Hey y’all, first off I want to say I love this community. It’s so, so refreshing to hear everyone’s takes on here, and I’m glad there are online spaces where men can talk freely, safely, and kindly.

Secondly, I’m a 24 F who is really lacking on male connections in my life, and I’m not sure how to make friends with guys. I’m a lesbian, and all of my previous guy friends started to have feelings for me which obviously & unfortunately never worked out. The friendship would end because they didn’t want to stay friends with me, which is fair, but it still sucked. I’m at a loss for how to maintain friendships with men. I have a couple of gay guy friends, but I’d love to have guy friends that are straight or on various ends of the queer spectrum. Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated. :)

For context, I’ve been trans (ftm) for 3 years now. I only started trying to look really masculine about a 1 year ago as I came out to my family. Before, it was really hard to look in the mirror because all I saw was the girl in myself, in my face and body. Recently, I’ve really made a difference and I think I look a lot more masculine! Nowadays, I can really tolerate how I look and I’m really happy to be at this stage in my life.

Hi
So basically, all my life i've been used. I never had real friends, i always ended up overgiving and no one reciprocated the same energy back. Almost everyone i met ended up using me for some purpose. A guy once told me that he only considered me as a friend because he wanted me for notes ( i was really good in academics ) . I considered that guy my best friend.

I was in a relationship with a girl, i found out later by a mutual friend, she said to him that she was only with me because she wanted someone for emotional support. This happened recently.

And lately, i've been thinking, what if i never find a real one and keep getting used all my life? What if i die lonely?
Please gimme tips on how i can avoid people who end up using me and how do i know im overgiving?
I'm 18 years old

TL;DR: I want to stop spending so much time on video games and start doing something healthier. Advice from former gaming addicts (or just in general) would be appreciated.

Hi,

I'm in my early twenties and have been into gaming for about half my life. Tried countless genres, had tons of fun — both by myself and with other people — and taught myself the English language with the help of video games (among other forms of media). All in all, I don't regret getting to experience this hobby and all the different stories that these games have thrown at me.

But I do regret spending over three thousand hours in front of my PC (and that's not even factoring in the time I spent playing on my phone, or games that aren't on my Steam account!).

I've been called a basement-dweller by one of my friends on countless occasions (sometimes half-jokingly, sometimes not so much), and while it was and is hurtful sometimes, actually seeing these numbers made me realise just how severe the problem is. Almost every waking moment of mine is spent either on video games or social media, for fuck's sake! This is not the life I want to live!

There are multiple reasons (excuses?) behind my behaviour, most of which I'm not going to get into, but I will say that they range from "it's too hot to go outside" to "I hate it all and games are the only thing that makes me feel alive". More often than not, doing something for myself just feels pointless, too. "Why should I do XYZ if climate change/politics/billionaires/AI is going to make everything worse regardless?" — my brain, the unhelpful bastard.

I understand that just lying down and doing nothing is not the answer, and that we should all try to live our life to its fullest, but I just can't seem to find the strength to do anything other than pick up a controller and do my best to escape into a fictional world. I'm not sure where to start, or how to keep myself from returning to old patterns. Every hobby that I've tried to pick up in recent years (guitar, drawing, callisthenics, etc.) inevitably ends up being abandoned. Not necessarily for the lack of interest on my part, but because gaming is so, so much easier. I don't need to worry about being too loud or too unskilled, or about figuring out how to learn anatomy and line weight, or about random unidentified pains that rear their ugly heads when I exercise. I just... sit down and immediately feel engaged. I make progress, I get rewarded with achievements, and I feel like I'm doing something.

And then I log off, only to see myself in the mirror and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.

Phew. Thank you if you've made it this far, 'cause I really wanted to get this off my chest. Again, advice would be incredibly appreciated! But even if I don't get any, writing down and sharing a part of my story with this sub is helpful in and of itself. Stay safe, bros.

