I’m sitting at a bar right now, drinking, trying to escape the kind of thoughts that eat you alive. Around me, people are laughing, dancing, drinking like they have nothing heavy weighing them down. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in my own head, going through shit that makes me just want to disappear,as if I never existed at all. Not in my family’s memories, not in my friends’ memories. Just… gone.

It feels like an existential crisis on steroids. I’m done with everything. I’ve lost everything. I don’t even want to feel anymore, I just want peace in nothingness.

I’m not writing this for empathy or validation. I just needed to throw it out into the void, because maybe that alone will make me feel a little lighter.

When I hit “post,” I’m gonna get up and dance like a fool who thinks about nothing, no consciousness, no pain. Just movement. Fuck it all

I don't like anything. Period. Ive tried many things, life is just boring. So fucking boring ide kill myself if I built the courage. Mix ennui in with schitzo affective disorder and now you got a terrible life. The meds make you fat and feel off all the time. Smoking a whole bunch of cigarettes while my sister whose a doctor in training assists thoracic surgery is a shame but I need them. She tells me ide die at 40 or 50. I frankly do not care when I die all that much. But how might. What I'm getting at is that if I can't be fixed then why the fuck am I gonna wait around suffering from depression and bored all the time

Stuck in a degree that I've lost all passion for, I can feel my only friend group slowly drifting away, and my social anxiety is creeping back in, after I worked so hard to keep it at bay, and build these connections to begin with.

I've never had a girlfriend or any stage of a relationship, despite being told, (by women too) that I'm a very likeable person and it's sad that I don't have a partner. I recently rejected probably the only person that'll ask me out, to which they instantly moved on and got a bf.

I'm miserable, tired, and unmotivated all the time now, but I'm pretty good at masking this. The only thing that brings me joy at this point is the occasional video game or movie.

I feel like my life is slowly snowballing, and in a couple year's time I'll be looking over the edge of a bridge. The only thing keeping me anchored is my mother, who is really the only true friend I have.

Sorry, I don't really know what the point of the post is, just needed someone to hear

i don’t even want to go over everything anymore. it doesn’t really matter anyway.

point is i just don’t know how to shake this feeling. just empty. just been slowly fading away the last couple years. Just heavy hits to my mental - i barely recognize me when i see my day to day.

i’m not saying it’s the actual truth - but i FEEL like there’s nothing to fight for. nothing worthwhile ultimately.

but that feeling is every. day. & it’s like running with weights and a lead blanket on.

thanks for acknowledging my rant. blah

On the second day of use, thoughts began to appear in my mind, mostly morbid thoughts. Most consisted of two things: rot and ego. My mind kept thinking about these thoughts, it was as if I were rotten, that I was corrupt. The only solution to save me from rot was to destroy my ego, destroy my unhealthy self. Until the ninth day, this thought began to be structured, as if it were a belief, it is based on two principles. That the body is separate from the self, and that the only way to save a body with a rotten self is to dissolve it. In other words, I was constantly having thoughts of how to destroy myself, how to sabotage my treatment, how to erase my personality. On my second visit to the psychiatrist, I explained these thoughts to him, and he prescribed me risperidone. Most likely due to my increasing insomnia and mental agitation, which must have been fueling these delusions. The venlafaxine continued, with a period of one week to analyze whether the side effects would reduce, otherwise, I will change the antidepressant. My main fear is going into psychosis. Is this case of mine serious? Or will it decrease over time?

I recently got prescribed fluoxetine (prozac) which is an anti-depresant i believe. Im wondering if an overdose on prozac be fatal enough for death

I don't want anymore. I'm tired of this. I'm so lonely and this world is so cold dark and harsh. Somebody please talk to me.

Feeling like a failure, life isn't like a fairy tale or how I thought it would be when I was 12. Trying the best I can, but now the world feels so small and there's no escape. I'm so scared, I try, but it doesn't feel the same. I lost so many people this year, and the loneliness plus all my other problems eat at me. I lost the only person who (sounds cliché) understood me, I've never met someone like him, and there won't be another person like him out there, because each person is unique and unrepeatable, that's how it has been with all the friends I've met. I miss him so, so much, but he is gone. I try to forget, but it hurts so much, I don't know what I'll do with this feeling and all the others that overwhelm me. I feel in a painful grief. 🥀 Sorry for writing poetic sbdjdj I tried to vent as best I could.

