting to do so. With that being said, I’m kind of at a loss on how to study in this situation. I reached out to The Conference to see if I could gain digital access to their suggested textbook list if I provided proof of my degree/transcript & academic references from my alma mater but never got a response. I’ve also scoured the Internet Archive, LibGen, and Anna’s Archive for PDFs of my missing textbooks but haven’t had luck.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do here? Thanks in advance.

Does anyone have experience with Legacy Memorial Group, Legacy Cremation Group, Legacy Funeral Group, Legacy Lane Urns? Perhaps associated with Broylman Memorial or Anthem Partners?

Looks like Legacy Cremation was previously called Heritage Cremation.

It looks like they outsource their calls for removal, transportation, cremation and mailing.

I kind of miss embalming!

I ended up getting laid off by my firm earlier in the year and due to a personal situation have not returned to work, and weirdly some days I find myself missing embalming.

I didn’t hate it while working, but it wasn’t always something I looked forward to (especially when the bodies were a challenge), but I do miss those easy straight cases!

As one of my coworkers put it, there was some solace in having the prep room to yourself where you weren’t bothered with other tasks and didn’t have to worry about the phone or people walking in.

Just had to come on here and say it, no one IRL would understand as I don’t know any funeral directors hahah.

I wasn’t sure what other group I could ask. I’m not a funeral director but I do make headstones. I want to decorate my office for spooky season but am finding myself maybe a little hesitant because I don’t want to be insensitive. Obviously I’m not going to put fake bodies or anything like that, but how do you juggle holiday spirit with grief stricken families? Pics of the exterior of my office incase anything immediate comes to mind (whether ideas of things to do, or definitely do NOT do). Appreciate any help!

Hello there!! I live in Oregon, and I am going to apply for a part time apprenticeship at my town's funeral home soon, but I have never had a job before so I am super nervous about interviewing and am trying to learn as much as I can to be prepared. I did do a job shadow at this funeral home once however, so I think I have a little bit of a foot in the door when it comes to applying. I have a lot of questions and was hoping I could get at least a few answered on this subreddit.. I am a bit new to reddit, so hopefully I am doing this right, but here goes:

Will I be doing public speaking as an apprentice?

What is some advice for speaking with a client who is upset or angry, or simply grief ridden?

How do I express both professionalism and compassion while consoling a person in grief?

Is shedding tears considered unprofessional and something I should avoid at all costs?

I am a little shy and find speaking to be sometimes difficult thanks to growing up during COVID, is there any advice I could use to be more comfortable with speaking naturally?

Is it required to wear make up as a woman to be professional?

What length should I keep my nails and what colors are acceptable to paint them?

What hair styles are considered professional and acceptable?

Is dyed hair okay as long as it is a natural color like red, black, or blonde?

What type of earrings/jewelry are allowed?

Are there other colors besides black that are okay to wear?

One of my white button up shirts is slightly see-through but not overtly, so like if a guy was wearing it I’d imagine it’d be okay. However, I am a woman, hence I have to wear a bra underneath. The bra I have is pristine white, but you can still see the straps a little as well as part of the tops of the cups. My mother says this is okay when I asked her, but I have my doubts and am wondering if I need to wear a vest or something on top just in case?

What should I specifically avoid wearing?

As a woman, are ties considered okay or tacky?

What should I research before the job?

What sort of questions will they ask me at the interview?

Is there any other advice or important information I should know about before beginning to work at the funeral home?

Sorry this is a bit long. If anyone is willing to answer any of these questions or give advice, I would appreciate it tremendously. Thank you to anyone who reads this.