r/cancer • u/Julesx23 • 1d ago

Patient I'm so confused

I just want to get this out, I'm not looking for advice or to fix what I feel. I just recently woke up from an induced coma, all due to severe seizures and, the truth is, a lot more happened, but I prefer not to lengthen the story. Today, my cancer and things don't even seem like the most serious thing anymore; (although it is) what really bothers me is how I feel inside. My mind and emotions are a mess: I feel totally out of place, I understand almost nothing of what is happening and, to make matters worse, I have the feeling that I forgot a lot of things that were previously my daily routine and my life...

It's like being in an unknown place, although in theory I should feel “safe” because there are people nearby, but I don't feel comfortable with anyone and I don't have anyone to turn to even for a hug to help me put a stop to all this. Paranoia invades me, my head keeps creating strange scenarios, stories that feel too real. I also started psychiatric medications and I feel that they are very strong, everything feels even more blurry. Honestly, I'm lost, completely adrift, and it's so hard for me to admit it out loud and I just wanted to express it at least in a place where I hope not to be judged, I'm not looking for anything more than to express myself... Thanks for reading.

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4

u/Homelessbuck 1d ago

I know what you mean. I think I am going through something similar to you. My mind feels like it has been broken and I feel so lost and purposeless. I fear being alone with my thoughts and I’ve been glued to my phone trying to make friends so I’m not alone. I’ve only been prescribed two meds for this but idk if I’ll ever feel the same again. I’m here if you need to talk or vent more.

3

u/Patient_Magician4142 1d ago

Exactly. I think I'm getting through the first chapter which is the lonely and sad chapter and starting to understand my new normal. Days are slowly getting better but those 6 to 9 months to start, dark and cold. Thank God for good counselors

5

u/LoverOfPricklyPear 1d ago

I'm dealing with brain cancer. I have no clue who your doc is, but I'd be very open like this to my doc or a nurse.

3

u/Patient_Magician4142 1d ago

One day at a time. You are loved and appreciated.

I believe we all will likely have experiences that make us a different person and they occur uninvited. I've had 2 so far and I always start by missing my old life. As time goes on I learn to appreciate whatever I have to work with. Stay strong and courageous ☮️

1

u/EitherPalpitation344 20h ago

It’s not just your mind acting up. I remember trying to explain to people I aged 20 years in one week when I was on treatment. It really felt that way and med staff just thought i was feeble.

1

u/wspeck77 9h ago

I feel you. I hear you.

The uncertainty when chemo brain hit me hard was bad enough. I can only imagine beyond that. I’ve seen my life collapse and rebuild several times over the last couple years.

I hope you can find your core, a center, or at least some zen or peace. The chaos and uncertainty would be tough.

I hope you find it. Good luck!