r/facepalm Oct 16 '18

From r/insanepeopleonfacebook

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28.6k Upvotes

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5.3k

u/omnicidial Oct 16 '18

If you breastfeed your sons, you're teaching them that women are a food source and they'll grow up into cannibals like every man before them who ever breast fed.

1.2k

u/nessao616 Oct 16 '18

Or that if they cry a woman will give them food immediately.

842

u/Dokasamurp Oct 16 '18

Maybe if I cry a woman will give me tits. BRB must enact science.

211

u/Conocoryphe Oct 16 '18

How did it go?

491

u/Dokasamurp Oct 16 '18

HR wants to speak with me. Maybe they just want to know the secret new tech?

241

u/acog Oct 16 '18

Could be a woman in HR heard you crying and just wants to comfort you with a boob.

205

u/_PM_ME_YOUR_PRAYERS_ Oct 16 '18

Could be a woman in HR heard you crying and just wants to comfort you with a boob.

Is this like the final boss level for workplace sexual predators? Sexually harrass someone from HR while you're in HR for sexual harassment?

20

u/kathartik Oct 16 '18

that's some Zack Morris level shit right there.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Zack Morris is trash.

2

u/jok3r54 Oct 16 '18

The first run of those were awesome

3

u/Spacecowboy78 Oct 16 '18

More like Slater

15

u/Mirria_ Oct 16 '18

Maybe he'll be lucky and the arresting officer will be a woman.

4

u/elwebbr23 Oct 17 '18

Double or nothing!

9

u/WallyPW Oct 16 '18

Challenge accepted?

8

u/IHaveSoulDoubt Oct 16 '18

That's them harassing you! If a woman sees a man crying and immediately whips out a boob and puts it in front of his face? Yeah.... SHE'S the predator.

Flip it around and replace it with a dick. She's definitely the predator.

1

u/Dubstep_Duck Oct 16 '18

You won’t.

13

u/callmeEmz Oct 16 '18

Was having a crappy day and this made me burst out laughing so thank you

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

This just made my day.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '18

HR wants to speak with me. Greatest comment ever. Thanks for the laugh.

2

u/Password_Is_hunter3 Oct 16 '18

Kevin from The Office: WAHHHHHHHHHH

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

[deleted]

2

u/Dokasamurp Oct 16 '18

R..roll tide?

1

u/hundycougar Oct 16 '18

only once a month...

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

(comment was deleted before I knew the context...)

Raw hiiiiide?

1

u/mh13570 Oct 17 '18

Get to cutting those onions

52

u/cyrixdx4 Oct 16 '18

MOM I NEED MY TENDIES!!! REEEEEEEE

17

u/OFTHEHILLPEOPLE Oct 16 '18

AND A CHICKEN CORDON BLEU WITHOUT THE CHEESE!

15

u/Derkus19 Oct 16 '18

So just like chicken and ham? Ew.

10

u/Ewokmauler Oct 16 '18

Can I just have the Cordon Bleu?

5

u/cyrixdx4 Oct 16 '18

ok that's just over the top now.

7

u/b_fellow Oct 16 '18

Sometimes you gotta tell your teenagers "No more breastfeeding anymore!"

15

u/Ghibli_lives_in_me Oct 16 '18

This one is true my wife feeds me when ever I cry.

13

u/n00bvin Oct 16 '18

Me too. She gives a nice big helping of shut the fuck up, you baby.

7

u/joedumpster Oct 16 '18

Worse still, you're teaching your kids to see milk as good and they'll reject a vegan lifestyle.

5

u/dman2316 Oct 16 '18

I'm still disappointed that didn't turn out to be true.

3

u/Inquisitor1 Oct 16 '18

immediately.

Ha! Funny.

1

u/ToxicHazard23 Oct 16 '18

Underrated comment lol

1

u/rmears Oct 16 '18

Been married 5 years. So far this still works. I cry, pizza appears.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Please be true

1

u/princessofpotatoes Oct 16 '18

Honestly though, whenever my guy friends are upset I make them dessert so this KINDA works???

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '18

Make me a sammich!

0

u/Spoonwrangler Oct 16 '18

That's how it works for m'goodboys in /r/tendies

116

u/nthensome Oct 16 '18

Fun fact: all cannibals were once babies.

Babies born from women!

Women with breasts!!

17

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Destroy women, achieve world peace.

17

u/Koentinius Oct 16 '18

There can't be war if there are no people!

4

u/Sangxero Oct 16 '18

Woah there, Ultron!

1

u/SlitScan Oct 16 '18

Global warming Save us!

1

u/evilwife21 Oct 16 '18

Destroy world peace, achieve women!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

R-value of 1. Perfect correlation bitches.

