r/exredpill • u/fredsage203 • 2d ago
How do I move on without getting angry at women everyday ?
I wouldn’t call myself fully red-pilled, but I’ve leaned toward blackpill thinking at times because of repeated negative experiences with women. • Even when I take care of myself skin glowing, looking clean I still get dirty looks or cold treatment. • I’ve been in relationships, but I often ended up getting played, despite being nice and understanding. • One time my friend introduced me to a woman who said she wanted something serious. I was open to it even though she already had 3 kids. But instead of appreciation, I was laughed at. That moment really stuck with me.
I’m planning on doing face surgery or a hair transplant. I don’t want to go down a path of hating women. I want to keep positive thoughts and move forward in a healthier way.
How do I let go of the bitterness and stop these negative thoughts before they take root?
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u/Your_Nipples 2d ago
Because you only see them as potential partners, you're digging this hole of hatred.
Are you angry at all women? Even your female friends?
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u/fredsage203 2d ago
No I don’t hate my female friends . And not all women, just most at the moment but it’s more of a defense mechanism. Put yourself in my shoes and close your eyes but as a woman : imagine yourself eating healthy , doing skincare , exercising . You put into the work for like 3-4 months and you have your make and your hair done aswell then you decided to give this 5’2 balding guy a chance because he seems like a good man while you’re not superficial then he laughs at you instead .
How exactly you would react?
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u/Xx_SwordWords_xX 2d ago
Dude this shit has literally happened to me so many times as a woman, throughout my life.
You know what I did? I moved on.
Once I realise someone is a dick, I immediately free myself from giving their opinions any credence.
I think you're weaving stories in your head about what a woman's life is like, which is part of the issue.
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u/Your_Nipples 2d ago edited 2d ago
Why the fuck would I give a short balding man a chance in the first place if I was a woman ? Lmao.
Shit, if I was thinking I was "giving" a chance to someone, I would bail.
I know it's a defense mechanic and trust me, I've seen the worst when it comes to women but I actually don't give a shit. At my bitterness peak, I just stopped dating and was at peace.
The only time I may hate a woman is when she makes me hate myself in a relationship. That's it. It's just one individual.
Keep doing whatever you are doing to improve your life. Don't give any chance to someone with baggage, red flags or someone you're not attracted to. You aren't giving them the chance you think you do. You'll waste your time and they'll have the audacity to laugh at you.
Own the fact that you have standards and preferences and live up to them.
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u/veryfancyanimal 1d ago
It’s because you have a bad personality. You have to really sell that shit and bring something to the table. Are you funny? Women who are with men that short who are balding will always tell you it’s because they’re funny, smart, and confident.
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u/fredsage203 2d ago
You’re completely missing the point . I am talking about the way she rejected me. I understand rejections happen but laughing at me ? That’s whole another level. Like she would’ve at least say “ no thanks “ “I am not intrested “ and such and I would’ve easily move on with the day but getting laughed at is what pissed me off
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u/Your_Nipples 2d ago
So women bad?
You know, nowadays, people seems to forget that assholes exists.
But it's difficult to hate on assholes when they can't be easily be identifiable by physical traits.
Since you like analogies, I'm black person (for real), let's say that I laugh at you for any reason, what would it makes me? And what would it mean about black people as a group? And what it would mean about you?
Keep your defensive stance for assholes and be at peace man.
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u/actuallyacatmow 1d ago
There's going to be no better answer then 'get over it'.
This will happen sometimes. It sucks. But what else can you do?
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u/ladychomsky 19h ago
On the flip side, sometimes men don’t take the nice “no thanks” and decide that they just have to try harder. Sorry she hurt your feelings but like, those are yours to deal with. End of story
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u/bayou-bijou 14h ago
That’s just her as an individual being crappy. Other women have nothing to do with her being petty.
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u/UnyieldingStandards 16h ago
Everyone here is saying you look handsome so please DO NOT get plastic surgery.
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u/Ok_Organization5596 2d ago
I saw your photo, you look really nice - handsome and idk the other words to describe - i want to say beautiful but anyway if i can think of the exact right word lll come back and edit.
