Getting an early-stage breast cancer diagnosis is, quite simply, life altering, from treatment to survivorship. We are two oncologists who not only do research on the condition, but we also treat patients just like you. Ask us anything!

• Jane L. Meisel, MD: https://providers.emoryhealthcare.org/provider/jane-lowe-meisel/779911
• Kathy Miller, MD: https://iuhealth.org/find-providers/provider/kathy-d-miller-md-8144

Note: We are unable to offer personal medical advice.

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Maybe half of us go to the same doctors lol

I have posted regularly on this forum about my abject fear of starting to date after a double mastectomy. I have shared my worries about being seen as unattractive by another due to my hair loss, weight gain, menopause, loss of skin sensation, no nipples, not sure if the dryness or tightness will loosen up…. And so on.

And friends, it happened… more than once, if you know what I mean, with someone I had only known for a month, it felt right I bared all (which I still can’t believe) and we went to town!!!

And they want to continue seeing me?!? Me with my weight gain, cold boobs, no nipples and fatigue!!!

I just wanted to let others know that it can happen, there are people out there who get this, and care about us and our bodies and pleasure.

Update: WOW 😮 friends, just WOW! When I off the cuff posted this without much thought yesterday I didn’t realize the out pouring of pure joy and celebration this would generate. I am so very humbled by your comments, touched by the vulnerability of others sharing and my ego is LOVING the affirmations from you all. Friends, we got this, I have been in a terrible low place and absolutely buzzing off you all right now… maybe the big O is insight knowing you all got my back 😹

Keep sharing my friends ✨✨✨

UPDATE: Thanks for all the inspiration! I took it to heart. On Friday, on an impulse, the hubby and I bought tickets to see one of my favorite bands who were performing an hour and a half away on Saturday, with the understanding that we would stay for as long as I could manage since I am so tired from radiation. Well, I was able to stay for the entire concert and had the best time ever, even though I was fatigued! We got a hotel room for the night and relaxed till we came home this morning. We made it my celebratory night for entering the last week (week 6) of rads! And now I am making a little shopping list of some possible "Yay, I'm Done" goodies. Hoping to plan a trip, too. Thanks for the inspiration!!

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Next week I will complete my 6 weeks of radiation. All of 2025 has revolved around my cancer diagnosis/treatment. I was thinking that I would like to gift myself something lol. I don't know what, and I'm wondering if anyone has done that and what they bought themselves. It doesn't have to be something material either. Maybe a massage (although I can't lay on my stomach yet as my radiated breast hurts too much). I just want to treat myself for getting through this :)

I was joking with a friend yesterday that I only really recommend getting cancer if you want to find out what *everyone* who isn't a doctor thinks you should do about it. I think most of us relate to receiving boatloads of unsolicited advice!

While I was recovering from my first round of chemo I had another friend's mom tell me I should stop chemo immediately and get treated by her sister, with MAGNETS, instead. Oh sure, lady.

My mom's 74 y.o. neighbor randomly told me I should "just cut them stupid things off" and be excited about "never having to wear a bra again".

So, in the spirit of venting / commiserating / having a laugh, please tell me your off-the-wall unsolicited advice stories. Because people are weird!

I was diagnosed with IDC a couple weeks ago.

So far, I have had to comfort & console every single person I have told.

Excuse my language, but what the fuck? Did you experience this phenomenon?

I’m absolutely exhausted!

I just read somewhere that alcohol feeds breast cancer. I usually only have 2-3 drinks 2x a month including wine with supper. Do I really need to give it up totally? Google is not helpful.

Last week I was diagnosed with IDC ++-. I'm 56, have happily been on HRT for 5 years: am quite fit, have good energy and a great sex life (which is really important to me). There's so much to take in with a cancer diagnosis - but for some reason, the thing that has made me so weepy this week, is grieving the fact that I not only have to go off HRT, but have to spend years taking a drug that ensures I will have no estrogen whatsoever. I am not ready to just suddenly lose my vitality, gain a bunch of weight, become cranky, lose my libido and become a dried up old woman. It's devastating me right now.

I can't get that scene from Disney's Snow White where the evil queen transforms from a statuesque wonder to a shriveled old crone out of my head.

I KNOW it will save my life blah blah blah (please don't leave that comment). But the grief of what it will cost me is fricken heavy right now. Anyone else go through this?

Yes, you read that right. I’m a nurse and yesterday we had a 13 year old child on our census that has been diagnosed with breast cancer. My heart hurts and oh the anger I feel… this just isn’t right.

I mean the ones that they don't really talk about when they teach you about your chemo regimen but make you go "huh, well this is weird."

