This may be very specific to my circumstances but I'm just kind of wondering "why?"

Also for context, I was very emotionally distraught during this time so I may not remember everything precisely but I remember most of the details.

Years ago I had a stillbirth and we chose not to embalm. I don't know if it was even an option with a body so tiny but either way we chose not to embalm. When they took him away at the hospital I was comforted by the idea I would get to see him one last time in the funeral home. We knew it would be a closed casket but my husband and I wanted to see him alone, one last time.

Unexpectedly, we received a lot of push-back from the funeral director and we were really upset. We weren't rude or anything, but explained how important it was for us and told him honestly that we really wouldn't tell anyone, if it was something he wasn't supposed to do.

He did let us see him one last time which I am so grateful for. I really think not seeing him again would bother me every day if I couldn't have had that last moment.

My main question I guess is, is that frowned upon? Is it "against the rules" to view an unembalmed body? Was it just because it was a baby? If I choose, when I die, to not be embalmed does it have to be a closed casket?

(I don't know if this is context that is irrelevant but just to add: the funeral home was in a small Midwestern town. The funeral director was a family friend of sorts. More so with my grandparents than my parents. Don't know if that means anything but I don't want to leave out something important.)

I also am not sure if this was the right flair. I'm sorry if it's not.

My dad passed away last week and we’re in the process of planning the funeral (it’ll be in 3 weeks). He is being cremated with no viewing option. He was a low fuss man, didn’t like being messed with and wanted a simple funeral.

The funeral director asked if we wanted him to be embalmed for “hygiene reasons”. My mum was confused why it hadn’t already been done. The funeral director said that they always ask the families permission. My family is leaning towards embalming but I’m confused why it actually needs to be done.

No one is going to see him (apart from the funeral directors), he’ll be in a cold fridge for the next 3 weeks and he’s being cremated. I hate the idea of him being messed with or being filled with a preservative. I think people should go out of the world how they came in.

Can someone help me understand why embalming is needed? The pros vs cons. Thank you

My FH has been working with a family who's loved on died in Croatia. The flight, embalming, and consulate paperwork were to be handled by the funeral home in Croatia. The deceased was specifically transported out of town to a home that performs embalming. The paperwork submitted to the embassy includes a certified letter that the deceased was embalmed, however there was no embalming report.

We received the body this morning and transported him to the funeral home. He is in no way viewable- decomp is somewhat advanced (it has been almost two weeks at this point), features were not set and he was not shaved or cleaned. Furthermore, there were no incision or aspiration sites anywhere on the body. I'm not sure if there are different techniques in other countries ( I have received bodies from other countries in Europe where there were the typical embalming sites.) I'm not sure how/if to bring this up with the family as this is something they were charged for. In the meantime, I did reach out to the funeral home of origin and am waiting to hear back. Is there any recourse for the family to take?

I found my 72 year old mother dead this morning. She was in decent health so it was a shock. She was sitting upright in her recliner and her chin resting on her chest when I found her. She looked as though she was sleeping except her lips appeared to be pooched out or swollen and it looked like she had lots of extra skin or swelling maybe, around her neck and jaw. Based on when we were texting and she quit responding last night and when I went over to check on her this morning because I was worried, it was about 12 hours. I can’t get the image of her face out of my head. Is that normal for her face to appear swollen and will the funeral home possibly be able to make her look normal again? I don’t want what I saw to be my last memory of her but I only want to see her again if she looks normal. She will be embalmed. Thank you.

Odd question for those who embalm. I don't know why it bothers me but I hate the thought of a loved one being laid out naked and not covered during the process. Do you try to keep them as modest as possible? A sheet, towel or anything? I understand theyre just a vessel at this point but it bothers me.

My father passed 12 years ago. He was fully embalmed and buried in a sealed casket and a steel vault in Kentucky. The area of the cemetery he’s buried in drains well. May be morbid to think about, but if he were to be disinterred today, what would be left of his remains after 12 years? Things like this always seem interesting to me. Thanks in advance for reading.

long time listener, first time caller. anyway, my grandmother passed away 6 months ago (August 2024). We live in the southern Appalachian mountains and it was HOT when she passed. I’m talking miserably hot, think 85 degrees the morning of her funeral. She would’ve loved it, the hotter the weather the happier she was. however, since she’s passed away I’ve been so curious as to her decomp and if the weather and our climate had a big effect on it. She was not embalmed (her wishes were for no embalming, Private viewing for family, burial) and was only at the funeral home for less than 2 days.

