r/cancer • u/tylerdurdin58 • 3d ago

Caregiver Hair loss

My wife is loosing hair during her chemo even with cold capping. She is absolutely traumatized and said she would rather die than loose her hair. She is blaming me loosing her hair by her temples because I put the tape to protect her scalp from frost bite, on the exposed scalp with thin hair and it all came out when she removed it. She is devastated beyond reason. I have no idea how to support her through this part? I love her more than anything in this world and I feel hopeless hearing her say she wants to die. I don't know what to do or how to support her, I am speechless other than I can say I'm sorry. This whole thing sux for everyone involved, it sux the worst for her. When I tell her she is still beautiful, my words mean nothing to her. How can I help when my words are empty to her even though I mean what I say? I try to make her laugh and that does not work. Nothing I do or say works. Sorry for the rant I just need to vent, I can't vent to my only friend, the love of my life , because she is fighting cancer.

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32

u/Final-Bend-7983 3d ago

I wish hospitals were more up-front about cold caps. They don’t really work. You save like 15% of your hair but you still have bald spots. You’re better off just shaving it and letting it grow back instead of spending that money on that product.

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u/BlackSwanZA TNBC 2d ago

I'm agree with this statement. When I asked my oncologist about cold capping he said it was expensive, wasn't covered by oncology, and didn't work. On my second infusion of Red Devil my hair fell out in clumps and THAT was really traumatic. Buzzing it was liberating and I eventually lost every single hair on my head and body down to baby peach fuzz, so I don't really know how I would get through to your wife because with all due respect she should be laser focused on coping with the side effects of her treatment and her survival. And it is absolutely not your fault, cold capping very rarely works, depending on the type and duration of chemo you're receiving. Believe me when I say hair, eyebrows and eyelashes almost always grow back immediately as soon as chemo stops. I've done over 128 days of 3 different types of chemo myself. Having said this, if she is not seeing a psychologist perhaps she needs one to help her process these difficult emotions and support her in a professional manner with coping strategies.

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u/webelos8 2d ago

Same, I did a pre-emptive short cut but that shower where it started falling out in earnest.. all the emotions hit. Husband then buzzed it all off for me and I cried.. but it's just hair and it grew back. Different, but I have hair.

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u/craftycandles 2d ago

It really depends on the person and how many rounds they're doing. Some people only need chemo to prevent recurrence, so they might not experience as severe hair loss as others.

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u/mcmurrml 2d ago

That is not true. Is depends on the kind of meds you are on and the kind of product you use. Not everyone wants to shave their head.

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u/macaroniandbeans 3d ago

they do work, they worked for me.

12

u/skelterjohn urothelial carcinoma 3d ago

At the same time, not all people lose their hair for a given chemo. The data isn't always clear with things like cold caps. They don't run studies on it so it's all anecdotal.

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u/Final-Bend-7983 3d ago

Really? You didn’t lose any hair on it?

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u/macaroniandbeans 3d ago

my hair thinned a little and i got a few bald patches but i kept maybe 70% of my hair

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u/tylerdurdin58 3d ago

What brand did you use? We are using penguin

2

u/macaroniandbeans 3d ago

i had paxman. my mum used the same and kept most of hers too

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u/mcmurrml 2d ago

There are some that are better than others.

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u/SongOfRuth 2d ago

Yeah. I should have shaved. A bit startling after most of it gone walking by a mirror and catching my reflection out of the side of my eye.