Mine is that water tastes off to me. Just plain water. The best description I can give is that it tastes "thick," which I know is not really a flavor... but there it is.

I'm single and estranged from my abusive family. I mentioned that today was my last chemo to some old long distance friends, but I guess they forgot. The Dr non-chalantly said "it's your last chemo", with a blank face- as if it was an afterthought. Even the nurses up on the chemo floor- they're always so lively, and I like most of them. I've heard them cheer and ring some bells when others finish. But they didn't do it for me 😭😭 So yeah. Phase 1 done- on to phase 2 and 3, I guess. That's my news today.

I just had a hilarious interaction with a woman yesterday, and I have to share. I went to a local make up/skincare store to look for a new tinted spf moisturizer (side note: weirdly, my face has been really sun sensitive this year, and the only change has been tamoxifen, but I digress).

A gal working was helping me look at different options, and then also mentioned they had a bunch of regular skin friendly sunscreens in their clearance section, too.

So she and I walk back and are looking, and there’s also a bunch of other stuff on clearance like that tape you can use to keep your top from riding down (I don’t know what it’s called, but I feel like someone knows what I’m talking about), and clips for your bra to connect the straps in the back, and finally, these silicone looking nipples covers. The covers were priced down to like $2 a piece, and the clerk was telling me they are NEVER this cheap and I should snag some just to have in case. I smiled politely and started looking at the sunscreen. She’s talking brands and then mentions the damn nipple covers AGAIN! I said oh, no thanks, and continued.

When I decided on what I wanted, she walked me up to check me out, and mentioned A THIRD TIME, that she couldn’t recommend those covers (and the same branded makeup tools) more, and that she has been telling everyone she’s helped to snag some, because they are never that cheap.

I smiled and said “I don’t have nipples.”

She said “what?”

I said “double mastectomy. I don’t have nipples.”

She was tripping over herself to apologize and get me out of the store as fast as possible, and I was laughing so hard the entire time. I kept telling her it was okay, and I’m not offended, but she was way past that.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything and kept politely declining, but I was SO curious what her reaction would be if I said it. I’d like to say I was also thinking maybe someone with the same circumstance would be upset, so it was a lesson on her for pushing, but I’d be lying. That was just an unintentional lesson I thought about in hindsight.

So there’s my funny anecdote that is STILL cracking me up. Also, I wonder if she was earning the world’s smallest commission pushing those things!

I’m a married mom of 3 and I have to travel for my treatments due to insurance because my husband works and pays taxes in another state. We left the kids with my 18f Neice who’s very responsible. My dad called while we were driving g and asked if my youngest had allergies because his teacher said he had almost used an entire box of tissues that day. My husband overheard and started screaming and cussing while I was on the phone and my dad had my kids in the car with him and was on speaker phone so I got super embarrassed and hurried off the phone with my dad and my husband and I exchanged a couple words after I hung up the phone. In that heated debate he called me ghetto and told me to just die. I feel like my trust is broken. I feel like the person who is supposed to love me and support me has taken everything that we’ve built and thrown it away. I’m still in chemotherapy getting infusions fighting for my life and he completely has no empathy for his words and tried to justify it by saying that I was running my mouth. All of this was over if my son had gotten Claritin or not and accusing my Neice of not giving my son the medication. I am not able to work and have no income and I can’t divorce him because I couldn’t afford my treatment. I have to do infusions until April 2026. I just needed to vent 😮‍💨

This is all in good fun.

I’ve been in remission for 3ish years. But I’m still getting my monthly injections. And I’ve had 6 reconstructive surgeries in the last 18 months. In addition I also have other chronic health issues. I never pull the card for sympathy or guilt. But there have definitely been some times where I’ve pulled the “cancer card”.

If you use the card, I’m curious you play it.

The one way I’ve played the card, when I’ve got out drinking on girls night and a guy asks why we are out. I always say “we are celebrating me beating cancer” which I mean everyday I’m this side of the dirt is a celebration. But oh man I’ve gotten a few free rounds of drinks for my girls and I. These guys have no obligation to buy us drinks and I never ask. But I suffered and busted my ass for that card, I’m gonna use it within reason.

We were leaving Target and she was sitting in her car next to the sidewalk and sarcasticly shouted out "Stay germ free!" And I glanced at her because I couldn't compute what she was saying, then she followed it up with something about covid. I then realized what she was talking about. My mask. Oh good grief. I yelled back "I have cancer you fucking idiot!" And kept walking. I don't raise my voice and I'm the most conflict avoiding person so this was a little out of character for me. Anyway, just wanted to share with people that could understand. I hope she has the day she deserves. 🙂

Hi Loves. I want to share some good news. My first post cancer mammogram came back clear. While I should be ridiculously happy I’m still ptfo that i had cancer to begin with. What’s your win this week? Even if it’s “ I made it to bathroom before I shat myself.” Bc in my book that’s a win. 🚽

UPDATE: I went from stage 2B, lumpectomy with only one lymph node involved to stage 4 today. MRI indicates cancer in vertebrae. 😔 Any words of encouragement appreciated.

