r/exredpill • u/Civil_Patience8075 • Aug 05 '25
Advice - girlfriend laughing at manhood
I was deep into TRP for many years. Now I’m in the first long term relationship I’ve been in in many years, and things are great between us.
Sex is good. I got into this mindframe during TRP where I assumed every woman was lying, and my “power” was in being desired - which meant breadcrumbing and acting like I didn’t care about them. Now I’m intimate with my girlfriend on a regular basis, I’m constantly in my head assuming she would rather be with someone else.
In regards to this incident - some background. I’m about average length, 5.5”. I truly never wanted my girlfriend to see me soft as it’s pretty unflattering. She started this “bit” where she leans over while I’m peeing and tried to get a glance of my flaccid dick. I’d always avoid her and hide it, which became funny but I truly didn’t want her to see me soft.
A couple months in I decided “fuck it” and peed while we were in the bathroom without hiding it. She was brushing her teeth and looked up from the sink in the mirror and my dick was pretty much right in front of her face. She started laughing for a few seconds, bent over to spit out her toothpaste then came back up and stared at my manhood again before laughing out loud once more. I got pissed off but hid it until a few minutes later we were in the kitchen. I told her I was pissed off she did that and she said something like “I couldn’t help it it looked so cute hanging out of your pants. And the situation we were in was just funny with me staring right at it.”
I couldn’t sleep that night lying next to her. I brought it up the next day and she apologized saying she should know better and shouldn’t have done that. This was months ago and it’s stuck with me. I can’t really talk to anyone of my friends about this. So looking for reassurance and how to stop thinking about this
79
u/xvszero Aug 05 '25
Feels like you're making this about size but to her it wasn't about size. A lot of women just find dicks funny. Hell, dicks are funny. They're goofy as shit if you think about it.
Still, you have the right to feel how you feel, and ask her not to act like this. And you told her, and she apologized. Has anything like this happened since?
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u/Civil_Patience8075 Aug 05 '25
You're right and I appreciate this insight. Sex has been mostly good. I think this is coming up because this weekend I was going down on her and when I looked up, she had her eyes wide open staring at her ceiling. I stopped and called it out and she apologized and said she disassociated for a bit. 99% of the time when I go down on her, I bring her all the way to climax. This was the first time this has happened. So I think that's got things coming up for me and reflecting on every thing in the past that could prove I'm in insignificant lover.
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u/xvszero Aug 05 '25
Sex is a two way street. If she's not into something at some point she needs to speak up. You're not a mind reader.
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u/IndicationForeign894 Aug 06 '25
From personal experience no matter how good sex is I am sometimes incapable of controlling my thoughts and sometimes focusing on the present is not easy. Especially if stressed or tired. Unless she states that she doesnt like what you're doing there's nothing you can do so although it is not easy to just not worry about it, try to put trust into your partner that if there was something to fix she would bring it up.
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u/SmokingInTheAlley Aug 06 '25
If it’s getting to you, look up some tips. That’s the benefit of living in this day and age.
I was just thinking out loud to my boyfriend a few days ago about how historically, a lot of sex advice was probably mostly shared between sex workers as “tricks of the trade” and what your average random person got in the way of sex tips was very limited, and now I’m one google search away from sucking dick better than even the best high-end Ancient Greek sex workers.
My point is, even if you’re already great at oral, there’s always more to learn! A thorough understanding of female anatomy helps a lot. Hell, there are probably plenty of threads here on Reddit with some tips.
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u/Ok_Shower_2611 Aug 06 '25 edited Aug 06 '25
i get the whole dick thing. but after being relationship this long, u cant expect the same reaction as the first few times. things get stale and people can be in their heads. ask questions, lean into it and turn the moment into something sexier. if u r getting offended over little stuff like this and taking it as a direct hit on u as a man or lover then u have got some self work to do
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u/FarConstruction4877 Aug 06 '25
I think op is righteously angry for her for laughing at his dick. This is not an ok response for ANY adult to have and he is right to feel insecure over it. How is he suppose to interpret this? You don’t get it because you are not a man.
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u/Ok_Shower_2611 Aug 06 '25
no ones saying its not a hit to the ego. what i mean is a well adjusted adult doesnt crumble over one off hand moment. maybe u act hurt and twinge a little or turn it into something silly. there r far better ways other than to just sit there stewing in it for months.
in a long term relationship u need to roll with those silly, very human bits, she wasnt trying to offend him at all. its a very normal thing between couples.
its not about being a man, but to have a backbone to decide whats a joke0
u/FarConstruction4877 Aug 06 '25
Well it’s neither silly nor funny, what the wife did here is irreversible. The first reaction is always honest. I don’t think it is normal or acceptable if u have even a tinge of social ability.
