This is more so to vent as I just found out the guy I been talking to from work has a girlfriend. And I feel so dumb obviously. He’s been flirting with me for 2-3 months on and off and was texting me a couple weeks ago about wanting to take me on a date so bad and I agreed. He ended up not following thru and then Thursday after work we were outside talking for a bit and he was flirty and asked what I was doing Monday (tomorrow ) and we are supposed to have a date tomorrow. And all this time he had a girlfriend.

I don’t understand why people do this. He seemed very genuine and in the beginning even asked if I had a boyfriend and said he didn’t wanna be disrespectful if I had a man already like and then find out he has had a girlfriend.

I’m hurt but also confused and just disappointed and angry. I don’t plan to message him unless he messages me tomorrow about our “date” I was going to tell him and to please not contact me anymore or say anything/talk to me at work if he sees me.

I feel hurt and just stupid for letting down my guard a little yet again.

When getting to know someone, people say, be yourself. People say, don't overthink it.

But then there's so many little cues like: match their energy, tease just the right amount, respond quickly but not too quickly, show interest without seeming clingy, compliment but don’t overdo it, laugh at the right things, somehow decode all these unspoken signals that change by the minute—

How the hell are you not supposed to overthink it, and somehow be perfectly in-tune with all these social nuances?? I don't get it, it shouldn't be this difficult, right??

I’ve been seeing this girl for about four months. In the beginning, she would often stay over at my place and we were intimate. About two months ago she went away for a while, and when she came back she said she won’t stay over anymore unless I get my own studio (for context, we both live with roommates and we’re Master’s students).

When my roommates were gone for a month, she stayed over then, but now that they’re back she refuses. Instead, she wants me to book hotels if we want to have sleepovers or be intimate. I don’t really want to move into a studio right now, not because of money but because there’s a serious housing shortage where I live (Netherlands).

Currently, we see each other 2–3 times a week, usually going out for lunch or dinner. Almost all of these outings are at restaurants, and I’ve been paying for nearly all of them without saying anything. At this point, I’m not sure if she’s really into me or if it’s more about the nice places I take her.

It feels unfair because she’s not making compromises — it’s more like she sets conditions without offering alternatives. I plan to bring this up with her soon, but I’m worried since she’s very good at flipping things around, and I’m not great at arguing. My idea is to ask her directly, like what would happen if I couldn’t afford hotels or going out so often. I suspect it might turn into a big fight, but I feel like I can’t keep staying silent.

I worked with a guy in his early 20s for about a year and a half. I’m in my late 30s. With everyone else at work he was open, confident, and funny. With me, it was different, he’d get quiet avoid eye contact, and sometimes even ignore me in group conversations.

But when we were alone, he’d totally change. He’d smirk, blush, joke around, and sometimes stand really close to me. There were moments where we’d lock eyes and smile at each other for longer than normal. One time he even asked about my schedule and smiled like he was excited we’d be working the same days.

He never once mentioned his girlfriend to me, but I heard him talk about her with other coworkers. Sometimes I also caught him watching me when he thought I wasn’t looking.

So here’s what I’m confused about: Why would someone act warm and almost flirty in private, but cold or distant in groups? Does the age difference play a role here, like maybe he didn’t know how to handle being attracted to someone older? Or was it just plain social awkwardness?

TL;DR: Younger coworker (early 20s) acted super chatty with everyone else but quiet/awkward with me (late 30s). In private he’d blush, smirk, stand close, and joke around, but in groups he avoided me. He’d watch me sometimes but never mentioned his girlfriend to me. Was this attraction he didn’t know how to handle, or just social awkwardness?

After a week and half of talking to a girl a lot and setting up a date (which she seemed pretty enthusiastic about) she ghosted me two days ago.

I then saw her posting pictures today on FB with another guy in an obvious date so I assume she just met someone else and went with them and then didn’t confirm with me that she did and didn’t want to go out anymore.