I just want to feel the warmth of another human being one time before the worms pull me back into the earth. I know I won't ever get to feel what it's like but it's still all I think about, all I care about. I dont feel like im a human like everyone else, i am missing something, idk what it is, a soul maybe. I can't connect to other people and everyone else must be able to tell I'm not a person like you. I'm empty. I'm cold and hollow. I'm too pathetic and useless to ever be acknowledged as a human being, but all my mind can desire is to be human. To touch someone and for someone to touch me. Maybe I mean sex, maybe I mean love or just somebody to be around. It's all the same to me if settle for whatever kind of relationship anyone else wanted. I don't have the energy to keep fighting for myself when I will never have happiness. It's over, I just rot everyday, I want to kill myself so bad but I don't want to hurt my family so I just rot. I've tried therapy, they all say "you need a higher level of care" but then a higher level does not exist, I go to the psych ward and it's an unhelpful nightmare and they say don't worry well get you into a higher level of care only to ignore me and just leave me to die. I wish life was worth living. I wish I was human.

idk personally it feels embarassing to ask for help and how would one even do it like hey I'm going to off myself soon if things continue this way and having absolutely nobody to ask cuz i cut myself off all socials and communication platforms. imagine people thinking you went monk mode as most people do to obviously return better but you've somehow gotten worse. it's so fucking embarassing. i have absolutely nobody left who cares anymore and it's finally getting to me. normally I'd just say "tough it out" but I've been doing so for years on end and it's getting exhausting. no I'm not gonna ask anyone "online" that's even more pathetic. idk what's left to do anymore i sure as hell am trying NOT to off myself but ion wanna be here anymore.

It's the only thing that makes me happy, nothing else even comes close. I cannot feel anything good outside of it. Recently I've found I'm just counting down the hours/days until I can drink again. Everytime I'm drunk I desperately don't want to go back to the depressing stupor that is sobriety. It feels as if my vision becomes unclouded, it's just amazing.

I sometimes feel like i romanticized depression like the way i used to see my friend being sad about things i wanted that too maybe to het sympathy from my own self or find a reason or excuse or blame to my own mistakes and misery.

I always feel about about the probelms i tense on that they are too small for anyone to feel depressed about whether be studies, health or hate with my ownself.

Whenver i told someone i have been facing these issues since 2020 they always ignored me as if it was rpetty normal to feel at that time becayse that's how the world was but why am i still stuck?

I was 14 back then now i am 19, completely unrecognizable academically physically socially emotionally and i hate this sbout me

I cannot study, i don't take care of my health or body n i am obese, and i don't want life like i destroyed it and i complaint too. How small is world for my problems that i cannot even handle these how will i ever handle real life problems?

For years now i have been fighting with myself, inner me, problems or things which doesn't even exist but made by me for myself to destroy my own life and i cannot even remove it now i completely failed.

I am 3 years late in academics, have my exam in 4 months and i have 2 year syllabus to do and i didn't even touch my books. I blame eevrything but myself. I waste my own time n then feel depressed about it.

Even depression would feel shame on me how i use it to justify my actions Will i ever be able to forgive myself after again repeating the same mistake when i promised myself that this time i will not repeat the same thing.

There's a lot of sacrifices being made for me especially me but i again ended up wasting more than 365 days again and i cannot believe how i can do this.

Now i am again at the point where i hated myself to be and for which i repeated.

As the time is arriving my anxiety is on sky high and i cannot just get how i can do same thing again knowing consequences ,how time moves so fast. How i destroyed myself? How i could believe trust myself n then again breaking it to the core that i will never be able to see myself in mirror. Why time feels so narrow? I hate life i hste everything abt it time isn't felt nothing is right i emssed up everything by my own hands and then i vry about it

Hi, this is my first time posting on reddit so pls tell me if i'm doing it wrong or anything like that. I just need to know if it ever gets better. I'm 17 and I've been feeling this way since I was like 10 and I really don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm going to turn 18 in a few months and I feel like I've fucked everything up. I feel so empty and wrong all the time and I literally cannot bring myself to care about my future or applying to universities or anything like that.

