r/converts • u/PlsUniqueUsername • 1d ago

Learning Faith

I converted not long ago but since then feel progressively worse and sad. i got circumcised, learned and do all my prayer including sunnah and witr rakah sometimes even nafl. I dont really feel anything during prayer (adhd aint helping.) My dhikr feels dishonest often and when i read Quran i find a lot that makes me feel unweel i have trouble connecting to the Prophet (PBUH). I even read multiple Sira. I feel like im trying to believe more than i do. I often feel bad reading stuff about strict gender segregation etc (I wanna specifically say its not that i think its bad i just wanna be honest about how my heart feels). I am scared ill never truly connect. My only motivations to keep on currently are an abstract fear of hell and the fact i feel imma face rejection when id declare myself unable to belief. I do harbor the hope that i can learn faith through practice but im scared i wont reach it.

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8

u/Ok-Technician7777 1d ago

Bro

Take it easy

Focus only on mandatory things for now

And always remember that you don't get judged by things out of your control like ADHD

May Allah support you and make it easy for your

7

u/DONTreadbelow 1d ago

I can relate to this, I like to sit and reflect a lot. One of the things I've noticed that makes me feel disconnected is not knowing enough about Allah, the Prophet (saw), and his messenger's.

When I listen to online lectures and get into a rhythm of it my heart softens towards Allah. I feel so drawn to him, that I want to get to know him more and more. That I want him in my presence throughout the day. It just starts to gradually increase.

And that ends up reflecting in my forms of worship. I act with more sincerity and it comes from the heart, not out of fear but out of love and admiration. I hope this helps.

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u/PlsUniqueUsername 1d ago

personally ive read multiple Sira by several authors and ive watched some videos as well but even the things i like feel like beautiful stories more than actual truth to me and the things i dislike cling to my mind and take a lot of space

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u/DONTreadbelow 1d ago

I get that, tbh I just couldn't get myself to finish the books I found them so dry and boring.

This version of the Seerah is really long but I just couldn't put it down. Other friends of mine have said the same thing. It's just so interactive and thrilling I felt like I was there along for the ride. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLN02x1UwIfLvnUiycprqWOG0M_dp8cOL&si=vuyMjPlIgqYTNTIa

About the actual truths and dislikes I could try to help you with them or all I can say is with time and perseverance they will eventually work themselves out.

I know that might be hard to believe but someone once said it to me when I had fundamental doubts about Islam. Subhanallah believe it or not it only took one random video to clear most of those major doubts. You just have to keep digging and the gems will reveal themselves.

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u/PlsUniqueUsername 1d ago

tbh i didnt find them boring they just felt like stories to me and sometimes with content pushing me back. ill try to check out the playlist but the length seems quite overwhelming ngl

1

u/DONTreadbelow 23h ago

They did for me as well, but I only started watching it after building up a certain level of faith. Try just listening to lectures for the time being.

Also, one thing that gets overlooked a lot is Dua. Consistently make Dua from the bottom of your heart and ask for guidance, I was at my witts end in life as I feel like I've honestly and sincerely tried everything else. That was the one thing that initially worked for me. Everything esle came after.

3

u/PlsUniqueUsername 23h ago

i do make dua after each set of prayer it just feels partially dishonest cause i dont even know if i fully believe in what im praying to

1

u/DONTreadbelow 23h ago

Ya that makes sense, I can only tell you what worked for me. I wasn't sure either but I can tell you I wanted it like I needed water in a desert. I left the rest up to Allah.

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u/ConnectionQuick5692 1d ago

“we make no distinction between any of His messengers" (Quran 2:285) means that Muslims believe in all of Allah's prophets and messengers equally, accepting them all as righteous messengers from God without preferring some and rejecting others. This demonstrates the Muslim commitment to a unified divine message from God.

What matters is you believe that there’s only One God, Mohammed and all the other prophets before him were messengers of One True God.

Seek shelter and refugee in Allah. Allah is most forgiving. Try to connect with Allah, pray to Allah on guidance, read Fatiha surah a lot. It’s important to pray guidance even after we find guidance, there’s no guarantee to stay on guidance so we should pray to stay on the right path guidance.

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u/PlsUniqueUsername 1d ago

I already do that i feel like my issue is i dont even truly know if i believe in that i just hope i eventually fully will.

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u/ConnectionQuick5692 23h ago

Okay then you can try to think about the earth and all those around you, even the people who believe that we’re inside of a simulation knows there’s a programmer behind all this, we call it the creator. Look at the earth, the beauty of mountains, waterfalls, natural beauty, thousands of different animals with different species. There’s a creator behind all these, and is worthy of worship. We belong to Allah, we came from Allah and we will return to Allah.

You actually believe in it to even convert to Islam, so you truly are a believer once you took the shada you became one of us, brother sister. You are a muslim, even me sometimes from time to time think if I truly believe in it or question some things. That’s something good, it is a self inner reflection.

I also get the same feeling questioning if I am really believing and doing the right thing, but then I think Allah knows the best and I refugee in Allah. Allah is the most knowing. I think about the beauty, scientific facts in Islam, and my personal experiences.

For example, there’s a hadith that says in the end times when apocalypse will come, the judgement day, “the sun will rise from west”. Thousand year ago, there’s no way people could know if the sun would rise from west, it would be the end of humanity. But with today’s science we know that if the sun rises from west all of a suddenly it would be the end of humans, it would literally be planet ending.

There are more and many information on internet, you can try to find Youtube videos that interests you about Quran and islam.

Another example is “The Prophet ﷺ said: “If a fly falls into the vessel of one of you, let him immerse it, then throw it away, for on one of its wings is a disease and on the other is a cure.” (Sahih al-Bukhari). Modern studies have found antimicrobial agents on the surface of flies that can counteract pathogens they also carry.”

There are so many other Hadiths like this. It fascinates me. Even reading some stuff from the bible strengthens my faith. Like Jesus says in John(5:30):

“I can do nothing on my own. I judge as God tells me. Therefore, my judgment is just, because I carry out the will of the one who sent me, not my own will.”

Jesus was a messenger of God just as Prophet Mohammed. And I believe people just so much praised Jesus that they made him a deity.

“I heard the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, "Do not exaggerate in praising me as the Christians praised the son of Mary, for I am only a Slave. So, call me the Slave of Allah and His Apostle."

Prophet Mohammed could easily claim to be god, cause he was the most influential person in history. But He only delivered what Allah delivered to him, the truth.

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u/PlsUniqueUsername 23h ago

I am really thankful for the time you took and i dont wanna disrespectful i am aware of these arguments but they never really touch anything in me which arguably makes me feel worse cause im like „what if im unable to fully open up“

1

u/WhyNotIslam 17h ago

some people from amongst the Companions of the Apostle (ﷺ) came to him and said: Verily we perceive in our minds that which every one of us considers it too grave to express. He (the Holy Prophet) said: Do you really perceive it? They said: Yes. Upon this he remarked: That is the faith manifest!

The fact you're trying and wanting to improve is a sign of your faith!