I think this actually just translates to wanting them to see you as a person. It's not about wanting their friendship, it's about feeling like you're worthy of being seen as a friend, as a real human being.
Honestly it is possible with a bit of luck, though the longer the friendship goes on the harder it is to maintain those friendships compared to guys-guys
i do love the men in my life but i really believe its impossible for a man to be friends with a woman w/o seeing her as a sexual fascination at the end of the day. even if you're very close, i think most guys would jump at the chance to fuck with zero regards of how it would alter your friendship
True, unless we find her unattractive. Every woman I know as an actual friend is unattractive to me. I feel repulsed by the idea of having sex with them.
It's actually easy to be that way with certain guys. The problem is finding those dudes usually involves some kind of turbo nerd hobby like DND or cosplay.
The whole āguys canāt be friends with womenā thing is a big problem. Growing up as a kid, I would catch feelings for any girl that became close to me. It took a while to get past that.
I think itās a cultural thing. Like you grow up thinking women are for romance and men are for platonic relationships.
I use to get in the same cycle where I'd talk to a guy, think he's cool, we hang out, then find out he just wanted to fuck me this whole time. Like damn, I thought you were cool. Why can't you see me past my physical body? You ruined everything. I don't make friends with men anymore. The "friendships" I did have never reached the same depth as my friendships with women.
Itās not that simple. Men arenāt robots there is nuance to how they feel.
My emotions are apart of my private, internal mind. I donāt talk about them often because I like to deal with my issues on my own. Iām not afraid of confronting them, I just want my own space to confront them on my own.
My friendships are how I get a break from my issues. They allow me to relax without having to stress about shit all the time.
As I said, weāre not robots. You canāt just generalize psychology like that.
Guys approach making friends by shit talking each other, are you approaching the guys you want to be friends with the way that guys normally make friends, or are you approaching the friendship the way a woman would approach a guy. The way women view friends is different from guys, and the way women interact with others isn't generally conducive to the way guys make friends.
GIRL PLS HELP ME āi pullā ādont disrespect my waifu!ā SHOULD NOOOT BE IN THE SAME SENTENCE CRUIMMHBB im all for selfshipping or wtv but thisā¦.?????
āwe can be friends but (calls me an ugly bitch)ā did bro think he was slick likeeee
I noticed. I have guy friends & girl friends and the expectations that come w/ f4f friendships are sometimes too much. especially as an adult with a big girl job. I have to show up for every event, every of my friend's partner's events, text like every hour, react correctly, like every ig post, comment correctly, have all of the same opinions just to have the guarantee that I have someone to talk to. it's exhausting.
Not sure why yāall are saying this because Iām part of plenty of girlypop dc channels and spaces where neurodivergence is accepted and people donāt have these expectations.
I'd like this if they saw me as an actual man and not "one of the guys" type shit. I have thought for a long time now that I'd have been way better off socially if I were a dude.
I never thought about this but yeah. Being told I was one of the guys just meant I had more common ground w boys and had girls treat me more cruelly. Was still objectified and sexually harassed and shit just āeasier to talk to than my girl friend groupā ā never actually treated like One of The Boys
I had a guy āfriendā that told me he wouldnāt be my friend if I didnāt look the way I looked. Never spoke again and Iāve had the pleasure of leaving him on read dozens of timesāļø
I miss the friendships I had with boys before puberty. They forget youāre a girl after like 5 minutes and you can just talk about video games and nerd shit. My childhood best boy friend turned out to be gay though so maybe the message here is that gay men are infinitely better than straight men.
Yk what, I used to want this, but after like 3 guys get too comfortable with you and you end up hearing the way they think about other women, especially ones they're attracted to... Yeah no.
Idk if this is somehow a me-problem, but it's so disappointing every time I mistakenly assume some dude to be a decent person. I be thinking we have common interests and shit and then find out he's like a closeted misogynist... no thanks.
At work Iām literally the only girl there and most of my hobbies outside of that are male dominated, just seeing the way guys are easily able to be friends makes me want the same yk
Before i transitioned i had lots of male friends who basically sucked as human beings. Every interaction was different but nearly every conversation was misogynistic, creepy, anti-anything ranging from LGBTQ to music or art. Males rarely had anything positive to say about anything and it was like being pessimistic was their whole personality. I was always getting into fights, and arguments because I voiced concern. I had my own little circle of 5 friends I grew up with that I could tolerate because for the most part they understood me and funny thing is they all kinda knew that I was trans before I came out. Unfortunately I lost 3 of those friends to different tragedies because of the life they lived. And the last 2 stopped talking to me the more and more I changed because of my transition. I have different interactions now that I pass and I hate how when I am around males they only make an effort to talk to me because they wanted a relationship or hook up, finding platonic male friends is rare. Males just have a different mindset because of social media feeding their negativity. If you really want male friends be prepared to be toxic and ooze sleaze.
