r/depression • u/Extreme_Leather_6488 • 1d ago
Lost my youth and regret everything
Im 23 and lately been realizing how much I messed up my life. When I turned 18, which was exactly when covid hit, I completely isolated myself from everyone and everything and only focused on studying and playing games. Now 5 years later and I regret everything as I have no friends. I wasted all my time on these stupid games that gave me nothing in return but simple escape. I literally cant remember anything from these past years as I’ve had no memorable experiences in that time. Doesnt help that my life before that was shit as well being overweight and being bullied all the time. I dont have any self confidence and have never known what to do.
Now I’ve graduated with a masters in software engineering but I just can stand it anymore and hate this field. Its all just AI now and I feel I wasted 5 years studying for nothing. I dont know what to do anymore and it just feels so aimless. If only I made a few different choices but now its just completely over for me. I have very bad social anxiety and no hobbies anymore. I literally go to work, which I hate, and when I go home just lay in bed all the time. I dont even care for the money anymore because I dont enjoy anything anymore. I dont know anymore
18
u/little-character-123 23h ago
I also am 23, and turned 18 the month quarantine started. I also hate my field of work. Its suffering. It seems our specific micro-generation (1999-2002) have been set up for one hit after another.
But also like. Come on dude. 23 is very youthful lmao. Its a common symptom of depression to feel older and over-matured, but you need to remind yourself that, no, you arent old. We are still young adults. You still have a lot of time to find another path, too. Its more normal than you think, and most people dont change their career paths until theyre in their 30s and 40s and regret not doing it at our age.
Its okay to take it easy for a bit and re-evaluate shit. Just know that change is better now than later.
4
u/BullshetRadio 10h ago
Bruh, 36 year old bloke here. Wasted most of my life and not even I think that all is lost. You're 23? You've been an adult for 5 years and you too think you lost your youth? Don't be ridiculous.
1
u/West_Butterscotch_22 9h ago
I'm also in the same boat, 23 wasted 5yr now want to change my field of work, im feeling totally lost
1
u/BullshetRadio 9h ago
Those years are for wasting. You should waste some of your young years to learn your lesson.
1
u/West_Butterscotch_22 8h ago
😭 so whats the conclusion, advice?
3
u/BullshetRadio 8h ago
Be compassionate to yourself and follow your interests. If you think that you need discipline, get disciplined, don't waste your energy on futile emotions like regret. Even if you did waste your years, you can't change anything about it and you're doing worse to yourself if you're wasting more time on regret. Just act differently and own your young foolishness because it is the beginning of real wisdom.
3
u/hungrycow8926 22h ago
It's not your fault, it's the additions. Quit porn, video games, drugs. Then work on your anxiety, get calm, maybe get medication. Realise that a lot of people are selfish, rude, narcissistic and as long as you're not these things then even without friends, you're a better person. When you lose all of the additions, see what normal things you enjoy, do them. I personally find a lot of people terribly boring so you probably aren't missing out on much.
5
3
u/SlickRick_629583 22h ago
Also, do you honestly find that the I have nobody in my life but at least I don't suck approach works for you? I never understood the at least I'm a better person mentality doesn't really fix anything for you personally does it?
2
u/hungrycow8926 22h ago
Yes addictions xd. The mentality thing isn't about comparing yourself to others, it's about loving yourself for being a good person even though you're struggling.
2
u/SlickRick_629583 21h ago edited 20h ago
Ok that I agree with 100% Maybe your wording could use some work?
2
u/cattopotato8 20h ago
Same... But somehow I have been depressed before that as well. To be honest the pandemic really shows me how people can really be... But I have no regrets, still trying to work on myself.
I kind of hate when people my age talk about being old:)) It's not the end of the world, you are still young, you can change your career. Live with depression... Well, that's the hard part. We have been unlucky, being hit by the pandemic in our teen years... Fck a little with our brain, make us miss so many opportunities.
I am not going to tell you that it's going to be fine. Because usually it's not. That's bs. I have lived my life with depression since I was 10. You learn to live with it. Learn new things. You slowly start to become a better version of yourself.
You should maybe try to socialize more, the internet is a good place to start. I mean you have to be careful, there are strange people on the internet, but still. It's better than nothing. I mean, venting here was a really good step to take.
Take care of yourself and remember that this is not the end of the world. It's just a hard part of your life that you will learn to get over it. Yes, it will be hard with a lot of challenges but you already survive being insolated in a pandemic and also manage to have a master in a domain you don't like. That counts for something and it says about you that you are a strong person who can get over this. And you will, I am sure of it.
2
u/SlickRick_629583 20h ago
Yea you'd be surprised how many don't learn to live with it... ehhh maybe you wouldn't I was surprised your actually the first person other than myself who doesn't speak of depression since childhood like it's an outright lost battle.