A few weeks later in September, we were hit hard by hurricane Helene. Thankfully, the cemetery where she is buried did not have major issues, but it did flood. What is the state of her body now in February 2025? My husband thinks she is completely skeletonized at this point, but I have no idea. I know it’s a morbid question, but it really would help me heal and grieve as we were so close. Maybe that’s weird but it’s true.

Please stop shredding the carotid arteries. This was the third autopsy this week that had unusable carotids and it is extremely annoying.

Thank you very much, Embalmers Everywhere

In all seriousness though, what do the rest of you do in this situation? We tried using the facial arteries on one but the face started to swell almost immediately, so we’ve been hypoing, but that feels a bit bootleg.

From Wiki:

Tomb reconstruction and exhumation in 1901

The original tomb, built on unsuitable soil, was in constant need of repair. In 1900, a complete reconstruction was undertaken, Lincoln's remains were exhumed, and the coffin was placed back in the white marble sarcophagus.^\13]) On April 25, 1901, upon completion of the reconstruction, Robert Todd Lincoln visited the tomb. He was unhappy with the disposition of his father's remains and decided that it was necessary to build a permanent crypt for his father. Lincoln's coffin would be placed in a steel cage 10 feet (3.0 m) deep and encased in concrete in the floor of the tomb. On September 26, 1901, Lincoln's body was exhumed so that it could be re-interred in the newly built crypt. However, several of the 23 people present feared that his body might have been stolen in the intervening years, so they decided to open the coffin and check.^\15])

A harsh choking smell arose when the casket was opened. Lincoln was perfectly recognizable, more than thirty years after his death. His face was a gold color from unhealed bruises, a result of contrecoup (injury on the opposite side of the head from point of impact) caused by the gunshot wound, which shattered the bones in his face and damaged the tissue. His hair, beard and mole were all perfectly preserved although his eyebrows were gone. His suit was covered with a yellow mold and his gloves had rotted on his hands. On his chest, they could see some bits of red fabric—remnants of the American flag with which he was buried, which had by then disintegrated:^\15])

• One of the last living persons to see the body, a youth of 14 at the time, was Fleetwood Lindley (1887–1963), who died on February 1, 1963. Three days before he died, Lindley was interviewed and confirmed his observations.^\16])^\15])
• Another man, George Cashman, claimed to be the last living person to have viewed the remains of Abraham Lincoln. In the last years of his life, Cashman was the curator of the National Landmark in Springfield called "Lincoln's Tomb." He particularly enjoyed relating his story to the more than one million visitors to the site each year. Cashman died in 1983. His claim concerning the viewing of Abraham Lincoln's remains was later refuted when his wife, Dorothy M. Cashman, wrote a pamphlet titled "The Lincoln Tomb." On page 14, Mrs. Cashman wrote, "At the time of his death in 1963 Fleetwood Lindley was the last living person to have looked upon Mr. Lincoln's face."^\17])
• Tomb reconstruction and exhumation

What is the deal with remains of saints? To me, it’s shocking and weird to have the body displayed behind glass indefinitely and the heart in a jar for people to look at. Will the remains get gross looking over time? How are they preserving him and his organs?

Article w pics: https://apnews.com/article/carlo-acutis-millennial-saint-relics-sale-italy-catholic-f5a65136f90673ed038cc2e61dd76368

I just left my friends funeral. He was poisoned with fentanyl. It was a complete shock to say the least - this was not typical of him.

The story goes that he fell out of a chair that was at bar height. By the time the other person with him miraculously woke up, after also falling out of a high seated chair, rigor mortis had set in. I don’t understand how the other person survived.

He was extremely bloated in his casket and his left eye lid had what I would call “bubbles” on the top of the eye lid, almost to his eyebrow. It’s hard to describe but they were in a pattern like the ridges on ruffle chips. He did not resemble himself, at all.

Anyone know why or what that could have been?