Very true. Men typically form friendships around shared interests, not really about their values, opinions, or necessarily even personality that much. I've had boyfriends who don't even know what their best friend does for a living. They don't ask each other anything. They're not curious.
I dunno sis, all of the female friend groups I've been part of have been simple and low drama. How many girl friend groups have you actually been a part of in your life
You have to find someone who sees you as a person and not an object of desire. Itās the only way youād make real friendship with anyone tbh. Besides Iām losing faith in men as 2 of my ex best friends one after the other were actually a creep pedo and the other a sexual assaulter
I'm having this issue with a friend of mine (nb23 disabled, M25 also disabled). We were friends originally in a couples context (we both had partners and bonded or whatever in late 2021) and we stayed friends after. It was a whole thing where him and I were very similar and our partners were similar too, a bit of a freaky friday moment.
We had an issue recently where he massively invalidated my entire art practice. I'm an experimental photographer, he told me he sees me as a printmaker because my work would never do well on social media, and has called me a "printer" to industry professionals which is RAAAAAAAAAAGGGHH.
Lately he keeps touching me. Nothing sexual, but I'm autistic and touch adverse, and it's really confusing because he's also autistic so I don't get what's going on. He even makes it a point to be like "oh I know you don't like being touched". He makes really graphic sexual jokes and gives me weird deep eye contact. He even tacked "sexy" on to a silly halloween costume idea of mine, hit it with a "lol I don't know why I said that".
The motherfucker pulls this shit and then treats me like a baby with my health issues and asks if I need help every ten minutes, not listening when I inform him I can ask when I need help and am in tune with my body. His response was "yeah, but I'm still going to do it anyways". I am fully mobile and lucid, this response is exaggerated and I know he knows it too.
I know what's coming, I feel it in the wind. That pathetic fucking stare at the side of your face before the "thewes somefing I need to tewl yew š„ŗšš". I'm waiting for him to do it so I can spirituality crush him and ensure he never does it again.
Fucking moids can't keep it in their pants and ruin everything, including the local arts scene. Sometimes I wonder if he's trying to sabotage me so I'm easier to fuck, it's the kind of dumb scheme a man would concoct anyways.
yes they are bad friends, but it also seems so uncomplicated and easy. like they just eat boiled spaghetti and watch football or something and then they pretend fight for five minutes and go home and do it all over again the next day.
i donāt feel much like other girls, (yes it makes me a pick me or whatever) because i donāt ever fit in. itās not easy to always talk about boys boys boys like we are failing the bechdel test. i wish i was oblivious just like men are.
I totally feel the same way. I think itās because guys are allowed to be their authentic selves without being looked down upon. Nothing is worse than going out with friends wearing minimal makeup and having them make fun of you for it and vice versa. Most of my friendships have been superficial and always circle around looks and boys
honestly guys tear each other apart kind of the same way, about appearance. They might have a baseline that's lower, like not shitting themselves is good enough, but notice how cliques of guys basically all dress the same, have similar hairstyles and stuff. Men police each other hard, and a lot of the insults they use to do so are themselves either homophobic or misogynistic. When I still thought I was a guy, I couldn't stand to be around most men. The pressure to conform to them was intense and because I didn't want to, I largely grew up bullied in school then ostracized in the military.
Maybe I'm like a guy bc I'm bisexual and have wanted to be in a relationship with every single one of my good friends at some point. And I wonder if this is bad of me?
I just compartmentalize them non-sexually and I lose my attraction to them, and I can tell you it's NOT normal. People are very surprised when I'm like "yea, so I just decided to stop lusting over my coworkers and now I don't get flustered around the attractive ones anymore". It's very much the typical human experience to be unable to shake your attraction to people
Yes, this is something you consciously come to terms with. My husband had to learn the same exact thing, and only did so after 15 years in the restaurant industry. Itās hard to do, but worth it after.
As a women with mostly male friends. You don't want mostly male friends to treat you like 'one of the guys' trust me. The way they objectify women in front of you, the way their sense of humour never grows up past the age of a 13 year old, they way they mock each others looks or anything else to be made fun of, the ego contest in who can dominate who!