EDIT: Wow, thank you guys for all the advice and comments!! I'm admittedly a bit overwhelmed by the sheer amount of it all, so might not be able to reply to everybody, but please know that I did read every single one!

Hey guys,

I (M26) started a new job on Monday. I was very excited because I've been unemployed for a while and this was kind of the perfect job for me.

Every job I had before, I had no problem fitting in. People were always nice to me, some became friends, I treated them well too. Always had a blast, socially.

This is different. It's a small company, and my 2 managers + colleague are 3 females who are very close. They work in the same office, they eat together every day, they go out after work. They know each other for a while and they have inside jokes that I don't get. Sometimes, they ask how I'm doing but that's it. They don't ask me any questions, they don't seem interested by me whatsoever. I can't help but feel alone and rejected. I never felt this way before in a job.

For example, I should share an office with my colleague (she does the same work as me) and we're supposed to have projects together. But every morning, she comes to our office, takes her computer and goes to the manager office to work with her. I'm left alone in a big ass office without anyone to talk to. At lunch, I'm alone or with other colleagues from other departments and they're nice but we don't work together so connecting is hard.

As I'm writing this, my 3 coworkers are out having lunch together again, they left without saying anything and didn't even invite me. I'm feeling hurt and sad.

How do I approach this? I want to connect with them but they don't seem interested at all (I asked a bunch of questions, tried to make jokes, was genuinely interested in their lives and work). Or this team just isn't a good fit for me? It's usually so easy me for me to have good relationships with my coworkers, I feel at lost here.

The problem is, I don't want to be unemployed again. I was really counting on this to be my job for the next few years, but if I don't feel good in the team I don't know how to stay. It's really important for me to feel good with my coworkers. My expectations were too high I guess. I didn't anticipate this and now I don't know what to do.

It has been a long time since i was at my loeest point in life. I was 18 years old, with a heavy substance abuse issue. My poison was weed, alcohol, cocaine and basically every upper i could get my hands on.

I was a high school drop-out working as cook and bartender in a shitty restaurant, and worked a side job in a nightclub. I tried to run away from stress in my personal life by working 80 hour weeks, and partying everyday.

I took 2 years for me to completely crash and burnout. It took an intervention from my real friends, not the fiends I hung out with whom I considered friends, for me to decide to quit using coke.

I was clean for 5 years straight, and i slowly started picking up the pieces and try and make something of myself. I got an officejob working sales for an ISP, which put me in the IT path I am speedrunning today.

7 years from me deepest low, I am now working an IT job in tech, and I feel great. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

2 years ago I started drinking again, and soon after, I started using again.

Not in the way I used to, but only on weekends. It feels like a failure, but it is one of the few ways I know to blow of steam.

My job stresses me out, and It feels like the whole department is leaning on me. I feel the need to keep proving myself, and everyday I am afraid to lose everything I have worked so hard for. Still no education, only experience.

Some days are worse than others. Panick attacks are getting more frequent, and so are the night terrors. I can't even remember the last night I slept for the whole night without jumping awake in fear.

In some ways, I know I'm burning out. I recognize the signs. But the idea of calling in sick, and possibly sabotaging my further career makes me sick to the stomach. (I'm EU based, so we do get full paid leave in case of illness for a year. And 70% for the two years after that)

I'm at a loss here bros. Care to give a bro some advice?

Hey, bros. M, early 30s, here. I've long struggled with trusting others and telling them how I feel. Most of the time I actually don't really know what I feel beyond 'bad.' But over the last year I've been determined to change this.

In the last few months I've made a friend and I've been open with what I am working with from the start. If things are stressful at work, I ask her if we can go for a walk to vent. She's good at asking me the right questions and also challenging me on my preconceptions. I still don't always find myself trusting her, but that is not because of any signals she's giving, and more because I always expect people to betray me.

