r/interviews • u/Healthy_Sprinkles273 • 7h ago
How do you deal with interviewers who don't seem to vibe with you?
Had an interview a couple days ago, three person panel, two women and one man. The two ladies, lovely. Very nice and made me feel so comfortable. The guy on the other hand looked at me like I was talking a load of bullshit the entire time, he asked me some fairly difficult technical questions that completely took me off guard, and replied with, "That's not the correct answer". Whoops. And asked me if I can do a certain thing on some technology, (I didn't know how to) it did come across as slightly patronising and made made me feel stupid.
I feel like I generally do well on interviews with women, I just feel more comfortable with them. But this guy, is my first male interviewer and he really didn't seem like he liked me. It did leave a sour taste in my mouth which is why I wouldn't really want to work with him anyway.
My question is how do you deal with it and not let it strike your confidence?
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u/urbangeeksv 7h ago
Just be true to yourself.
I did one interview where I was getting grilled technically and I realized that I wasn't doing that well and just admitted that I had not studied the topic and just didn't know that specific algorithm.
The feedback I got after the interview was that he was impressed that I spoke up and said what I knew and had confidence in and what I didn't know.
A lot of interviews is how you react to stress and interaction and how you would be as a teammate.
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u/annoyed_meows 7h ago
Interesting. I vibe much better with women. Im a guy. With sooo many guys theres an immediate pissing contest and I can't deal with it well. But of course it's not always like this. Most of the time it is, however. If this person will be my direct boss and he's like 7 or more in the insufferable category, I stop the interview and go. Im too old to waste time (and someone else's).
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u/Healthy_Sprinkles273 6h ago
I feel like everyone tends to vibe better with women lol! You actually stop interviews?! Explain please!
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u/annoyed_meows 6h ago
If it doesn't feel right tell them you're not feeling it, thank them, and leave. It's not hard
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u/PointyElfEars 6h ago
He’s got himself a ridiculous ego, guaranteed he’s like this with most people. It’s a power trip. You don’t want to work with someone like that if you can avoid it. Yuck.
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u/Christen0526 7h ago
First off are you M or F?
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u/Healthy_Sprinkles273 7h ago
F
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u/Christen0526 7h ago
Ohhhh hmm.. I would have guessed male. Where is he on the hierarchy, if you know?
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u/Healthy_Sprinkles273 7h ago
Why would you have guessed male? A manager level position on the team!
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u/Christen0526 6h ago
Just a testosterone thing. You'd think the guy would be sweeter to the female.
But this isn't a love fest.
So was your answer really wrong? Sometimes I think they do this to test your reaction. See how it goes, I'm curious now
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u/Healthy_Sprinkles273 6h ago edited 6h ago
Sweeter to me? That's a fair point but I do think the way men can behave with women, really depends on the man. I've seen men respectful and nice to women they find attractive and the opposite to women they don't. I've seen men who are generally just the type to put people down. Regardless of men and women, or sometimes more to women. I can't really say, I'd have to see how he behaves with both.
To test my reaction maybe. I didn't have a negative one!
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u/Traditional-Equal-62 6h ago
That's irrelevant honestly.
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u/Healthy_Sprinkles273 6h ago
Sometimes it can boil down to misogyny, but in this situation, it would require more context! Such as seeing how he would react to other women or how he'd behave with men. So can't really say but I understand the relevance.
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u/FRELNCER 5h ago
If someone is just negative without any justification, you have to attribute it to personality and move on. But in this instance, it seems like you couldn't answer technical questions. So it may be that this person's job was to make sure whoever they hire could perform those technical tasks. I'm concerned that you're focused on gender if that's the case.
Anyway, if you believe the job didn't require the technical skills that you were being asked about, I'd investigate why you believed that. Were you misled by the job description or was the interviewer being overly demanding? Once you know that answer, you can decide how you want to deal with the blow to your confidence.
(If the job requires the technical skills, I'd take it as a signal to practice answering those types of questions in future interviews.)
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u/Bassoonova 5h ago
It sounds like he was there to assess your technical knowledge. It also sounds like he had a chip on his shoulder which you may or may not have triggered. I generally would not be fussed over it if it's a one-time thing.
If he asked about a technology and you advised you weren't knowledgeable about it, then that just meant you didn't have the skills he was looking for in the preferred candidate. I wouldn't take it personally.
You may be able to learn from this if you can identify any way in which you may have treated him differently from the two women (you did mention you're more comfortable with women - I wonder if this impacted your communication).
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u/DruidElfStar 5h ago
I have had multiple interviews where the men were condescending af. Recently I was on an interview panel of 5 people, 3 men and 2 women. Their energy was weird and they looked at me like I was stupid the entire time. The one guy said “so most of your experience is within data?”, but he asked like he was trying to downplay my experience. The job description heavily emphasized data related tasks.
I didn’t get the job luckily because I’m sure they were insufferable to work with, but now if I feel like people are being rude and weird with me in interviews I will hang up or walk out. I have a very low tolerance for bullshit.
