r/cancer • u/TheEvilSatanist • 18d ago
Patient Just got diagnosed
This weekend was absolute chaos and clusterfuck. I went to the ER on Saturday for what I thought was a persistent stomach bug.
After a CAT scan of my stomach and a battery of tests this weekend, I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic cancer.
They did a biopsy Sunday, to see if they can determine where the cancer is coming from.
I also have another CAT scan coming up to see if it has expanded into my chest and lungs.
I really have no idea what I'm looking for, I'm still trying to process all this.
Also, I am a Satanist for a reason, so please save all the "just give it to God" or etc bc it's not something I personally believe in.
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u/JRLDH 18d ago
“ really have no idea what I'm looking for, I'm still trying to process all this.”
My late husband had a similar shock diagnosis. His was a worst case. Pancreatic cancer.
Even if you do not have an extreme hopeless primary, what you are looking at is:
Stage 4 any cancer is most often not curable. Some stage 4 cancers can he held in check for a very long time. Very few achieve complete remission but chances are that you will not be cured.
Palliative care is not hospice. All it means treatment that is intended to keep you alive and comfortable.
Many stage 4 cancers are not cut out. That’s because it’s not possible to get all potential seeds (metastases, including microscopic) out with surgery.
Standard of care is often the dreaded “chemo”. This can palliate symptoms and extend life. It’s impossible to predict.
Some cancers respond to immunotherapy. Which can work better than chemo but is very individual.
If you have a slow growing cancer that didn’t respond to standard of care, you could try for clinical trials eventually. Those really aren’t for aggressive cancers that can literally explode when standard of care fails.
Fuck cancer.
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u/AllDennis 18d ago
Fuck cancer indeed!
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u/myfishytaco 17d ago
Im a christian and God brought me through my diagnosis personally, but i concur whole-heartedly, fuck cancer.
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u/Dangerous_Force9296 18d ago edited 18d ago
I went through something very similar in December. Whirlwind ER visit to Stage 4 terminally ill very quickly. I’m still here. 8 months later I’m still trying to make sense of my disease and my miraculous recovery. My suggestion is just plod along an hour at a time and don’t try to figure anything out. It’s gonna suck real bad at times. Some not so much. Just keep hanging on.
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u/TheEvilSatanist 18d ago
Thank you, this gives me hope
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u/Dangerous_Force9296 18d ago
There is always a chance. I was in real bad shape until I wasn’t. Don’t give up.
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u/surfaholic15 18d ago
I just got the phone call, mine is back after 4 years.
Really sucks rocks, and i hope they figure out a plan for you. And if they can't figure out a plan or it doesn't work, i hope you handle it in a way that works for you, and make the most of the time.
Live your life best you can, every day, every way.
None of us know how long we have anyway.
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u/mcmurrml 18d ago
How did you know yours was back?
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u/surfaholic15 18d ago edited 18d ago
Same way i found out i had it the first time, i started dreaming about it.
First time the dreams started 6 months before symptoms showed up. This time 2 months before symptoms, and far more accelerated and urgent.
My symptoms in both cases were a sudden non painful mouth sore and pieces of my gum falling out. Really weird and gross. Along with a weird deep itching feeling. No way to describe that.
This time i was really insistent about a serious biopsy instead of just the punch thingie right from the start, since it was far more aggressive and i knew it. The ENT took 4 larger chunks. And here we are.
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u/Kamelasa 18d ago
punch thingie
Do you mean needle biopsy? So, what do you want instead, open surgery? I was shocked that the so-important biopsy was just a punch thingie, as you said, which describes what I experienced, needle biopsy.
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u/surfaholic15 18d ago
It looks like a little punch, literally. Takes a tiny cylindrical chunk. here is an explanation . That is the usual for oral cancer diagnosis.
What they did instead is the scalpel biopsy, which they clip out. Bigger chunk.
That was also what was needed for confirmation last time around, since the punch was inconclusive. Some types of oral squamous caners can be tough to differentiate it seems.
That said, this time it is far more aggressive also.
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u/Kamelasa 18d ago
I see the difference. The needle biopsy had a similar mechanism, but it went a few inches into my liver. Fortunately, the rest of my liver is "unremarkable" - faint praise, but I'll take it.
I'm sorry to hear it is more aggressive this time.
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u/surfaholic15 18d ago
Yeah, needle biopsy are really good for some cancers, punch for others, or scalpel. I will say the lidocaine shots actually hurt worse than the biopsy, but i dislike dental stuff for obvious reasons.
Unremarkable is my favorite word to see on my lab reports. We take what we can get....
