college saved my life

[u/ResponsibleDrive6501]

CW: mentions of su*cide n transphobia

im a trans guy from a slightly conservative-leaning town in MA. i had been openly trans ever since 6th grade, much to my parents disagreement. i got my name and gender marker changed the second i turned 18 in November, and went on hrt a week after my birthday, all on my own. my mother was out of the picture by now, and my dad never showed me any support beyond calling me by my new name. he didnt try with much else.

i decided to go stealth my senior year of highschool. i gained a new friend group, no one bothered me about it any more, things were great. 3/4 of the year was great.

then i used the guys bathroom once out of desperation, and got harassed by someone that i didnt even know. turns out, a group of kids who used to bother me had begun telling others. and so, my friend group found out, and i was talked about like a trending school topic.

i became a topic for debate in a law class i wasn’t even enrolled in. “should ___ be allowed to use the boys bathroom” and “would you be comfortable if ___ used your bathroom”

i was removed from my years group chat, and received immense pushback when my friend let me back in

i got a cease and desist on the kids who spread it around. they got one on me for “spreading lies”. i lost a majority of my friends besides one or two. i got confronted by others who questioned my genitals, like being trans was a staple of who i was, and that there was no other interesting aspect of me. i had to get the principal involved and special permissions to leave class early and whatnot for my own protection.

i spent my time in bed, quit my job, didnt hangout with anyone, stopped taking my meds, got denied for top surgery cus of an insurance miscommunication, and fought with my dad constantly. it was the lowest i had ever been. i didn’t think i’d make it past graduation.

i still have the whole thing i wrote on notesapp listing final words, my assets, debts, preferences, account passwords, how, why, etc…

i applied for a college 4 hrs away from home in another state solely because the application was free. and i chose that one over my dream college because i’d get to leave everything and everyone behind, and start fresh. (opposed to being a commuter with a large chunk of people from hs)

that singular choice saved my life. i have something to look forward to. i have friends who im sure would accept and love me even if i wasn’t stealth. i live in a great town. i have built up a support system that i couldnt be more grateful for. and not a single time have i regretted my choice to leave.

and not once have i wanted to go back

i’m saying this here solely because not a single person knows how much i was impacted by the shit i went thru. and i feel its important to share my experience in some way

thank yall for reading

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