I like having male friends for 2 reasons, we have similar interests; most of my hobbies not all but a lot are stereotypically 'masculine' whatever that means. I like football, sports, anime, comic books, easy gaming, being very active, I could care less about love island, make up, glam, shopping etc... their are exceptions of course, not all women and men have the same hobbies and I do have a handful of female friends who like doing some of the stuff I like but most Men like the same things I like so I like being their friends for that reason so we can do fun stuff together other than that they offer not much benefit other than giving you a male perspective on how they view women, relationships and what to be cautious of. The male mind is actually very simple
As someone AFAB + fem presenting who made friends w a lot of guys in hs freshman irl hereās how it usually goes within the āfriendā group:
being named the group āegirlā / whore despite not sleeping with anyone bc we all play video games
being blackmailed w leaked pics (not ndes, but I was hypersexual from CSA) then having my reputation ruined for being a āwhreā despite still being a virgin
being threatened to get beaten up so bad id end up in an ER (direct quote) because I jokingly called him a pussy in a horror game
hearing the absolute crazy, rapey shit they say about other women behind their backs bc they think Iām too dumb to care
being harassed in front of all 6 of them, no one stepping in to defend me or saying anything
being harassed by at least 3 different guys out of 7 while the other 4 either treat me like Iām a subhuman whore or a manic pixie girl
Iām sorry but I donāt have any idea why any woman would want to befriend a man
other experiences: I was extremely afraid of men after a while of this bs, so I ended up dropping out of school n making online friends (even then, I didnāt speak around men) hereās what happened:
At 16, two men in my otherwise normal friend group, respectively 22 and 24 told me they got hard for me and that my voice made them aroused
being stalked and harassed so much that I delete and switch online accounts every 3 months (still do)
underage revenge p*rn being leaked of me that led to a police investigation
And here are some observations Iāve made from being close to men
men canāt rely on each other for anything emotional related
a majority of them think being real is āpussy shitā and being raped is also āpussy shitā or āhotā
you could have a mental breakdown and ask for support and they would ghost you, or comfort you like āyikes,ā āoh.ā Etc
they donāt know anything about each other aside from surface level hobbies
Runner up: being invited to an all male gc after a male friend wanted to introduce me to his other friends and then being told theyād run a rape train on me, Sl1t my neck then fvck the hole , saying if Iām not willing to send nudes then Iām a āworthless bitch,ā (I was 15, they were 19-22), threatening to find me irl n record a snvff film. The aforementioned male friend did absolutely nothing to stop them.
Iām sorry but why do you think men have a loneliness problem. Why would you want that kind of friendship?
I've had a couple of your experiences too in life having my interests (video games, anime, movies, etc) align with men more than women, but I'm probably much older than you. Can I ask, have you had any luck with women as friends? This is my issue. I've never had a true lasting friendship with another woman and I don't have any sisters. I have tried and figured it's just me and especially atp in my life I have very little in common with other women in my age range. So for friends I just seem to gravitate more towards men.
Nope, I always get homoerotic w women & even nb and something always blows up lol. I rarely reach out to anyone anymore n women actually respect boundaries, so men r the only ones pushy enough to not fizzle out. Iāve just accepted not making friends w anyone at all.
I have typically feminine interests (makeup, fashion, etc,) but Iām very neurodivergent, dry, confrontational and unintentionally cold, with a fawn + flight trauma response that makes me act uncannily to women (hence the homoeroticism) and sexualized to men.
I def wish I met more neurodivergent women, but unfortunately I think Iām just magnetized to abusive people
This is my actual experience, as well. I was just crying yesterday about how I only attract horrible people, probably because I'm so dysfunctional that no normal person would ever dare to approach me. It must be scary to experience me from another person's POV, and that's probably why I end up only getting close to the most unempathetic, sick people. When the rare occasion arises where someone seemingly kind does want to be around me, I blow it up somehow by freaking the fuck out or I just keep them at arm's length.
Thank you for the detailed response! Oh I see, I'm sorry, I've been wrestling with if I'm actually asexual or not so I haven't faced those issues lol. I've been alone most of my adult life and was perfectly fine that way for a long time so I'm trying to get back to that mindset as I always knew animals would be my true companions. If it's any consolation imo you are smart and seem cool so I think you'll find someone. š«¶
That or the one time they forgot I was still in the call & they started sharing girls n*des to each other on Snapchat, calling them racial slurs n commenting on their facial features while being racist
This is so real, I found out they'd do that kind of shit in my exes' friend group chat. One of the guys was in the military and took a video of this very pretty girl who was also in the military just doing her job and they all talked about how fuckable she was and made sexual jokes about her being in service. Rape jokes as well because, of course, this is the military.
I'm sorry that happened to you :(( that so fucked up and sad. No one deserves this shit.
Honestly, I never see women actually speak of men the way men speak of women unless it's ironic and mocking the way a lot of men talk about other people. I've wanted to be friends with dudes so many times, and it never works out because they usually have ulterior motives and act scummy about having said motives.
I have two guy friends that I met in middle school. One is married now, and the other engaged.
