r/cancer • u/Rachel21321 • 2d ago

Patient Annoyed at calling it a fight?

Anyone else thankful but also get annoyed when people call you a fighter or this cancer a fight or that you are so brave? I don’t think I am any of those things. I am doing what I need to do to get better. It doesn’t feel like anything I’m really doing is “fighting” or “brave” or even changing the situation aside from making decisions. It feels like these steps I take either work or they don’t but not through much conscious fault of my own. To me it just feels like this shitty thing to hopefully get through.

98 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

65 comments sorted by

View all comments

10

u/No-Camera-720 2d ago

"fight, journey, adventure, warrior, etc". Stupid shit all and annoying. Weak people trying to escape reality and coerce others to adopt their sad coping mechanism.

3

u/Rachel21321 2d ago

I try to assume people mean well and I think it’s better to have people in your corner but I hate feeling like this thing outside of my control really is such a part of who I am now

0

u/No-Camera-720 2d ago

In my corner? My care team and my wife. WTF is anyone else going to do for me? Nothing. Thoughts and prayers nonsense exist for virtue signalling and to make the bestower feel good. That's it. I'm the one bleeding, throwing up, breaking bones, and eventually dying slowly.

1

u/kdj00940 2d ago

People mean well

I think people often don’t know what to say. I think illness and sickness makes people uncomfortable. Certainly, some people really are docile, or could care less, and just say the thing that’s “polite” to say. But of the whole, I think people mean well, and want you to survive. I wouldn’t wish cancer on any person on the planet.

I hope you get through this and get better

2

u/PopsiclesForChickens 2d ago

I don't know. Having cancer showed me very few people actually care about anyone other than themselves. And I'm a religious person.

1

u/No-Camera-720 2d ago

Eyes to see.

1

u/No-Camera-720 2d ago

I have multiple myeloma. Your hope is in vain, as are your words. It is incurable and given enough time, will kill me. I'm fine with that. Just making sure I do all I can to extend the part of my life that is still worth living, and don't leave a stone unturned. But at some point, I'm going to say fuck it.

1

u/kdj00940 2d ago

Holy hell, I’m sorry. I hear you. Reasonable 100%

1

u/No-Camera-720 2d ago

No need to apologize. I'm fine with my situation. It is what it is. No offense, but your post is a perfect example: Nice-sounding words that change nothing. Better to say nothing unless you know to whom you are speaking.

1

u/kdj00940 2d ago

Heard. Learning lesson

1

u/Kamelasa 2d ago

Certainly, some people really are docile, or could care less, and just say the thing that’s “polite” to say.

That is most people. Few people actually care in the least. My experience.

1

u/telisr_lindsk 2d ago

Can I ask you a question? What does genuine community support look like?

I just went through supporting my mom through a very short [not really sure what else to call it other than a fight] and I didn’t quite know how to tell people to support her, me or the rest of the family. Now, my friend is going through something similar. His parent is currently in a coma and I suddenly feel useless. Indo genuinely care and I plan to keep checking in with him regularly, and I don’t think I’m doing a terrible job, but it does feel like I’m just making it up as we go along.