UPDATE: (Longish, thanks for reading)

Ok. Saw oncologist today. He was very positive even though it is likely S4. He said likely because there is still a minuscule chance it might not be.

I go for a very special PET scan which will show if what they see in my back has estrogen in them because it is in a place they can’t biopsy. If yes, stage 4, if no likely unrelated which means I remain stage 2. He was honest that the tumor board believes it will be related.

These steps are to determine chemo treatment length and strength. The PET scan is on July 30th (which I guess is very lucky because it usually takes months to get an appointment for this type of PET) and chemo a week after that.

In the meantime they are starting me on hormone blocker. Because my cancer is/was highly estrogen (95%) fed.

The reason they aren’t starting chemo immediately is because they really need to know what’s on my back and chemo will like remove or change the cancer in a way that will skew the scan.

Feeling at least a bit more settled and glad some treatment is underway.

Thanks for all your love💕

Please no "you're strong, you can do this" comments, thanks.

edit: I didn't expect so many responses, thank you to everyone who took the time to respond.

I’m feeling funny today, so I’ll go first. Lil Refill. 🤣

Has anyone gifted themselves a YOLO present (it can be big or small) either during or after you completed treatment. I would have to win the lottery first to buy my dream car but it’s nice to dream about what YOLO gift I would purchase myself. What about you?

Hi everyone. Today I went to my post op for my pathology results. I was initially diagnosed stage 2 grade 3 IDC ++- . Had a lumpectomy 6/10 and I was feeling good since they only removed 3 lymph nodes. I felt like I was going to get great news today.

I didn’t. The sentinel node and lymph nodes were all positive and my tumor looked a hot mess. The pathologist even messaged my surgeon to recommend an MRI. I’m just so sad, I feel like I got diagnosed all over again. I need a mastectomy and chemo. I’m opting for a double mastectomy because my right breast feels off too even though my mammogram and US were negative.

My bone scan and CT were negative, thank God! But it’s still in my lymph nodes, like how?! I’m just crashing out , like how is this real life. 2 months ago I was a healthy 36 year old with so many plans.

Also today is my 37th bday, so that’s awesome. I don’t want to die and leave my kids. I’m scared, mad, sad. I feel like an idiot for thinking today I was going to get great news.

I know in the grand scheme of life with breast cancer, weight gain is small potatoes. But, when life sucks and is hard, and full of struggles, the small potatoes can make or break us. I've always been a runner - it's my "therapy" and my favorite form of exercise to ward off/slow down the middle-aged weight gain. I had struggled with running even before the cancer diagnosis because of menopause - joint pain, not sleeping, headaches, etc. I was finally feeling better, starting to run again, then BAM - life handed me cancer. I've recovered from surgery and just finished radiation, and have gained weight along the way. I'll start AI's next week and am not looking forward to them because of the side effects and their impact on running and continued weight gain. Again, weight gain is small potatoes, but when life is tough already, and you can't fit into your favorite pair of jeans, it just sucks! I just want to feel normal and confident and hot - but hot-flash hot😆 Looking for advice from other shi**y-ti**y committee members. How have you dealt with weight gain?

I just wonder ... for me, 40.

Because the United Healthcare CEO was murdered. I am a very emotional person. I swerve to avoid hitting frogs when I drive near the river after the rain (they’re everywhere). I cry if someone else is crying, especially if I know why they’re crying. I cry at movies and books.

But feel nothing about the dude getting killed. Actually that’s not even true, I texted the story to my husband and said it couldn’t happen to a better person.

Mastectomy was May 25, 2023. Was driving May 24 with my husband and the hospital called. Told me that my insurance was only covering a portion of it, which is typical, but that my responsibility would be $34,000+. This didn’t include reconstruction.

The reasoning was they said we chose the wrong type of plan. We still had coverage but someone said basically it wasn’t complete enough to cover having fucking cancer. And that any and all testing I had already received, including two MRI’s, ultrasounds, etc etc were also not a part of my plan and we had large premiums for those too. This insurance was $1,300 (or something close) out of my husbands check every month and wasn’t worth shit. He sold his stock in UHC without telling anyone in the company or shareholders that they were under investigation by the federal government, so he made a big profit. In three years time he made almost $30,000,000.