But you also look majorly pissed off. There’s a big rage inside that shows on the outside.
If you can’t or don’t want to get therapy then id recommend reading this book: Letting Go of Anger by Ronald T Potter Efron.
Maybe there’s some youtube content on this book? Idk. But i know that’s a great book.
The answer right now has nothing to do with women.
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u/VovaGoFuckYourself 1d ago
Im a woman and i agree with everything you just said.
Op is not physically unattractive, but his appearance oozes anger. Looks like someone who takes everything too seriously and is easily insulted.
I hope he picks up that book you recommended because this seems like an attitude problem more than anything else. Which is fixable.
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u/Frosty_Coffee6564 17h ago
I got blocked once from a thread of women giving other women advice on men partially because I’d thought it was wrong to make fun of a guy “to see if he could laugh at himself” and “not show a flash of anger”. If a man had proposed that to do towards women, it would have been called negging and a risk for future abuse.
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u/thebreadierpitt 2d ago
How old are you? Were all your relationships negative experiences where you got played etc? How long did those last?
What kind of women did you date? How did you choose them?
What and how did that woman laugh at you?
Have you tried therapy?
Do you have female friends or generally women you are close to (sister, mother, aunt, cousin, neighbors...)?
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u/princess_giant 2d ago
This is probably going to piss you off but as a someone who has experienced sexual assault and domestic violence at the hands of a number of men, hating women because you've been rejected and hurt comes across as pretty pathetic. I had to stop dating for a long time and put lots of energy into my relationship with myself (therapy, hobbies, friendship etc) so I could stop feeling scared of men and stop choosing men who would hurt me. Letting go of the desire for romantic love for a while was really hard, but it paid off! Wishing you the best because it sounds like your head is a hard place to be in right now.
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u/Hour-Tower-5106 2d ago edited 1d ago
I understand your point about the defense mechanism. I spent a lot of my 20's in two consecutive relationships with boyfriends who were pretty terrible partners (cheated on me while I was out of town to be with my dad as he passed away, choked me for laughing during sex because I hit my head on the ground because he thought I "wasn't taking him seriously", spent years comparing me with other women and telling me I wasn't his type until I developed severe self esteem issues, hit himself in the face until bruised or threatened suicide to avoid having to have difficult conversations, turned even the most innocent conversations into multiple days long arguments, etc).
I think our minds do tend to over-generalize at times as a misguided way to protect us. After those relationships, I was pretty wary of men. The combination of talking about my experiences with friends and realizing that the guys they dated had also cheated and were abusive (despite seeming so nice on the surface), and hearing statistics about how often men are abusers... led me to develop trust issues for a while.
But at some point, in order to move on, you have to work through this. You can't healthily date the opposite gender while subconsciously resenting them.
What I do now when I feel that resentment seeping in, is consciously remember all of the great men in my life. My family members, my friend's new boyfriends, even the random strangers who would stop and help me fix a flat tire by the side of the road just to be kind. If you don't have many good examples in your own life, it can be hard. You have to go look for them in the world. It might take some time to find them, but they do exist. Keep them in a mental log so you can bring them up every time you feel yourself going down the wrong path.
I was really fortunate to have a lot of other great men around me, so that made it easier for me to come up with my own list.
I really think so much of the gender wars stems from this exact protective mechanism happening in people with bad relationship experiences. It's really easy to be pulled into echo chambers of negative reinforcement when you feel that way. For your own sanity, it's best to avoid that as much as possible. It sounds like you really want to avoid it, so you're already on the right path.
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u/cheesekony2012 2d ago
I’ve had a man physically abuse me in a relationship. Another cheated on me. A man picked me up in broad daylight on a busy street, molested me, then tried to run off with me. I grew up walking on eggshells because my dad was an angry alcoholic and the house was filled with loud arguments. Some people suck, but I don’t hate all men. I’m happily married and have lots of amazing men in my life. It sounds like you’re looking for reasons to be bitter, you need to go to therapy and learn how to process these emotions healthily.