246

u/Bombsquadrent Oct 16 '18

Breastfeeding daughters makes them instant lesbians

75

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

[deleted]

19

u/Josh6889 Oct 16 '18

The whole time they've just been waiting to get back in someone else's.

4

u/octopoddle Oct 16 '18

Yes, and it teaches them that they can sexually assault women whenever they like. Why is it only men it works on? Or is the insanityperson not concerned with sexual assault other than penetrative rape?

138

u/Cookie_Brookie Oct 16 '18

It's true. I breastfed my son until he was about 10 months old. Now at 13 months he has bitten me several times.

I refuse to believe that it is caused by teething or just general toddler weirdness. He is definitely a cannibal, and it is all my fault.

58

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Then you have to let him in on his cravings. Go kill a human for him. It's the only way to appease his appetite.

49

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

This doesn't sound quite right, but I don't know enough about baby nutrition to dispute it.

47

u/EggplantJuice Oct 16 '18

Well babies tend to be pretty nutritious as long as you don't overcook them.

14

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

It's all in the book.

https://imgur.com/gallery/3447zC9

(this took way too long to upload than I'm willing to admit)

1

u/GreenTheHero Oct 17 '18

I'm sure if I shook you enough we'll get the answer!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '18

Concentrate and ask again

2

u/SlitScan Oct 16 '18

I hear that because Catholic priest's never do any work theyre very tender, perfect for sensitive young teeth.

2

u/Cookie_Brookie Oct 16 '18

I've always said I would do anything for my son. Now I'm starting to question that lol.

4

u/GoldFishPony Oct 16 '18

Sorry to inform you but you probably don’t have much longer to live. I ate my mom when I was 5 and have been eating women ever since. Good luck with avoiding being eaten.

1

u/PM_ME_FINE_POEMS Oct 16 '18

My Gid woman! Put this beast down!

1

u/evilwife21 Oct 16 '18

Albuterol turned my son into a cannibal. Although, now that I’ve read this post, maybe it was because he was breastfed.... damn those nurses for convincing me to do that!

1

u/InterdimensionalTV Oct 16 '18

Can I ask you, from an outsider perspective, why in the world people say "13 months" instead of "one year old"?

3

u/Cookie_Brookie Oct 16 '18

When kids are that young, lots of development takes place other the span of one month. A one year old that is 17 months is developmentally much different than a one year old that is 12 months.

1

u/InterdimensionalTV Oct 16 '18

That makes a lot of sense, thank you. Nobody has ever bothered to give me a real answer.

1

u/Cookie_Brookie Oct 17 '18

Lol yeah, it does seem silly if you don't know the reason behind it!

37

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

[deleted]

24

u/samx3i Oct 16 '18

90% of submissions on this sub are people overreacting to jokes.

11

u/omnicidial Oct 16 '18

FYI: my comment was satire too, I don't think breast feeding causes cannibalism.

2

u/UpbeatWord Oct 16 '18

Who would have guessed

1

u/iambobanderson Oct 17 '18

This comment needs to be higher up.

15

u/Slippery-Weasel Oct 16 '18

If you feed your son, you’re spoiling them. Starve them sometime, and thank me later /s

2

u/VincereAutPereo Oct 16 '18

Have you ever met a cannibal that wasnt breast-fed as a baby?

Checkmate rapists.

2

u/Rational_x Oct 16 '18

Can confirm, all I eat is female humans. They don't even taste that great, it's just that they're the only things that can quench my hunger.

2

u/omnicidial Oct 16 '18

More filling, taste not great.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Completely false. I was never breastfed as a baby and I am a bigger cannibal than all of you.

1

u/Josh6889 Oct 16 '18

TIL, I'm a cannibal. Just a little while ago I learned I'm a rapist.

1

u/Try_Sometimes_I_Dont Oct 16 '18

Can confirm. I was breastfed and have eaten many a woman in my day.

1

u/Bathroomious Oct 16 '18

If you breastfeed a girl you're teaching her to live off her own tits

1

u/justnick84 Oct 16 '18

Better have a c section for boys too! Don't want to know what strange ideas they would get.

1

u/ProtoMoleculeFart Oct 16 '18

I highly doubt this is real, fyi. Did you also know that the word gullible isn't in the dictionary?

1

u/Amonette2012 Oct 17 '18

So true. All my friends have been eaten by their children. Aside from one, but her kid is only two. He took a chunk out of her arm last week though, so it's just a matter of time.

3

u/omnicidial Oct 17 '18

My daughter was breastfed, and we left her brother on the changing table too long one day.. She ate him.

Well, not all of him, she did get the stump of his unbillical cord. Still waiting on her to turn and kill us all in our sleep.

2

u/Amonette2012 Oct 17 '18

They grow up so fast!