Did I get played?

[u/AdventurousSugar6309]

So I (24F) was talking to this guy (25M) for about 7 months. From the very start, I was upfront about my boundaries — I’ve never done anything physical with anyone before and I plan to wait until marriage for personal reasons. He said he was okay with it, even though he’s been sexually active since he was a teenager. During those 7 months, we didn’t kiss, have sex, or even really touch. He took me out majority of the time, and he’d usually pay. Sometimes I’d offer to cover things and he’d let me, but he definitely put in more financially. He also consistently told me he liked me.

Here’s where it gets messy. Two days before I ended things, I found out he gave another girl his number. That was the last straw for me, and I ended it. But about a month later, I also found out that one month before I ended it, he had texted an old talking stage with some corny “let’s reignite our flame” type of message. Now I’m left wondering: did I play him by not giving in to any of his desires for 7 months while still letting him put in effort and money? Or did he play me by acting like he liked me but giving his number out to other girls and trying to rekindle things with his ex-talking stage behind my back?

I keep going back and forth on this. On one hand, I feel guilty like maybe I wasted his time since I never crossed those physical boundaries. On the other, I feel like if he really respected me and what I told him I wanted, he wouldn’t have been talking to other girls at the same time.

What do you all think?

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[u/Physical_Square_7834]

I mean, doesn’t sound like a relationship, but rather just a friendship.

Youre young and in the beginning of a relationship, supposedly honeymoon phase, and youre not even kissing? Cuddling? Holding hands? No physical contact at all?

This kinda thing will filter out 99.9% of men but I suppose if you find a really religious guy or so he may be ok with it

[u/Broad_Position_3101]

Ehhhhhhhh were you guys official?

And you’re a virgin right?

As a man, when someone wishes to wait until marriage that’s a virgin, I tell them “I respect that 100% but that’s something I couldn’t do, and I don’t want to even influence you changing that decision”

If they are on a “I’m new and improved, I found god, blah blah blah” then I just ignore because it’s like huhhhhh? Saving yourself for marriage when you’re not a virgin? No no no, some other guy might fall for that.

If you’re not official, it can end anytime, and even if you’re “official” all it is, is names tied to another person, if they moving all sloppy it’s still going to be all sloppy

[u/AdventurousSugar6309 → u/Broad_Position_3101]

We weren’t official, we were just “talking”. He did say that us not sharing more of each other makes him feel lonely though and that it would never be a full relationship if we just continue down this path 

[u/HubertTheHopopotamus]

This is a friendship, not a relationship. You wouldn't even kiss the guy?

[u/[deleted]]

uhm girl you were basically friends at this point, you didn’t get played cuz was nothing to play for lol

[u/When-all-else-fails]

If you didn’t even kiss then it was more a friendship than a relationship. You will struggle to find a guy who wants a relationship when you won’t even kiss him.