Thank you for all that you do.

Last year my husband passed away suddenly. At his viewing we noticed his lips were separating (glued?) and a reddish fluid was coming from his mouth. The funeral director wiped his mouth and fixed him? I also noticed when I touched his arm he was wearing something under his shirt that felt odd like maybe a shower curtain type material. He died from pancreatitis and was on life support with a ton of machines and dialysis going for two days. Can anyone tell me what this was that I saw and he was wearing?

We used to use the Ansell DigitSafety HaloKote long cuff gloves. (natural rubber latex) but we want to switch to something a little more affordable. Curious to hear what you all use for preps and embalming work. Really curious to hear from my Canadian counterparts as well as where you get them? Amazon is a mess to sift through. Thanks

Hi there,

I love lurking in this forum, I have always had such respect for the people who work in this industry and I love learning about how death is handled across different religions and cultures. It's fascinating, in another life I would certainly like to work in this area.

But my question - My family have lost many members over the years and all were buried. My grandad died during the week and was cremated yesterday. His is the first cremation I have attended and what struck me about it all was how well presented he looked in his coffin. He looked younger, hydrated, all the pain and stress had gone from his face.

When I saw him alive just a couple of days prior, he was yellow all over due to liver cancer and very clearly struggling. Does the fact he looked well in his coffin mean he was embalmed? I thought this wouldn't be done for cremation, does this mean it was only done for the family's sake so we could have his wake at home?

When my aunty died she was not embalmed and I still remember how sunken she looked in her coffin. This is why I wonder if my grandad was embalmed despite being cremated.

Not sure if relevant but I'm in Ireland if that makes a difference.

For example cutting the trachea to prevent purge, injecting feature building under small pin holes to stop bleeding/fluid leakage,.. I’ll try to think of some more. What works and what doesn’t??

—

A few others.. sawdust in coveralls to dry out and deodorize bedsores; water up one nostril to flood anything out of nasal passages (and sometimes mouth/throat);…Another one that’s not exactly embalming but using cat litter in a closed casket on the unembalmed body to prevent odor.

My mom very recently passed away from stage 4 ovarian cancer. In her last week, she developed massive amounts of ascites and her abdomen was huge. She was on Hospice care at home, and she was extremely uncomfortable, even with near constant morphine and Ativan. I know when a person is embalmed, fluids are drained from the body. Would this include the ascites? The funeral is tomorrow, and I'd like to have an idea what she'll look like. (Of course, they will probably cover her abdomen anyway, so it may not matter.)

Hey everyone!! Our funeral home is currently overran with the deceased at the moment and i need a good laugh! so my question to all of you is…

what is your favorite prep room smell?

mine is restorative fluid!

https://www.reddit.com/r/askfuneraldirectors/s/FJlCRDRvpL

Original post up above.

Thank you so much to everyone who was concerned and commented on my last post. My brother in law had stated that he found new dirt on my MIL’s grave sight. When I went, the dirt did look a little higher, but it was not new dirt. In my opinion, maybe we had imagined the dirt would have decreased in size by now, and that could be why he believed it was new dirt (because it was still so high). However, I am pretty sure it is the same dirt as before.

Now, what was on the grave was a cross with someone else’s name and photo, a candle, and a bed of flowers. When I got to the gravesite I saw that my brother in law removed the things and placed them next to the gravesite on the ground.

It does not look at all like anyone was buried anywhere nearby recently. It also does not look like the dirt had been messed with on my MIL’s grave. When I received this information it was said by my brother in law and sister in law, who went together to visit.

However I still took a photo of how it looks and went to the office. The woman I spoke with told me that no one would ever be dug up, and it would be impossible to bury someone else there if she is buried there. She confirmed with me that the family had paid for all of the services in full, because I was concerned if the spot could be resold if they hadn’t completed payment.

She basically told me that the way the caskets are buried is kind of like a honey comb, so it’s very easy for someone to get confused about the location of their loved one, and accidentally place things on the wrong gravesite. She said that she has seen it happen before.

She essentially explained that it is an accident done by the people who brought the cross, candle, and flowers. I asked how could that be possible if it’s clear that no one else has been buried there recently (all other land is flat) and she did not really have a direct answer to my question. She was very nice, but I did ask if she was the only person in the office at the moment and she said yes. It seemed like she did not understand the severity of the topic.

