r/emergencymedicine • u/Amazing-Ad8160 • Feb 09 '25

Advice Tips for a difficult death

New attending. Had a gruesome death of a little boy happen in front of me the other day. I will spare the specific details but it was a penetrating trauma. Peds trauma cracked his chest, chest tubes, whole blood, blood on the floor, fingers in the wounds to stop the bleeding, the whole deal. Screaming parents and grandparents afterword. Have two sons similarly aged and I can’t get this out of my head to function normally at home. Just so happened to happen right before a week off so haven’t been back to work yet. Seen what seems like tons of deaths at this point and was never affected to this degree . Never seen a traumatic death of a healthy child though (seen pediatric codes but chronically Ill kids on borrowed time) Any tips for getting over it? How do you deal with bad deaths and making sure you don’t develop ptsd/burn out? I love what I do but if this was any weekly occurrence I would quit.

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u/MrFunnything9 Feb 09 '25

I agree my response was not nice, but I also don’t think the commenter was right to say things always haunt you on a post for someone in a dark place. You are right though, sometimes the best thing to do is walk away.

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u/V3nusD00m Feb 09 '25

I don't ask this to be unkind, but are you a therapist?

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u/MrFunnything9 Feb 09 '25

Negative, I have experience in EMS and inpatient Psych. I recognize my comment as insensitive and not helpful, I just get jaded seeing folks discourage therapy. Which wasn’t the case, he was just saying things still stick with you.

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u/V3nusD00m Feb 09 '25

Retired therapist 🙋🏼‍♀️. He wasn't wrong. If you get sick of seeing people downplay the need for therapy (which yes, let's work on removing the stigma), imagine how people feel when the impact of trauma is downplayed. Just as an example, the Vietnam War was 50 years ago. My combat vet uncle has adjusted as well as he can, having been in VA programs off and on pretty much this entire time. But around the 4th of July, he still goes door to door to the houses around him to ask if they plan on shooting fireworks at home. He says if he knows it's coming, he can cope better. But even when he knows it's coming, I've seen his physical reaction when he hears them. He may not be having flashbacks (he can talk to us while it's happening), but his body is still programmed for that response. Fifty years after the conflict. He's 79 years old. That will never leave him.