How to cope with peds deaths

[u/[deleted]]

I worked my first peds arrest yesterday. He was under a year old. I can hear his family’s screams echoing in my head and see the defeat in my team when we called it. I know it’s part of the job we do, but it sucks and I know they don’t get easier. Does anyone have any advice or coping skills to offer? I could use it.

[u/ta_ta_boxx]

Did clerical work in a peds ER for four years and am now an M1 who’s been in a LOT of therapy.

1. Don’t try to force yourself to feel differently. Peds deaths suck. They are tragic, and no amount of coping skills will change the fact that patient deaths and peds deaths in particular are difficult to witness and be a part of. What changes you make to feel better need to be geared at what you DO with your feelings of grief and vicarious trauma rather than what you’re feeling.

2. What works for you to release trauma and the emotional sludge that comes with ER isn’t necessarily going to be what works for another. I personally have a particular playlist with angry songs, sad songs, songs about the beauty of life, and I listen to whichever ones help me feel what I’m feeling and then the ones that help me let it go. There’s also a lot to be said for the common techniques like box breathing and mindful hand-washing (Google if you’re unfamiliar, I love them)

3. As others have said, talk to your coworkers. Every single person who has worked in an ER (or several other units tbh) for any significant amount of time knows the mother’s scream when they lose their child. I remember the first time I heard it; the circumstances on that particular patient death were so tragic that when mom screamed the entire department fractured. Nurses who were bitter and burnt out from 45 years of EM were weeping. You are not alone.

4. Identify your power in the situation. As a tech, it’s not much (it wasn’t much for me as a scribe either). But what can you do? You can care for yourself so that you’re giving your patients your best. You can be a comforting presence and offer the parents water or Kleenex. You can channel your anger and sadness (this was especially for suicides, abuse, and gang violence for me; I don’t know what your city is like) into advocacy for community resources. For me, I used it to remind me why I wanted to go to med school. Idk if being a tech is your long term goal or if it’s a step to something else, but you can channel your anger and grief into being the best damn tech you can be, and/or whatever else you want to do.

5. Find a good therapist, and start looking ASAP because depending on your location wait lists might be long. Finding a therapist is it’s own journey that could have its own massive comment thread, but there’s only one way to build the skills you need to take care of you and to be OK in a setting where shit is most definitely not OK (the ER is not a joy factory) and that’s therapy. It also provides a safe place to share feelings/meltdowns that you might not feel comfortable sharing with coworkers or friends.

I wish you peace on the journey to be OK. Working in an ER can be incredibly rewarding, but the lows are just as intense as the highs. It’s also possible that ER isn’t where you want to be long term and that’s OK too.