Not the end of the world by any means but I still can’t help feeling a little sad and annoyed especially because it’s rare that I text with a girl who seems genuinely interested and we have a lot in common. Took an L today but eh whateverrrrrr

To me, and I assume most men/single men, when we meet some women, we would be happy to sleep with women withhout pursing a relationship. That doesn't mean we are necessarily against committed relationships, dating, or exploring the relationship further/beyond sex. but there's alot of women we meet, who we'd very much be happy if they just want to sleep with us.

I'm not sure I understand this dynamic with most women, obviously we're not talking about all or every woman/man.

Women are argueable equally horny. But are they equally happy to sleep with someone before there is promise of the relationship developing further?

If it's less, but still common, I assume it is less based on superfiscal looks than men? What are top things it'd be based on?

I’m 23 and recently graduated college. I’ve been working my first full-time job for a few months now. I live in a high cost-of-living city and currently live with my girlfriend, who moved into my apartment. She works fully remote and actually makes more than I do. Despite that, she expects me to pay for all of our dates and cover the entire rent. Financially, I’m stretched. I have student loans, and on top of that, I’m paying my younger sister’s college tuition since our parents can’t — my dad recently retired due to injuries, and my mom passed away a while ago. I’m also trying to save up for grad school in the future. My job is fully in-person and my daily commute is brutal — about 1.5 hours each way due to our city’s horrible traffic. So that’s 3 hours of driving every day. Despite all that, I try really hard to show up for my girlfriend: I buy her flowers monthly, get her gifts, write her letters, and drive her everywhere. I’m trying to give my all, but she still complains that I’m not doing enough as a partner — that I don’t spend enough time or money on her. When I told her I feel burnt out and that it’s not fair for me to carry all the financial burden, especially when she earns more, she said, “If he wanted to, he would.” She also implied she might find someone else who’s willing to do more if I’m not. This has left me feeling frustrated, disrespected, and honestly kind of disposable. I was even told my a lot of women that it’s sexist to expect to expect women to contribute even a little amount of money into the relationship because it’s patriarchal. What’s been bothering me even more is that this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this kind of dynamic. My ex-girlfriend was the same way — expected me to pay for everything when I was still a college student working full time. I used to drive 8 hours round-trip every weekend to visit her because she didn’t want to come see me (even though she wasn’t a student or working). I’ve had talking stages where women expected shopping trips and expensive dinners right off the bat. Once, when I told someone I felt used after a few pricey dates, she called me “broke,” “insecure,” and even threw a slur at me (I’m a POC, she wasn’t) before ghosting. I’m not against being a provider one day, but I’m only 23. I’m not in a position to be a financial rock for someone else right now — especially when I’m trying to support my family, repay debt, and work to go pursue a masters degree. I don’t even plan to have kids, so I should be financially stable in the near future to be able to comfortably afford her lifestyle. But my question is:Is it normal nowadays for guys in their early 20s to be expected to act like full-on providers in relationships?

I've heard over the years that women are turned off buy guys who are always available, and that you should leave their messages unread in order to "stir up some mystery." But honestly this whole premise just feels pretty annoying, and I want to know if it's even true.

So ladies, let me ask, has a guy that always readily replied to you turned you off in some way? And on the contrary, what goes through your mind when a guy you're texting takes a while to reply?

Personally, if I respond quickly, it's just because I'm available to reply, simple as that. And I don't hold it against people of they take awhile/don't reply. You got your reasons and I'll just move on.

Please be 100% honest, don't worry about "political correctness" or nothing like that. I'm not here to judge, I'm just wondering if I'm doing something "wrong" by replying quickly or something.

I'm getting back into dating after a while and could use some tips on making a solid first impression on a date. I’m in my 20s, pretty chill, but I tend to overthink things and get nervous. What are your go-to strategies for staying confident and authentic during a first date? Any advice on good conversation starters or ways to keep things relaxed and fun? Also, how do you handle those awkward silences if they pop up? Thanks in advance for any wisdom you can share!

