r/dating_advice • u/[deleted] • 8d ago
Why would someone act cold in groups but warm/flirty in private?
[deleted]
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u/throwaway8472649 8d ago
Everyone else knows about his girlfriend and he doesn’t want them seeing him flirt with you.
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u/Unlikely_Review_5729 8d ago
Why are you asking such questions about a guy who has a girlfriend?
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u/msphelps77 8d ago
I get that, but that’s not why I’m posting. I’m not interested in him. I just want to understand the behavior. Please stick to the question.
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u/sunbnda 8d ago edited 8d ago
He likes you, seems like he would be willing to cheat on his gf with you, and he doesn't want anyone at work to know.
I was into a girl at work. We were friendly, talk on breaks, make jokes when we passed each other's desk. We were part of a happy hour group at work so socializing was normal. But I didn't want anyone to know I was actually into her so I'd have to tell myself to not overdo it, to not talk to her as much as I wanted to. Likewise I was actually occasionally hooking up with another girl, part of the happy hour group at work and it was more business professional interactions between us, not as much joking or taking breaks together.
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u/Unlikely_Review_5729 8d ago
because he has a girlfriend and you probably make him nervous (rightfully so sounds like)
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u/Budget-Bookkeeper-38 8d ago
You said that you both lock eyes and smile at each other. This commenter is sticking to the question- but it’s obvious you are entertaining a guy that has a gf.
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u/msphelps77 8d ago
Fair point but I was asking about the behavior, not applying for a moral audit.
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u/Budget-Bookkeeper-38 8d ago
You are right. You yourself should be doing the moral audit.
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u/msphelps77 8d ago
Thanks for proving you’ve got nothing left but recycled lines.
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u/Budget-Bookkeeper-38 8d ago
You’re hearing that line more than once? Oh no 🤣
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u/GorillaWolf2099 8d ago
He’s basically worried about his public image, it sounds like. In groups, he might be intentionally putting distance between you two because he doesn’t want others to pick up on anything—especially since he has a girlfriend and might be concerned about gossip or judgment. In private, though, he feels safer letting his guard down, which explains the flirting, closeness, and extra attention. It also seems like he’s “code-switching” in a sense, adjusting how he acts to fit different social settings. Around others, he plays it cool to avoid suspicion, but one-on-one he allows his genuine attraction and comfort to show through. The age difference could definitely make him more self-conscious, too—he might be unsure of how it would be perceived if people noticed the dynamic. Honestly, it doesn’t just seem like social awkwardness. His mixed signals make it look more like he’s into you but isn’t sure how to deal with it while also juggling his relationship and how he comes across to others.
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u/GorillaWolf2099 8d ago
Also, I want to say this is a very common dating technique used by both men and women, because one-on-one is more personal than being in a group. I’m guilty of this myself because it allows you to get things off your chest that you normally wouldn’t. A good analogy would be it’s the same reason so many therapists have one-on-one sessions with their clients.
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u/DGenerationMC 8d ago
If he were single, I'd 100% say it's social awkwardness/he's more comfortable being social in 1-on-1 settings than in group settings. I could vouch for that since I'm that way.
However, he's not single so all that's out the window.
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u/Biscuitsbrxh 8d ago
How are you 30 years old and still not understand why. How did you make it this far in life?
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u/msphelps77 8d ago
How did you make it this far in life and still mistake condescension for intelligence?
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u/Biscuitsbrxh 8d ago
You posted this 6 times in 6 different subs
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u/msphelps77 8d ago
Yes, I posted in a few subs. Thanks for counting for me, now do you have an actual answer?
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u/Biscuitsbrxh 8d ago
He wants to fuck you. Go help him cheat on his gf
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u/msphelps77 8d ago
Ah, classic Reddit nuance 😂.
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u/Biscuitsbrxh 8d ago
He’s attracted to you, but wants to keep it low profile. There’s my nicer answer
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u/VISUALBEAUTYPLZ 8d ago
I mean duh
You can't act cringe in a group, but in front of just one person it's cute and vulnerable
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u/TwilightFate 8d ago
Group dynamics.
Groups bring out a different social side in people. Oftemtimes it's a worse or more shallow side than when one on one.
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