r/cancer • u/tylerdurdin58 • 2d ago

Caregiver Hair loss

My wife is loosing hair during her chemo even with cold capping. She is absolutely traumatized and said she would rather die than loose her hair. She is blaming me loosing her hair by her temples because I put the tape to protect her scalp from frost bite, on the exposed scalp with thin hair and it all came out when she removed it. She is devastated beyond reason. I have no idea how to support her through this part? I love her more than anything in this world and I feel hopeless hearing her say she wants to die. I don't know what to do or how to support her, I am speechless other than I can say I'm sorry. This whole thing sux for everyone involved, it sux the worst for her. When I tell her she is still beautiful, my words mean nothing to her. How can I help when my words are empty to her even though I mean what I say? I try to make her laugh and that does not work. Nothing I do or say works. Sorry for the rant I just need to vent, I can't vent to my only friend, the love of my life , because she is fighting cancer.

23 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

58 comments sorted by

View all comments

4

u/feathernose 2d ago

She can get a wig..?

Hair loss sucks but it is not the end of the world. It's not fair to blame you.

Having cancer sucks but you don't have to accept being her emotional punching bag.

3

u/tylerdurdin58 2d ago

I'm willing to be her punching bag because I understand that the hormones and everything that she's going through is extremely difficult and I love her and I'm willing to take a beating from her That's not the end of the world. This shit is rough on everybody and I forgive her anytime she does say or do something against me that might be perceived as me being the punching bag, I know she would forgive me if the tables were turned and the other way around. That's part of being a man it's being able to take it.

1

u/feathernose 2d ago

I understand. Off course you are willing to do that, you love her dearly. I am happy to hear you are strong enough to take the punches.

My ex did the same, although i tried not to blame him, during my chemo i could be nasty and sometimes blaming him for giving me extra stress which did not help me. Not always fair . At some point he broke, was done and he left me out of the blue. After 11 years together.

1

u/tylerdurdin58 2d ago

I'm sorry that happened.

1

u/feathernose 2d ago

Thanks 👍🏼