This whole aggressive thing may prove very unpleasant.
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u/Kamelasa 18d ago
The lidocaine shots hurt more for me, too. They even warned me about these shots and referred to dentistry. These hurt more than dentists' shots maybe because they were deeper, there were many more of them, and that area is already stressed by cancer. They did hurt and I gritted my teeth, but they did not hurt as much as the emotional pain of the neglect and mistreatment I've been getting so far. Yes, aggressive indeed sounds unpleasant. I wish you unremarkable things, except for a remarkable improvement.
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u/surfaholic15 18d ago
My ENT is usually good with the needle, and he had me use numbing mouthwash first. But yeah, not fun.
I hope all of us get to unremarkable. Except for improvement.
Thankfully my docs have been great.
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u/MistaDontPlay34 17d ago
Is your SCC hpv related?
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u/surfaholic15 17d ago
Mine is an oddball. Verrucous carcinoma. At least the first one was.
Usually seen in folks who chew betel nuts, folks who chew tobacco, appalachian hillbillies, alcoholics... slow growing and non aggressive in general.
Considering it started where i spent almost 5 years parking my nicotine gum and lozenges, i am thinking it may get more common. I also am a recovered binge drinker 35 years sober, had long time dental issues... basically many of the risk factors.
I do know a dude originally from alabama who is in the same boat, he used chew for decades, and soent a decade homeless and drinking post Army Days.
THIS time, i have not looked at the biopsy results yet. Just got the phone call and have been fielding phone calls since.
So who knows, could be a typical SCC. I have never tested positive for HPV, so doubt it would be from that.
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u/MistaDontPlay34 17d ago
Damn, I'm sorry man. I ask because squamous cell from hpv is super treatable. Currently dealing with that now. It spread to a lymph node in my neck. I had surgery for removal and trans oral robotic surgery as well to take the primary out of the base of my tongue. As well as a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. Still can barely taste or smell. I'll begin chemo and radiation soon and if all goes well, there should be a light at the end of this tunnel. I hope your outcome is a good one man
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u/surfaholic15 17d ago
Well, my last surgery went great, other than nerve damage to my lips and cheek and messed up taste since i lost a chunk of tongue.
I am hoping the PET shows it is not as bad as I think it is. But doubtful....
Here's hoping your treatment is a fantastic success!
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u/kris0816kris 18d ago
I am so so sorry to hear this please know we are all here to listen and answer any questions my friend. It’s scary as hell and all I can say is fuck cancer! I hope your results aren’t as bleak as it may sound right now. Always here if you need to vent
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u/Sea-Hamster7033 18d ago
So sorry for what you're going through.
I have a rare and aggressive form of cancer, and though I feel it comes from a good place, I don't like when people talk about god etc. either. If god is real he enabled people to get this disease, including kids.
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u/False-Spend1589 18d ago
Feel the same way! Stage 4 breast cancer over here. Still have people regularly tell me I’ll “beat it”, despite me plainly stating that’s not possible.
Hope they’re able to figure out your primary cancer quickly, so you can start the right treatment, good luck! Kick some cancer ass!
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u/urnage42 18d ago
Ugh, I even have nurses or other caregivers talking about beating it.
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u/JessMacNC 18d ago
This just happened to me today at my PCP. “Good thing you caught it early!” says the nurse. Yes I found a lump nine months after a normal mammogram and was Stage IV breast cancer from the jump. So, yay? Hey there friend! I just tell myself that people mean well…
OP, if you’re reading this, you’re in the worst of it. Not knowing and not having answers is a special kind of hell. Once you get information and a plan, and settle in, it won’t be such a shit show. Promise.
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u/Panther4533 17d ago
This is so true. I’m a stage four kidney cancer person. I’ve had eight lesions treated in my liver that spread from kidney cancer and going next month to treat four more. Incidentally, my friend asked me to bring him for an endoscopy and I happen to know the doctor because I’m in medical sales and she told me he had esophageal cancer. I spent the day with him telling him the same thing you just said day one is the worst. No plan. No info. Pure shock
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u/JessMacNC 17d ago
I didn’t believe anyone when they told me I was in the thick of the worst of it, and I don’t expect people in it to believe me either. But as you know, once I had my plan and got into the treatment, it was like a weight was lifted. Thinking of you and your friend.
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u/Spammy3333 14d ago
The not knowing was HORRID. Once I found out, even though it was rare, aggressive, and I had NO idea why I would have it (mesothelioma from asbestos), I felt like I could handle it. Thankfully mine was found in time. I'm in the best place I can be. I can be in thev1% who gets cured.