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u/ClueLazy834 2d ago
Stop looking at this as man vs woman issue. There are men who makes choices in dating that lead to not so great results and they too reject women who may considered good. Life is imperfect for many and you have to continually work to deprogram yourself every time you face rejection.
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u/theworkbox 1d ago
My dude, I know you don't want to hear it but what you're dealing with is your rejection sensitivity, and you have to develop self confidence...e.g. if someone laughs at you they are assholes not worth your time. That should be an automatic, self assured reaction. This doesn't warrant hate or anything, just a knowledge about how ridiculous they are and how they probably are deeply troubled.
So 1. don't make the mistake of equating the action of one woman for "women". We ask women all the time to give men a chance though undoubtedly there are horrible specimens around.
consider therapy. Hold on. Here is why - it's like someone taking your hand walking through a problem with you to get you out to the other side You have very clearly defined your problem, and a need for support. That is where you can get it.
Don't try to see women as potential romantic interests at first. Instead try to meet them as people first. Learn who you like and that you also have a right to reject them with no hard feelings e.g. if their character shows them to be unkind.or you don't like their opinions.
You are deciding who you are interested in, too. But never forget, treat everyone like they are worthy of lovey though nit necessarily by you. The people who don't act that way, men or women, let their reaction disappear like water off a duck's back. But it sound slike for you that's some hard work to get there. But you can get there..Find friends, get support, work on yourself, and just don't think about "women" at all, just the individual people you meet.
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 1d ago
A guy took two parking spots in the shade the other day during a hot day. Do I have to assume the worst from all guys?
It sounds like you were rejected by a woman that you barely know and have zero emotional investment in, and it sounds like she was a troll.
Look, you can do two good ideas: shrug it off and move on, or come to terms with "she is a horrible person, time to move on".
If she laughs at a guy for asking her out, I guarantee she would not have made you happy anyways.
Move on, and understand that not everyone is worth your time and headspace. Do not give her extra significance because she happens to be attractive.
It sounds like the experience pushed buttons on some of your insecurities. Come to terms with it. Understand that she is an exception and that she is awful.
Me, I would not want to date a woman that treats people like that.
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u/Yupperdoodledoo 1d ago
So I saw the photos of you that you posted and you are a good-looking guy! But you look REALLY unhappy, even angry. Like you are looking at the camera with hate. What’s up with that? If that is the vibe you’re giving with women, things won’t go well. Smiling and not being too serious is so important.
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u/elliebee222 1d ago
Get therapy! I had a look at your photos. Absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look, certainly not ugly. However you do look angry/depressed maybe even bitter and unapproachable. Id say thats the main issue, your self esteem and world outlook that shows through.
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u/BishonenPrincess 1d ago
I looked at your picture. I agree with the other user who said you have handsome facial features, but your expression has a darkness to it. I don't think you need to get any surgery to change yourself, for what it's worth.
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u/tommytookalook 1d ago
Do some reflection and brutal honesty. You're assigning others your pain when they aren't the problem.
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u/re_Claire 1d ago
It's not your appearance or height or anything. There's something you are projecting. Women can feel your anger my dude. We're humans too.
You say you get the cold treatment and dirty looks but I promise you we can feel it just as much. People in black pill/red pill communities will scream all they want about women wanting a bad boy, an arsehole who will treat us badly over a nice guy. But it's just objectively fucking false. The vast majority.of women want someone who at least seems to like us. We can tell if men hate us or are angry at us. And whilst you're an attractive guy you look angry. So yeah of course women react negatively.
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u/Midnightchickover 2d ago edited 2d ago
I'd say you shouldn't take these interactions, personally. I'm not sure if these are all women, or women that you might show interests in. It's really hard to say without being around you. Though, I would say de-center women, or even how one's might respond to you. Oftentimes, these interactions exist as very personal engagements. It shouldn't be any sort of indictment exclusively towards a specific large group of people (who haven't met you).
Besides, you have a very gorgeous face, I honestly don't think that's your specific problem.