Matched with a guy and good convo. The problem is he has one deal breaker of mine which is being overweight. (I know some people will find this shallow but we all have our preferences and this just happens to be one of mine). I want to say that I can't really see a future with him but I do not want to say it's because of his weight. He might just be happy being in that weight or he might have a condition and I do not want to hurt his feelings. What is the best way to say you do not want to date him?

I'm 25m and Italian, so I naturally have chest hair and a happy trail. It's not crazy thick or anything, but it's definitely there. Do girls like that? Should I shave it or keep it? Also not sure if it changes anything but I'm pretty built. Lmk thanks!

I recently met a guy from hinge in my small home town. I am a nurse 23F and he is a doctor 31M (we work at different hospitals). Our first date was at his house for dinner. Since then we have kept meeting up basically for comfort and FWB. However, the past 3 times out of 4 I have stayed over at his. He has bought me hot chocolate to have at his house as it’s my routine at night before I sleep as he knows I am unable to sleep well at his, so he wants to make me comfortable. He also bought a new bath towel for me because all of his were small, which I had made a comment on. Never have I asked this man to buy me anything. We have briefly joked about how this is beyond FBW. I really appreciate the cute effort he is putting in for me. I think I am scared to move forward with this as I am not sure if I want to settle down but I am really starting to enjoy his company. I also don’t want to get rid of him and have made a mistake

I went to a music event a few days ago and was chatting up a really cute girl. We talked for probably 20 straight minutes over the loud music and was vibing. She said she was single. Neither one of us was tipsy at all.

I got her number and was really excited to talk more with her and I have gotten absolutely no answer back from her text. Let’s be honest we’re all on our phone enough that over a few days we would either respond or not.

Just disappointed as this is the 2nd time I haven’t got an answer from a girl who’s number I got within the last 7 days.

I’m really trying to meet someone but it’s exhausting as heck.

Say I hooked up with a girl wore a condom, but not during a blowjob do I need to get tested after?

Just got back into dating after ending a 10 year relationship. Honestly, I still don’t even know what kind of man I want to be. I’m trying to figure myself out - how I want to show up and how to drop this “nice guy mask” I’ve been wearing for years where I over accommodate and soften what I feel so people don’t get uncomfortable, something that I have graciously gifted from my past relationship unfortunately.

For the past 2 months, I’ve been talking to this girl. We went on a few dates, even spent a full weekend together for a concert she invited me to. I really like her - not just “crushing,” but genuinely enjoy being around her. After the concert, I sent her a heartfelt message saying I liked her, that I wasn’t rushing anything, I just wanted clarity and to know her better.

She replied saying she might fall under the aromantic spectrum, that she has trouble telling platonic from romantic feelings, and that she’s scared of leading me on and hurting me. She did told me on our second date, but since the last text I opened up, she said she wants to try with me but now she’s been slower to reply and more distant. I felt like I should've done it in person.

Where she was mostly available to chat even for a bit now, she doesn't even reply at all during the day. She has grown even more distant by the day. I tried to find reasons due to my plegmatic side, but it doesn't add up. From her replies "I am not on my phone that much", "I'm very busy right now" while she was able to reply to me before even not timely but she put in the time to - it makes me really happy to get to know someone from the little interactions.

I know and I feel I'm also at fault. I treated it as a relationship when its not, so the way I speak to her is different.

"I am here with you, we will work on this together"

where I could've went a bit more romantic and show what I actually want rather than generalizing it:

"I can't say for sure that I understand what you are going through, but I would love to be in your journey every step of the way. We will find out new things together."

This morning I sent:

Hey, I know its early in the morning but this has been on my mind. I screwed it up before. I’d really like to make it up to you if you’ll let me. Are you open to meet me this weekend?

I am waiting on her reply, but I don't want to stuck in a Limbo - she said yes before on taking a chance but at the same time feels like she isn't putting the effort. Part of me is scared I’ve already pushed her away by being too direct. Part of me is proud I finally spoke my truth.