I've been trying so hard - I go out with friends, I exercise and go outside, I try so hard not to cut myself and I try to think positively but it just doesn't work. There's not a single aspect of myself that I like. All I want to do is sleep, I feel like I'm drowning all the time and I'm so alone. Can anyone please tell me if there's any point in trying to go on? There hasn't been a single day in years that I haven't wanted to die. I just want to stop all this pain, I just want this to end. Please

Hi, I'm 20 and a university student that has struggled with depression basically my entire life. I've been doing better than I used to be, and on paper, my life is going okay. I'm doing well in my studies, hang out with friends occasionally, and I've been having some financial problems but I'm about to start a pretty good internship soon.

But whenever I have some time to myself, I can't help but think about how unhappy I am in my life right now. It all just feels so empty. I don't really know what I'm doing all of this for. I'm frequently tired and burnt out from working while attending classes full time and trying to support my family, and it feels like there's no point to all my struggling.

I know the answer is probably "see a therapist" or "pick up hobbies" or "exercise more" but I just don't have the motivation to do any of that. I feel useless when I'm not working or studying and when I have free time I just sleep or doomscroll because I can't get myself to do anything else. I feel like I'm slowly going mad.

Sorry, this post is all over the place. Consider this a vent, I suppose. I'm not necessarily looking for any advice, just wanted to share my struggles.

J’ai 23 ans et je me sens épuisée par ma vie.

J’ai des problèmes avec la nourriture, une phobie sociale qui m’empêche d’avoir une vie normale, je reste seule presque tout le temps.

Je me lasse vite de tout : les études (j’ai commencé plusieurs L1 sans les finir), les jobs (je démissionne au bout de 2 mois), même les choses qui m’intéressent au début finissent par me fatiguer.

J’ai juste un bac pro vente, et depuis je n’arrive pas à construire quelque chose de stable. Je me sens nulle, incapable d’avancer.

J’ai aussi très souvent des pensées sombres, au point que parfois je ne vois plus d’issue, et il m’est déjà arrivé d’avoir des comportements dangereux envers moi-même.

En plus, je me sens tellement en retard par rapport aux autres jeunes de mon âge. Mes anciens camarades de classe ont déjà trouvé le chemin de la réussite : ils ont un CDI, le permis, un appartement… et moi je n’arrive pas à avancer.

Est-ce que d’autres vivent ça ? Comment vous faites pour continuer à avancer malgré tout ?

I just don’t feel like I can be happy, I’m stuck , I feel extremely lonely but I don’t even like being with people, I can’t find happiness.

TL;DR - I live a very healthy, happy and successful life and did everything you’re supposed to do to avoid depression…yet I’m severely depressed. How can I stop this from taking away the life I’m so fortunate to have?

•••

I’ve been really struggling with severe depression for most of this year. I’ve struggled with my mental health since childhood but things got so much better in my early twenties, to the point I actually no longer considered myself ‘depressed’. I’m 24 now and all of a sudden I feel like I’m back at my darkest place, but I struggle to find mental health advice that I connect with. The main advice I seem to come across is the following:

• exercise
• live a healthier lifestyle
• find something you’re passionate about
• spend time in nature
• connect with people
• have a routine

However, I was already doing all of this when this big wave of depression hit - I was a regular gym goer and walked 8k steps in nature a day, ate a healthy and nutritious diet, have lots of hobbies that I’ve found a lot of success in, I have lots of wonderful friends that I make fun plans with often, a loving family that I’m very close to and had a structured routine. I don’t drink alcohol or engage in anything that would be referred to as a ’vice’.

In addition to this, I have my own beautiful apartment in a city I love, a successful career that I really enjoy and care about, I’m financially stable and have so much in life to be happy about. And yet, here I am - so depressed that I can’t move.

Right now, all I want to do is sleep, I don’t eat or take care of myself properly and I just feel like I don’t care about anything at the moment. For example, I have an amazing vacation planned for a couple weeks’ time and I don’t even want to go. I feel sad, empty and in pain all the time.

I’m so frustrated with myself for wasting a life that I should be very grateful for, but I can’t seem to pull myself out of this depressive state no matter how hard I try. Even though it holds so much value, my life feels so expendable to me.

I wondered if anyone else has experienced something similar, and how did you overcome it?

Some useful context is that I’ve tried many antidepressants over the years at various doses, but none of them really worked for me. In fact, the period in my early twenties when I was doing really well started once I stopped taking them. I am considering trying them again since things have gotten so bad. I’ve done a lot of different types of therapy over the years and recently started EMDR as I have a PTSD diagnosis due to multiple very traumatic events in my past - so this is likely playing a part in my depression.