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u/IndicationForeign894 Aug 06 '25
From personal experience no matter how good sex is I am sometimes incapable of controlling my thoughts and sometimes focusing on the present is not easy. Especially if stressed or tired. Unless she states that she doesnt like what you're doing there's nothing you can do so although it is not easy to just not worry about it, try to put trust into your partner that if there was something to fix she would bring it up.
3
u/meleyys Aug 06 '25
I don't know if your girlfriend has ADHD, but I do, and I can confirm that even during great sex my mind has been known to wander off. It's not super common for me, but it does happen. I wouldn't take it too personally unless it starts happening a lot.
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u/Trepptopus Aug 06 '25
People get bored during sex. It's not a problem unless you/they make it a problem. In a long term relationship there won't always be fiery passionate sex and that's fine. You seem a bit overinvested in sex and your dick. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship and you might want to invest more TLC into connecting mentally and emotionally with your gf. I say this cause you seem to be using sex as a relationship quality measurement and it's not a good metric. I'm no saying you shouldn't have or enjoy having sex with your gf and I'm not saying you should have less sex with her
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u/Cyberwitchx Aug 06 '25
Flaccid dicks look so funny. My partner and I both make jokes about it. You’re really confusing this with the insecurities you may still have from years of trp bullshit.
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u/Civil_Patience8075 Aug 06 '25
You're correct. I am confusing it with the insecurities I have from TRP which is precisely why I posted here. And precisely why the responses have been spot-on and extremely helpful.
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u/meleyys Aug 06 '25
Proud of you for reaching out to us instead of falling back into a red-pill mindset.
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u/Cyberwitchx Aug 06 '25
And you did well. It’s always good to question our discomfort, red pill background or not.
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u/poddy_fries Aug 05 '25
I don't think she was trying to make you feel bad. You just built up your penis into a big deal she can't look at without a boner, and then one day you just whipped it out to pee while she was brushing her damn teeth. From never allowing it to be seen to 'we are now so casual I can piss while you're doing hygiene' is a large and sudden gap. Giggling indicates surprise, happiness, and the simple fact that watching a man pee is kind of hilarious.
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u/Civil_Patience8075 Aug 05 '25
I appreciate this and this is how I'm trying to look at it. This deep, untrustworthy part of me wants to ruminate on every reason to think otherwise.
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u/Civil_Patience8075 Aug 05 '25
Just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to leave a comment here. I don't have anyone in my life who I feel I can talk to about things like this that are so personal - coupled with the fact that it's coming from the toxic TRP background which none of my guy friends can really relate to. So I appreciate this community very much.
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u/tallonqsack Aug 06 '25
Trust me, it really isn’t that deep. I mean surely you must recognize the fact that well, dicks- especially outside of a sexual context- make ppl laugh…men & women alike. Right? You gotta work on your insecurities anyway through therapy or what have you especially if it continues bothering you and/or comes up in other ways, as it basically seems to be considering how you’d hide it from her before this happened. Not blaming you at all (unless you treat her badly for laughing or something) as it seems like you are trying to deal with it and do know deep down that it is all in your head. Not to mention that it’s extremely common if not the #1 thing guys (tend to) worry about…due to, you know, societal shit- cultural programming from the media, etc.
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u/Civil_Patience8075 Aug 06 '25
I do recognize that. I've been working a lot on the insecurities through therapy and a 12-step program I'm in. It's the very personal/sexual things that tie into TRP that I don't really have an outlet for. I don't want to tell my friends about things like this. I appreciate your perspective. All the comments have been extremely helpful in bringing me back to sanity.
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u/ShitFacedSteve Aug 05 '25
I think she wasn't laughing AT your body but trying to share a moment of levity with you.
That said, I totally understand why you would react this way. I think from her perspective flaccid penises are funny looking to her regardless of how big or small they are.
From your perspective she was mocking a vulnerable part of your body.
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u/PutsWomenOnPedestal Aug 05 '25
I think she wasn't laughing AT your body but trying to share a moment of levity with you.
This
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u/kalashhhhhhhh Aug 06 '25
Dicks are funny. Flaccid dicks are not really sexual to me, it's like they are a totally different organ than a hard dick. My bf is an extreme grower and I find his flaccid dick adorable, I like to poke it and joke about holding it while he pees. I find it fascinating how big the difference in size is and it's hot to watch it grow
Your flaccid size is not important for sex at all, no woman cares about that
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u/PutsWomenOnPedestal Aug 05 '25
She wasn’t laughing at you, bro. She was laughing WITH you.
I am in the exact same situation and when I got married (decades ago) my wife used to joke about my flaccid dimension by calling it “shrinky” which I found hilarious. It was never mean-spirited, just an observation about how funny it is.
Yes, I know we men fantasize about being footlong Chads, but it’s not a big deal.
Edit: if the sex is good you are doing way better than I did.
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u/azucarleta Aug 05 '25
Strange question, but how much casual nudity have you experienced in your life? Like communal showers at a gym, or school or something? Maybe nude beaches. Skinny dipping with friends. I'm guessing very little or none. Which is understandable, i was always nervous as fuck about being naked with other guys.
