r/cancer • u/skylover1238 • 1d ago

Caregiver Hospital will not admit my mom

Hello. So my mom is in remission for lung and brain cancer. Although she’s been dealing with her pancreatic cancer since fall. She’s been doing good. Except recently things have been really bad.

She doesn’t want to eat or drink. We’ve been getting her to drink ensure drinks and little meals. She fainted on Sunday.. stopped breathing for a bit. We took her to the ER at a Sanford location. They took her labs and everything was normal.. so they said they can’t admit her. Same thing happened yesterday too. Their excuse was “it’s a side effect of chemo.” I know this is not that.

She has lost about 30-40lbs in the last 6 weeks. She now has a hard time walking, going to the bathroom, etc. She is sleeping a lot. She threw up yesterday at the ER. All liquids, no chunks. I’m very scared that this is resembling end stage pancreatic cancer/failure. I don’t want her to die. I’m only 22. I need my mom.

Is there any way to get her admitted? Is there anything I can do for her to help her more than getting her to eat? Please help me.

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9

u/AftertheAwakening 1d ago

Take her to another hospital get another opinion

5

u/skylover1238 1d ago

We were thinking about doing that. But it’s so traumatizing for her. Not sure how it’d go taking her in my car. Ugh. I don’t know. I’m so stressed and worried.

15

u/Altruistic_Front_507 1d ago

Does her cancer center have a 24/7 call line you could call and ask them to advise on where to go, etc? 

4

u/skylover1238 1d ago

Possibly. I’ll look into that. Thank you so much

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u/Altruistic_Front_507 1d ago

Mine has a medical/ nurse line that you can call specifically for medical concerns. And perhaps they’ll suggest another ER/hospital and you could ask them if they can call that hospital to give them a heads up you’re coming- idk if they will but could ask! 

4

u/Roticap 1d ago

What has helped me is to call the hospital and ask for the resident on-call, in this case the oncologist resident on-call. Though, my oncology department is part of my hospital, so if your mom has a separate cancer center treating her, this might not work.

It fucking sucks that you and your mom are in this situation. Your concern and actions are commendable. I'm glad that you're able to be there for your mom. I hope you are able to have quality time with her and find the care she needs.

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u/skylover1238 1d ago

Thank you lots. Yes unfortunately it’s a different place. She goes to two different hospitals. One 45 mins from us and the big one is 2-3 hours away. I’ve made so many calls too. But nobody is either working or answering. We just gotta make it through the weekend. That’s what I just keep telling myself and my family. Not once has her cancer ever scared her up until now. Just gotta remind myself that whatever the outcome is, everything will be alright.

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u/orthopod 1d ago

Talk to her oncologist. They'll know if she needs to be admitted, or can be successfully treated outpatient.

2

u/AftertheAwakening 1d ago

I know what it’s like. I lost my mom to cancer and I just beat stage three cancer. It really affects people. Good luck to you. I’m praying.

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u/skylover1238 1d ago

Wow. I’m so proud of you. We’ve been dealing with this for the last 2 years with my mom. My dad himself just got blood and bone marrow cancer.. after his prostate cancer. This is all literally insane. Sickening disease.. If you don’t mind me asking.. what kind of cancer did she and you have? How does one prepare to lose their mom?

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u/AftertheAwakening 1d ago

My mom died of GIST - gastrointestinal stromal tumor and I had metastatic melanoma. There’s nothing that can prepare you to lose your mom especially when you’re close to her. She was my best friend and I watched her suffer for 10 years. I guess the best advice I could have is spend as many beautiful days with her as you can. I don’t get to do that anymore 🥲

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u/Betty-Gay 1d ago

If your mom is able, please record her (just audio) telling stories of her youth and yours, or just any memories she has that stand out. I recently lost my dad (I’m more than twice your age, though), and I so wish I’d recorded him telling stories.

If you don’t have any cards or writings saved of hers, have her write some things, for keepsakes, if she’s able. Just hug her and hold her as much as she can tolerate. Sit next to her in silence if that’s all she can do. Just be with her.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this at such a young age.