r/cancer • u/Rachel21321 • 3d ago

Patient Annoyed at calling it a fight?

Anyone else thankful but also get annoyed when people call you a fighter or this cancer a fight or that you are so brave? I don’t think I am any of those things. I am doing what I need to do to get better. It doesn’t feel like anything I’m really doing is “fighting” or “brave” or even changing the situation aside from making decisions. It feels like these steps I take either work or they don’t but not through much conscious fault of my own. To me it just feels like this shitty thing to hopefully get through.

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u/Rachel21321 3d ago

I try to assume people mean well and I think it’s better to have people in your corner but I hate feeling like this thing outside of my control really is such a part of who I am now

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u/No-Camera-720 3d ago

In my corner? My care team and my wife. WTF is anyone else going to do for me? Nothing. Thoughts and prayers nonsense exist for virtue signalling and to make the bestower feel good. That's it. I'm the one bleeding, throwing up, breaking bones, and eventually dying slowly.

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u/kdj00940 3d ago

People mean well

I think people often don’t know what to say. I think illness and sickness makes people uncomfortable. Certainly, some people really are docile, or could care less, and just say the thing that’s “polite” to say. But of the whole, I think people mean well, and want you to survive. I wouldn’t wish cancer on any person on the planet.

I hope you get through this and get better

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u/Kamelasa 2d ago

Certainly, some people really are docile, or could care less, and just say the thing that’s “polite” to say.

That is most people. Few people actually care in the least. My experience.

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u/telisr_lindsk 2d ago

Can I ask you a question? What does genuine community support look like?

I just went through supporting my mom through a very short [not really sure what else to call it other than a fight] and I didn’t quite know how to tell people to support her, me or the rest of the family. Now, my friend is going through something similar. His parent is currently in a coma and I suddenly feel useless. Indo genuinely care and I plan to keep checking in with him regularly, and I don’t think I’m doing a terrible job, but it does feel like I’m just making it up as we go along.