This week I opened up to her about insecurities I have with pursuing women. I met some very beautiful and charismatic women at a conference and wanted to text them to see if there was a connection. But instead of doing that I bailed at the last second. My friend is good at challenging what I say in a constructive way and pointed out that she doesn't understand why I break before anything has happened. That pushed me to actually send the messages and one of them responded back in an inviting way!

I'm still learning how to trust myself and others, but I am finally starting to feel like I finally have a friend I trust enough to try.

Hey brothers,

I've been researching the difference between toxic and healthy masculinity after seeing how it affected my own life and relationships. Growing up, I thought being "strong" meant never showing emotions, handling everything alone, and competing with everyone. It left me isolated and angry.

The game-changer was realizing that real strength is:

• Being honest about struggles instead of pretending everything's fine
• Building genuine connections instead of competing for dominance
• Taking responsibility instead of blaming others
• Supporting other men instead of putting them down

I made a video exploring this "choose your game" concept comparing toxic masculinity to being stuck on hard mode with no teammates, while healthy masculinity is like unlocking multiplayer support mode.

What I learned from research:

• Most men report having nobody to confide in 100%
• Men who embrace vulnerability report stronger relationships
• Emotional intelligence is literally a superpower for career and dating
• The "man up" mentality increases depression and suicide risk

My question to you: What was your turning point? When did you realize the old "tough guy" script wasn't working? What specific changes made the biggest difference?

Loyalty Runs Deep”

When the storm clouds gather and the winds start to howl When the world feels heavy and you’re walking every mile I’ll be the rock standing steady in your sea Cause that’s what loyalty means to me It’s not just a word it’s a bond it’s a vow Through the highs through the lows I’ll never back out Loyalty runs deep like a river to the sea It’s the fire in my soul it’s the heart inside of me Through the darkest nights and the brightest day I’ll stand by your side come whatever may When the bridges are burning and there’s no way back When the road is unpaved and the sky turns black I’ll be your compass I’ll never let you fall Loyalty’s my promise and I’ll give it all It’s more than a choice it’s the truth that I breathe No matter the cost I’ll never leave Loyalty runs deep like roots beneath the ground In a world full of noise it’s the one true sound Through the battles we face through the trials we meet I’ll stand here forever loyalty runs deep It’s the strength to stay when it’s easier to go It’s the hand you hold when the answers aren’t known It’s the trust that’s unshaken the faith in the fight The promise to keep through the longest night Loyalty runs deep like rivers carving stone It’s the bond we share when the world feels alone Through the shadows and storms through the joy and the pain I’ll be by your side again and again When the story is written and the echoes fade away They’ll know we stood together come what may For loyalty runs deep and it always will be The unshakable truth between you and me

Admittedly it's just for the tech crew but a few of my friends are there and I just wanna help make some lasting memories my senior year :D Plus I'm actually involving myself in social situations instead of bedrotting

I moved cross country over a year ago and as much as being here has been good for me I had a really low period when I first moved here. I was unemployed and had zero contact with people outside my girlfriend our mutual friend a roommate and if my friends. Today I invited my friend from work over. It might not be much for some people but it’s the start of me being better as a person.

I don't know hot to format this but I need advice. I wanna know how I can be more expressive and calm I hate how I'm always on edge and occasionally give a bad attitude Not only that but I need to learn how to truly express my feelings, I'm afraid to tell people how I feel and what I'm thinking

Any help?

I took a placer test today, and i was surprised to find out i passed and can now take the class ive wanted to. This years going to be rough what with me in highschool and college, with multiple art projects and personal problems to juggle, but small wins like this feel really nice :)

I (14m) have been dependant on alcohol, getting drunk every weekend for over a year and a fair bit for the past two or so years before that. It’s caused issues throughout all parts of my life, especially school.

The other week I realised I had a problem when all I could think about at school was getting home so I could drink and how much I hated myself sober. I asked my mates and they agreed and have helped me through it.