I’m struggling because:

• I carry this fear of being “not enough” or “too much"
• I want to respect her space but I also don’t want to just sit here overthinking.
• I don’t want to lose her, but I also don’t want to stay stuck if she’s not interested.
• I miss the fun and light conversations we had before I got serious.

I feel lost - how do you keep being honest about what you want without scaring someone away? How do you know when to hold on vs. let go? My friends have been saying to just move on but I don't know why its hard for me - my friends keep telling me that I have a "servile" behaviour.

This overthinking is slowly making me crazy. I don't know if it is normal, I just know I need to get it off my chest.

I appreciate any comments even though it might be the cold hard truth.

Thank you for reading this wall of text.

Hi all, so while on holiday at a vacation home my family owns (a 3hour flight from my normal home), I (34M) met a women (35F) and we have been going on dates over the last two weeks.

On the second date she told me she liked to take dating slow which was fine by me. To clarify I am on the spectrum and among other things im a bit touch averse when I don’t know people well and have difficulty reading body language hence why also nothing happened on the first date and taking things slow is also good for me.

Yesterday we had our fifth date where we first went to a restaurant and after that to a music bar where a live band was playing. During the past dates we had a lot of talks and connected (at least from my side). Because of this I was more comfortable touching her during this date and she was also touching me in return (nothing inappropriate just arms, legs shoulders etc). When it was time, I walked her home to her door and said that I had a really nice time and would really like to kiss her. Sadly she denied this by saying “not right now”. After that we said goodbye, I walked home and texted her when I was home because she asked that every time.

So now the next day I’m having difficulty understanding what this all means, * Where do I go from here? * Was I to fast for her? * Was it a clear rejection that there is no click from her side or was it the timing? * Do I ignore the whole kiss situation and just ask her for another date?

The rejection doesn’t bother me as much, the uncertainty is what is killing me! When we started dating I did see the distance as a hurdle but not something that can’t be overcome. Im at the destination for 4 more days including this one and feel like we need to clear up our relationship otherwise we wouldn’t have one.

Please share your thoughts and advice. Thank you

Edit: Again thank you for all your responses. She contacted me today herself to talk. We are going for a walk and if she doesn’t bring it up, I will. If she’s not interested in me romantically, that is fine and we can continue as friends. Im going to keep coming to the place so having a friend is nice too.

To the people that think it’s about money, I don’t think so. We got to know each other because she’s family from acquaintances and they are not that kind of family

So I met this girl yesterday, we were in the park and there was some festival show thing on and without thinking I said aloud how good it looked and she answered her opinion too. We got talking, spent the day looking around it and just sorta clicked.

She gave me her number and I don't know what I should say or if texting the day after is too soon. I don't wanna seem to eager and possibly end up scaring her off.

So I matched with this girl on Hinge dating app.

The conversation was going well so I offered to take her out for coffee.

She is located about 45min from me. So I asked her if it was okay if I met her at a neighboring City. It makes my drive easier and its only 12min from where she lived.

She refused and basically told me she wants the first date to be where she lives.

I don't know I really didn't like her response. There was no reason given. It was just purely a "NO".

This is the first date and I feel like she is already showing signs of being rigid.

In my (30F) last relationship, my ex dumped me after 3 years of dating because he admitted he settled for me because he really wanted to be in a relationship at that time.

While it sucked, I was a bit relieved to be out of the relationship. I noticed the amount of effort he was putting into the relationship was decreasing over time and that I was unhappy and just trying to salvage it because of what we initially had.

After a few years of healing and working on myself, I’ve jumped back into the dating apps. I had something promising with the guy I’ve been seeing (31M) for the past few months. We were texting and seeing each other regularly, have met each other’s friends, had similar values, and I felt happy emotionally and physically.

I thought we were heading into being exclusive, but he just broke it off with me after going on one date with someone he felt more compatible with. Similar to my ex, this guy also admitted I wasn’t fully what he was looking for, but was worried he wouldn’t be able to find someone “better” than me.

I feel like both these experiences have taught me that I am pretty bad at discerning between men who just want to be in a relationship with anyone vs men who want to be in a relationship with me.