1
1
u/i_will_let_you_know 22h ago
You are still young. You can make new friends (with some effort) and new hobbies, and honestly that's not something that's blocked by age.
If you want to swap fields, you still can, with some effort. Again, you're pretty young. Personally, I would stick with it a few years at least given the effort you put towards studying, but you can very well start the process of training for a new field right now if you KNOW this isn't right for you.
1
u/Billy_Shears_1966 19h ago
I’m 21 and I can relate heavily. The last 5 years have been just complete nothingness. I don’t remember much of anything from these past years but that’s probably because I basically did nothing all those years. Never ever tried to get a job myself because anxiety and agoraphobia prevents me from doing it. And there’s no career or job that even interests me. Really nothing interests me as well.
I hope you can find a purpose in life. I’m trying to find it myself but it’s really hard. I just really hate this corporate world. I’d be much happier if I could travel around in a van but that’s not even a realistic option for me. I’m sorry you gotta go through this yourself. Wish I had advice but I’m in the same rut.
1
u/Adventurous_Fact8418 16h ago
Sounds eerily similar to what I experienced albeit at an older age. I bought a bicycle and started riding. Not with spandex and all that. Just started cruising around and getting out of the house. I hadn’t really ridden since I was a kid. Anyway, I thinking saved my life and I’ve been riding daily ever since. Just a thought.
1
u/bellab333 16h ago
Your feelings are totally valid. And I'm going to say something I rolled my eyes at when I was your age but now, 10 years later, I grasp - you are still young. There's a scene I think of from Reality Bites:
Lelaina: I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23. Troy: Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself.
You have the right to do whatever you want. Depression is a real thing, isolation, hell, life in the modern world is a bitch. Something you said sticks out - what is it that YOU enjoy? Not because you thought it would be fulfilling. I spent a huge amount of time wishing I had a large group of friends because it seemed like the media I was shown and society itself was telling me that was THE ONE WAY to fulfilling happiness and lasting memories. Turns out I dont even actually like other people that much. And I've had a lot more fun and made way more memories once I accepted that and started seeking out things that ACTUALLY made me happy.
Be kind to yourself. You're right where you need to be. Your 20s are super uncomfortable. A lot of facing unpleasant truths. But you feeling this way shows you're brave enough to face them. That's more than a lot of folks have going for them. Don't lose that and you'll find your way.
1
u/Forgotten1Ne 16h ago
Brother friends can be made. You have not fucked up you have a degree you can use to further your own life. You HAVE OPPORTUNITIES USE THEM.
I am similar in age to you and have fucked up worse but brother friends are overrated you need to make connections and just get yourself out there and network. If you are having trouble find a Part time job in retail where a lot of people frequent the area. Make connections start talking to coworkers and people you interact with on the daily. You have a degree you have an avenue to make your way into. Don’t mope and think people have it better think of life as a “let’s see what is possible right now for me”. People partying today won’t be the successful people you see in 5-10 years.
1
u/Akiraleveler 16h ago
Turned 23 last month. I relate to this very much, didn't expect reaching this age either. Everyday I wish I could feel and be different but I don't know any different. I wish you luck on your journey, i hope we're able to let go of the past and actually live our lives instead of just surviving getting by
1
u/Babur_16__05 14h ago
You have graduated a very good degree. I don't even know the multiplication. 20 y.o
1
u/InfiniteBath6497 5h ago
I’ve felt that same what now fog, I used Eureka Health and it actually helped me untangle a lot of that mental mess piece by piece.
1
u/Special-Middle-638 4h ago
I was feeling bad at first until you mentioned you graduated in Master software engineering..man..we both have the same life.. difference is you have masters and I am still in diploma..can you imagine being a "printing technology" student... I was bullied too..I'm even scared to reach for help cause it's so embarrassing to go out with my appearance condition. Right now I live in autopilot..I can't feel the feeling of living in present anymore..I just do what I had to do..and wait to go back home then repeat..
12
u/Ok_Piano_Ok 1d ago
I hope you will be better!
I may not have many helpful things to say but 1. you mastered a masters in software engineering! That’s amazing! The job market is horrible but this is still an amazing accomplishment. 2. you are 23! Some people start new at even after 23. They move away, change their field of work, find a new hobby or passion and so on. You are still very young. I am over 30 and sometimes have these feelings of not having done enough but life is just unfair and not good to everyone and I am still around 30. Nowadays it is also considered young kind of and you still have a lifetime ahead to get there. 3. If you are loving gaming, maybe it helps to see your life as a game as well. And you are the playable character that you can level up and customise. You can level up skills and knowledge, and if your weight is bugging you, you can level up your body as well. There are strategies for that. Even for defeating social anxiety to a point. Just be patient and consistent. Start low level and things will get easier as time goes on