The married one is the one male friend I have ever had this sort of friendship with. I was the one in the friend group that everyone had a crush on at some point, and so one day I asked him if he had ever had a crush on me. He looked me in the face, and with the most deadpan delivery, said: āYeah, in freshman year. Then you cut your hair (I got a pixie cut) and it was gone.ā I genuinely believe him, our relationship has always been more of a sibling energy as adults.
The bummer part about it all is that his wife has never been a big fan of me. She has all women friends, his friends are all men, unless theyāre hanging with a couple. I think sheās of the belief that men and women canāt be friends. She gets weirded out when I want to hang with my friend 1on1. (We go fishing, kayaking, snowboarding, etc.)
So, while it can happen, there are certainly societal expectations and constraints that impact the relationship regardless.
Nothing, I'm just saying that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be friends with men too. If you only want to befriend women that's awesome but you shouldn't force other women to want that.
No I don't want. Even if they pretend to be nice to you they have a plan.
They can't make a true friendship with us bc they see us as objects or as game.
Thet only want to be friends with other guys. So don't bother.
As a guy with many female friends I've never had a "plan" for any of them. When I was actually romantically interested in someone I made it clear. It's my belief that life is too short to play those types of manipulative mind games and double lives. Though it's true that men who "disguise game as a friendship" absolutely exist.
Does he avoid including you into his social circles and being included into yours? Does he try to rip you out of your friend group or cause rifts? Does he make exceptions about the relationship between him and you without any apparent reason (e.g. engaging in activities with you he wouldn't do with other friends, conmunicating with you disproportionately more than others)? If the answer is yes, then he's surely got some sort of plan.
Thet only want to be friends with other guys. So don't bother.
Trust me I've had amazing female friends with whom I'd spend quality time with and I'd prefer them all the time than some of the guys I've had to put up with in my dorm.
you can but the trick is to be more of a sporty, gamer, or no-nonsense kinda gremlin girl. Whatever is hobbylike works.
they don't really make friends with the more girly girl types because y'all too different from them, it makes their boner react
so it depends on your "archetype"
if you intimidate them then they don't try any of the funny shit. Will they still simp at you? Yeah. But it's not gonna be as bad and they can control it long enough to be real friends.
if you're a girly girl who gets manipedis and all that then you're gonna have to do a LOT of effort downplaying yourself
Idk once I hit 30 and my career started popping off my interest in girls severely declined. Now lm in a loving relationship and completely fulfilled and cant even fathom "hooking up" with someone else. I think fuck bois are the ones with nothing going for them but if youre truly happy being friends with ANYONE be it guys or girls is pretty much the same. Most of my staff are women and we're all friends 2 of my best friends ive met on this very platform. Its always been platonic; nothing more. There's hope.
In my experience, gay guys are much easier to get this with. Iāve had a lot of straight guy friends, but unfortunately theyāve always treated me differently than their guy friends because Iām ānot one of the boysā. One even told me outright that he would never talk to me about serious things or attractions because I wasnāt one of the guys.
The only one to not do this is one of my current best friends, a gay guy who frequently tells me that he forgets Iām not a guy sometimes because he sees me as one of the boys. He always seems apologetic for it but doesnāt realize itās a huge relief
nah bro as a former member of the other team you do NOT want that shit lmaooo. for some its maybe ok but for the vast majority once you're their "bro" they can tell you some of the most abhorrent shit you will ever hear in your life. once you hear the way they think about women in bro circles its really hard to forget.
no, you don't. you want to be friends with them the way they pretend to be with each other when they know a woman is around. they're horrible to each other when they think no woman will find out.
just ask any trans woman how men acted when they thought she was a man and there weren't any other women around.
I have one guy friend like this, I met him at a store we both happened to work at. Respectful men are unfortunately hard to find. Not that it is directly related, and itās not an instant answer to finding respectable ones, but many who are engaged in kink communities see everyone as equals since respect is a baseline requirement to engage in play. Itās hard to find good guy friends out there, itās possible but not easy by any means.
Guys aren't even good friend to eachother tbh. The only thing they really have going for them is loyalty but even that's to a fault because most of them are friends with predators and see zero issue.
I genuinely had a friendship like this, the girls boyfriend banned her from seeing me. Literally telling her 'its him or me' when she was coming to see me and catch up for coffee. This is also after we finished working together, apperently god forbid a guy and a girl have a deep platonic friendship.
Man from r/all here. I have the same issue in reverse. At least they dont see me as a hookup partner immediately but it feel like I cant hangout more than a couple times before ppl catch feelings.
if you want an easy way to tell, when guys treat you like shit, does it feel like misogyny or emasculation? look into how feminine men feel when emasculated and see if that lines up with how you feel more than women experiencing misogyny.
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u/GiiHx3 21d ago
I think this actually just translates to wanting them to see you as a person. It's not about wanting their friendship, it's about feeling like you're worthy of being seen as a friend, as a real human being.