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u/False-Spend1589 18d ago
Unfortunately, that doesn’t surprise me. People never cease to surprise me. I actually had a nurse that was there for my first mastectomy (initially misdiagnosed at a lower stage) send me a bunch of praying the cancer away and other crazy shit, and I had to like, stop speaking to her at all. She came in the day after my mastectomy and gave me a huge Bible. She had breast cancer herself, but not stage four, and just was literally a psycho.
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u/False-Spend1589 18d ago
Like “proof” stories of people who ate or prayed the cancer away.
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u/Kamelasa 18d ago
My neighbour works at the local cancer centre, I just learned. She also praises the use of healing singing bowls in the UK where she's from. Sure hope I don't run into her shinyhappy woo face during my upcoming treatments.
Also, here's an interesting short piece about death, "how doctors die." In short, they take it on the chin, but most people are just in denial. Sat Evg Post article
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u/False-Spend1589 18d ago
I also hope you don’t run into your neighbor, and if you do, I hope you’re able to remain as calm as possible in the cancer center, haha. Thank you for the link to the article, I’ll definitely check it out. I’ve always said that I prefer to be realistically optimistic about my own life/inevitable death with/from cancer.
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u/Kamelasa 18d ago
Yes, I'm practising my pleasant person act and meditating because I need my wits about me with these people who like to drop me through the cracks. I guess imagining running into her is good material for coming up with both jokes as well as how to approach it. My optimism consists of these statements: maybe I'll never have to work again and I can enjoy my remaining time, and if the pain is too much, I know how to remove myself from this life, so I won't have to take the lengthy and uncertain official route.
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u/False-Spend1589 18d ago
Just read that article. Have to add no CPR to my wishes, and update my mother, who I’m sure will be horrified. Honestly, it would probably kill me anyways, because my entire sternum and rib cage is full of cancer. I think that’s a great statement to have in your back pocket, and I definitely think it’ll keep your neighbor and her sound bowls the hell away from you.
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u/Kamelasa 18d ago
Another one I've seen is "do not resuscitate" or DNR - something different than just a heart issue. I'd rather not be kept in a coma for months/years, given that my life is utterly useless to me at that point and could well be very painful both mentally and physically.
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u/Spammy3333 14d ago
It drives me nuts. Some people are forceful about it. I'm a Buddhist, not a Christian.
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u/Hour_Gain_5073 18d ago
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is a scary journey. Wishing you the best
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u/Bennythecat415 18d ago
Its been 3.5 years since I was diagnosed with Stage 4. I have had chemo, surgeries and radiation. . I've also been on 3 trips to Hawaii, NY? RENO AND TAHOE (CLOSE BY). Fight you ass off when you have to and enjoy the hell out oulf yourself when possible. Best of luck darling. We are here for you.
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u/watchshoe 18d ago
I had to deal with a large metastatic tumor last year. It’s mostly gone now. Give it hell. You got this.
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u/Vast_Court_81 18d ago
Hey - I don’t care if you worship an anteater - you still have hope. Be brave. Keep on the things the doctors told you to do. This is much scarier than my diagnosis.
But - medicine is otherworldly now. I had my cancer killed with radiation and then got a transplant.
I saw a link earlier. Jerry Jones beat cancer. Stage 4 with an experimental drug or treatment. You’ll have some options. And I’ll pray to the man in the moon that it works for you.
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u/TheEvilSatanist 18d ago
I have no issue with prayer, I just don't like it when people get pushy about it and they say shit like "Jesus is your only hope!"
Also, thank you for the support and encouragement, it is much appreciated!
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u/Vast_Court_81 18d ago
I’m married to a priest and I’m agnostic.
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u/sPaRkLeWeAsEL5 18d ago
A priest cannot get married?
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u/Vast_Court_81 18d ago
Episcopal. Women can’t be catholic preists.
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u/sPaRkLeWeAsEL5 18d ago
Oh I didn’t know you were a guy .. thanks for clarifying!
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u/Vast_Court_81 18d ago
Men priests can marry in episcopal. They can even marry men. :) but that’s me talking. Not correcting. :)
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u/mcmurrml 18d ago
Where did they take the biopsy from? Did they say possibly started in your female organs? They say mestatic so where has it spread too? These are questions they need to answer with a really important where did it orginate from.
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u/BaldDudePeekskill 17d ago
Cancer shmancer. This disease hits whomever it wants of any belief system. I'm a Christian so I should have been protected supposedly? Hah!