I’ve now been sober two weeks which I know doesn’t sound like much but I’m feeling so much better already. It’s been really hard and I just wanted to share this with all you bros :D

At some point in our lives, we want to be chosen by someone, whether that’s our family, friends, or a lover. Heck, I remember, back in school, when gym teachers would let two classmates pick their teammates for a game of dodgeball, I would internally pray that I’d get picked because I was wanted, not as a last resort or because I was convenient

.But as I grew older,  I realized that I didn’t have to foolishly hope or beg someone to choose me. All I have to do is exist. This mindset helped me deal with plenty of silent rejections, and maybe it could help you guys, too.

A trivial story, but almost a decade ago, I was a middle aged man.

I was new in an area, and had no male friends only female friends. I got sick, not serious but a few days in bed sick. Not serious, but I was certainly not going out;- not even to the super market or pharmacey. And I needed a few things, so I regreted not having mates I could ask for help.

I cancelled a couple of social appointments I had with women, and they were completely understanding. No man-flu stuff or dismissals, they came round, they did everything I would have asked my male mates for amd more in fact. It is a special memory.

It is a small thing, but it made me realise that some of the troublesome things that I had experienced were in the context of relationships and women feeling betrayed at the boyfriend/husband being ill. Once removed from that context, the female friends I had were as giving and willing to help as male friends.

It was a very heartening moment for me.

Hi, Im was worked like graphic desinger in clothing company, but leave because its very boring. Im still make some graphic designs. Last time I thnik about my design company, but I want part of income donate foundations about mens psychic health worldwide.

How I can make trust my customers I will donate this foundations, if im not influencer, not foundation just graphic designer.

Last year broke up with girlfriend of 8 year and on the same year I was planning to propose. She helped me rise from the darkness that took over my life during high school.

Now it’s creeping back in, I’ve pushing myself out of this bad vibes by doing boxing classes and gym, have lost 8 lb so far in 2 weeks and have bettered my diet. My mind is still telling me negative thoughts just need some encouragement that I’m taking the right steps.

I’m afab and am non-binary but like being referred to by masculine pronouns outside of romantic settings, and a lot of people have been calling me by them!

It’s not much and I technically don’t mind any, but it still makes me smile since I don’t want to be seen as just a girl :D

Fun part is I have bright pink hair while it happens, and nobody even asks about it when I mention my identity! It’s so nice to feel so accepted I don’t know how much I can take, it’s so surreal

I’ve lived a sedentary lifestyle for most of my life, in large art due to crippling back pain

I got a major surgery a couple years ago when I was 19 (I’m 21 now), but I struggled to leave all those hold habits behind

But recently, I’ve gotten new clothes I like, started having more genuine conversations with my close buddies, and I even started working out regularly

To anyone outside of the US, today is Labor Day, and my extended family likes to throw a lil get together and grill some hot dogs every year on the day before Labor Day.

Now my extended family is very country, redneck, real blue collar guys, who drink beer and ride Harley’s. I’m about as city slicker as it gets, couldn’t survive a day in the outdoors and know more about computers, art, and “exploring my self” than cars and corn hole. I definitely don’t feel like I fit in with them considering I’m a very feminine-ish presenting man who might like dudes, but they are my family, so I go out every year and hang out.

Yesterday the adult of the group threw together a lil game for the younger kids at a pond down the dirt road on the camp ground. A lil fishing competition to see who could catch the most/biggest fish. The adults there brought their poles but they were mostly just watching.

Now I know cliche of a dad teaching his son to fish. Now while my dad is still in my life, our relationship is very strained. We never got to have “father son time” so even though I’m 18 I’ve never been fishing before.

Yesterday though, I borrowed a fishing pole from another family member and I managed to catch an 8in blue gill, which was actually the biggest one caught that day.

Now I really wanna go fishing, even if it’s just by myself. There’s a nice lake bout a mile down the road from my house, maybe I’ll check it out

i think a big part of my depression stems from my appearance and i think starting a diet would be really good for my physical and mental health. any tips for sticking to it?