I know the dating apps are probably full of men who’re sick of being on the apps and are more likely to settle for any relationship.

Aside from love bombing early in the talking stages, what are some not so obvious signs a guy just wants to be in a relationship with anyone, rather than you specifically, because clearly I’m bad at telling the difference.

21f ~ i had my first run in with someone who just wanted to be casual, and it honestly destroyed my self esteem. i know people say that to prevent this you should aim for people in your own league, but people unanimously agreed we were on the same level of attractiveness or that he was not above me at all (and i wasn’t just asking my female friends who would be biased like i asked dudes). he didn’t do anything wrong either— im just embarrassed that i let myself be in that position honestly. clearly got some self esteem things i need to work on. 🤦🏽‍♀️

anyway, are there any ways to avoid guys just looking for something non-exclusive? ive prioritized studying and my professional career during the first 3 years of college, so im having trouble navigating dating. this was also the first guy ive ever met through hinge, so im questioning if this is just normalized on apps.

So to keep it simple: When I and my bf sleep together in one bed we mostly sleep while spooning (aka facing the same direction while he hugs me from the back). I also really like to sleep face to face with him, but in all those face to face positions I have one problem : where do I put my hand? So how I looks like normally: one of his hands are under my head, the second one is hugging me. One of my hands is hugging him, while the second is somewhere underneath. Under my body, under his body, at some point it just gets uncomfortable and my hand even starts to hurt a bit from the pressure on it. So I don't get how do u guys cuddle face to face for a longer time, how/where do I put my hand for it to not hurt?

It may sound like a stupid question, but I really don't know. Help me out please!

Hey guys bit of a rant or just something I need to vent. I feel kind of hurt and slightly idk betrayed. So I had this third date with someone which was her idea to head to this free concert. A couple days ago she decided to cancel the plan as she needed to help her friend with moving or something along those lines. So I thought no worries, but I decided to head to this concert anyway to get her a band t-shirt, and I had literally nothing else to do and it was free. But she was there at this concert with another guy, the tension felt awkward. I decided to just leave early. I just feel weird right now guys. Like WTF do I do? I definitely regret going that's for sure, but I went out of goodwill and like god damn.

Like any advice?

So I (24F) was talking to this guy (25M) for about 7 months. From the very start, I was upfront about my boundaries — I’ve never done anything physical with anyone before and I plan to wait until marriage for personal reasons. He said he was okay with it, even though he’s been sexually active since he was a teenager. During those 7 months, we didn’t kiss, have sex, or even really touch. He took me out majority of the time, and he’d usually pay. Sometimes I’d offer to cover things and he’d let me, but he definitely put in more financially. He also consistently told me he liked me.

Here’s where it gets messy. Two days before I ended things, I found out he gave another girl his number. That was the last straw for me, and I ended it. But about a month later, I also found out that one month before I ended it, he had texted an old talking stage with some corny “let’s reignite our flame” type of message. Now I’m left wondering: did I play him by not giving in to any of his desires for 7 months while still letting him put in effort and money? Or did he play me by acting like he liked me but giving his number out to other girls and trying to rekindle things with his ex-talking stage behind my back?

I keep going back and forth on this. On one hand, I feel guilty like maybe I wasted his time since I never crossed those physical boundaries. On the other, I feel like if he really respected me and what I told him I wanted, he wouldn’t have been talking to other girls at the same time.

What do you all think?

30M

Times lately I have felt needy or I was too much. But upon reflection I think I’ve been made to feel that way. And in truth, I haven’t been full on at all.

Everyone gets feelings for someone even when they maybe don’t deserve your time and energy. They are bad at replying, make you confused etc. you ask you hang out more than them.

You feel like you don’t know where you stand so each time you ask to hang, even if it’s once a week (completely normal) you feel like your needy and bothering them by being too keen?

Been feeling this way lately. It sucks.

I’ve been having horrible luck on dating apps. I primarily use hinge, tinder as a secondary. what apps have you had the best results on? I don’t know which options to try anymore tbh.