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u/Bleeposaurus 5h ago edited 4h ago
I had this happen just two days ago! I volunteered for the organization (hospice company), was working an extremely similar job as the one I applied for, and had more education than they were asking for. But the vibes were fucked immediately. One of my neighbors works for the company, and did me a favor by asking the interviewers what I did wrong. Turns out the guy interviewing me didn’t like my outfit. I wore dress pants and a nice dress shirt with a small cat embroidered on it; the shirt was apparently too “out there” and not “conservative enough.”
I felt so awful at first, because I thought it should have been a layup. After getting that feedback though, I realized I wouldn’t want to work there. Sometimes them rejecting you is actually a good thing… my neighbor told me that the interviewer was a total ass, and I would have had to work with him on a daily basis.
I try to thoroughly prepare for them to grill me and throw me curveballs, but at the end of the day, if the recruiter has decided they want to waste your time and spend 30 minutes condescending to you because they’ve decided they don’t like you for whatever arbitrary reason, they’ll do it regardless of how much you know. Fortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the majority of them.
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u/backnarkle48 5h ago
Ask them in the middle of the interview how they think it’s going. That catches them off guard
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u/cataids69 5h ago
In Germany I gave an interview to an Australian guy. (I'm Australian but lived in Germany for 10 years). He went to the same university as me.
At the start of the interview i said "oh hi! We went to the same university! Isn't that cool?".
His response was "oh".
His technical answers were perfect.
At the end of the interview I asked him "what's one non-work thing you're passionate about?". He sat there for almost 2 minutes. Couldn't think of any.
I'll so glad I'm not this guys friend.
Rejected him on not fitting in with company culture
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u/FlophouseFliphouse 4h ago
Considering it’s hard as fuck to find a decent 9-5 around my area currently? I couldn’t answer this honestly. Last interview I had was at the bar I work at and it was literally five questions and I got tired on spot.
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u/WorkWorkWorkLife 3h ago
I wouldn't be too emotionally invested in it. Like, i've been in so many interviews this year, whether they like me or not, I just move on. I know there are factors like having so many candidates and the job market being really bad are there. Those are things I cannot control, I only do what I can control, and that is what I deliver in the interview. I've had one interview where the interview hasn't even started but I could tell from the interviewers facial expressions that its just a no from the start, it affected me a little, to a very small degree. After the interview, I just stopped caring and moved on.
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u/onrA_Xbox 2h ago
Just answer their questions as professionally as you can. Have a few questions prepared. Follow up on what’s discussed “. They are not there for being nice w you, dont let that get in the way of your goal.
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u/integrity_girl 2h ago
It's just a thing you have to move on from and just recognise that it's for the best. I've had 2 particularly bad interviews. The first was with Dixon's carphone. I don't think they exist anymore. Cyber security role, answered every technical question correctly except for one whose acronym I simply forgot. Thought I was getting along with the guy well until he told me they're like a family there and always love to go out for drinks at the pub.
Ok that's cool I said. Then he just kept repeating it. For context I'm a Muslim woman who wears a headscarf. I just figured immediately he was rejecting me there lol. And they did
Second terrible interview was a few years later for a web dev position. I passed the technical stage with the senior dev and vibed well with every interviewer at every stage. Until the last interview. With the CEO. He was one of those pseudo intellectual types who would ask questions he probably found in article or a CEO book idk. Didn't get the job but in honesty was thankful I wouldn't have to deal with him
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u/marcuslawson 1h ago
This is tough, especially in tech...
I remember one time I was interviewing and these guys asked me an arcane tech question... I definitely didn't vibe with them (and didn't get a job offer)
Then I walk into an interview and the guy says, if you can answer this ONE question, I'll hire you on the spot... I answered it and worked with them for the next 5+ years.
Don't feel bad if you don't vibe with your interviewer. You are interviewing them the same as they are you, and even if you are 100% qualified, you might not be a fit culturally.
Find people who get you and work with them.
And try to not take it personally... (with pretty much anything in life)... its always more about them than you.
Wishing you the best
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u/Face_Content 6h ago
Unpopular post following:
You say he made you feel stupid.
Put yourself on his side of the table.
You ask a few tech questions that the candidate couldnt answer. Nor could the candidate answer a equipment question.
What would your reaction be?
He may be the job expert for the panel with asking the tech and equipment questions. There are fielda where the people are more standoffish.
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u/Traditional-Equal-62 7h ago
This is tough depending on your situation.
If you really need the job, I'd say try your best to ignore him and not let him get under your skin. Or at least don't let it show.
On the other hand... fuck that. I'm in my 30s, and I've reached the age where I will not tolerate anyone's condescending bullshit. Period. If you decide you don't want to work for them, and they offer you the job, I'd tell them that you were strongly considering it until the male interviewer made rude and unprofessional comments during the interview. And that you're no longer interested. Stand your ground op.
If thats how they behave in the interview, it would probably only get worse once you start working there.
Best of luck to you.