Thank you for reading and I apologise if this comes across as insensitive in any way - I know that I’m very fortunate in many ways, but I hope this shines a light on the fact that depression can affect anyone, even those of us who seemingly have ideal lives.

I have one more year of college to endure. I'm exhausted, I'm sick of everything, I'm stupid and failing all of my subjects. In fact, I'm hardly learning or retaining any information. I have no friends. I have no hobbies, no interests. Nothing is keeping me going, and it's not like I haven't tried to change that

I can't stand to do it all again for another year. Getting up stupid oclock, not having the energy, dragging myself to college, all of the stares and the judgmental looks I get in public, being the only outsider with no friends, struggling to eat, feeling like a halfdead robot the whole time in class, then going home somehow more shattered and empty than in the morning

Since it's finally the last year of college, it's getting to the point where I'm supposed to "think about" my path afterwards. But I have no options. A normal person could maybe consider university, but not only do I have no interests, I'm just too retarded. I'm never going to have a bigtime uni career like that. Plus I'm not even going to get any qualifications or anything from college, I'm genuinely years behind failing it all. The other option is get a job, but being realistic, as is, I'm too mentally ill for college. There's no way I can healthily manage a job. Nor do I have any skills in anything, no qualifications.  Plus I'm a depressed, autistic tranny. That's going to be an interesting CV, I'm sure that'll attract a lot of employers. The final option is basically just live off of benefits under health grounds. I obviously live with my parents,(who also can't work) and this is basically how we're (barely) surviving as it is. I'm not close to my family either, I'm disconnected from everybody, and the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out is probably so I can claim benefits and help them survive. It's a dead end life and there's nothing I can do

So after this final year of suffering in college, then it's just void. I have nowhere to go, nothing to do. My life will be unarguably over. To be clearer, there’s nothing at all that can keep me going a little longer, there’s nothing I can do to redeem myself. I’m incapable of friends. What qualities would a friend find in a miserable sack of shit like me lol. I have no qualities even as a human being. I’m dull, insufferable and just an awful person. I haven’t had a positive, lasting friendship for several years, the length of time outliving my depression. I’ve tried, there’s no changing it. I can’t develop hobbies or interests, simply nothing interests me at all.  Nothing makes me happy anymore. I’m useless and lacking the energy for everything. The state I’m in is permanent, hasn’t changed for yearsI often think of myself as already dead, nobody ever agrees with me ofc lol. But just one more year, and even if I haven’t killed myself by then, my life is over anyway. If anybody has some super secret magic miracle 4th option I could take after college, feel free to share. But I doubt it. There’s too many barriers in my way, no solution

Words cannot explain.....anything at all. I have been through he|| and back, people have treated me like I was nothing since I was a child. I have very sick, everyday and all day, people pretend to be friends with me to get something from me. I have been backstabbed, lied too, betrayed......many many times.

"We will never hurt you, we will be your friend." "I am here if you need someone."

All lies.....no one calls me when they know my thoughts and plans. No one checks on me. No one cares! So, I am just done...

Wall of text alert!

I’ve been born into poverty. Financial poverty, but also mindset poverty. My parents have been always financially illiterate and also had other problems. Most of my life I ate eggs and fries, as these were the cheapest. In school I used to hustle for lunch money, otherwise I’d starve until i got home to the classic list of struggle meals. Pops has always been delusional, chasing ghosts in the wind. He always had the “million dollar idea” or “opportunity” but somehow they never worked out…maybe because he was more of a story teller than an actual action man. Those opportunities were real, but only for him. I always thought he was a hero..until the smoke and mirrors cleared away and I realized that he was actually having mental issues. My mom has always been more cautious of the image than the actual content. She’s so financially illiterate that if she was down to her last buck, she’d rather spend it on something stupid than essentials like food. She’s also been always toxic, portraying herself as a hero and a victim that’s made tons of sacrifices rather than an irresponsible person.

They used to postpone all of my medical issues until I’d just give up and stop bringing them up. I still have to get a surgery that maybe, hopefully, at some point, will happen. I still have all of my wisdom teeth, though they are more cavities than teeth. They hurt like hell sometimes, but maybe I’ll have the chance to get rid by them over the time.