While I am Christian I'm also a scientist and I know that molecular biology does what molecular biology does. What cancer should not do is destroy the very essence of your personality or cause you to give up. Use the tools our collective intelligence has come up with and fuck cancer !
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u/Awesome_Possum22 18d ago
I’m so sorry. It’s a mindf*ck in the worst way in the beginning. I have stage four colon cancer with Mets to my lungs and lymph nodes. It’s not good, and really aggressive. The first month was the worst; the uncertainty, the shock, the anger, the sadness. I wish I could say I processed it in a healthy way, but that first week I just got drunk (which if you enjoy, do it now, because it’s a no no with treatments!). While it’s still no walk in the park and I still need to keep my Lorazepam close at hand for when the panic attacks hit about things, the days do fall into a new normal once you start treatments. I’m a little over a year into treatments and while I know I’ll never be cured, at least I’ve been gifted a little more time. Not all stage four with Mets is a death sentence, there are lots of survivors in this group that beat stage four with Mets and are in remission now! All situations are different, so keep some hope close. My best advice is to try to keep your mind occupied so it doesn’t spiral into the darkest places where it’s really hard to come back from. If you work, I’d keep the news to yourself until you have a solid treatment plan in hand. Go out with friends or family and do fun things. Treat yourself to guilty pleasures. When not at the 100 scans and appointments that will be booked for you, visit your fave restaurants or cook banging meals. If you start treatment your appetite won’t always be the greatest. I sometimes fantasize about being able to stomach my fave foods again (I still can sometimes, you have to learn to jump and take advantage when you have real feel good days! Don’t waste them online or in front of the tv! They’ll be plenty of time for that on the days your body really needs rest). Anyways- that’s what my experience has been, and what worked and didn’t for me, for what it’s worth. It may be different for you. Know you’re not alone. There are a bunch of us on here that have been right where you are now and understand how badly it truly sucks. There is lots of great advice and support on here, so don’t be afraid to reach out. I’m not religious either, but I do believe in manifesting good things and the real good vibes (or evil ones!) you can feel and absorb from other people (or even nature!), so I’m keeping you in my thoughts and sending you positivity for your journey, you can accept or not, it’s okay either way! Hoping for some positive news for you as you complete your scans and preliminary doctors visits.
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u/TheEvilSatanist 18d ago
Thank you so much! I really appreciate everything you said. I do a lot of these things already, like treating myself to little things more often.
I don't really have the energy to go out much, but weed gummies are like Popeye's spinach to me! I can walk around, cook, clean, and be NORMAL again for like 4 HOURS after I take one! It's fucking AMAZING!
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u/Lsp427 18d ago
I have a similar story, but I’m waiting for a diagnosis. I’ll have my biopsy soon. In June, I hurt my back riding a roller coaster. The pain never went away, and I ended up in the ER a couple of times because the pain got worse. Turns out it was a compression fracture of my T5. I now have a spine specialist and oncologist - and MRIs that have detected spots on my spine and potentially, a tumor, as well as another fracture at T6. The oncologist and the MRI reports both say it is most likely metastatic cancer.
This all seems very surreal. Cancer isn’t in my family, and I don’t have any symptoms. I’m trying to process as well. So far I’ve been logical and unemotional, so I think I’m in shock. I see the oncologist tomorrow at 9, and I’ll find out more then.
I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in this. I’m in the club, too. It’s a pretty lousy club! Hang in there.
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u/Extreme_Sherbert1490 17d ago
My dad is stage 4. He has had surgery, chemo and radiation and 18 months later is fighting fit. Do not give up
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u/MoreThanAFewWords 17d ago
Waiting, not knowing, and not having a plan is the hardest part. While you wait, stay as active as possible and through the early stages of your journey It will get harder along the way, but I absolutely believe that continuing to exercise is what has helped me through my journey. Hello
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u/TheEvilSatanist 17d ago
Yeah I have been trying to do just that: enjoy all the little moments while I can and live life to the fullest in every moment.
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u/Panther4533 17d ago
Hi Satan (lol)
I was diagnosed three years ago with stage three kidney cancer. I lost my left kidney and adrenal gland. In September 2024 spread to my liver so I’ve been routinely having them ablated and I live a perfectly normal life stage four .
My advice to you, my friend is don’t go to the oncologist because he’s close to your house. Find out who specializes in what you have and if you have the means, get there or get to the second best. Get the best most experienced centers.
I wish you strength on this journey.
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u/TheEvilSatanist 17d ago
I will definitely do so, thank you! And I'm happy to hear you are doing well!
