r/homeassistant • u/Barnibas • 18h ago

Waking up deep sleeping person

Hey everyone,

I’ve got a bit of a problem at home and I’m hoping someone here might have a smart solution for it. My partner is the deepest sleeper I’ve ever met. Light, music, alarms, Apple Watch vibrations… nothing works. She’ll just keep sleeping.

The issue is: every morning it somehow becomes my job to wake both of us up. The thing is, I don’t need to be up as early as she does. She often wants to start work early, which means I end up waking up earlier than necessary, trying to wake her, and then staying tired because she keeps sleeping anyway. I’m a super sensitive sleeper, so missing out on rest really gets to me and causes a lot of frustration.

Even on days when we have to get up at the same time, it’s still on me to wake her. And she usually gets annoyed at me in her half-asleep state, which then annoys me, and we end up starting the day with grumpy vibes and fights. None of this is “real” anger—it’s just sleepy frustration—but it does weigh on us.

Now, I’m switching our smart home setup over to Home Assistant and wondering: are there any smart devices that could actually wake her up without waking me? The tricky part is, even small stuff like her phone vibrating on her side of the bed can wake me up. So honestly, I’d also take anything that makes sure she actually gets up by herself—so it doesn’t have to be my responsibility anymore.

I was thinking about a vibrating pad under her mattress, but I’d love to hear if anyone has other creative ideas or gadgets that could work.

1 Upvotes

54% Upvoted

35 comments sorted by

27

u/Fluffy-Inside-4191 17h ago

This isn't an HA problem. Just let it be her problem. Is she a child?

8

u/paul345 16h ago edited 15h ago

I wonder if it’s worth looking at this a bit broader.

  • are they getting enough sleep
  • what do they think would wake them
  • is it a problem waking up or wanting to get out of bed.

There’s a few points in your description that sound like a fair bit of deflection of her problem onto you. What’s she doing to help resolve the issue as well?

I wouldn’t start this as an automation challenge…

1

u/Barnibas 15h ago

You Are absolutely Right. But there are reasons the cause of that can not be fixed by now so i try to fix some of the symptoms until We can work on the other issues.

0

u/Unattributable1 3h ago

This. I wake up every day 10 minutes before I need to rise for work. No alarm (I have one as a backup, because I'm a mature adult), but I just go to bed on time and wake up on time. When I wake I double-check check the time, and get up.

Staying in bed or going to bed so tired I won't wake up from an alarm is an adulting problem. Even if it is a medical problem, it is an adulting problem. She needs to get referral to a sleep clinic and get her sleep problems looked at.

Sleep in the other room or wear ear plugs and a sleep mask and tell her to fix her problems. Don't enable childish behavior.

-7

u/Barnibas 16h ago

you must be in a lovely relationship /s.

It is related to HA as im planning to orchestrate the Alarms via HA, so i need a HA compatible device.

8

u/boxsterguy 16h ago

Technology can't fix relationship problems.

2

u/gocurl 15h ago

I agree with the above. She should be the one proposing solutions (is it even a problem for her?). Anyways, maybe those directional speaker that you can hear only when you are aligned with them? I never tried, so I'm not sure if it would work.

-7

u/Barnibas 15h ago

Those arent relationship problems. those are mental health problems. Technology can fix that some of the load that comes with them will be taken from the Partner which helps the relationship

3

u/7lhz9x6k8emmd7c8 13h ago

See a psychologist, then. Premier degré. She has a problem and cause you a problem.

9

u/alajmii 17h ago

not home assistant related, Pavlok Shock Clock 3

2

u/BacchusIX 14h ago

How does this not have more likes?

1

u/Barnibas 16h ago

Connecting that to a weight or presence sensor so it again goes of if she is not standing up may would do the trick.

20

u/Competitive_Owl_2096 18h ago

Remote vibrating butt plug

1

u/Moist-Scientist32 14h ago

This is the only viable solution.

4

u/oz1sej 16h ago

Have a kid. She'll sleep very lightly forever more.

3

u/WannaBMonkey 18h ago

Break it into two problems. Waking her and making sure she is out of bed.

For waking her up I’m not sure you can get more targeting than a watch vibration on her. Anything more invasive would wake both people and the neighbors. People certainly connect sirens to HA but that might be more effective as a divorce button.

For checking if she is up, a bed presence sensor like the everything presence that I use would work. Two zones so if her zone is still occupied 5 minutes after the alarm goes off, make it go off again but louder.

3

u/iWQRLC590apOCyt59Xza 17h ago

A smart sleep tracker app should be alle to sound the alarm in a lighter sleep phase.

Sleep for Android allows complex puzzles to turn off the alarm, like scanning a QR code.

0

u/Barnibas 16h ago

Do you have recommendations for those Tracker apps for ios?

1

u/CircuitSurf 15h ago

yes, Sleep Cycle

3

u/KingofGamesYami 15h ago

I'd really recommend talking to a doctor about your sleep problems. Both of you; her for trouble waking up and you for trouble staying asleep.

It's very possible one or both of you can resolve the issue with lifestyle changes and/or medication. You can avoid placing extra stress on your bodies by forcing them to wake up when they clearly don't naturally want to.

3

u/BacchusIX 14h ago

Make her drink water before bed so she has to wake up to pee

1

u/boogiebreakfast 17h ago

Would light wake her? I'm somewhat hard of hearing, and alarms usually wake my wife up before they wake me. I use an automation that reads the alarm time from my phone, and slowly raises my bedside lamp's brightness from zero starting a half hour before the alarm is set. It usually wakes me before the actual alarm goes off, and she wears a sleep mask so it doesn't bother her. The waking is a lot less jarring and you wake up with your eyes already adjusted to light.

0

u/Barnibas 16h ago

i use that during winter with hue. It wakes me up, but not her.

1

u/BadOrnery5539 17h ago

Were in the same boat over here. Except I’m the heavy sleeper. Tried everything, wakeup lights, smart watches, changing ringtones.

I went the route mentioned above and used the sleep data my watch collected to find out where my light sleep was. Used a classic ringing alarm, you know a mechanical one, to wake me up earlier than usual.

Even explained to my manager and start earlier nowadays.

Heavy sleeping is a real b*tch

1

u/Barnibas 16h ago

Im tracking my Sleep via apple watch for many years but i dont know what you mean by your light sleep. Do you mean some specific phase (Core, REM), or something else?

1

u/Elf_Paladin 16h ago

Foghorn should take care of that.

1

u/oppereindbaas 15h ago

It’s counterintuitive to think it but do you signs of sleep apnea with your partner? Might be worth it to check it with a sleep study. 

1

u/Sapd33 15h ago

What about buying her an Apple Watch too? Given it can wake one up via taps

1

u/Barnibas 8h ago

She has one but that doesnt wake her up.

1

u/Sapd33 3h ago

Maybe try to combine it with some other waking up app which watches for light sleep.

But I think tbh that a solution then does not really exist. Really weird that she does not wake up from something like that. Maybe worth getting it checked in a sleep lab.

1

u/7lhz9x6k8emmd7c8 14h ago

Tell her you'll replace all the knobs in the kitchen with green 3D-printed ones if she doesn't get out of bed.

1

u/G_Space 4h ago

Sleeping patterns is a multiple of 90min. If your partner cannot wake up, then she is not going to sleep at the right time or uses phone in the bed.

It's easier to wake up after 7:30h of sleep than 8:15h. Either she goes to bed earlier or later, both will work.

-2

u/Barnibas 16h ago

I was just thinking of a device that tracks her headposition on the bed. With that a moving device hangin from the ceiling that lets some water dripping on her head.