So I truly don’t feel any of my typical “aww damn”, I feel more “is the shooter going to have a GoFundMe for legal fees?”

In closing, I’m a horrible bitch but strangely okay with that right now. Dude denied so many people basic healthcare. Basic decency. Lacked humanity. So fuck him and his company.

I was diagnosed with: Ductal carcinoma in situ, high nuclear grade, solid, cribriform, and comedonecrosis types. ER+

I actually recorded the Doctor visit because I like to listen more closely for my own poor communication and because sometimes I miss things when I’m emotional. So my son what’s with me at the surgical appointment. The doctor came in, looked at me and said so tell me why you’re here and I said. “I have cancer” and he said three times you do not have cancer, you do not have cancer, you do not have cancer. Now is there something that I should know about why breast surgeons are speaking to women like this? Is there some weird reason that this diagnosis would cause someone to say that? Because I don’t have words for how weird that is. So my sister had the same cancer, but it was invasive and another sub type of cancer. I have a very extensive history of cancer in my family and I’m 50 years old. Am I crazy? It says proven malignancy on my MRI! This is cancer right? I mean I want double mastectomy but he’s offering surgery and radiation. I’m just Curious somebody please explain to me why any surgeon would say this in a real rational way and not follow it up with early cancer, etc. because I’m seeing this on the message boards and this needs to stop and I mean I will make it stop if we have to go to the White House which right now would be funny because no one‘s listening but I’m just saying there has to be a way to express ourselves to say can doctors please stop doing this? The surgeons? I think I’m a little angry. I feel like this is medical gaslighting. And I’m not gonna lie. I have a follow up appointment tomorrow and I want to find a calm way to bring it up to see that. But the problem is that person is the one that’s gonna knock you unconscious and remove parts of your body. I am sure anybody reading this can understand how irritating and how dismissive and borderline abusive that statement is. The other part of it that bothered me too is I literally and I’m not kidding. I went to a cardiologist for medical clearance because I’ve had three cardiac ablations and the cardiologist asked me. Why are you here? Granted I was referred to this one and he’s new, but I’m just wondering if in general, this is how my breast cancer treatment is gonna go.I have no words to describe how confused I am about what I’m going through.

Update:

The returns to the breast and plastic surgery office today after having undergone recent MRI evaluation for new diagnosis of left breast high-grade DCIS. Evaluation was limited to due to diffuse confluent background enhancement. Heather has asked for bilateral mastectomy, however I have recommended that prior to that she undergo consultation with both radiation and medical oncology and have comprehensive assessment with Memorial Sloan-Kettering.

Heather is a 50-year-old insurance specialist who presents to the breast and plastic surgery office today after having undergone routine screening imaging which demonstrated calcifications within the left breast 1.4 cm in size in the upper inner quadrant. Ultrasound evaluation was also completed and a irregular hypoechoic region/mass was identified. Core biopsy was performed and the findings were consistent with a high-grade DCIS with comedonecrosis.

The plan will be to obtain MRI evaluation for extent of disease of the left breast

I want to add that he repeated several times again that I do not have cancer lol. It was an appointment that was less than 15 minutes. He was in a rush and he didn’t wanna talk literally so although he has an exceptional rating basically the message was I don’t wanna deal with it. And nobody was organizing the medical care so he wasn’t wrong in the way he wrote this, but in the visit, which I recorded with his permission or the nurses permission he basically barely talked and said it wasn’t cancer lol and if you read that, I am absolutely stunned that any medical institution without anybody to say that and that doesn’t mean that he is bad again he has an excellent rating as a surgeon

Edit : should the surgeon explain the cancer in detail? He didn’t. And should someone along the way have shown me the scans with the cancer? No one did. Basically they just said it’s not cancer. We can take it out through a wire whatever and do radiation and no one explained really the fact that there’s possibly a mass nobody explained why no one looked at my lymph nodes or did an ultrasound and then it was weird I am not kidding. I’ve had some just strange experiences with this, but I might be naïve. Aren’t you supposed to see the scans or can anyone just say you have cancer and you never have any follow up? In other words, shouldn’t I actually look at it or is that stupid? I feel crazy.

Update : final pathology ended up being several small tumors less than 1 cm each plus extensive DC IS. So it was both invasive stage one a and DCIS. And it turned out that I am we are positive, PR 10% and HER2+. No lymph node involvement, but there was lymphovascular invasion. I had my double mastectomy at MSK and will be getting my chemotherapy and targeted treatment there. Also within the next month. I hope everyone gets their second opinions when they don’t feel heard