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u/Panther4533 17d ago
Hi Satan (lol)
I was diagnosed three years ago with stage three kidney cancer. I lost my left kidney and adrenal gland. In September 2024 spread to my liver so I’ve been routinely having them ablated and I live a perfectly normal life stage four .
My advice to you, my friend is don’t go to the oncologist because he’s close to your house. Find out who specializes in what you have and if you have the means, get there or get to the second best. Get the best most experienced centers. Lastly, be patient. People and hospitals , friends and family will shock you both good and bad on your journey. It’s not personal. They are humans
I wish you strength on this journey.
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u/Wise-Border5815 17d ago
Let us know when you know more! But don't give up, my uncle is currently fighting the worst of cancers and he manages to be optimistic and enjoy life!
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u/Friendly-Cut-6743 16d ago
My das was diagnosed with a cholangiocarcinoma (liver caner) + mets to his sacrum in march, they gave him 3 months on palliative care. Now 5 months and a few chemos + immunos later he had a scan and his tumor markers are in normal range and his tumor got smaller.
Stage 4 means a lot, dont give up and live like you did before, you can’t change it - make your days count, do what you love.
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u/TheEvilSatanist 16d ago
Thank you so much ♥️
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u/Friendly-Cut-6743 16d ago
Also - he is taking some prozac. I ready a study (https://www.uclahealth.org/news/release/common-antidepressants-could-help-immune-system-fight-cancer) that it helps immunotherapy and it helps the family a lot that he is not sad/depressed. If you are not against it try those 🙄
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u/TheEvilSatanist 16d ago
I'm actually not sad or depressed at all, maybe a lil scared but that's it.
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u/pancreatic63 16d ago
Pancreatic cancer patient here. Diagnosed in February. On 8th round of chemotherapy. Then it will be major surgery, followed by radiation. It sucks but it’s also doable.
Life changes. At this point in ready to be done with chemo. I feel like I exist but not living. No appetite, energy and sleep too much. Can’t eat , drink or touch anything cold. One of the side effects of my medications. Just fight like hell. Good luck reach out anytime.
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u/Ambitious_Aside_2013 15d ago
Hey I feel you, whenever I try to talk to people about it all I get is, "God's plan", "your tough you can handle this" and all that! I just want someone to scream with me...it's not okay and it sucks. Stage for Papillary renal cell carcinoma, was told no treatments for it, we are doing radiation to get some cells left after having a surgery to remove some of my ribs and there was some close to spine but other than that it's a waiting game. I don't think people understand how that can mess you up. Strangest part is after a ton of MRIs and CT scans they still can't see it in the kidneys. So yeah no God stuff cause it's messed up...you know who should be dealing with this, major criminals!!! Sorry for my rant but now you can rant back to me anytime.
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u/TheEvilSatanist 15d ago
Thank you! I am very sorry you're going through this, and I share your frustrations.
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u/Ambitious_Aside_2013 14d ago
Did they mention what possible treatments are an option? This will be a battle unlike anything you and your family (partner) have been through. I keep most of it in not to bother those around me which is NOT the thing to do ... but all I kept hearing is you can do it and got tired of that.
Just know it's just begun, and your not totally screwed, I hope there will be some good treatment options and you get to ring that bell 🔔
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u/TheEvilSatanist 14d ago
Not yet, I'm waiting for the referral to oncology
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u/Ambitious_Aside_2013 13d ago
I don't know where you are located but once I got my referral and it moved fast.... appointments as t the arse. Hopefully you have an appointment this week the not knowing can drive you crazy
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u/Expert_Gap_9526 17d ago
I don't get it tgeir saying they don't know where cancer is?
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u/TheEvilSatanist 17d ago
Bc the results of my biopsy haven't come in yet. I think they might have come in today, but I need my partner to help me access my MyChart account.
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18d ago
[deleted]
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u/TheEvilSatanist 18d ago
I don't pray?
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u/holospiral 18d ago
Pray for. desire. Same thing
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18d ago
[deleted]
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u/TheEvilSatanist 18d ago
Satan doesn't exist, just like your god doesn't exist either
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18d ago
[deleted]
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u/beardedwazoon 18d ago
Educate yourself before commenting on something you clearly don’t understand.
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u/wspeck77 18d ago
Stage 4 means a whole lot of things.
I was diagnosed stage 4 rectal cancer with liver mets 2.5 years ago. Multiple chemo cycles multiple surgeries.
I am healthiest now of last 5 years.
Currently nothing showing on scans. And at 6 months no chemo or surgeries. Living 3 months at a time scan to scan.
Stage 4 means a lot of things.
Get the scans and see the options. There are lots that can be treated for years and years.
Good luck!