I lived in a tiny apartment, comparable to a match box, infested with roaches. All types of roaches, small ones, big ones, nasty roaches everywhere you could imagine them. They were the type of f* you roaches that don’t even scatter away. They just mind their own business as if they’re some new tenants that pay rent and go to work. Financial struggles have been the root of all my problems ever since I can remember. This thing has made me insecure, i even had to lie to avoid being ridiculed. And somehow I became a social person, being able to talk to anybody. Nobody knew what I was going home to, they just thought that I’m an endless source of joy and jokes. Nobody knew about the roaches, the struggle meals, the fact that I had to walk in the rain, wind, night, snow because I didn’t have money for a taxi, the teeth that hurt and many more. Somehow, as a kid, I’ve made it cool to wear tshirts until they have rips the size of a palm in them. People around me find me reliable as emotional support, but little do they know that I can’t even rely on myself. I don’t feel comfortable sharing what I’m going through with anyone. I just can’t.

I am still living in this roach infested hell, that makes me experience a thunderstorm of feelings every time I see those nasty things. I feel anger, disgust, despair, depression and a ton of other stuff that I can’t point out. I need help and advice. I really need to fix my teeth, get the surgery done (it’s not even a complicated one) and move out of this place. I need to move out yesterday, or yesteryear, or before being born here if it would’ve been possible. I am out of hope, desperate and I just need a fresh start. I don’t know what to say more.

Thank you! Sorry if I’ve made anyone uncomfortable. Love, be loved and enjoy anything you can in your life.

PS: I work, but the paycheck isn’t enough to get me out of the mud.

Tried getting rid of these roaches, but nothing worked.

I have superior studies and I am smart.

I think I need a direction, a mentor, or anything really. I don’t even know anything at this point.

Thanks again! Love and peace!

i don’t really have anyone in my life i can talk to about this. for context ive always struggled with depression, but several months ago i experienced something fairly traumatic and humiliating at the hands of my partner who i had been with for about five years that ended with him in jail and me having to sort of start my life over again. i pulled myself up by the bootstraps so to speak and about 3 weeks after the initial events i went back to college for the first time in years and got a technical diploma. i recently got a new job as well, and i love it. on paper, everything looks good. i have a supportive family, a few good friends, a new career that i love, what else could i want, right?

but i can’t shake this feeling, this void inside me that leaves me feeling so hollow and unable to truly enjoy anything. all i want is to feel held, to feel wanted by somebody, but i know realistically that will never happen. first of all im damaged goods now, nobody wants to deal with that. i put all of the love and effort i could into that relationship and it still wasn’t enough for the one person who was supposed to care about me to not do horrible things to me. if i wasnt lovable then to that person how could i be now to anyone else?

every time i try to bring this up to anyone i feel close enough to i get one of two answers. “you’re young, you shouldn’t worry about boys, just focus on your work.” im not that young, im 25. and i do focus on my work, its all i do seeing as its the only enjoyable thing in my life but im not allowed to work over 50 hours a week. the other answer i get is “love will find you when you least expect it” which i get that they’re trying to help me feel better but it’s such an utter load of horse shit. love wont find me, maybe its just not meant for me, but either way it sucks.

Anybody willing to share to somebody who's never experienced it?

My boyfriend doesn’t want to be with me, but they’re staying because they know I feel like I can’t survive without them. That has created a lot of bitterness for them, rightly so, and I feel stuck in a relationship that isn’t real, while also feeling like I have no other option.

I know that’s connected to my mental health and my past. I’ve experienced physical abuse and assault since I was a child, and it has affected the way I relate to the world. I see the world as dangerous, and my partner has become my only safe space. I don’t have anyone else I feel I can rely on, and because of my trauma, it’s really hard for me to even begin trusting others. I’ve tried therapy and medication, but nothing seems to help.

I’m posting here because I need guidance. I don’t know how to live or find reasons to keep going when life feels so impossible. I feel like I’m out of options, and I don’t know how to see a future where I can survive emotionally without this person.

I love my boyfriend so much and even the thought that he's being forced to be with me is making me sick everyday. I feel so guilty. I just don't feel like there's any way out and I so badly want a way out. I don't have any friends to rely on, and my family are abusive. I know I'm in the wrong, but I just need an out, and the only out I see is ending my life. What can I do?