r/cancer • u/skylover1238 • 7h ago
Caregiver Hospital will not admit my mom
Hello. So my mom is in remission for lung and brain cancer. Although she’s been dealing with her pancreatic cancer since fall. She’s been doing good. Except recently things have been really bad.
She doesn’t want to eat or drink. We’ve been getting her to drink ensure drinks and little meals. She fainted on Sunday.. stopped breathing for a bit. We took her to the ER at a Sanford location. They took her labs and everything was normal.. so they said they can’t admit her. Same thing happened yesterday too. Their excuse was “it’s a side effect of chemo.” I know this is not that.
She has lost about 30-40lbs in the last 6 weeks. She now has a hard time walking, going to the bathroom, etc. She is sleeping a lot. She threw up yesterday at the ER. All liquids, no chunks. I’m very scared that this is resembling end stage pancreatic cancer/failure. I don’t want her to die. I’m only 22. I need my mom.
Is there any way to get her admitted? Is there anything I can do for her to help her more than getting her to eat? Please help me.
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u/TheSeniorBeat 6h ago
Please keep in mind this is all about her comfort. Hospice provides medication, manpower and equipment at the house if she needs a break from all this “fixing.” At any time, if she wants to go back to curative care it can be done immediately.
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u/skylover1238 5h ago
Oh definitely. Only problem is.. they’re trying to appoint her someone for at home care. We live in a very small town.. so I’m not sure if that is causing a delay? It also doesn’t help that it’s Labor Day weekend. Just gotta keep her alive and well enough until Tuesday..
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u/AftertheAwakening 7h ago
Take her to another hospital get another opinion
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u/skylover1238 7h ago
We were thinking about doing that. But it’s so traumatizing for her. Not sure how it’d go taking her in my car. Ugh. I don’t know. I’m so stressed and worried.
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u/Altruistic_Front_507 7h ago
Does her cancer center have a 24/7 call line you could call and ask them to advise on where to go, etc?
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u/skylover1238 7h ago
Possibly. I’ll look into that. Thank you so much
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u/Altruistic_Front_507 7h ago
Mine has a medical/ nurse line that you can call specifically for medical concerns. And perhaps they’ll suggest another ER/hospital and you could ask them if they can call that hospital to give them a heads up you’re coming- idk if they will but could ask!
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u/Roticap 5h ago
What has helped me is to call the hospital and ask for the resident on-call, in this case the oncologist resident on-call. Though, my oncology department is part of my hospital, so if your mom has a separate cancer center treating her, this might not work.
It fucking sucks that you and your mom are in this situation. Your concern and actions are commendable. I'm glad that you're able to be there for your mom. I hope you are able to have quality time with her and find the care she needs.
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u/skylover1238 5h ago
Thank you lots. Yes unfortunately it’s a different place. She goes to two different hospitals. One 45 mins from us and the big one is 2-3 hours away. I’ve made so many calls too. But nobody is either working or answering. We just gotta make it through the weekend. That’s what I just keep telling myself and my family. Not once has her cancer ever scared her up until now. Just gotta remind myself that whatever the outcome is, everything will be alright.
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u/orthopod 3h ago
Talk to her oncologist. They'll know if she needs to be admitted, or can be successfully treated outpatient.
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u/AftertheAwakening 7h ago
I know what it’s like. I lost my mom to cancer and I just beat stage three cancer. It really affects people. Good luck to you. I’m praying.
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u/skylover1238 7h ago
Wow. I’m so proud of you. We’ve been dealing with this for the last 2 years with my mom. My dad himself just got blood and bone marrow cancer.. after his prostate cancer. This is all literally insane. Sickening disease.. If you don’t mind me asking.. what kind of cancer did she and you have? How does one prepare to lose their mom?
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u/AftertheAwakening 7h ago
My mom died of GIST - gastrointestinal stromal tumor and I had metastatic melanoma. There’s nothing that can prepare you to lose your mom especially when you’re close to her. She was my best friend and I watched her suffer for 10 years. I guess the best advice I could have is spend as many beautiful days with her as you can. I don’t get to do that anymore 🥲
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u/Betty-Gay 3h ago
If your mom is able, please record her (just audio) telling stories of her youth and yours, or just any memories she has that stand out. I recently lost my dad (I’m more than twice your age, though), and I so wish I’d recorded him telling stories.