But then I started going to this community gym in an old building, and the shower is one big communal situation, with only one shower stall that was for disabled people.
It was basically exposure therapy going there and eventually getting brave enough to not just shower naked in front of whoever, but even casually walk around the locker room the way some very confident people do. I don't think I'm very confident now, it just kinda gave me a IDGAF protection.
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u/Civil_Patience8075 Aug 05 '25
Very little or none is correct. I’m trying to think about this objectively and not assign ill intent to her as if she was trying to truly make me feel insecure. I’m just still very angry she didn’t have enough foresight to consider how her reaction would make me feel. But ultimately my reaction is my responsibility. I just can’t seem to stop ruminating on it every few days or so.
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u/azucarleta Aug 05 '25
Well, you definitely can share with her how much this shook you, I think you should. Maybe playfully tell her that now she's in debt, she has to make it up to you, atonement, penance. That might sound sorta weak, but play it jokingly and confidently, like you have this sword of Damocles over her now, and some day you're gonna ask for a favor (like the mafia lol).
This was a genuine fuck up on her part even if she meant no harm.
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u/Hello_to_u2 Aug 05 '25
Bro…no
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u/azucarleta Aug 05 '25
It's the sort of thing healthy relationships do to build intimacy.
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u/meleyys Aug 06 '25
What the fuck? It's incredibly manipulative and unhealthy.
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u/azucarleta Aug 06 '25
Idk what you are seeing here. To tell someone how much their actions hurt you, instead of just "manning up," that's manipulation to yall? This sub is really weird sometimes.
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u/Trepptopus Aug 06 '25
You didn't suggest telling her "hey, that hurt" you suggested something manipulative and then tried to spin it when you got called out. If you don't understand maybe reread what you actually wrote and ask why several people found it manipulative
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u/GoAskAli Aug 05 '25
Women don't care abt what your flaccid dick looks like.
If we like you we think it looks just kind of adorable - and that's a good thing.
Signed,
- A woman
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u/Civil_Patience8075 Aug 06 '25
This was probably the most effective comment at making me feel better about this situation. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and chime in. I read your comment knowing her heart and I can see her saying/thinking exactly this so I feel like reading this comment especially from a woman, was very healing.
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u/LolliaSabina Aug 06 '25
I'm a woman and can confirm the previous poster is correct. Penises are just funny when they're not hard. I had an ex with a foreskin – one of the only uncircumcised guys I've ever dated – and I used to make it "talk" I found this absolutely hysterical. (He found out somewhat less entertaining)
And for the record, he had a fantastic penis and we had an insane amount of really great sex. So enjoying sex with a guy and finding his penis hilarious are definitely not mutually exclusive.
Also, kudos to you for realizing that this is something that you're struggling with and working on it. You have no freaking idea how rare that is
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u/GoAskAli Aug 09 '25
Hey man I just saw this and I am so happy my comment helped.
My husband was really insecure about his flaccid penis all bc some asshole in the locker room said something insulting to him about it (so stupid).
He finally came around on it after years of me emphatically explaining to him that women know any basic anatomy and I know deep down he believes me now but...man, I'd love to go back in a time machine and slap that guy lol.
I wish you and your girlfriend a lot of love and luck!
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u/BackBae Aug 05 '25
It’s pretty gross that you made it clear you didn’t want her to see you soft and she kept trying to do it anyways! That’s not funny.
But, as other people have said, you know what is funny? Dicks. They’re a weird organ and like other people in the thread have point out, she was likely giggling because dicks are just weird, especially if you don’t have your own so you’re not used to them.
Still, and I can’t stress this enough, not cool she was doing this as a bit. Good on you for telling her it hurt you and good on her for apologizing!
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u/Trepptopus Aug 06 '25
It's not that gross in the context of sharing a bathroom. There's levels to relationships and once you're at the level OPs in with his GF it's really weird to be like "you can only see my dick when it's hard" because they use the bathroom together. They are at the casual nudity stage of the relationship and OP needs to learn to let go of his sexual insecurities. It's a process. It is good she apologized, like I don't think her peeking was a red flag but if she'd played his feelings about it off as no big deal that would be a red flag.
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u/Frosty_Coffee6564 Aug 06 '25
Question to the women here: How would you like it if a guy laughed or made a face at the size of your inner labia when he went down in you for the first time? Would you not advise a woman who didn’t like that to dump the guy who did?
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u/meleyys Aug 06 '25
Like the other responder said, that's a very different situation. A more analogous situation would be if a woman were doing something nonsexual and her labia were just kind of... flapping about, I guess? In which case, if I were in that situation and my boyfriend laughed, I might be a bit wounded at first, but I'd accept the "it's just funny" explanation.
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u/Sufficient-Ask3902 Aug 06 '25
Completely different situation. The context here is explicitly not sexual.
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