r/cancer • u/Mary-Jan • Nov 28 '23

Death My husband died yesterday

After 1 year and 9 months tortious battle with cancer (SCC of unknown primary.) My beloved husband died at home with me. We battled this horrible experience alone. Friends and family just disappeared from our lives through this time. No one showed up to see if I needed help before he died and NO ONE SHOWED UP upon hearing of his death.

This is really what starting over looks like I guess.

433 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

135 comments sorted by

View all comments

38

u/[deleted] Nov 28 '23

I went thru cancer myself in 2017. To say I was disappointed in humanity is an understatement. I consciously choose to not have these so called “friends” any longer. People can really disappoint you. I choose to live as a loner.

8

u/[deleted] Nov 29 '23

Firstly OP im sincerely sorry for your loss. I hope you can find peace gradually as time goes on. I'm replying to this comment as I too went through Rectal Cancer in 2017 and had exactly the same experience. I had read many times over to be careful of how many people will make it about themselves. I had no idea my entire family and friend group would be like that. All these people surely can't be bad people. I blame society as a whole. People have become so apathetic towards their fellow humans, unless they can get something out of it. I virtually live alone now and can't stand to be around people. Their shallowness makes me mentally sick.

I actually feel sorry for them to an extent because one day it might happen to them, then, they may wake up.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 29 '23

[deleted]

3

u/LawEnvironmental9474 Nov 30 '23

That's a hard truth to learn. We spend time cultivating our careers instead of our families but when the end comes your career dosent care. You are just replaced.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '23

I can only speak to my situation. I have very little family in the United States, but they did not show up for me. I had a lot of friends as I haven’t moved in over 30 years. I would have parties and barbecues and lots of people would show up, eat my food, drink my drinks act like we were great friends. Then radio silence when I was going through my battle, I always treated my friends the way I wanted to be treated by them, I showed up when they had cancer only to be left in the dust when it was me, so I will not be blaming myself.