At the end she just told me that if we return and see the items placed back on her grave, to let the office know and they will look up the person’s file and contact someone if there is a contact info on there.

So it’s pretty odd but we are all glad that nothing has been done to the grave itself. Thanks again everyone for taking the issue to seriously with us, and I apologize for the incorrect fact about there being new dirt.

I hope I tagged this correctly, but I have a question pertaining to what I saw at my nieces funeral. I’ve been to plenty of funerals in my life, but all for full grown adults, as opposed to my young niece. Now, they were all clothed up to their neck, and she was in a dress, so maybe that had something to do with what I physically saw on her. Anyway, not to drag it out too long but; I’m very confident I saw plastic/seran wrap placed across her chest? Her skin there was also kind of red and blotchy, and while I already know quite a bit of information on what happens to deceased bodies, this just didn’t make sense to me? Why was there seran wrap? Do you do this for all bodies after an autopsy? Furthermore, what was the red blotchy-ness from? I’m in the US, if that helps. Thank you 🙏

I’m curious to know what the funeral directors out there HONESTLY think about embalming. I have my own opinions from working in the industry… but I’m interested to hear yours.

One of my good friends told me this, it happened a few years back. I had NEVER heard anything like it ever! Her sister passed from cancer and the husband wanted a burial but could not afford it right away so at the crematorium she was stored for over a month. I’m sure he was charged for that service as well. I’m not sure if she was embalmed or not but was kept in the refrigerator for sure either way.

This crematorium was just a very nondescript building along the highway the only give away was the big smokestack thing and the occasional funeral car.

Anyway the husband went every day to have her pulled out of the refrigerator and would sit with her for about an hour or so. He even had his daughter and my friend , who was the deceased’s sister, dress her one day. She was not very feminine so he wanted her in jeans and a button up. It traumatized my friend because her sister was not all that flexible or easy to manipulate.

Now that I’m thinking about it she had to have been embalmed because they had the viewing at home. They made room in the bedroom and the funeral home brought the coffin in and set it up and she was right there in the bedroom more than a month after her death.

I had no idea ANY of this was possible! It has very been the one and only funeral I’ve been to like that for sure. Yes I know back in the day before funeral homes were the norm people were kid out at home and someone would sit with them.

Is this very common these days still? This was in Florida and not some backwoods swamp part either. We are very close to all the Florida attractions that everyone is very familiar with.

So my Dad died 15 years ago, and was embalmed. I have a really solid memory of seeing (and feeling) a dent in his forehead during the wake. I’ve never told anyone. I’ve always assumed that maybe the coffin was closed on him accidentally while he was in the wrong position? Is that something that happens?

Been doing some research about the industry and curious about how people determine if they’re able to “handle” the embalming process? Seems like you can’t legally be in the same room or assist unless you are enrolled in a program. I think some of this depends on the state? But what if you go through a program only to discover you can’t even do the job? I looked online to see if there were any videos that were graphic enough to really show what the process would entail but I couldn’t find anything that seemed to show the whole process in detail (e.g. accessing the carotid artery and jugular vein). I guess this could also be said for other medical related professions. But as someone with no experience in anything related just curious. Anyone not able to handle it at first but then get better with time? Even just those initial artery procedures seem very graphic let alone something like decomp or trauma.

I recently saw by mistake an Instagram reel where a deceased person was posed like he was staying on a chair at a table keeping something up in his hand. How was he embalmed to stay like that? Is there something put behind him so the body stay stiff like that? Sorry if this is not the right place to ask this. I reported the video because I never was interested to see something like this and I find it strange that someone will post it on social media, but this question that a body can be posed however someone wants doesn't leave my mind and I want to know what process will do this. Thanks in advance!

I have to an opportunity to watch my first embalming- because I have been researching stuff about the job for a while and am interested- and I am slightly nervous because Ive only ever seen one dead body and it was post embalming. I just wanna know what I should expect. Initially I wasn’t worried about it because I viewed it as a scientific thing that I find intriguing but my family has got in my head and thinks it’s scary Lol. So I just need some honest feedback.