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u/featherblackjack 1d ago
I can promise you that women are not giving you dirty looks every time you go outside. Unless you're wearing Nazi or Proud Boys paraphernalia or something like that. I'm assuming you're not.
Sometimes, dirty looks, sure. It happens. Don't do face surgery please, unless you look like Quasimodo. Hair plugs, eh, maybe? Or just shave it all off and rock the bald look. That's what I did, way less expense and pain.
Probably you need to chill about your appearance and about your desperation. Like, it's cool. Cool off your desperate needy feeling. Take up meditation. Watch Dr K videos. Relax. Take up a hobby that isn't video games or collecting things. You can still do those things, yet also take up something that gets you outside.
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u/guava_jam 2d ago
I’m sorry that those women were unkind and that the women with 3 kids laughed at you. It’s not fair and you don’t deserve to be disrespected like that when you’ve done nothing wrong.
It does sound like you have unrealistic expectations. Women are just people, and a lot of people suck. That’s just the truth- men, women, NB, gay, straight, etc.- there are a lot of bad people in every group. As a woman, almost every man I dated either cheated on me, abused me, or just treated me like dirt. My husband is one in a million and I will admit that I distrust most men. I don’t hate men because I don’t have the energy, but I will not trust anyone who isn’t my husband.
My suggestion is to accept that most people suck, but hold onto the hope that good people are out there. Stop expecting people to be good by default because they probably won’t be. One day you may find the right woman, but like me you may have to sift through a lot of shitty women. Getting mad about reality will only make you miserable. If you meet a bad one then walk away, brush it off, and move on.
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u/Polish_Girlz 2d ago
And even for those people who 'suck,' we don't know fully what is going on with them. Thus i don't even like 'most people suck.' Not everyone will be the paragon of virtue
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u/guava_jam 2d ago
I get what you mean, no one is virtuous and people often have reasons for bad behavior. When I was going through it, I was a bad person. I wasn’t nice, I lashed out, I hurt people. I even hurt my husband in the beginning, but his crazy ass was too in love with me to leave. I have since stopped being a terrible sucky person, mostly because his love healed me.
Just because people have their reasons to suck doesn’t mean they don’t suck. No one is virtuous, but again expecting people you don’t know to be good to you will only disappoint you. At this point people have to expect people to be terrible especially when you’re dating since there are more expectations than being just friends or acquaintances, or else you’ll be like this guy and waste time hating a whole group of people. I have several friends still on the dating scene and from all their stories, most people are as terrible as they were when I was on the dating scene 10 years ago lol
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u/sirlost33 1d ago
Honest question my dude, how do you feel about yourself? And what are the things you don’t show yourself love?
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u/Ifhes 19h ago
It's simple: Get away from everyone who thinks like a red piller, specially content creators. Even of they aren't red pill content creators, if they support it, their content will constantly convince you hating women is the way to go.
It's so easy to disguise an opinion as a fact just use half trues, isolated events and cheery-picked data, say something that nobody can ever say it's wrong like "family can be a beautiful thing", and 3 heavily opinionated, misogynistic hate-speech claims, and voila.
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u/octave120 17h ago edited 14h ago
I was open to it even though she already had 3 kids. But instead of appreciation, I was laughed at.
People generally don’t like being “settled for.” That may or may not be your intention, but when a woman gets the sense that you think low of her and think that would make her desperate, she finds that a huge turn-off. Not saying that her laughing at you was justified, but I wouldn’t be shocked if that’s the vibe she got from the way you presented yourself.
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u/IdentityCrisis4Life 4h ago
I have to say, as a woman, I laugh EVERY TIME I'm uncomfortable. So I often will laugh if a man says something to me which makes them have a false idea of what I'm thinking. Sometimes I'm scared of what the man will do if I say whats actually on my mind so I laugh uncomfortably. But I'm sure it sounds like a genuine laugh to some.
I assume she laughed because she felt bad turning you down if that's what happened, maybe even a little nervous. If she intended on hurting your feelings thats a personality flaw, or defense mechanism, I would shake it off and not make it your problem. Glad you're seeking advice rather than deciding all women are the problem.
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