r/cancer • u/No-Permit-9519 • Jul 18 '25
Patient Officially Dying
Hi,
I haven’t posted on here since last year, but my prognosis has gotten much worse and I was just told today that I’m officially out of options. So I’d like to just vent a little bit.
The tumors grew so much these past two weeks that they caused a pericardial effusion, and my oncologist said I’ve reached the end of the road. I can try more chemo, or I can live out however long I have left just managing my symptoms until I eventually stop breathing or my heart stops beating. I’m not scared of death, but I am sad that I’ll leave my loved ones behind and there’ll be stuff I miss out on. I have such bad FOMO especially since treatment has kept me from being at so many events and doing normal young adult things. It’s really annoying to have to make this choice.
I don’t know what to do, I’m leaning on stopping treatment but I’m scared of the pain that might come from that. This sucks. But I’m also tired of constantly suffering only to keep getting sicker, so maybe it’s a good thing. It’s just very demoralizing to hear that you’re going to die and there’s nothing anyone can do to help you.
5
u/disposable1-2her Jul 19 '25
I'm so sorry for the choice you're facing. It isn't fair, and it isn't right.
My dad was given the same option almost 3 years ago. He can do chemo, it won't make him better, but it may prolong his life, or they can help him manage his symptoms, and he can live that way as long as he can.
He chose the chemo route, which gave us an extra 2 years with him. I'm so thankful for that time, but it was not without its challenges. We had to watch him wither away to nothing, and every day was a challenge for him.
When he finally stopped the chemo, he was put on heavier meds that made him comfortable. Yes, they made the pain much easier to bear, but I know he still had some pain. It was worse when he was on the chemo, though.
Eventually, in May, he lost his fight and passed away while in a medication induced coma. He was comfortable and happy with his decisions, which was all we cared about. And it's all your family should care about in the end. That you were happy, and felt you made the right choice for you.
This isn't to convince you of which way you should choose. That's neither my place nor do I have any right to. This is merely me sharing my experience to say I have seen both sides and to give you an idea of what it can (not necessarily will) look like from that experience.
Sending hugs. Once again, I'm so incredibly sorry