If you don’t have any cards or writings saved of hers, have her write some things, for keepsakes, if she’s able. Just hug her and hold her as much as she can tolerate. Sit next to her in silence if that’s all she can do. Just be with her.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this at such a young age.
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u/Whatasaurus_Rex 4h ago
Ditto to calling her oncologist. I’m surprised that the ER wasn’t concerned about dehydration with how little she’s been holding down. They should have an after hours number for these situations. Was the hospital you took her to the same one that her oncology group is affiliated with? If not, figure out which one is and see if it’s posted on their website. If that doesn’t help, just call their ER and start asking. If you are persistent it will usually yield results.
If you need to call or bring her back to the same ER, you might need to channel some “Karen” energy and ask to speak to the equivalent of their manager. Go up the chain until you get somewhere. Insist that an oncologist sees her. I’ve found with lots of things that if you hit a wall with someone, if you stay calm and put the burden on them, it can yield better results. ie: “so you are telling me that even though my mom has cancer and is fainting, can’t hold anything down, and is behaving differently, you are certain that she doesn’t need to be admitted? You are sure that she isn’t going to need IV fluids and be assessed by an expert? What is your name again, and who do you report to?” Etc.
I know you’re young, but you’ve got this. They don’t need to know your age and honestly it doesn’t matter. You’re looking out for your mom.
Also, for future reference, when my loved one was going through treatments and something came up, we would leave a message and whichever doctor was on the oncology floor that day would call us back within a short amount of time. If they recommended bringing them in, they would also let the ER know ahead of us so that we would be taken back to a private area away from germs in the waiting room.
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u/AftertheAwakening 7h ago
Yeah, and I have an entire oncologist team and they worked so well for me .They offer so many resources.
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u/mcmurrml 4h ago
You can't wait through the weekend. Call immediately the after hours numbers for her oncologist.
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u/Cwilde7 3h ago
I’m so sorry for all of you. My children were quite young when my husband passed from PC, and it’s crushing to watch. My heart goes out to you.
Without knowing all the details, her symptoms are very common for PC patients near the end. Is she on neoadjuvant chemo in hopes of surgery, or is this palliative chemo to extend her life?
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u/dandelion_k RN, somatic tumor mutation research 2h ago
Hospitals are slammed right now with covid and other issues. Its unfortunate as hell, but without evidence of something actively life threatening, she's not going to be admitted through the ER. You can talk to her oncology team for a possible direct admission - but the kicker here is does she WANT the next steps in intervention? if she cant/wont eat, a nasogastric tube and/or PEG tube to give her tube feed and water is the next step. If that's not something she wants, then admission to the hospital isn't particularly useful.
It sounds like you need a frank discussion with her, and a frank discussion with her oncology team - and both need to be done quickly.
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u/Betty-Gay 3h ago
Have they ruled out a bowel obstruction?
I cannot fathom how or why a hospital would deny her care. Is this an insurance issue?
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u/Cwilde7 2h ago
Sadly, she sounds like she is ready for hospice. At this stage I’m boggled that her oncologist is even allowing her to still do chemo. This kind of stuff makes me infuriated, as a strong supporter of quality of life over quantity of life…these moves feel like a money grab instead of considering what is truly best for the patient.
PC is one of the most difficult cancers to treat. It does not respond well to chemo and the standard-care chemo is extremely harsh. At the end of the day you’re gambling with this cancer. Which is going to take one first? The chemo or cancer.
She should be home on hospice care in comfort.
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u/ZombiePrestigious443 56m ago
It sounds like your mom has stage IV pancreatic cancer, with a spread to the brain and lung. I'm so sorry, pancreatic cancer can be really rough, especially when it has spread like that. It sounds like it might be a good idea to try and get her admitted for hospice. Based on what you are sharing, this might be beyond in home care.
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u/Swallowteal 7h ago
Try fairlife protein shakes. They are actually tasty. I couldn't drink the ensure during my chemo.
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u/Big-Ad4382 6h ago
Call her oncology team. And get as much support as you can for yourself. This is really really hard.