r/cancer • u/Rachel21321 • 3d ago

Patient Annoyed at calling it a fight?

Anyone else thankful but also get annoyed when people call you a fighter or this cancer a fight or that you are so brave? I don’t think I am any of those things. I am doing what I need to do to get better. It doesn’t feel like anything I’m really doing is “fighting” or “brave” or even changing the situation aside from making decisions. It feels like these steps I take either work or they don’t but not through much conscious fault of my own. To me it just feels like this shitty thing to hopefully get through.

98 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

66 comments sorted by

View all comments

7

u/Ok-Diamond1749 3d ago

I do low key it’s just such a dramatic word. All I did was go to the hospital get my treatments and then continued my life as best as I could.

8

u/mesembryanthemum Stage 4 endometrial cancer 3d ago

Yep. I'm not fighting; I'm doing what I'm told to. The alternative is death.

6

u/No-Camera-720 3d ago

Oh the best one: HERO. Heroes act for someone else's benefit, when they have the choice not to. If I could skip this mess,  I would. And all I do is just for my benefit. Didn't ask for this and I'm just trying to keep from dying too quickly and too ugly while trying to have some sort of life in the meantime, while being poisoned daily. Super heroic.

4

u/Kamelasa 2d ago

Yeah, I'm not heroic; I'm dying. Naturally people are in denial about that - a psychological defence they are not even aware of in most cases, I guess. They don't look that deeply into it because they are afraid.

I posted an article by a doctor recently saying when doctors get a terminal diagnosis, they don't typically fight it. They typically accept it and try to enjoy the last bit of life as much as they can. So... are they cowards and turncoats for not fighting? By the logic of the fighting hero they are. But all that is not logical. But, yeah, because this stuff is laid on me and I can't be honest, it's further alienating.

I was honest with my brother and he stopped talking to me. I didn't like his positive takes on my cancer that they weren't as bad as his heart issues because the docs are slow-walking it. No, it's very bad, I'm dying, and they are slow-walking it because they are constantly making mistakes and dropping the ball. I called him out and he went silent for 3 weeks now. I feel invisible. Still waiting on my much-delayed first onco appointment.

1

u/No-Camera-720 2d ago

Saying stupid shit, hiding from the truth and oppressing cancer patients does not in any way equate to fighting. It is entirely possible to fight tooth and nail without doing any of these things. The majority of cancer patients and their support people do just that. They've already gotten you to equate toxic positivity with fighting for your life. Gaslit.